Tears In Heaven
by SiriusAllPunked
Summary: Tears In Heaven Rewrite. Lily Evans always took things too seriously. James Potter is on the road to self-destruction.
1. A Day In the Life

**a/n: Hey guys. I wanted to fix this story up like I am doing with all my others. It'll be quick, painless...but I noticed that ninety percent of the chapters are grammatically atrocious and chalk-full of spelling errors. **

** Now, I wanna tell you a little bit about this version of the story. Obviously, its rather AU, being that I highly doubt James Potter would ever do these kinds of things. But that aside, my original plan for this story was to express the effects of pain and what horrific trials in life can do to a person. There will still be suicidal tendencies as well as drug use, foul language and sexual exploits. Please note that I, by no means, promote any of these things. Yes, suicide and drug use is no bueno. :D I wanted to evoke a sense of reality, for the story to seem _real_ and express the _real _thoughts and _real _emotions people feel when they feel they have nothing in the world. And I apologize in advance if Lily's behavior to James changes so rapidly...its all for sake of story, although I'll try my damnedest to make it as realistic as possible. **

** Now, without further ado, the new-and hopefully improved-Tears in Heaven.**

Tears In Heaven Rewrite. Lily Evans always took things too seriously. James Potter is on the road to self-destruction.

Chapter One: A Day in the Life

_I don't feel the way I've ever felt. I know. Gonna smile and not get worried. I try but it shows. Anyone can make what I have built. And better now. Anyone can find the same white pills. It takes my pain away. _

_-Takes My Pain Away (Jimmy Eat World)_

Somewhere between the end of last term and September First James Potter had changed. He knew this was so when he arrived at Platform 9 ¾ that morning. Tucked beneath his robes was the Head Boy badge that had arrived in the mail a few nights ago, proof of his shift from the mischievous boy to the full grown man-at least by wizard standards-that he was today.

He wasn't quite sure he even wanted the position. Sure, being Head Boy granted him lots of benefits. He would be allowed to stay out later, make rules and have some control over what the school would offer the student body. It also meant private dorms. With private bathrooms. But being Head Boy also meant responsibilities, ones he didn't know if he could handle. James wasn't weak-he was a Potter, after all-but times had changed and people had died and the duties that surely came with holding the highest student position Hogwarts had to offer a student seemed like too much too soon.

Then there was the Head Girl. Over the summer he had tried to forget Lily Evans. She had scorned him, denied him, brutally beaten and bruised his ego. The facts were, James Potter was in love with Lily Evans, and she in turn wanted nothing to do with him.

So over the summer, he stopped. He stopped writing her letters and going on and on about her whenever given the chance. He stopped arguing with his friends about giving up on the fiery redhead, because he had. Given up on her, that is. At least, he had done the best he could. You never truly get over a person after you have fallen for them.

He just buried her memories with those of his parents. They were memories he didn't need; memories he didn't want.

He knew she was sitting there in the designated Head compartment. She was probably eagerly awaiting to see who the Head Boy was, Remus Lupin maybe or Frank Longbottom perhaps. She certainly wasn't expecting James Potter. That much was clear because her eyes widened a fraction and her mouth fell open when he slid the compartment door open. She quickly regained her composure.

"What are you doing here, Potter?" Her voice was filled with discontent.

James resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He pulled his robe aside, revealing the Head Boy badge. Lily's mouth fell agape and she blinked twice, three times, and ended with, "Merlin's beard, Dumbledore must have gone mad."

Ignoring her, he made his was into the compartment and took the seat furthest from her, right by the window. He wouldn't talk to her; wouldn't look at her. He couldn't. It would ruin everything. How could he get over her if she was sleeping, showering, living no more than ten feet from him? Yes, this Head Boy fiasco was certainly turning sour indeed.

"I can't believe this." Lily growled, crossing her arms. She glared in his direction. "It has to be some kind of joke. Or a mix up of some sort. You weren't even a Prefect! I mean, you don't even go to _class_, Potter!"

She got him there. He couldn't help but smirk in her direction.

"Sorry, Evans, but its real. Wanna touch it?" Lily made a disgusted noise and crossed her arms and legs, looking away from him. She continued to mumble incoherently to herself, giving James a chance to study her for the millionth time.

She wore her long red hair in a neat plait. A few stubborn strands poked rebelliously from the tight bind and framed her soft cheeks. She had applied a small amount of blush, never being one for make up, and outlined her almond shaped eyes with coal, making the green of her iris stand out. She was already in her uniform, and the way her legs crossed, the end of her skirt edged up, giving him a healthy view of her long milky legs.

He tore his gaze from her and stared out the window. _Don't look at her. Don't look at her. _He repeated it as if it were a mantra, and focused hard on the buildings and houses that flew by as the Hogwarts Express picked up speed. He figured she was going to ignore him for the whole trip and rather hoped that she would. Naturally, Lily did just the opposite and turned to sneer at him.

"Look, Potter, being that you're the Head Boy and I'm the Head Girl, we're going to have to work together, though how we can do this with your non-existent work ethic, is beyond me. Dumbledore must have really lost it." She rolled rolled her eyes. "But listen carefully. I've worked really hard to get where I am now. I take this position very seriously, even though you obviously won't. Don't mess this up for me, got that?"

Every cold and calculated word bit into him, each sharper than the next. He touched his forearm and ran his fingertips lightly over the robe covered skin. Her words were sharper than the cuts that adorned his wrists.

He stared at her, feeling the anger bubbling up inside his stomach. There it was. The change in him. The rage that had come out of nowhere, the anger that could only be settled in two ways: pain or ecstasy, both feelings she could no long ignite within him. He gripped the loose material of his velvet robes in tight fists and clenched his jaw. The words were rising in his throat, threatening to spill out. They would be cold, choice words; words he could never take back. He promptly kept his mouth shut.

She huffed, taking his silence as arrogance. Lily had a habit of doing that. Just like she had a habit of assuming _everything._

"This is going to be impossible! The _minute _we get to school, I'm speaking to Professor Dumbledore about this!" She cried angrily. James blinked as she clenched a piece of Muggle paper in her hands, then smoothed it out quickly.

"What's that?" He asked, staring at the strange parchment. Lily looked down at her hands and then back up at him.

"It's the list of things we need to discuss at the meeting today."She said, blushing slightly. James raised a brow. A list? He had forgotten that as Head Boy and Girl, they were to conduct an opening meeting before they arrived at school. The Prefects out to be arriving soon.

As if his thought were command, the door slid open and the first of the Prefects arrived. It was two Ravenclaws; a boy with short blond hair and a girl with her own blond locks pulled into a tight braid.

"I told you the rumors were true, Ally. James Potter _is _Head Boy!" The boy said, grinning wildly at James. The girl blushed and nodded, deciding to take the seat closest to Lily and furthest from the hottest boy in Hogwarts. The boy, in turn, took his seat across from James.

"Hey. I'm William Bell. It's an honor to have you as our Head Boy, James Potter."

In the distance, Lily snorted. James flashed a quick glare at her before grinning at the boy.

"Its an honor to be Head Boy. Congratulations on getting Prefect." He turned to the girl. "And what's your name?"

Noting his attention, Ally's blush ten folded. "Allison Brocklehurt, sixth year, Ravenclaw." She looked down into her lap. James shrugged her behavior off. Girls always acted like that when he and his best friends were around. He'd just come to terms that most girls were bubbling nervous wrecks when cute boys were near.

"Nice to meet you, Allison." James flashed a perfect grin at her. The lopsided smile that had earned him title of one of the hottest boys in Hogwarts. It worked perfectly. Allison stared at him in awe for a fraction of a second before staring into her lap.

The door slid open and more students began piling in. Soon, all the Prefects had arrived. Jules Robinson and Adrian McDougal were the Hufflepuff Prefects. A pretty brown haired girl named Melissa Duffy was the Slytherin Prefect. James frowned when Regulus Black, his best mate's younger brother, sat in the seat next to Melissa. Rosalie Burke and Barty Crouch Junior were the Gryffindor Prefects.

The compartment was larger than the others, giving enough room for all the House Prefects and the Heads. Lily shut the door to the compartment and stood with her back against it. James took that as his sign to follow her. He took his place by Lily, being sure not to touch her in the slightest. He leaned back against the wall. Lily stole a short look at him before clearing her throat.

"Alright, everyone." No one seemed to notice them standing there, and promptly ignored Lily's soft voice. James couldn't blame them. The excitement of school and meeting up with friends always got the better of people. Besides, Evans wasn't the most commanding of all people. He glanced down at her as she attempted to get their attention again, only to fail miserably. He smirked.

"Oi!" Perfect. The room fell silent at James' deep, loud voice. He grinned down at Lily who looked at him as if unsure whether to be thankful or annoyed. She decided on neither and turned back to the sea of Prefects who looked up at them curiously.

"Welcome, everyone. My name is Lily Evans and I'm your Head Girl. Congratulations on being chosen as your House's Prefect. I'm sure you're all excited for a great new year and very proud that you have been chosen. And I'm sure you're aware that being chosen for this position means you exert some sort of leadership and responsibility. Being a Prefect means you are a leader among your peers, and as their leader, you must work hard and always do your best."

James leaned back against the wall and hesitated from rolling his eyes. Was this Lily's idea of a pep talk? While she may have been Gryffindor Prefect last year, James felt that she had no idea what being a leader meant. As Captain of his Quidditch team two years now, James decided to show her how it was done.

"You guys are gonna do great! This is gonna be a wicked year. Both Miss Evans and I have complete faith in you." _Except for maybe you, Regulus Black, _James thought sourly, as he and the young Black brother exchanged cool glares. While Regulus may have looked similar to his brother, same dark, windswept hair, same cool brown eyes and same handsome features with strong cheekbones; their personalities couldn't differ more. Where James' best friend was lively and witty, Regulus was silent and arrogant. James had never liked the younger boy much, then again, he didn't care for many Blacks or Slytherins.

He barely noticed Lily's quick glare at his bravado. She fiddled with her braid. "This is James Potter, your Head Boy." She nearly choked on the word. James grinned and clapped her on the shoulder.

"Evans and I are looking forward to working with all of you."

Lily stared, rather dumbfounded, as all four Prefect girls giggled. She never understood why girls acted so..._stupidly _around James Potter. She looked at him sideways. Sure, he was attractive, even she couldn't deny that. He had thick, unruly black hair that always looked messed up and deep hazel eyes. He had been a Chaser for Gryffindor longer than she could remember, and it showed. Even beneath his Quidditch robes, Lily could see the contours of his thick, muscular frame. Still, he had a horrid personality. He was rude, a bully and quite frankly, obnoxious. He rarely attended class, and when he _did_ decide to grace everyone with his presence, he was loud and foolhardy. Still, Lily decided that that's what girls liked; the mischievous bad boy. She refrained from rolling her green eyes.

"Now, let's all introduce ourselves." Lily said, taking the reigns again. The students all exchanged looks. They had been going to Hogwarts together all their lives, were introductions really necessary? But one look from the Head Girl made them all do as they were told.

"Jules Robinson, Hufflepuff." The buxom dark haired girl in the corner said, flashing her straight white teeth in James' direction. James smirked back, noting her full figure. _Being Head Boy might not be so bad after all... _

Jules' partner, a red haired, nervous looking boy with glasses introduced himself as Adrian McDougal. Ally and William introduced themselves. James and Regulus locked eyes when he stood and curtly said his name. After introductions were made, Lily began the meeting.

He had barely paid attention, except to enter in a word here and there, deciding that Lily was a little better at the business stuff than he was. He was lost in thought, watching her deliver a speech she had probably written down and memorized beforehand. James could see her standing in front of her bedroom mirror over the summer reciting it. He snorted.

Summer had been different for him. In the Muggle world, Lily had little to worry about. She could spend time with her family, sleep in to all hours of the day and stay out late with friends. In his world, things weren't so simple. His parents, both Ministry Officials, had been killed that summer. There had been a raid, Death Eaters doing what Death Eaters do. Mari and Jon Potter didn't stand a chance, even though they were great wizards.

The house had become still, quiet. It seemed too large without them there, and James caught himself several times feeling the urge to burn it. His mother would have killed him for such thoughts. She loved their home; she said it was like treasure chest full of their memories. That summer, every picture, every chair, everything was another reminder of what he had lost. It made him sick.

Thankfully, Sirius had gotten his own flat. Mari and Jon had been like surrogate folks to Sirius, and he had stayed many summers with the Potters. He quickly invited James into his home.

"You shouldn't have to stay there if you don't want to." Sirius had said, patting his friend comfortingly on the shoulder. James had appreciated his friend's hospitality, but knew he couldn't burden him for long. As much as the emptiness of the home stung him, he knew he couldn't sell it. He would move back in right after graduation. After all, it beat having to make house payments. The Potter estate was large. He had come from money.

That was how it all started. The nightmares began shortly after the funeral. There were times when he didn't sleep at days. He'd pace his room, pace the hallways of his house, and always wind up in his parents' old bedroom. It was all still perfectly intact, as if they hadn't passed away, just were away, at work or something. The bile rose in his throat when he stared at his mother's smiling face in a picture hanging off the wall. Mari Potter's black hair and brown eyes stared back into his and he resisted the overpowering urge to slam his fists into the glass of the frame. He was angry, no doubt about it. Always angry, these days.

He left the Potter manor, leaving it with all its belongings, perfect, just in case. He knew better, though. No one survived one of the four unforgivable curses. He could imagine his parents standing there, screaming in pain as the Death Eater Momphous Hornsby laughed maniacally, the curiciatous curse coursing through their veins.

He'd get him, if it was the last thing he did. He'd find that son of a bitch who killed his parents and inflict every ounce of torture imaginable on him. He didn't care what it did to him, if it ate away at his soul. Murder these days was nothing. Everyone was being murdered and everyone was a murderer.

"...Does anyone have any questions?" Lily's voice came,strangely calming him down. None of the Prefects raised their hands. "Good. Well, that's it. You guys are welcome to stay, but you're dismissed." Everyone nodded and made their way out of the Head compartment and toward their respective ones. Jules stopped in the doorway, smiling at James.

"It's going to be a pleasure working with you too, James." She said flirtatiously. James grinned at her and ran a hand through his black hair, a nervous habit he had never been able to shake.

"Good to hear. You headed back to the other compartments?" He said. Jules' eyes lingered back toward Lily, who had taken a seat and was staring out the window, trying desperately to ignore their little conversation. She smirked and ran a hand up and down James' arm. In the reflection of the glass window, Jules noted Lily's green eyes sharpen.

"I should head back to the girls. They'll wanna know all about my meeting with James Potter." She giggled. James nodded and crossed his arms, looking dashing indeed.

"Well, I'll see you at the school then, Jules." She beamed.

"See you."

She left, leaving James and Lily to themselves. Lily was still concentrating on the English countryside as it flew by. Nighttime was approaching, and the lights in the compartment flashed on. She had occupied his place by the window. He sat closest to the door, remembering to keep the distance. But this time, he couldn't keep his eyes off her. He knew this would happen. Lily was gone during the summer, far from the Potter estate, far enough for him to pretend that she didn't exist. But now she was in the compartment with him, sitting just a few feet away, and she was once again very, very real. He gulped.

This was going to be harder than he thought.


	2. Ask Me Why

Chapter Two: Ask Me Why

The Great Hall was abuzz with excitement. Something about being back at Hogwarts did that. Everyone was hugging friends and chatting gaily about their summers; where they had gone abroad, concerts and carnivals they had gone to. A group of Ravenclaw boys passed James, discussing the Qudditch World Cup.

James made his way to the Gryffindor table where his best friends Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew sat. He slid into the empty spot by Remus.

"Oi, if it isn't the Head Boy." Sirius said with a grin. James rolled his eyes and smiled back.

"How was the train ride?" Remus asked, eying Lily as she took her own seat. James glanced her way and then back at his friends, shrugging his shoulders.

"Nothing big. She just yelled at me the whole time."

The boy sniggered.

Sirius smirked. It was the trademark Black smirk. Bottled up it would be worth millions. If James Potter could make girls weak in the knees, Sirius Black made them melt into puddles of goo. He was by far the most handsome boy in Hogwarts. His shaggy dark brown hair fell in his smoldering rich brown eyes that sat back against strong cheek bones and smooth, unblemished tanned skin. His teeth, straight pearly whites, with a straight nose. His frame exceeded that of James as well, although he lacked the muscles years of Quidditch had granted his best friend. Still, every bit that made up Sirius Black was perfect by nature. His mere careless, mischievous persona made he the most sought after boy in the school.

Somewhere in the distance, a girl sighed dreamily.

"I can't wait to see her face when she realizes that Dumbledore _really_ wants you for Head Boy." The heartthrob said excitedly.

Remus laughed. "She's going to go ballistic."

James grinned at his friends. He opened his mouth to speak when the familiar sound of stainless steal against glass somehow became loudly projected. The Head Master was about to give his ceremonial Welcome Back speech before the grand dinner. James, as well as the Hogwarts student body, turned their attention to an ancient but majestic looking man who stood at an owl podium.

"Welcome, welcome." Came the old mans raspy voice. The hall grew silent. The man seemed to wield a strong sense of power over the whole castle, as if he were a glorious king or kind master. Everyone stared up at him with the utmost respect, Gryffindors and Slytherins alike.

"Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to welcome our students, new and old alike, and must remind you that the Forbidden Forrest is strictly off limits to any student wishing to attain all their limbs throughout the year." A First year two people down from James gulped loudly.

James grinned up at the Head Master as he continued. "As I am sure you will all do the best and be the best, may your years at Hogwarts bring you a thirst for knowledge and adventure. Some might say it will be your best years. I can only hope you enjoy every single one, as you embark on your journey into adulthood. Now, may I introduce your Head Boy and Head Girl, Miss Lily Evans and Mr. James Potter." James and Lily rose to their feet and the Great Hall was filled with loud cheering, hooting and hollering. With the Sorting out of the way, the Head Master finished, "Diddle! Wissip! Thank you."

On cue, the empty golden plates filled with vast amounts of food. There were steaks, mashed potatoes, grilled and fried chicken, roast beef, biscuits and sausages. The boys began piling their plates with food.

"Now that's more like it," Sirius was saying. Not being much of a cook himself, he had resorted to Muggle take out since he moved into his flat. While the House Elves, Bertie, Sampson and Hilly were more than happy to fix up anything and everything James could ask for, eating at home was nothing like the food served at Hogwarts. He demolished every scrap of food, and eagerly went for seconds.

"Oi, Potter." A boy with sandy brown hair walked up to the Marauders. He had his arm around a small Second year, who nervously looked up at the four older boys.

"Hey, Frank." James said, nodding at the boy. Frank Longbottom was tall, towering over the boy under his arm.

"This is my little brother, Everett. Everett, you know James Potter, right? He's the Captain of our Quidditch team." The boy looked at James in awe. Frank turned his attention to Potter. "He's a big fan, always begging dad to take him to games during the summer. He's wanting to try out for the team and asked me to introduce him."

James stuck his hand out, shaking Everett's. He smiled at the boy kindly. "You'd make a good Seeker," he said noting the boy's thin frame, "or maybe a chaser. Tryouts are next week on the tenth. I hope to see you out there."

Everett positively beamed. Frank shot James a thankful look before toting his brother off. James turned back to his meal.

"Think Gryffindor's gonna win the championship this year?" Peter asked, speaking into his mashed potatoes. James snorted.

"That's like asking if Sirius is going to date half the population of girls." Sirius shot him a playful glare before flipping his shaggy hair out of his eyes.

"Don't be jealous, Potter." He turned to Peter. "Its more like asking if Evans is gonna turn him down." He dodged a country fried potato that James launched at his head.

"Shut it, Padfoot." James warned. Sirius waggled his eyebrows wildly and Remus rolled his eyes.

"The two of you will never change. I don't see why you care so much about her, Prongs. She's kind of a bitch." Remus said, cutting a piece of sirloin.

James glanced in Lily's direction, where she was chatting with Alice Prewett and Marlene McKinnon. She was far away enough to not hear Remus, but must have noticed a gaze on her, because she looked down the table and locked eyes with James. She quickly looked back at her friends, pretending she hadn't noticed. He sighed, tiredly.

"She _is _a bitch. And now she's Head Girl? If my best mate here wasn't Head Boy I'd say this would be a nightmare!" Sirius was saying. James snorted.

"Aye, but this'll be your chance, eh, mate?" Peter said with a grin, elbowing James in the side. "You'll practically be sharing a room with Evans. This'll be your chance to make her fall for you."

James looked back at Lily. "Eh, we'll see."

After dinner came desert, and then, the tables were cleaned and back to their original shinning golden state, and the Head Master gave his closing speech. The Prefects were given instructions to lead their tables to the dormitories. Sirius looked sourly down at Barty Crouch Junior who was waving his arms at the First Years.

"Stupid git. I never really liked Prefects."

"Hey!" Remus, who had been Prefect last year, glowered. Sirius added, "Except Moony, of course. He wasn't parading around like a big head."

James laughed. "Just follow him to the dormitories, Padfoot. You're older than him anyway, just let him do his job."

This was where they parted. He waved goodbye, promising to meet them in their usual spot the next morning, and walked in the opposite direction toward the Head dorms. The crowd thinned out as students made their ways into their respective dorms, and soon Lily's lone figure could be found, floating up the staircase in the same direction as James. He took a deep breath and followed her.

As she reached a portrait of a dark haired witch with a silky green dress, Lily stopped and turned to look at James, who was a few feet behind her.

"Ah, James Potter and Lily Evans, Head Boy and Head Girl. No surprise there." The portrait said, smiling flirtatiously at James. James smiled back.

He watched as Lily rolled her eyes. "Dragon Wing." Lily said curtly and the portrait swung open. James muttered at "thank you" to the portrait before following Lily down the few steps and into their common room. It was a rather large space, being that it was made for their privacy, but James supposed that being Head Boy and Girl gave them special priority after all. There was a fireplace under a marble overhang and a marble table in front of a long tan colored couch. A round wooden table sat in the corner, two chairs on opposite sides. A bookcase was against one wall, full of books James knew he'd never read. The curtains, much to his delight, were Gryffindor scarlet and gold. The Gryffindor symbol hung on a tapestry above the fireplace.

"Alright, Evans?" James asked, running his hand through his hair. Lily watched the move, making a disgusted noise.

"Not so much now, knowing that it wasn't a joke after all. Guess I have to get used to it." She glanced sideways at a wooden door. There was a metal plate nailed into it with the words James Potter neatly carved. Opposite his door was another, her own name carved into the metal.

"If we're going to live together," she said the words carefully, "we should set some ground rules."

James smirked. "And what would those be, Evans? Lock myself in my room and never come out?"

"If only." Lily said lightly, and there was a trace of a smile in her eyes. "One, you're not allowed anywhere near my room. If I catch you trying to sneak in there, I won't hesitate to hex the hell out of you." James grinned. "Second, it looks like we're sharing a bathroom. Whosoever brilliant idea it was for a boy and girl to share a bathroom obviously is barking mad."

James glanced at the third door that was up a flight of stairs. "Men and women share bedrooms and bathrooms all the time. Don't your parents?"

Lily blushed, but regained her cool composure. "Of course, but they're _married_, Potter. Anyway, always knock. I'll promise to do the same. And don't you dare try coming in if I'm showering or something." She warned, her blush returning to her face. It spread across her nose and cheeks, flushing up into her red hair. James thought she looked beautiful.

"And three?"James asked, swallowing hard.

"Third," Lily looked sideways again. "Well, I haven't thought of a number three yet. You got any rules?" She asked, though James highly doubted she cared what he wanted.

"Keep outta my room, thanks." James said coolly, heading toward his door. Lily's glare returned.

"Like I'd have any interest in your bedroom." James turned around and smirked at her. He pulled at the hem of his shirt, as if he were taking it off.

"You sure? I mean, I'll be changing in there, getting naked. Not to mention be all soaking wet and naked in there," he pointed at the bathroom door. Her blush deepened as did her glare.

"That's disgusting, Potter. Now, I'm going to bed." She made her way toward her bedroom and James watched her with excitement in his hazel eyes. She stopped just before her door, as he had, and turned around.

"Number three," she began and James leaned forward.

"Yeah?"

"If you...you know, bring anyone here," she was still blushing, harder this time, and she refused to look him in the eye.

"Bring anyone in here?" He pressed, knowing where this was going, and enjoying the sight of Lily Evans squirming.

"If you...you know! If you bring a girl back in here," she couldn't get the words out. "Just keep it down, alright? I don't want to hear girls moaning your name and stuff."

James laughed loudly. Despite her incredibly red features, her green eyes sharpened. James laughed so hardly that he had to wipe tears from his eyes.

"That's number three, Evans? I don't think you'll have to worry about that." He grinned cheekily at her. "Because you're the only one that's gonna be screaming my name."

Her mouth fell open a bit. With an exasperated cry she threw her hands in the air and marched into her bedroom, slamming the door shut. James' smile slowly began to fade as he stared at her door, and then turned to enter his own room.

He looked around, happily noting the Gryffindor theme to it. The curtains too were scarlet with gold trimming, and the large four poster bed had deep scarlet comforters and pillows. There was a desk in one corner next to a small bookshelf and a cupboard and drawer beside it. The window jutted out, with a window seat complete with scarlet cushions. A bedside table sat beside his bed and his owl sat there, hooting loudly in its cage. Against a wall were his things.

"Hey, Shutter." James said, opening his owl's cage. He hooted at James loudly before flying toward the window and landing on the seat. Shutter looked out the glass and back at James pointedly. James opened the window, allowing Shutter to fly out. The owl had been locked in his cage for quite some time and James figured he was wanting to stretch his wings and join the other owls in the Owlry.

"See you in the morning." James called, shutting his window. He turned back to his room and pulled off his shoes, preparing for bed. His robes lay haphazardly atop his desk and he stripped off his muggle t-shirt and jeans. He sat on his bed and looked around his room one last time before pulling down the sheets and snuggling under the covers.

As he lay in bed he tried to shut out the noises that always seemed to come at this time. Tonight was just as bad as any.

_Way to fuck up, James. Evans doesn't give a shit about you, and you, you bloody oaf, are still crash raving mad about the girl. Don't you ever learn? _James growled at the inner voice, the one that always seemed to sneer at him. It wasn't his conscience-no. His conscience was the voice that always told him that Lily wouldn't appreciate it when he fucked with Snape, or the one that told him that he and Sirius shouldn't hang the cat from the third story window because his mother would be furious. This voice had somehow appeared sometime last year and only grew louder and crueler as the years went on. He glanced sideways at his trunk knowing tucked into his bag of toiletries was a plastic bottle filled with little white pills he had bought in a muggle super market in London. Beside it, wrapped in a clean cloth would be a shiny small blade. His arms itched toward it, but he lay still in bed. He wouldn't tonight, despite the uncontrollable urge that rose in his belly.

He shut his eyes forcefully. Sleep didn't come easy, but then again, it never did. It was after three in the morning when he finally fell asleep, and then sun was tricking into his room, past the thin curtains. James rolled over, moaning in protest to their bright rays. Classes began immediately, much to his displeasure. The clock hanging on his wall said that it was seven o'clock. He had almost an hour to shower, change and get breakfast before his first class started. He groaned again, before pulling himself from the warm covers. The room was cold and his body immediately regretted leaving the warmth of his bed.

He moved to the other side of the room and knelled in front of his trunk, unlocked it and pulled the things he needed out. His brown leather toiletry bag, a white button down shirt, a gold and scarlet stripped tie, black slacks, a white wife beater, black socks and his black dress shoes.

He crossed his room and opened the door, poking his head out. Lily's door was fastened close and dorm was silent. James figured she was either asleep or, knowing Lily, already showered, dressed and downstairs eating breakfast. He then deemed it safe to cross the room, barely clothed save his blue boxers, and headed up the staircase to the shower.

The bathroom was large, too. There was a large bathtub that rivaled even the one in the Prefect's bathroom, a marble sink and marble floored shower. James stripped off his boxers and turned the faucet of the shower on hot. He waited patiently while until steam began to rise from behind the shower curtain, and pulled out his shampoo and conditioner, muggle shaving cream and a muggle razor, and placed his shaving kit on the sink counter, taking the shampoo with him.

Hot water shot from the shower head, gently massaging his sore muscles. He relaxed into it, allowing it to thunder down his back and shoulders. There were several clean, brand new sponges sitting on a toiletry hanger next to bottles of wizard soaps and shampoos. James grabbed one and dispensed a dollop of body wash onto it before slowly coating his body in a layer of rich scented soap.

As he ran the sponge over his left arm he winced, forgetting the fresh cuts that adorned his forearm. He cursed loudly.

There was a cough, and James realized for the first time that he was no longer alone in the bathroom. He poked his head out from behind the curtain and found Lily standing in the doorway to the bathroom. Her face was red again.

"Sorry. I forgot my..." James followed her eyes to a set of hair clips sitting on top of the sink. He wondered how he hadn't noticed them before.

" S'okay." James muttered, wondering how long she had been in the bathroom. Long enough to hear him...?

Lily looked down and fidgeted with her hands. "Do what you need to do." James added, pulling the shower curtain closed.

He bit his tongue to refrain from any other hisses of pain, only allowing once more for one to slip past his lips.

"You okay, Potter?" came her soft voice. He barely heard it over the loud thundering sheet of water. Barely.

"I'm fine." Came his delayed response. He had to regain his composure. Lily didn't need to know what he did behind closed doors. "I'd be better if you joined me."

She scoffed and with a slam, shut the door and left James to his privacy again. He sighed with relief and finished his shower.

Lily had already left by the time he was dried and dressed. He walked lazily into his room and collected his school bag, and made his way out of the dorm toward the Great Hall.

Sirius, Remus and Peter were already down there, sitting in their usual seats, stuffing their faces with toasts, pancakes, cereal and oatmeal. James plopped down next to Remus.

"Oi. Save some for me, fatass." James countered, glaring at Sirius. Sirius stuck his tongue out at him.

"So, how was it?" Remus asked from behind the _Daily Prophet. _

"She wants me." James said with a grin. Sirius looked sideways at his friend suspiciously. While James acted happily and carelessly, he was his best friend, and Sirius knew when he was putting on a facade. James had changed. He had witnessed it this summer. He watched first hand as his best friend went from careless and giddy to a state of depression and self-destruction. He'd seen the empty bottles. He'd even shared a night of herbal inspired happiness with him several times. And he had called James out on the pills. James just told him to mind his own business. Sirius shut up. He loved his best friend more than anything, after all James was his only true family, but he kept his mouth shut. This would go away, he knew it. He turned his anger from James to Voldemort and Lily Evans. They were the ones behind his best friend's misery. Sirius couldn't understand for the life of him why James was so hung up on her. Although, he had figured he'd given up, what with not talking a word about her over the summer.

"Of course she does." Remus said, putting down the paper and attacking his own plate of French toast.

"What's your first class?" James asked, pulling out his schedule. Sirius glanced down at his.

"We've all got McGonnagal. You?"

"McGonnagal. Then Binns and then Flitwick."

"I've got Binns but then Peter and I have Slughorn." Remus said, looking at his own schedule.

"Right."

The Great Hall was beginning to thin out as students made their way to their first classes. First years hurried, not wanting to be late, just in case the rumors that they would be expelled were true. James laughed and shook his head. He'd been young once, and that naive. But ever since second year, James and his friends strolled into class a minute before they'd begin, or later. No one cared, not even cranky Professor McGonnagal said anything anymore.

They walked to the Transfiguration room, and the strict witch was already standing in front, ready to begin lessons. "Thank you for joining us, boys." She said, but a small smile glinted on her face, and the Marauders all grinned up at her. They took their seats, in the back of course, and she continued.

"Welcome to Seventh Year Transfiguration. This year, we will prepare for your NEWTS as well as discuss future careers, more in depth than we did fifth year."She walked behind her desk and lifted a piece of parchment that she pinned against the wall behind her. "Behind me is the list of your lab partner. You will work with this partner throughout the year, helping each other with the labs and lessons we will study, as they are more complex and quite longer than those of our previous lessons. When you find your partner, I would like you to pair up and take your seats again, and we shall begin."

Chatter rose up among the students as they all flew from there seats, making a huge crowd around McGonnagal's list.

"Who'd you get paired up with?" James asked as Sirius made his way back to the table. Sirius made a face.

"Some girl named Drusella Cammolie. Never heard of her."

"Sirius not knowing a girl? That's never a good sign." Peter joked, as the dark haired boy sighed dramatically and fell into his chair.

"Sounds like some boring old cow. I was hoping to get paired up with..." He trailed off, nudging his head toward Alyssa Clearwater. The blond wiggled here fingers at him with a small grin. Sirius raised his eyebrows back at her suggestively.

James grinned. "Dru's not so bad. She's a beater for Ravenclaw." Sirius shrugged his shoulders and looked around the room for his partner.

"How am I supposed to find her?" Sirius asked, scratching his head. James glanced around the room. He pointed at a dark haired girl, who had thick white streaks in her normally black hair, that curtained her tan face.

"That's her, over there."

Sirius stared in her direction. She was nothing special, not a bit as sexy as the buxom blond he had been flirting with that morning, but she certainly wasn't a cow. She was tiny, barely five feet, and not very filled out. It was no wonder he had never noticed her before, though he made it his job to know every girl in Hogwarts. He felt a tug at his heart when she smiled small at Alice Prewett who was sitting beside her.

"The one by Prewett?" He asked.

"Yeah, they're best friends or something like that." Remus said, coming back to their table. "Guess who they partnered you up with, Prongs."

James didn't have to guess, because Lily was arguing with Professor McGonnagal, a scene she would never cause unless he was at the root of it.

"Dammit." James cursed under his breath. She must have thought that as Heads, it was only sensible for them to work together. Sneaky old witch, she _knew _Lily despised him. He shook his head and made his way toward Evans and McGonnagal.

Lily was saying, "But Professor, you know how Potter is! He'll just sit back and make me do all the work and I'm really trying hard to get perfect marks this year-"she fell silent when he approached. James threw an arm around Lily's shoulders and squeezed her tight against him.

"Don't worry, Professor. I'll take good care of Miss Evans, here." McGonnagal looked at him reproachfully, the same look she often gave him, Sirius, Remus and Peter when something blew up or something went missing.

"I'm warning you, Mr. Potter, if Miss Evans has any problems with you..."

"With me?" James asked incredulously, as if the idea was absurd. "I'll be an angel. Scouts honor." He threw the Muggle line down, hoping he hadn't mangled it.

He figured he was safe when McGonnagal smiled slightly. "You'll best do so. Now, you and Miss Evans take your seats. I need to begin this lesson."

With another desperate look in her direction, Lily sighed in defeat and made her way to her seat in the front of the class. James rolled his eyes. Of course she would want to sit there, little miss goody goody.

James plopped into the seat beside her and Lily concentrated hard on the Professor, ignoring him. James pulled out his text book, parchment and quill. He noticed Lily watching him out of the corner of her eye.

"Yes, Evans. I'm gonna take notes." He said flatly. Surprise rose in her eyes at his tone, which she quickly covered with familiar distaste.

"Do whatever you want, Potter. I couldn't care less." It was a lie, he knew, but he chose to ignore her. He had tried being civil toward her, something he practically struggled with, and still she chose to be her usual self. Bitch.

He drowned out McGonnagal as she began her lesson, looking over his shoulder to find Sirius, who had taken a seat next to Drusella Cammolie.

"So, you're Drusella Cammolie, huh?" Sirius asked grinning, sliding into the empty seat Alice Prewett recently abandoned. Stormy gray eyes looked up into his own brown, and a strange feeling rose in his stomach which he promptly ignored.

She nodded. Sirius stuck his hand out, "I'm Sirius Black."

"I know." She said, eying his hand, but not taking it. Nervously, Sirius dropped his hand and wiped it on his robe.

"So..." He trailed off. _This is weird_, he thought. He'd never not known what to say around a girl. Then again, most girls weren't this silent around him, albeit a few shy girls. Most girls didn't look at him with deadpan expressions and cool demeanors.

She raised her brows expectantly, but Sirius was saved when McGonnagal cleared her throat, noting that her lesson would begin.

When she finished, Sirius couldn't get out of the classroom quick enough. The girl beside him was beginning to give him the heeby jeebies. He waited for James, Remus and Peter outside the door.

"What's with you?" Remus asked, as they met up with him. Sirius looked nervously as kids began to poor out of the classroom. Somewhere in the throng was Cammolie, he wasn't sure, so he lowered his voice.

"That girl freaks me out."

James laughed. "She's not that creepy. Okay," he complied after Sirius shot an incredulous look at him, "she _is _kinda freaky, but only because she's so quiet and gloomy. She's a badass out on the Quidditch pitch, and she's not so bad once you get to know her. We've had a few classes with her, you know?"

Sirius frowned, still not remembering her. It was weird for a girl not to be fawning all over him. Not that every single girl did fawn over him. Plenty of girls didn't. Just, most girls did. At least the ones that mattered.

"You got paired up with Evans. She must be having a field day. First being made Head Boy, now having to work with you in McGonnagal's class. Not exactly something she'd look forward to." Remus said with a laugh.

James rolled his eyes. "She'll warm up to me."

"You've been saying that for years."

"Then its bound to happen eventually."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Come on, let's get going to Binns'." Remus said, nudging his head toward the History of Magic classroom.

At lunchtime, Ravenclaw Prefect Allison Brocklehurst informed him that Professor Dumbledore wanted to see him and Lily Evans at the High Table. Lily was-of course-already there when he arrived. She had always been such a goody-goody, he thought sourly.

"Ah, Mr. Potter." Dumbledore said, smiling grandly as James strolled up to the High Table. Lily shot an annoyed look at him, James stuck out his tongue.

"I was hoping that you and Miss Evans would join me for lunch?" It was more a question than a demand, but James eagerly complied.

There were two empty seats next to him, the other Professors had moved down and were talking among themselves.

"Go on, eat." He said, conducting the two to get comfortable. James and Lily filled their plates.

"First day going splendid, I trust?"

"Great, Professor." James and Lily said simultaneously. She looked at him again. _Well, its better than her outright ignoring you, _James thought with a brief smile. Wasn't making things any easier though. But, he figured, that made Lily the Lily he had grown to love. Always opposing his wishes.

"Wonderful. Now, not to interrupt this lovely feast, but I have a few things to discuss with you. As Head Boy and Girl, the two of you will be in charge of events for the students. I would like the two of you to discuss some ideas and present them to the Prefects and myself tonight at our meeting after dinner."

James and Lily nodded.

"Of course, Professor." Although Lily's tone was more like, "_I'd rather stick forks in my eyes than __discuss anything with Potter, thank you, Professor." _James refrained from rolling his eyes.

"Good. I know it was a good decision, having the two of you as Head Boy and Girl. You're the top two students, after all."

Lily frowned. How James Potter could be considered one of the top two students was beyond her, but she supposed that Dumbledore was just as wrapped around James' finger as anyone else was.

It was weird, really. There was something about him that was different this year. As much as she hated to admit it, she couldn't keep her eyes, or her mind, off of him. Maybe it was how his normally bright and shinning hazel eyes were duller, his smiles and flirtatious words never quite reaching them. Or how his lopsided grins weren't so wide anymore, not so careless.

And on the train he seemed almost angry with her, like any minute he was going to whip out his wand and _Avada Kedavra _him for going off on him like that. There was something up with him, something she couldn't stop thinking about. Like this morning, when she walked in on him showering. He'd hissed in pain, several times. And she'd stolen a peek into his toiletry bag. A bottle of pills, the kind they only sold in Muggle pharmacies. What was that doing in his bag? James Potter was a pure blood wizard. If he was sick there were spells and potions for him. What would he need with Muggle painkillers?

After much consideration, she realized something. The only other use for painkillers. But no, couldn't possibly. She shook her head and asked herself for the millionth time why she cared. This was Potter for heaven's sake. Arrogant, bullying toe rag Potter.

She ate her lunch in silence, while James and Dumbledore discussed the upcoming Quidditch tryouts. Again, she let her mind wander. Potter being Head Boy was a nasty shock, one she wasn't quite sure she could deal with. True, she didn't like Potter, but she didn't quite loath him, no matter how much she pretended. Because it _was _pretend, and she couldn't pretend to loath him if he lived across the room from her. She knew she was blushing and concentrated hard on the dumplings in front of her and drowned out the deep sound of James Potter that always threatened to pull her in.


	3. Happiness is a Warm Gun

Chapter Three: Happiness Is A Warm Gun

"We should have a Christmas Ball." The hot brunette from Hufflepuff said. James grimaced, wondering what it was with girls and anything that involved dressing up and dancing. It was certainly not something on _his _list. He stared at the blank sheet of parchment in his lap. The Prefects and Heads had been sitting in the classroom for almost thirty minutes now, and he hadn't thought of a single thing, except, _anything but dances._ Dances, gatherings, salons, whatever. If it didn't involve massive amounts of alcohol and some kind of rock' n' roll, it wasn't his thing.

"Pass. Next?" James said, dismissing the idea. Jules blanched at the coldness in his voice.

"I think its a wonderful idea. We don't have enough social gatherings." Lily Evans said, flipping her long red hair out of her face. James glanced sideways at her. Did she have to disagree with him about _everything_? He hadn't pictured Evans for the frilly girly-girl type like Jules or her best friend Marlene McKinnon. _Well, you know what they say when you assume._

James focused on Lily, who was now smiling at Jules. "We could decorate the Great Hall with snowmen and ice sculptures, and hang mistletoe and wreaths and have a Christmas tree and everything! It would be fun!"

None of the boys seemed too thrilled with the idea, and he couldn't blame them. He gripped the bottom of the desk.

Lily continued. "It will have to be before the holidays, of course, maybe the night before? But no, that would be pushing it, students need to pack and everything." She was talking to herself, more than talking to the Prefects sitting in the room.

She was perched in the chair behind the Professor's desk, looking regal and controlled as always. Her back was straight, her face collected as she sorted through a pile of parchment. James sat lazily on top of the desk, his back to her.

"Okay, with all the fun aside," she trailed off thoughtfully as she flipped through her papers. "...Let's discuss the Patrolling schedule. Ravenclaw, you'll be from seven until nine on Mondays and Fridays. Slytherin, you have Tuesdays and Thursdays. Gryffindor, I want you out there on Wednesday and Sunday. Potter and I will take Saturdays, as well as finishing up patrols after nine."

Scribbling could be heard as the Prefects all wrote down their schedules hurriedly. James frowned. Lily hadn't discussed a training schedule with him at all. In fact, it seemed like she wasn't making any decisions with him. So much for teamwork, he thought sourly.

He leaned back on his haunches and stared out into the crowd of Prefects. No one seemed to oblige, then again he didn't figure anyone would. Prefects were goody-goodies, just like Evans.

"Hm, what else was there..." Evans was talking to herself again. It was like he wasn't even Head Boy, like she was the only one to make the rules. He fumed, feeling the anger bubble up again. It was too easy to get angry at her, and even easier to forgive her. But not right now. She stared down at her papers, promptly ignoring his presence. He frowned and stared at the Prefects. He would have interrupted her train of thought, spoken his mind and remind her that he, too, made decisions, but nothing came to mind just then, and he wasn't about to make a fool out of himself in front of all these people by saying something stupid.

He glanced up at the clock overhead and counted down the minutes before dinner would begin, and he could flee this bloody classroom and Evan's obnoxiously cool demeanor. He didn't want to deal with it tonight, not on his first night of school, after listening to her criticize and tear apart his character, like she had been doing from the second he walked into the Head compartment on the Hogwarts Express. He was sick of it, sick of her smart ass tongue and bitchy attitude. He'd spent six years taking one for the team, letting go of what technically made her Evans.

He ran his hand through his hair, huffing in anger. She continued on, muttering to herself and conducting the classroom like she was some fucking professor. He wondered why he was so infatuated with her. She didn't even respect him, not even with the Head Boy badge that was stuffed in his pocket. He had thought that maybe, just maybe, that would be enough. That she would realize that he wasn't just some irresponsible toerag and eventually see that somewhere between hexing Snivellus and September First he had grown up.

But it was to no avail because Evans thought it was still a joke, and when she wasn't going off about how infuriating it was that she had to work with someone like him, she was pretending he didn't exist. She was lucky she was who she was, and James would never hurt a hair on her stupid, bitchy head. He messed up his hair again, forcing down the anger that was rising up in his throat like bile.

He didn't know when he became like this or what it was about Lily that made him act so. Maybe it was six years of turning him down. Whatever it was, it was beginning to wane on his nerves and he had to force himself not to go postal on her like he had on just about everyone else that summer. Even Sirius.

James recalled that day. It was a few days after the funeral and Sirius was over at the Potter's house, trying to convince him to leave the place for a few days and come and stay in London with him. He was trying to be nice, be supportive and be his best friend, James knew, but he had said something, something James could no longer remember, and it had been like the last string. James had blown up and the anger bubbled over, his voice screaming, echoing off the empty halls of the Potter estate.

Sirius had taken it. Listened as his best friend shot every explicative known to man. Allowed the boy to insult him over and over again because in the end he wound up crying. And James Potter never cried, not even at the funeral. Even Sirius cried that day as they lowered the bodies of the only real parents he had ever known into the rich soil. James hadn't cried. He didn't cry when he heard the news or when someone wrapped their arms around him and cried into his shoulder. He wound up comforting _them_, patting them on the back and saying that everything would be okay, that his mum and dad wouldn't want to see them so upset.

But what did Evans know, anyway, James thought angrily. Nothing. Because he knew the Evans lived happily in their world. Maybe Lily had informed them on the Dark Lord's rise to power, but they certainly had nothing to fear. Muggle borns were dying along with the pure bloods, but it was rare, and only in priority matters. Voldemort had no interest in the Muggle parents of some seventeen year old girl, not when he had his hands full with people like the Potters; pure blood witches and wizards who he tried to recruit and who had boldly refused and made it their goal to see his demise. Instead, they met their own and now were buried in some meadow while that-_thing-_walked around, commanding his followers who did his bidding fervently, like dogs.

She acted like she knew everything, He thought, as she went on about something in her bossy voice. But she didn't, not really.

When the dinner bell sounded, Lily had just finished her speech, and the Prefects were gathering their things and heading out the door. James jumped off the desk and walked with speed toward the exist. He ignored her when Evans called out, "Potter."

Instead of going to dinner, he marched up to the Head dorms. He didn't even stop to chat with the girl in the portrait, who beamed when she saw him. He rushed into this bedroom, threw open his trunk and unzipped his bag. His hands were shaking harshly, and the bottle of pills fell out and onto the floor with a clatter.

James grabbed them and then reached into his trunk again, pulling out a bottle of Firewhiskey. He cracked open the small medicine bottle and popped four white pills into his mouth, chasing them down with the whiskey. The alcohol burned his throat more than the pills did and he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

He knew already, that this wasn't enough. He fumbled around in his trunk and pulled out a tin box with a lock on it. He fiddled with the lock until it fell open and reached inside. There was plenty in there, many things to chose from. That summer he had learned a lot, researched even. Wouldn't Evans be _proud_? He smirked at the idea of the Head Girl seeing him with the little multi-colored beans or the small vial of clear liquid. Evans may know everything _Hogwarts: A History _had to offer but she probably didn't know what those colorful pills did to your mind and your body, or that if you chase some allergy pills with a small bottle of cough medicine that it made the world around you vibrate in a beautiful way. No way perfect little Evans knew _that._

"Decisions, decisions," he contemplated wildly. He decided on the bag full of colorful beans, and pulled one out, tossing it in his mouth and biting down. His face contorted in disgust. The drug wasn't known for its pleasant taste but James thought, no risk no reward. He took another swallow of Firewhiskey to wash away the nasty taste of the MDMA.

Then he moved to his feet and out the door, flying down the halls as if on a mission. He was on a mission, though, and had less than forty minutes to complete said mission. Most students were already down in the Great Hall enjoying dinner, but a few lone ones wandered the halls. A group of Hugglepuff girls sat on the staircase, a magazine spread out between them.

_Perfect_, James thought, noticing the familiar brunette.

"Oi, Robinson." Jules, and co, looked up to see James Potter standing there, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. She smiled and he noticed the two girls sitting with her echoing their friend's wide grin.

"Yes, boss?" She asked flirtatiously. Even better, James thought, flashing a perfect grin at her. The girl melted a little. He was working his charm. This would only take seconds, if even that. Jules had shown signs right from the start that she would be an easy conquest and a perfect candidate for his mission tonight.

"I was wondering if I could have a word. About your ideas for the year, you know." He needn't say more. Jules jumped to her feet and was down the stairs on his demand.

"Of course!" She said breathlessly. James smirked inwardly. Whether they were brainless bimbos like Melissa Berkheart, his first of many many times, or Prefect material, girls were sluts. They were animals in bed, and putty in the capable hands of men like him and his friends. No one refused him for long, except Evans, he thought unnervingly. The thought flashed another spurt of eagerness through him and he played the game perfectly, throwing his arm around her dainty shoulders. He knew the moves by heart. All of them did. Even Remus played the game, reeled them in and had his way with them.

None of them were particularly ashamed of it. It wasn't as if they had no respect for females. In fact, Mari Potter had made sure that all four boys knew how to treat a woman; the old-fashioned way. No son of hers, and no friends of her son, would behave unchivalrously. Then again, he doubted his mother knew anything of his long list of conquests. He'd have gotten a sure beating if she had. Still, this was different. He didn't take girls out on dates and ignore them. He never and _would _never force a girl into anything. Each girl came willingly, practically throwing themselves at him. _They_ were the ones who suggested it, who lead him to his or her bed with playful smiles. _They_ were the ones who pulled at his robes or pulled his tie so that he was pressed against them. It wasn't _his _fault that he complied.

This was the seldom moment that he made the move. Because it wasn't the same as it was without the drug coursing through his veins. It was better this way. Seeing their tight, perfect little figures wiggling beneath him was more erotic this way.

He noticed Jules shoot a smug smile in the direction of her friends as he steered her back toward the Head dorms. She followed.

"Sorry about turning down the idea. Evans was right, it _was _a smashing idea." Jules beamed again at his compliment.

"I'm so glad-"

"And I was wondering what _else _went on in that brilliant little head of yours. Tell me a little bit about yourself." He knew his best mate would have blanched at this question. Sirius wasn't one for much taking; he was an action-man. Never would you find Sirius asking a girl to tell him all about herself, not even to reel them in. All he had to do was flash them his perfect smile and whisper in their ear and snap; they'd practically drag him to their bedrooms or a nearby broom closet. Anything and everything worked. He was Sirius Black after all. Who cared if he shagged you in a bed or on the desk you sat at for Potions?

"Oh, you know. I'm nothing special." She was feigning modesty. One look at how she acted around her friends and James knew she was the conceited type. He recalled the name Robinson and figured she came from a pure blood family, or pretty close to it, at least a family with lots of money. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes as she continued.

"My mum and dad work in the ministry." She didn't dare apologize for his parents, no, that would ruin the moment. She was hanging off James Potter's arm, for Merlin's sake. Pity could come later. Right now, all that mattered was James Potter and that he was leading _her _in the direction of the Head dorms. She felt the excitement rise in her stomach.

"Wonderful. I bet you're the apple of your father's eye, a beautiful thing like you. I reckon all the Hufflepuff boys are after you; being that you're brilliant _and _beautiful."

She melted just a little again. "I have my suitors." There was the modesty again. They had reached the portrait by then and just in time. James was beginning to feel the first effects of the Ecstasy taking over. His mouth grew dry and his vision began to vibrate violently.

"Dragon Wing." He said softly to the witch, who didn't bother to hide her deep glare at the dark haired Prefect. She swung open anyway, and James led Jules in. The common room was still empty, and James led her across slowly making his way to his bedroom. Jules made no questions and he gave her no answers. Time to talk was over. Now, it was time to get down to business. _Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies._

"So, he said, turning so they were facing one another. He ran a hand up and down her arm and felt her shudder with delight.

"So?" She echoed, giggling slightly. James smirked and reached out to touch her face, thumbing her cheek and then her bottom lip. He leaned forward and gently brushed his lips against hers. The soft motion sent waves of pleasure coursing through his veins. He gasped, and then pressed his lips hard against hers. She complied with a whimper and he pushed back against his door, pushing it open. They staggered toward he bed, where she fell on top of him and eagerly began pulling at his clothes. With a smirk he pushed her robes off her shoulders and then went for her tie. Her shirt was off followed by her white lacy bra and then her skirt. James snorted at the thong beneath. _Slut_. She was pulling at his clothes again. He helped her slide his shirt and tie off, his shoes and pants and boxers following. The feel of her soft skin against his made him groan in pleasure and he was pulling her roughly on top of him, smashing his mouth against her.

Without warning, he settled her before him and pushed deep in, not even bothering to let her grow accustomed to his size before he began pushing in and out. She cried out, tightening around him. He groaned along with her and dropped his arms as she sat up, allowing her to ride him with all the bravado that the girl seemed to have.

She was good, he admitted, real good. Then there was was, crying his name, calling it out loudly enough that it echoed through his bedroom. He didn't care though, and gripped her hips in his large hands, forcing her to go down hard and faster on his stiff cock. She cried out again and he hissed with pleasure.

Fucking while rolling was better than anything he ever felt before. It was good for them too, James noted, because it made him cling to them and kiss them with a passion that was akin to _love_. He mentally snorted at the word. Not that he _loved _any of these girls. He had never shagged anyone he _loved. _Mostly because there was only one girl he had ever admitted to loving and she was downstairs, chatting with Marlene McKinnon and ignoring his existence.

As always, thoughts of Evans fueled him with rage; rage that he converted into passion and he flipped them over, plowing into her with such fervor that he knew Jules would have trouble walking the next morning. _Perfect_.

She clutched at his shoulders and her long legs wrapped around his waist as she pulled him into her. The little bookworm beneath him sure was a wild one and he made a mental note to keep her in mind whenever he felt up for a good shag.

"Oh, James!" She cried loudly as the first of her spasms began. Her inner walls tightened around him and he howled in pleasure. Soon, his own crashing waves of sexual ecstasy followed and he fell on top of her, sweaty body under sweaty body.

He quickly rolled off, not wanting to crush her under his weight. He sighed loudly, the foreign chemicals in his system forcing energy though his veins. He was ready for round two, but she clearly wasn't. Jules panted beside him, her eyes fluttering close. He frowned. Maybe she wasn't such a good pick, after all. He'd have to pick someone with a little more gusto next time. Somewhere in the time that they had finished and he had fallen deep in thought, the sixth year had fallen asleep. Her light snores filled the otherwise silence, striking a nerve deep within him.

Who did she think she was, falling asleep in his bed? He nudged her in an attempt to wake her up so he could promptly toss her out. No such luck. She was in a deep slumber, albeit a rather happy smile on her perfect lips. He gave up, rolling his eyes and pulling himself out of bed. He looked around on the dark floor for something to put on and eventually found his boxers. He slipped them on, fixed his glasses on his nose and marched straight out the door and straight into someone else.

The small figure stepped back and into the moonlight that shone through the large window.

"Evans." James whispered. Green eyes bore into hazel ones.

"You broke Rule Number Three."


	4. I've Just Seen a Face

Chapter Four: I've Just Seen A Face

Sirius Black whistled as he strolled down the corridors that led to the large courtyard on the Hogwarts grounds. It was the perfect hang out spot, and most students spent their time lounging outside on the grass in groups, enjoying the still slightly warm weather before the cold English winter settled in.

Remus and Peter followed him in silence; the three man front causing a ripple of heads to move in their direction. They seemed to wield a power, even without their supposed ring leader. Alone, they could command attention. Together, they practically owned the place. Everyone watched them with anticipation, curious eyes following their every move. The group of girls sitting on the ledge of the fountain pulled at their hair and bore girlish grins.

Sirius rolled his eyes. Their brainless, sputtering attitudes were rather sickening and he quickly grew bored of the loyal following that were always near and never far behind. It was no fun if there was no chase, Prong's words echoed through the young man's brain. And Prongs was ace at that. He spent all his time and energy doing the _chase_. But there weren't many girls like Evans around, something he was thankful for. But then again, he envied his own little conquest, someone that presented a challenge the way Evans challenged Prongs.

It would be fun, he thought, to have a plaything like Evans. A girl that wouldn't follow his every word as if it were the word of God. He eyed the girls around him. They were all the same; the same giggling, groupies that were everywhere. Every girlfriend had been the same, along with every flavor of the week. His eyes wandered, pondering over every girl. Some pretended not to care, he'd found those girls who rolled their eyes when he walked by or flashed his picture perfect smile, but even they fell into a stupor when he drew nearer, close enough that he could whisper huskily into their ears. Then they became like the rest.

Something made him stop in his tracks. Sirius stilled like a dog scenting a rabbit. His brown eyes fell over a lone small figure, sitting beneath the shade of a large oak tree. "_Perfect_." He whispered.

"What's perfect?" Remus asked, furrowing his brows. Sirius glanced at the boy over his shoulder. His trademark grin crossed over his handsome features, alighting it perfectly. It was the face that turned girls into puddles of mush and the face that could only been captured on the cover of a magazine. With perfect ease he replied.

"I think I'm gonna go have a word with Cammolie. Something about that Transfiguration lab."

He started forward ignoring Remus', "But we haven't a lab yet." He picked up speed as he approached the oak tree and the tiny girl sitting beneath it.

"Hey." He said.

When she jumped he settled two hands on her shoulders to steady adding, "Woah, hold it, tiger."

Her stormy gray eyes rose to meet his brown as realization crossed her features.

"Mr. Black." She said. Sirius raised a brow.

"Sirius." He explained. Drusella only nodded in understanding.

"What 'cha got there?" He asked, leering down at her.

"It's a book." He replied deadpanned. Her voice was void of emotion. Sirius examined her, carefully dissecting her plain face, thick eyebrows and lifeless eyes. The snow white hair that framed her face fell into her eyes, the rest, ink black, was pulled into a neat plait.

Sirius shoved his hands in his pockets, ignoring the sense of dread that always came whenever he was around the seemingly lifeless girl. Why hadn't he thought of her before? It should have been the first thing he realized, when he met Drusella.

He played the James card. "What do you say to having lunch with me?" It was more a command than a question, and he studied her eyes carefully for any foreign traces of excitement. None were found. Only her brow raised inquisitively.

"No, thank you." She looked back down at her book. Her rejection didn't scald him, although it was something hardly ever done in his direction. It only fueled the fire and he leaned forward in excitement.

"Whys that?" He asked, almost giddy.

She rose a hand and pointed at a group of Ravenclaw girls that were sitting by the lake. They were staring in the direction of the two.

"They're all eager for you to ask them. I suggest you do. Perhaps then they'll _shut up_."

Sirius chuckled. For a depressing kid she was pretty funny.

"I doubt it. Might make them brag."

"That would indeed be no better." She ended, her voice still even. But she looked back up at him this time, her eyes locking with his. Then it was there, the slight traces of a smile in the dark abyss. His stomach flipped and the smirk on his face fell.

_What the fuck was that?_ She was still staring up at him, the tiny bit of laughter in her gray eyes gone. He backed away slightly, confused.

"Well, I'll see you later." He mumbled, turning around and walking back to where his friends stood. Remus and Peter had watched him the whole time, too far too listen in.

"What was that all about?" Remus asked, glancing between Sirius and Drusella. Sirius flipped his shaggy bangs from his eyes and shrugged, looking at the girl from over his shoulder. Her attention was once again to the book in her lap.

"Freak."

James frowned as he stared at her closed door. Lily was ignoring him. Again. But this time, her silence seemed fueled by something other than pure distaste. Was she _angry_? He pondered the idea several times before giving into the irritation the nipped at his head, asking him why he cared. She had been there, listened to the whole thing. He hadn't bothered casting a silencing charm. He'd thought the dorm room was empty. But Lily had been there, listening as Jules Anderson screamed his name, begging him to go faster, _ harder_.

The look in her green eyes startled him. They were full of emotion, glistening. _She was crying_, he realized only later, after she turned her back to him and practically ran to her bedroom.

Why was Evans crying? He had never thought the idea of him shagging another girl in his bedroom would be something that would make her cry. Maybe retch or infuriate but never _cry_. A voice inside his head cheered victoriously. The crystal tears in her eyes were a sign of her true feelings. Evans _did _care about him.

But something inside refused to let it get to him. He couldn't. If she didn't hate him before, she certainly would now. She had locked herself in her room, refusing to answer him even when he banged on her door and informed her that it was time for breakfast.

He sighed exasperatedly and ran a hand roughly through his already mussed up hair. Could he do _anything _right? If he chased her, she got mad. If he fucked another girl, she got mad. What did she want from him?

Angry, he let her be and stormed out of the dorm and downstairs in search of his mates. Whatever, he thought bitterly, his pace the quick, eager movements that were signs of his irritation. People, who normally stared at him in utter worship jumped out of his way, knowing that rapid motion all too well. Evans had pissed him off, and it was better to stay out of the wake of his anger, if one didn't wish to be hexed into oblivion.

Jules hadn't spoken to him all day, _thank Merlin_. Most girls thought the previous evening was an invitation to plant themselves permanently on his arm. It annoyed him to no end. That's when the cold, chauvinistic James came out. He'd insult them, belittle them until they ran off sobbing like the little girls they really were. He'd tear his gaze from them, going about his life like nothing had happened. And no one said anything. Why would they? He was James _fucking _Potter.

He had the presence of a Greek god, striking fear into the hearts of thousands, albeit the reverence of the utmost obsession and praise. It hadn't taken long to reach that point. By second year he was already filling out into the handsome boy he would be later, and people _noticed._ Girls noticed. He walked with his back straight, his face cool and collected, and he _owned the place. _It wasn't long before people followed suit, and he-and his three friends-became practically gods to these people. It had once brought him excitement. After all, who didn't delight in popularity? Girls had thrown themselves at him. Guys dared not challenge him. Only a few stupid few chose to speak out against him, but were considerably not worth the effort of caring.

But now it was old. Now it was down right irritating. He agreed with Sirius on this, who practically had to wrench girls off his arm. He didn't care about them, hadn't they realized yet? If they had, they didn't care. It pissed him off that they flocked after him, stupidly, and then cried unnecessarily at their own idiotic choices.

Somehow, Evans had become one of them, must to his dismay. She had always been perfectly stable; never crossing into the uncharted territory that was _liking _James Potter. He had grown accustomed to that and almost reveled in her stony glares and ground out words. They were what he needed, his perfect explanation as to why he was doing what he was doing. Without it, it all seemed wrong and guilt kicked in.

He didn't want to feel guilty. It was right up there with feeling sad or feeling heartbroken. Feeling angry was the only thing that felt _good_. He would plaster on the fake, careless smiles. He'd fool everyone into thinking everything was okay. What they didn't know couldn't hurt them and it was none of their damn business anyway.

He'd begun with the cutting. Slow, deliberate slits into his otherwise perfectly unmarred skin. It had been enough then. His eyes would shutter close with painful pleasure and the sickness in his head would be fulfilled. Memories would seep back into the dark caverns of his mind. Then, he needed more. The small blade lay abandoned. In its place were the drugs; their mind numbing sensations enough to cloud reality and wash over him like a wave of relief.

It wasn't as if he was keeping it secret, either. The Marauders knew, of course they would, they were his best friends. He doubted they approved, especially Remus, who he often caught staring at him with reproachful eyes. But in the end it didn't matter. Because in the cool chambers of his head no one gave a flying fuck and everything for once was alright.

The drugs had been enough to forget Evans, for a short while. He'd recessed into his emotional comatose, faking the boy that so many had come to worship. He was a shadow of the man they knew, but were too blind to see the self-destruction going on right before their adoring eyes. It was easy to play them, fuck with their heads like it was some mind game. And just like with luring girls in, he was a master at fooling them all.

He'd fooled everyone into thinking he was okay. Perfectly.

Sirius was sprawled out lazily in the grass and Remus and Peter were beside him, a book in Remus' hands. Sirius sat up when his eyes landed on James' approaching figure.

"Where have you been?" He asked coolly, leaning back on his forearms. James rolled his eyes and fell into the spot between Peter and Remus.

"None of your god damn business, that's where. And what's up with you, chasing after Drusella Cammolie?" He'd been informed of Sirius' antics and read his best friend like an open book. Sirius' cool expression matched his own.

"None of your god damn business." He echoed.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Shut up, both of you. Merlin, I wonder when you two are gonna stop acting like twelve year olds and realize that your mere months away from graduation."

Sirius huffed. "Whatever, Moony. I personally can't wait to get out of this place. Better out there killing Death Eaters than locked in here for another year being absolutely helpless."

James silently agreed. As much as he loved Hogwarts, the tall restraining walls kept him from quenching the thirst for revenged that boiled within him. He would miss the hallowed halls for sure, but only after Hornsby begged for mercy beneath him.

Remus glanced worriedly at his best mate. Just like Sirius, and Peter as well, Remus had watched the darkness take its toll on the young man. Day by day it grew worse until soon he was either furious or empty. He didn't know what was worse, the destroyed boy or the feigned happiness. Both made him sick to his stomach.

The silence grew between the four boys; a welcomed sound that hovered, briefly as the simultaneous desire for it coaxed all their minds. It was these moments that they treasured the most, when words weren't needed and they coexisted in a state of silent agreement. One thing on their mind-the future. Maybe the present. The papers were littered with lists of names of the departed. Not departed. The murdered. Names they new, names that showed no familiarity. There were names that stopped their hearts and names that made them sigh in relief.

None of them struck so close to home as the Potter's. The death of James' family had been enough to bring the four closer together, if it were possible. It was the deciding factor on their occupation after Hogwarts. Sometimes, it was the factor that made dropping out and getting revenge quickly sound perfectly reasonable.

Sirius stole a glance at James, whose cross features he'd grown accustomed to. His brows were scrunched together tightly, hazel eyes aflame with fury and frustration. The look that matched the walk and the walk that matched the irritation.

Damn that Evans, Sirius thought, his own fury threatening to break his perfect composure. James was his brother, the only person in the world that he felt he could tell everything and anything to. The only person he could tear down his walls around and allow himself to crash and burn. He'd never seen anyone wield the power that Evans had. She'd turn the strong, courageous friend that he loved into a weak, drug addicted shell of a man, full of hate and disgust with his own self. James hadn't grown to loathe her. He'd grown to loathe himself, a feat that filled Sirius with white hot anger.

He remembered that evening, the first full day back at Hogwarts. They had been eating dinner when she came thundering up to them, disdain present on her normally pleasant features. "Where's Potter?" She'd asked, as if she were asking "Where's Lord Voldemort?"

Remus, who always held the calmest composure around the fiery red head, answered flatly, "No idea."

She had rolled her eyes and jutted out her hip. "I highly doubt that. We have a meeting with Dumbledore in less than five minutes! _Where is he_?" She asked again, sounding very much like a Prefect. Or maybe the Head Girl.

Sirius had snorted in to his chicken soup. "Didn't you hear, Remus? We _don't know_." And he glared coolly at her, not bothering to hide his disdain for her. She sighed exasperatedly and rubbed the bridge of her nose, growing tired of their infantile behavior.

"Fine, not going to tell me? Whatever. Its just like him anyway, running away from responsibility."

She had been walking away when he said it. Cold words directed at her retreating frame.

"You don't know everything you think you know, Evans."

He'd been the one to say it, despising her snooty tone and fed up with the cruel way she referred to his best mate. Remus and Peter hadn't said anything, ignoring both his snarl and her look of confusion.

Peter's voice brought him back to the present. The sandy haired boy was pointing in the direction of the Astronomy tower. The haunched figure of Severus Snape came into the clearing, his long black cape billowing behind him.

"Snivellus." The word dropped from James' lips and like a secret code, the four boys sat up straight, staring at the figure. Excitement swept through Sirius. This was it, the moment that James acted like James and they went back to being the Marauders, with no care in the world.

He wasn't far from them, practically a few feet away give or take. They were on their feet immediately, even Remus, who put down his book and followed from behind, watching with his own eagerness.

"Well well well...if it isn't _Snivellus_." Sirius said, his eyes alight with pleasure. The inky haired boy stopped and turned slowly, dread apparent on his greasy face. He turned around, and found himself surrounded by the four boys he detested most.

"Sod off." Came his cool reply. Sirius and James howled with laughter.

"Gotten brave, eh, Snivellus." James asked, leering at the boy. Snape glared at James, hatred burning through his dark eyes.

"What part of _fuck off_ don't you understand, Potter?" His glare deepened. "Or are you just as stupid as your dear old mum and dad?"

James stepped to him, his wand out and ready to attack. A smirk crossed over Snape's face, his own wand ready in his hand.

"You're pathetic, you know that, Potter? Shriveling up into this disgusting little prune after dear ol' mummy and daddy get themselves killed? And turning into a bubbling mess after Evans refuses you. Seriously, have you no dignity? She's a mudblood, and there you are, disgracing the pure-blood race by being wrapped around her little-"

_Crunch. _Snape staggered back, clutching his nose. Blood poured profusely from between his fingers and he glowered at James, all the hatred back in his eyes.

"How many times do I need to tell you?" James roared. "Do _not_ _ever call her that word!"_

"Stupid little mudblood lover." Snape sneered and it took Sirius and Remus and Peter all holding James back from launching himself at the greasy git.

Remus glared at Snape. "I suggest you get going, _Snivellus._" He warned, hatred apparent in his own usually kind brown eyes. "Or you'll have more than a broken nose to whine about."

The pain in his nose had become too much, and Snape shot one last long glare at the four boys before trotting off toward the Hospital Wing.

"Stupid little fuck." Remus muttered, turning his attention back to the fuming James Potter. Students nearby had witnessed the scene. It would only be a matter of minutes before Lily found out about this, knowing the loud mouthed grape vine that was the Hogwarts population.

Being the ring leader for now, as Sirius and Peter were preoccupied with calming the angry dark haired boy, Remus waved at the staring bunch, inching nearer to the four.

"Oi, show's over. Get lost."

They complied, crumbling under the irresistible power each Marauder held.

"Chill out, Prongs." Sirius was saying, shoving his best mate to the floor. "He's just trying to goat you."

"Yeah? Well, it works every time." James growled. Peter sighed and squatted beside him.

"Just ignore him. He's a stupid little git anyway that no one really likes."

"I'll bet he's president of Voldemort's fan club." Sirius offered, a small smile on his handsome face.

"Probably got posters all over his dorm of him. I'll bet he's even got L.V. And S.S. Scribbled in little hearts all over his books." Peter added.

Even Remus laughed at this.

"Yeah, well he deserved that punch. More than that, too. What I wouldn't give to beat the living shit outta that little fuck rag."

"My my, such an explicit tongue we have, Potter." James looked up in alarm at Lily Evans' green glaring eyes.

"Great." Remus muttered, rolling his eyes.

James was on his feet again. So, she'd finally come out of her room. Her eyes weren't red and puffy as he assumed they would be. Maybe she hadn't been crying, but he was so sure he'd seen the tears in her eyes...

"We need to talk," she was saying. Her hands were on her hips, her hip jutted out in her usual bossy fashion.

"Maybe I don't feel like talking." He counted, messing his dark hair. She faltered for a second, unsure of how to deal with that answer. The glare was back in her eyes seconds later.

"You don't have a choice. I want to know why you missed our first important meeting with Dumbledore."

James sighed inwardly. Of course she'd be pissed about that. He'd completely forgotten about the meeting until that morning, when he kicked himself mentally. The question never left her eyes.

He shrugged carelessly. "I had better things to do, _if you don't recall_." The reminder brought a blush to her face and her cheeks burned.

She sputtered. "That-that was no excuse!"

James smirked. "Seemed like a wonderful excuse, if you ask me. Or you could just ask Anderson, I'm sure she could verify."

"You disgusting _pig_." Lily cried, and there it was again, the tall tale signs of tears in her green eyes. She was marching off again and he watched as she came to an abrupt stop, turning slowly to face him and the three other Marauders.

"The pills." She said.

"What?" James asked, feeling dread slowly rise within him.

"The _pills_." Lily repeated slowly, as if she were speaking to a four year old. "Why are you taking painkillers? In some kind of indescribable pain, Potter?"

Remus stood, alerted. Lily had just entered dangerous territory. Definite uncharted territory. A place she probably hand no business.

"What are you talking about?" He asked coolly, shrugging off her inquisitive eyes. Lily raised her brows.

"Oh? Then you mean to tell me they're not for health reasons? Maybe _therapeutic _uses?"

By now James was trying very hard not to panic. How did she know? Had something tipped her off? The dilation of his hazel eyes that night? The drug induced stupor of his character?

"Shut it, Evans. You don't know what you're talking about." Sirius growled, his fist balling up tightly.

She shifted her attention to Sirius. "You keep saying that, Black. That I don't _know_. Well, why don't you inform me, then? Tell me what I'm so stupidly overlooking."

"Go to hell, Evans." James retorted, his hands in fists at his side. He was desperately trying to calm his self, aware of the watchful eyes that had once again, surrounded the group.

"No, thanks. Now come on, tell me." She jabbed, enjoying the sight of him squirming beneath her gaze. "Does James Potter have a _problem_? What, something your mummy and daddy can't buy?"

Remus had to jump between them. He raised his hand up to James and said in a soft, even voice, "Calm down, mate. Don't do something you'll regret." James tore his glare from the red head, whose eyes had widened in shock when he began to fly at her. He gave her one disgusted look before rushing toward the castle, pushing through the throng of people that appeared around them.

Remus sighed and looked around, irritation evident in his voice. "What part of _shows over_, don't you people get?"

When the crowd thinned out again, he turned to Lily who was staring pointedly at the ground.

Sirius had taken off after James. Peter lingered back, eying Lily wairly.

"You really don't know, Evans." Remus said tiredly. Lily glared up at him.

"What? What don't I fucking know?" She asked.

Remus looked sideway at Peter who frowned. "His parents died this summer. Under the Cruciatus curse."

Lily's face turned startled. "I-I didn't know..."

Remus sighed. "I figured. He's really beating himself up about it, too. They were really close."

Lily looked down at her hands. She knew there had been something about him. Something that shone deep in his eyes.

And she was off, running fast as her legs could carry her. Sirius was standing at the portrait, flirting with the black haired witch, coaxing her to let him in.

"Sorry dear, but rules are rules." The bubbling beaut said with a giggle. Sirius glared at her when she fell by his side.

"Come back for more, Evans? Haven't you done enough damage already?" He spat. Lily flinched.

"I need to talk to him."

"No, you need to open this goddamn door so I can go repair what you've done. What you always manage to do."

Lily frowned. "No, now go away. That's an order."

Sirius howled with laughter. "An _order_? Evans, I don't give a rat's ass what that little badge of yours stands for. You're nothing but a self centered bitch who knows nothing about anything. Now get lost before I have to hex you."

"Try it. James will never forgive you." She challenged, crossing her arms.

Sirius opened his mouth to retort but quickly countered back. "What'd you just call him?"

Lily blinked. "Potter."

"No, you just called him James."

Blush crept up her face. "No, I did _not_. And anyway, what does it matter? You need to head back to your own dorm room."

Sirius ran a hand through his hair and stared at her in bewilderment. "You just called him James." He repeated. A flash of realization crossed his face and he stumbled backward down the corridor.

"You know you're just gonna break his heart." He said.

Lily was growing tired of his cryptic talk. "I'm _not _going to break his heart." She stated matter of factly.

Sirius paused and nodded. "Yeah, you can't break what's already broken." He gave her a two finger salute and left her alone in the corridor.

The witch in the portrait had watched Lily and Sirius' heated discussion in bemusement, and flashed a smug smile at Lily's blushing face.

"Oh shut it." Lily countered before snapping, "Dragon Wing" and practically prying the portrait open.

The common room was empty, moonlight pouring in and Lily felt an uncontrollable sense of deja vu pass over her; the soft pale light unconsciously reminding her of the previous night; his state of undress, his messy, sex tousled hair.

She heard noise from behind the wooden door with the name _James Potter _carved into solid metal. She hesitated for a second, reaching for his door. Her hand closed around the knob and she turned, her body in a trance like state as she hear the noise rise in volume from behind the door.

She shouldn't have done this. It wasn't like her...but right now, at the moon shone down on her, and Remus' and Sirius' words echoed in her head, all feelings of disdain and hate seem futile and infantile and perfectly unreasonable. Because behind this door wasn't the arrogant git that she had grown to hate with every fiber of her being. Behind it was the boy whose parents had been killed that summer. The boy who had the responsibility to take over the Potter estate. A seventeen year old boy who was thrust into a very adult world.

The Potters were Ministry Officials. Big shots. He had a lot to live up to, and had to face more questions then Lily supposed he wished to answer. Behind this door was the boy who was on the fast road to self-destruction. She had seen it apparent in his dead hazel eyes. Had seen it in the hateful way he'd look at her sometimes. The James she knew never stole those hate filled glances. He would stare at her with a fever in his eyes that secretly did what it did to every other girl in Hogwarts. Turn her insides to jelly.

She rethought intruding. He probably wanted nothing to do with her. Not now. Not after hitting so below the belt. It wasn't like her to be that nasty. What was it about James that made her behave so awful?

But it was too late to turn back. Her quivering hand had turned the brass knob around fully, and the door pulled open to reveal James Potter sitting on his lavish bed. The first thing she notice was the redness in his eyes. He had been crying. Lily's eyes widened in shock. Never in her wildest dreams did she ever imagine she'd see James Potter cry. Next she noticed his red and battered hands. He'd been hitting stuff. A large indent in the wall sufficed her thought.

He didn't demand that she leave like she expected. He sat and stared back at her with crushed hazel eyes clouded with threatening tears. And sitting there, a face contorted in pain, she saw something beautiful. For once, James Potter look _real_. He wasn't some sodding idiot, some pathetic joke. He was real, with real feeling and real pain.

And then it happened. Like a flash of lightening. He stared incredulously wide eyed as she pressed her lips against his and her hand cradled his face. The kiss came out of nowhere. Her eyes were squeezed shut, as though she was trying to pour every drop of emotion she could into the tender movement.


	5. If I See You In My Dreams

Yay-whoo. Chapty five. As you know I do not own anything. Nope. Sorry to say. Well-what are we waiting for? Let's get a move on!  
  
If I See You In My Dreams  
  
Sirius had found that taking long walks at night were very refreshing. Whenever something was boring the hell out of him, he'd go out to the hill by the ocean, inwhich he and Drusella had intitled, 'Lonely Hill'. And sometimes, he's secret crush would be out there. Staring at the waves crashing against the rocks. They'd go into that deep, emotion drivin conversation again. And sometimes, she wouldn't be there at all. And he'd sit there, thinking and skipping stones into the water.  
  
But right now, at that very moment, Sirius layed, sprawled out onto the grass, reading a very interesting Wizard Magazine about Magical Moviestars and such. He looked up to see a girl siting about four feet away from him with her back turned and feet cooling off into the lake.  
  
He felt a smile tuggging at his lips and allowed it to cloud over his handsome face. A few girls, sitting across from Sirius, were eyeing him hopefully and glared at the other girl whom seemed to captivate his attention.  
  
Though this, Sirius didn't notice. His mind wanderd off as he just stared. He didn't even look down when she turned to look at him. He just stared gleefully into her dead-like grey eyes. All he did was smile, and smiled wider when she smiled back at him.  
  
She stood up, shoeless, and walked up to him. He smiled up at her as she knelt down to come head leval with him  
  
"So, Mr. Black, staring something you do everyday?" she asked. Sirius went a little pink before laughing and nodding.  
  
"Oh yes, Miss Cammolie. I stare alot." he said flirtasiously. Drusella laughed slightly before looking at him keenly.  
  
"You flirt alot too, you know?" she asked. Sirius laughed again, eyes still fixed on the girl infront of him.  
  
" Yeah, it sure upset's some people." he said, indicating the girls who were looking at Drusella with every ounce of hatred. Drusella looked over her shoulder and stiffled a laugh.  
  
"Well I better go before Club Sirius comes after me with pitchforks and torches. See you around Mr.Black." And with that she walked back to her place, put her socks and shoes back on, gathered up her books and left.  
  
Sirius stared once again before returning to his magazine, smiling widely as he re-read the collumn.  
  
A boy with dark hair and a single gold earing, walked across the lawn quickly enough to knock a raven haired girl off her feet. She stumbled up, prepared to tell off whoever the idiot was who knocked her over,but instead she looked up with a freaked out look on her face.  
  
The boy's name was Chris Terrance and he was quite an angsty person. With a scrowl expression on his face most of the time and a 'too pissed to care' attitude, he was that complete opposite of her.  
  
Zsuzsanna Addams.  
  
She was cheerful and sneaky and pretty much evil to those she hated. She was a prankster.  
  
"Watch where your going Terrance!" she spat up at the boy. He looked at her with a softer face then he did at most people but then scrowled.  
  
"Shut up, Zsuza! No one asked you anything." The girl's jaw droped and she was about to spit something back when he began to walk away again. She bit her lip and screamed into her teeth.  
  
That stupid stupid stupid person! How many times did that dork have to piss her off? She knew he liked her, because he even flat out told her, and she also liked him but he was too uptight to give a damn about anyone but himself.  
  
"Christopher Terrance! I hope you burn in hell!"she shouted after him angerily. All he did was wave at her and kept walking. Zsuza stomped her foot on the ground and groaned.  
  
Now even though Zsuza was having an awful day, this left the Marauders to have wondeful, carefree days. Even young Peter, who was usualy found tagging along Sirius, Remus or James' side , was off on his own. Infact, talking to a very intranced second year girl.  
  
This little girl, Andrea Parker, was part of the Marauders second year fanclub. A group of annoying, love-struck girls who practicaly stalked the Marauders just to be around them. None of them ever realy talked to any of them, untill this one brave girl stood up from the book she was reading and asked to have a word with the nervous boy.  
  
Andrea Parker was very pretty. Sure she was five years younger then Peter, but for once, someone had taken a liking to Peter. She thought fondly of his dear friends, but was mesmerized and crushing on Peter.  
  
"So, where are your infomous friends?" she asked in a soft caring voice. Peter laughed slightly and looked at his feet as the two began walking.  
  
"Off somewhere, I guess. James' is probobly with Lily. Sirius is off flirting with some girl, most likely and Remus is in the library, would be my guess." Andrea looked at him. He smiled down at her.  
  
"And your friends? I thought they were always on eachother's tails." This made Andrea laugh.  
  
"Well, if your suggestions on where your friends might be are right, then MayAnn's staring at Sirius flirt with that girl, Jenna's watching enviously at Lily with James and Cara is in the library reading a book to get away from all the madness and to get a look at Remus. She's been awful sick and wants to catch up on her studies. Everyone's been talking all about Remus in my dorm and she wanted to see if there realy was such a thing as someone smart and good looking." It was Peter's turn to laugh.  
  
The weather was growing colder and the students seemed to want to get every ounce of Attumn that was left. So the lawns were crawling with students, young and old. Even some of the professors were relaxing outside. Head Master Dumbledore, included.  
  
"They're going to be stark raving mad if they see me talking to you. But that's because they've never had the courage to talk to any of the 'Marauders' except Cara who's probobly asking Remus about studies."  
  
And infact this girl was right. There in the library sat only two students. Remus, who looked very pale and nervous (Full moon was approaching) and a pretty little second year named Cara. A tab bit of dissapointment shot down through Cara when she realized that in her eyes, Remus wasn't hott. Just cute. But was extreamely satisfied to learn that he was infact, very intelligent and very wise.  
  
The two talked over studies and she began muttering stuff about how boy-crazy her friends were and how HE should keep and eye on HIS friends because she had a feeling that HER friends were gonna do something stupid.  
  
After about an hour of talking over books and exams, even O.W.L.S, Cara found it was time for her to go and cheak on her friends. She thanked Remus, said goodbye and cheaked out the books she wanted to study.  
  
James found himself busy with kissing his girlfriend. They never got past snooging. Nothing that would wind up with James hearing the pharase 'You're a Daddy' or anything. And that was enough to keep the two satisified. Kissing and hugging was just fine.  
  
"Well, I beter get some rest. Big Quidditch game today. Ravenclaw against Gryffindor. Sure Sirius will be there, along with the others. You comming?" James asked after pulling them apart.  
  
Lily, who looked a bit annoyed that James had broken the kiss, nodded. James smiled, kissed her on the top of her head before patting it and dropping lifelessly on his bed. Lily, inturned smiled, kissed him on the cheek and walked out of his room soundlessly.  
  
" And another intence game of Quidditch! Looks like Gryffindor is going against Ravenclaw. Hope they make this a mezmerizing game! Ah ha! Here they come.Ladies and Gentlemen, GRYFFINDOR!!!!!!!!!!!" Eric Ryder, the announcer, shouted. She, (Yes, she) was a Gryffindor fith year.  
  
The entire Gryffindor bleachers beamed with excitment as they filled the air with their cheers and screams.  
  
"And now. Ladies and Gentleman give a big round of applause for RAVENCLAW!!!!!!!!" The stands where the Ravenclaw students sat were bustling with cheers and excitment. Most of the girls were at their feet, stomping the metal bleachers to make that drumming sound. (I LOVE doing that at Baseball games.)  
  
"Okey. Our seekers, James Potter from Gryffindor,"once again the Gryffindor side went full blast, screaming and cheering. Lily was screaming and jumping up and down so loud, James noticed and smiled.  
  
"And Mario Sambrea, Are you ready?" The cheers from Ravenclaw got louder and louder as they cheered for their seeker.  
  
The two boys looked at eachother and nodded back at Madame Hooch.  
  
"Mount your brooms." They all did as told and went about fifteen or sixteen feet in the air. She let go of the golden snitch which showed off infront of both boys before flying away. The other balls were suddenly in the air and the game began!  
  
Marrean Striiter, one of the Gryffindor beaters, found a bludger racing after him and hit it full strength. It almost hit a chaser from Ravenclaw named Daise and went straight for Drusella. She didn't notice it untill she heared it's zoom and smaked it with her bat as if she were Ted Williams or something. Sirius cheered loudly and the other Gryffindor fans were staring at him as if he were crazy.  
  
The game was eighty to eighty when James caught the snitch. Mario, who didn't seem the least bit suprised or upset, shook James' hand and went back to his team. They all headed to the changing room, the Gryffindors cheering excitedly, the Ravenclaws, eh-cheering on a slightly sadder note.  
  
When they all walked out though, everyone was back at mutural meanings and the Gryffindors knew that the Ravenclaws had put up a good fight and were not ones to loose easily.  
  
"Whoo hoo! Good game, James!" Lily squeeled as James walked up to her. The couple hugged and kissed and repeated the hugging and kissing deal.  
  
"Yeah, good game James." A voice said. James looked down to see (she's not that tall guys) Drusella smiling. Sirius ran over na dhigh-fived James before rushing over to compliment Drusella who seemed suprised that anyone had taken an intrest in the way she played.  
  
Moments later, James asked Dumbledore if it was alright for him to invite a couple of his friends to the dorm for a nice celebration. After Dumbledore's approval he asked his friends to gather one girl each and they headed to the Heads dorm.  
  
Drusella and Sapphira found it a bit strange that they were invited to a party after Gryffindor won. Even Sapphira, who was a Hufflepuff, found it odd. Lily ashured them that it was quite proper and James summoned up some Butterbeer.  
  
They sat in a circle and decided on what game to play. Drusella suggested one called 'I've Never' which was a muggle game played with alchohal up any type of bevrage would be quite fine. She explained the rules of the game. Everyone took their buterbeer jugs (and since they're not using real alchohal, no shot glasses were needed). The idea was that they'd go around in a circle saying something that they've NEVER done and those who have must take a sip fromt heir drink. The first to have to use the bathroom would loose. And so on.  
  
James started the game.  
  
"I've never.............played I've never." Drusella scrowled and took a sip from her drink. She was a muggle child. And apart from Lily, the only muggle born there.  
  
"I've never........snogged half the Female population at Hogwarts." Remus said. James and Sirius exchanged grinns and took swigs of their butterbeers.  
  
"I've never.........kissed a girl." Peter said, turning red. James, Sirius, Remus and even Drusella took a sip. James had to laugh.  
  
"Dru! You've kissed a girl?!" he asked, slightly amused, slightly grossed out. Drusella nodded without any embarassment at all.  
  
"Yes. There's nothing wrong with kissing a girl. I'm not a lesbian, but that dosn't mean I wont kiss a girl." Sirius was grinning.  
  
It was Drusella's turn.  
  
"I've never....had any relatives be magical or attend Hogwarts." Once again James, Siirus, Andrea, Peter and Sapphira took sips of their drinks.  
  
"I've never........burned anything on purpose." Lily said lightly. Drusella, Sirius and Remus took sips of their drinks.  
  
"I've never had a crush on a GIRL." Andrea said mater-o-factly. James, Sirius, Peter and Remus took sips and they all stared at Drusella xpecting her to take one.  
  
"I said I'm not a lesbian. Get that through your thick skulls."  
  
The rest of the game was fun. The eight were having the time of their lives. Learning secrets about one another. Laughing over stupid things said and stupid things done. By the end of the game it was as if they'd knew eachother for centuries. Thankfully for James and Drusella, no one mentioned hurting themselfs or attemptive suicide, on Dru's case.  
  
"Well, I beter get off to the Ravenclaw dormitories. Thanks for inviting me James, Lily and good night." But before she could leave, Sirius offered to walk her inwhich he recieved strange looks.  
  
"Er-yeah I guess. If you want." Sirius nodded eagerly and the two left. Sapphira and the other's headed back too. This left Lily and James alone. Thankfully, the party had only consisted of drinks so the clean up was a sinch.  
  
"Hey. This was fun. We should do this again." Lily said smiling at her boyfriend. James smiled and nodded. With a quick good night kiss, the two headed to bed. Off to dream or in James' case, back to the nightfall inwhich all his horried emotions came rushing back into his head.  
  
I didn't like this chapter very much. It annoyed the crap out of me but I still wrote it. Oh well, I hope YOU enjoyed it atleast. That's all that matters. Anywhoo, some wild pointers. Drusella will NOT end up with James in this story. She DOES like Sirius even if she dosn't show it. She just realy admires James, that's all. And Remus DOES like Sapphira, if you havn't noticed, he picked her to be the girl he chose for the party. And though it's extreamely cruel, Peter falls inlove with the second year girl, Andrea. Petifile?!  
  
Well there isn't much left to say. Although I'd like to mention that later on in my story, some odd, creepy and maybe even sickining things are going to happen. Cause somethings got to happen between all four relationships to make the story more emotional. Like maybe a........guy to guy romance insident that leads two girls to trowing up and crying? Or maybe a best friend kisses his best friend's girlfriend? I don't know but whatever ti is I'll be sure to make it believable. Sorry to disturb you. Arigato. And see you.  
  
Oh, and also, please review! Reviews are like happy energy and make me write faster, and I don't know if anybody likes this if you don't review! So please, . 


	6. Lies And Dares

I do NOT own the Marauders OR Harry Potter. I am SO sorry this chapter took so long! I couldn't think of anything, to tell you honestly. I LOVE chapter two and one. Anywhoo, I hope you like this chapter one way or another. I'm upset that J.K wont write about the Marauders. It's so aggrivating. Also, the thired movie (which I saw when it came out June 4th) got me so pissed off. They took out some real good scenes. Hopefully, they'll be on the DVD/Video as cut-outs. PLEASE!!!!!! Oh yes. Enjoy. Lies and Dares  
  
James sighed. He wondered for the millionth time what he had gotten into. He was happy he was with Lily. Wasn't that the reason he hurt himself? If he were to never be with Lily, wasn't that why he begged for the blood? But this icy feeling spread through him and the temptation for the feel of the blade was growing stronger and stronger every second.  
  
Hazel eyes scanned the Heads dorm to recieve nothing but quiet and emptiness. At one point in his life, the silence would drive him mad. But now, the silence was comforting and he had learned to adapt to it.  
  
Lily was at Hogsmeade with Rini and Marquisha. And Sirius was off chasing Drusella. Remus was in the library, as he was always, and Peter was off somewhere talking to a second year named Andrea.  
  
As for James, he was all alone. The Heads common room was dark. The Hogsmeade visitors would arrive in an hour or two, so that ment he would be by himself for quite awhile.  
  
It's amazing; the things that go through your mind when your alone. The ideas are wonderful and even horrible. And the pain that you reside in can control you like a spell. Fact be true, he had disgraced Lily. His mind racing, the pain rising. How could he be so irresponsible and unloyal? Exspecially when she trusted him with every smile and every kiss.  
  
The cuts used to be so beautiful. So deep. And now, now he couldn't hide it. Nor could he controll it. He was getting sick. Insomnia. He had insomnia.  
  
He was scared. Yes, scared. He didn't know about disorders. He didn't WANT these disorders. He was thinking. Maybe the cutting led to this.  
  
He stood up abrutly. Something fell and clattered. James looked to his feet. He knelt down and picked up the object, holding it up infront of him to see what it was. The knife.  
  
And for once, while he had time to himself, James made sure he remembered this moment. EverY gasp and every wince. Each drop of blood ceasing his pain. How weird it is that pain can cure pain.  
  
Remus sat in silence. The library was completly empty. Not even the strange, disturbed seventeen year old, brown haired girl was there. 'Hogsmeade, most likely.' he thought. Remus couldn't help but feel himself go red at the thought of the girl.  
  
His usual nervousness around girls never got this bad. At times he even had to smack himself because his mind went to wander amung things that probably only went through guys like James and Sirius' minds. But it wasn't a bad thing. He was seventeen and had every right to think that way. Heck, James and Sirius thought that way when they were eleven so no one could ever blame Remus.  
  
He was much like James, in a sence. He kept the true, the real, him inside. Over all, he was the quiet, wise and good boy but deep inside he was like all his friends, except for Peter ofcorse. Wild and adventerous. He longed for the smile on a pretty girls face, but unlike the other two, he had much more respect for wemon and didn't think constantly with his limbido.  
  
"Ah-Misour Remus hides in the shaddows of the books once again." came a soft, mysterious voice from out of the shaddows. Remus turned in his seat to see Sapphira standing in the darkness of the bookcases, holding her usual hefty load of odd books.  
  
"I see your here too. Not in Hogsmeade with the others?" he asked smiling. Sapphira looked at him with her quirky eyes and took the seat next to him. Remus felt his face grow hot but coughed back a 'James/Sirius' like snigger.  
  
"No. I've been to Hogsmeade enough to walk blindfolded. That and I doubt I need to buy more junk that I'll have to lug home. And what, pray tell, are you doing here? Isn't your group famous for galavanting amund the streets of Hogsmeade as in the halls here?" Remus chuckled softly. He could see Professor Dende glare at him lightly from the moonlight. Two more days and he'd be running out there with a dog, a stag and a rat. Two more days untill the pain took over. He gulped thinking of the horror that was to come.  
  
"I-er....James got detention......and Sirius is...off with Drusella Cammolie I believe. Peter should be off, as he said, chatting with Andrea....so that leaves me to study here in the library." Sapphira nodded lightly and pulled out a rather large book. Remus lent over to see what it was called and laughed out loud at it's strange title.  
  
'When Aliens Take Over Earth and Future Disasters'. Sapphira eyed him icily before clearing her throught to voice her oppinion.  
  
"I do not find anything wrong with good news about whats to come when I am older." she said satisfactually. Remus looked at her disbelievingly before going red and looking down quickly.  
  
"Er-sorry. I just.....didn't expect Aliens to be part of my future." Sapphira looked at him skepticly before standing up and giving him a weird smile.  
  
"Well, you learn a new and great thing everyday. I doubt the Aliens expect to run into you in the future, now do they?" She walked off, leaving Remus with a confused and odd look on his face.  
  
Sirius Black smiled weakly at the girl who was leaning against the tree on Lonely Hill reading a book silently. She looked up from the book and smiled a smile as weak as his. Instantly he felt his face go warm.  
  
"Erm-so....how've you been?" he asked wondering why on earth he was so nervous yet so calm around this girl. She smiled and shook her head.  
  
"I've been.........alright. And you, Mr.Black?" Sirius, who had never had a female call him 'Mr' anything, jumped and blinked annoyingly.  
  
"I'm good.....mind calling me Sirius? Mr. Black makes me sound old........besides, I don't want people to think that calling me by that last name is any joy to me." She stood up and looked at him quizzingly.  
  
"It'd be a shame. After all, Sirius, if your dreams to marry ever come true, your lovely wife will share the sur name 'Black' with you." she said as if warning him about something dangerous. Sirius sighed. He hadn't have thought about that. He didn't want to disgust the name of his love with the name that abandond him. He began to think like a child and grinned suggestively.  
  
"I don't know about that......how does Drusella Black sound?" he asked playfully. He went red, as she did. She blinked and opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out.  
  
"Sounds good to me. Pretty name. Drusella.......Can't you just imagine it? Sirius and Drusella Black?" he asked mimiking James. Drusella smiled with the 'your real pathetic' look on her face and shoved him into the snow. It was nearing Christmas and the outside looked lovely.  
  
Sirius laughed and spit out a mouthfull of snow.  
  
"Ah-fistey! I like 'em that way!" he said pulling her down in the snow next to him. Drusella looked at him as if figuring something hard out.  
  
"Yes. Yes. The fisety and devonare Drusella Black killed her husband Sirius Black because he dared to put the moves on his best friend's wife!!!!" she shouted in a new reporter woman like voice. Sirius let out his usual bark-like laugh.  
  
"What a WOMAN!!!!" he shouted loud enough for anyone in the next ten to fifteen miles away could hear. Drusella laughed loudly and rolled both her and him in through the snow, so they were inches from the side of the cliff.  
  
"Now......this is comfortable." she muttered sarcasticly from underneath him. He laughed and smiled evily. He was right ontop of her.  
  
"Mind moving?" came her voice again. Sirius grinned even wider and sat up a bit but only to turn so he was sitting with his back to her face, still ontop of the girl. He sat up and leaned back, shoving his hands in the snow behind him on either side of her head.  
  
"Ahh......this is real comfortable. Hey Dru-you should try this sometime. "he said sighing with relief. He chucked when he heared her grunt in agony.  
  
"I wish....Your heavy, you know? I'm suprised the girls still like you after having over a hundred pounds of weight ontop of them!" Drusella shouted trying to push Sirius off her, but failing miserably.  
  
"I don't know about being heavy. I work out alot. It's probobly all muscle." She laughed annoyingly at that and kept trying to shove him off.  
  
"I think I'll stay like this......hummmm....more comfortable then those beds in the boys dorms." he said jokingly. He heared her give and exasperated sigh.  
  
"Look, I'll get off if you do something for me." he said grinning his evil grin. He felt her shuffle uncomfortably under him and then heared her say 'Tell me'.  
  
"You gotta kiss me after the next game between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor...infront of everybody!"  
  
"What?! No way!" she shouted devencively. He laughed monsterously.  
  
"Realy now? Well I can always get used to this-"  
  
"Er-okey! But you have to do something in return." The smile whiped off Sirius' face and he looked at the tree.  
  
"Sure. You name it." He heared her laugh evilly.  
  
"You have to let me write a song about you!" Sirius smiled again.  
  
"Alright! Then you have to go out with me!"  
  
"Okey. Then you have to admit to the whole school that your taken!" Sirius laughed and turned around so he was over her, their faces inches away.  
  
"Deals on!" Drusella laughed and put her hand out. They shook on it.  
  
"Deals on!"  
  
Lily walked into Hogwarts smiling cheerfully. Her cheeks pink from the cold. She had had a blast and couldn't wait to give her boyfriend the rose she had bought him. Yes, it wasn't as romantic as him giving her one, but sometimes she could be a real femminist and want to do everything the guy did so.....  
  
The Heads dorm was quiet and still. Lily's brow furred, Remus had said James would be up waiting for her. But it was dark and quiet. And no one was awake when she whispered Lumos. She walked through the bathroom door to his room, but it was completely empty.  
  
"James?" she asked aloud. No answer. She called it once again. Still silence. She looked around his room confused and turned to leave. But just as she exited the door frame something shiny and metal caught her eye. She walked back to pick whatever it was up, only to see it covered in blood.  
  
She gasped and dropped the knife when she heared someone growl angerily from the door frame.  
  
Golly Gosh! Chapter six!!!!!! I like this chapter. What about you? I think Sapphira is so funny!!!!!! Er-something unexpected might happen around chapter 10? Yes, I think. BTW has anyone heared that song 'Wiskey Lulluby'? I absolutly LOVE it! It's so sad! ::sniffles:: Well enjoy!!! 


	7. More Then That

**Yay! I'm back. You know the drill. I don't own anything..........isn't it kind of sad? I wish I owned Harry Potter............or the Marauders......I really do. Anywhoo, remember me asking about the Wiskey Lullaby song? Well I can't get it out of my head so....if I write something about it over throughout the story, don't blame me! I'm stuck...........  
  
_More Then That_**

The next day, at dinner time, the four Marauders were sitting in the Great Hall, discussing the days adventures and what had gone on. Remus mentioned how Lily looked upset throughout the day and questioned James on this.  
  
"Er-we got in a fight.....I kind of got rough I guess.....yelled at her alot. I guess I over reacted. She was in my room and I realy didn't want guests at that moment so......It's nothing. Realy." James said in one breath. He knew that wasn't true. He seriously had screwed things up. It wasn't 'nothing'. First off, he had broke his promise. Something he NEVER wanted to do. Then he hurt himself, hurting Lily with him. Then he rounded on her and snapped. Got her scared. Another thing he hated to do. The pain beconed him once again. Blood thriving for the pain.  
  
"Hey-I'm tired. I'll see you all in the morning. Big day tommarrow. OWLs." James said standing up and yawning. Remus nodded and stood up too.  
  
"Full Moon tomarrow. Better get some sleep so I'm not tired Friday." They said goodnight and headed toward their seperate dorms.  
  
James swung open the door to his room and made sure Lily was out of sight. He noticed her taking a walk with Marron Kute outside. He'd have the intire dorm to himself. Just for precautions, he locked the door to his room and shut the window and closed the blinds. He didn't want anyone to barge in on him doing whaat he was about to do.  
  
James held the knife close to him, seering at the beautiful silver. Mezmerized by how intelligent an inanimate object could look. Bringing it close to him he let it lightly run against his skin. Tearing his flesh. Loosening the blood. He lifted it up upburtly and brought his arm to his mouth, sucking on the blood, enjoying the taste of throwing his pain away. He realized that the taste of the blood would remind him never to hurt anyone again.  
  
He brought the blade down again. Slicing the skin, inches away from his first one. At times he thought that using magic to hide his scars was a smart idea, but realized that the cuts reminded him of all the terrible things he had done, and warned him not to do it again. So the cuts were like a reminder.He winced when the blade ran over an old ct. One of his deepest.  
  
He cut himself two more times. One for each stupid stunt he pulled. Wiping the exas blood off on a napkin, James shoved the knife in a deep corner in his dresser. 'Good.' he thought. 'I feel alot better.' But seconds later, when he lied down onto his bed, his breathing became rapid and hard.  
  
He wanted to sleep away the pain. But his insomnia didn't allow that. Finding that it was just stupid, that life wasn't worth living, James wondered why he even bothered in the first place. Why did he bother living a life he didn't want. He knew he wanted Lily, he needed her. And he hurt her. And that that was the worse thing he could ever do. He had great friends. Friends that knew what they wanted. Their lives. Their futures. Their loves. James knew that all this was too good to be true.  
  
James Potter wasn't breathing. (Well literally he is but not mentally.....oh, you know what i mean!) He wasn't living this life, was he? This surely wasn't who he was. he wasn't one who took disturnbing, yet drastic, actions in the art of hurting himself and others. Too sensitive. Too intune. Too inlove with Lily, that it seemed as if nothing in the world was aware of his true self.  
  
And James just lied there. Just lied there without knowing what was to come. He had talked to Drusella Cammolie about insomnia and she gave him a pill that helped you sleep ovver it, but didn't get rid of it. And it always didn't work. But he was thhankful for it because he needed to sleep this off. He needed to go back into the real reality. In his dreams. He wondered, how are we sure that when we dream, that's reality and when we sleep, we are realy dreaming?  
  
And with thay thought lingering in his head, he took the pill and fell fast asleep. Not bothering to unlock the door..........  
  
Sirius sat in silence. The Great Hall was nearly empty. Peter had left a few munites ago and he told him he'd meet him and Remus there later. Besides the lovable dog-boy, there were about seven people at the Ravenclaw table and three HufflePuffs. Zsuza Addams was the only Slytherin at her table and there was one other Gryffindor that was a first year, who was taking her time, eating as slowly as possible.  
  
The boys attention shifted from the vast amount of mess covering the tables, to a certain raven haired girl sitting a table away from him, reading what seemed to be a very interesting book. His brown eyes stared at her as if she were the most interesting thing in the world. Tracing every move she made, from her grey eyes dancing on the page-to her chest rising and falling as she breathed.  
  
Sirius remembered the deal they had made yesterday, and grinned at the thought of having Drusella Cammolie-the object of his affection-kissing him infront of every Ravenclaw and Gryffindor at their next game.  
  
After some careful thinking, he swallowed his nervousness and worked up the courage to finaly go up and talk to her. Odly enough, as he steped toward the Ravenclaw table, every student at her table looked up at him, excluding her.  
  
"Hey, um-Drusella. Can I have a word with you?" Sirius asked, when she finaly looked up at him and smiled weakly. A shrill giggle shot out from a few of her female housemates, but Drusella did not, and she nodded, stood up and calmly followed Sirius out of the Great Hall with her book still clutched in her hand.  
  
They stoped at an empty corridor, a few feet away from the doors of the Great Hall, and his gaze shifted over her face once again. The look on her face was the complete opposite of his. Instead of grinning nervously and blushing she had a look of appease. Her grey eyes staring back into his brown ones.  
  
He began to get lost into them, as if they were bottomless pools of grey. Her intriguing and exotic voice filled his ears and broke him from his fantasy.  
  
"You wanted to tell me something?" He shook awake and smiled shyly up at his new found friend.  
  
"Oh! Yeah....I wanted to know if the deal was still on. You know. I wanna go out with you and all." A slight wave of pink flushed over her face and she looked a bit taken aback at first. Sirius was relieved to see her smile seconds later.  
  
"If your asking me out then I guess the answers yes." Sirius grinned his usual haughty boy grin. His eyebrows raised and he put a hand on her shoulder. Pushing her to him, he put one hand around to the small of her back, and the other still rested on her shoulder.  
  
He looked into her eyes once again, this time a lustful stare in them. He held her close, as if they were deep, true lovers and leaned in so the side of his head rested on her shoulder. She was quite short so he had to bend a bit.  
  
"Mind if I have a kiss before the game?" he questioned huskily into her ear. Drusella blushed lightly and nodded. Sirius closed his eyes and awaited a deep kiss, but was replaced with a small kiss on the cheek.  
  
Dru steped back and grinned widely.  
  
"I gotta go. See you later, Mr.Black." She turned and left a very suprised and upset Sirius. He groaned and hit his head against the wall and cried out in frustration.  
  
"I love you James." Lily whispered to herself. She imagined his warm body next to hers. His body heat warming hers. She missed his tuch. She missed his sensitve words that burned her ears when he'd lean down and whisper hungerily into her ear.  
  
But she was mad at him! She was furious. How dare he brake their promise. How dare he! Couldn't he have atleast TOLD her he wasn't feeling right. She could have prevented this again. But, gussingly, her constant thrive for a perfect relationship probobly provoked this whole issue.  
  
She had stepped in her room munites ago, wondering why she got so angry at him. She thought she knew him by now. After being absolutly infactuated with him for the past few months, she thought she could read him like a book. But she couldn't. She didn't see why he was still suffering. He had all he wanted, like he said, didn't he? What more could she give him. She gave him her soul. Her love. Her undying affection. And then it hit her-like a thousand bricks.  
  
Trust.  
  
She never had realy trusted him. She always imagined he'd betray her one way or another. It was so cruel. He TURELY gave her his all. He gave her his heart, his soul, his mind, his honor-his trust. She wondered, for the first time, if he felt like he was betraying her when he hurt himself. She had to talk to him. Comfort him. She had to tell him she trusted him. Because now she did. Now she understood how he felt.....  
  
The door to her dorm opened and Lily spun around and smiled weakly. 'Perfect timing, James. It's like you read my mind.'  
  
James' hair was messier then usual. His baggy black shirt wasn't longsleave. Just like an ordinary shirt. He wore baggy jeans, unlike anything Lily owned. His glasses were off, and his eyes looked as if they were always staring deeper then what Lily could see. So gorgoues...so intoxicating.....so surreal......................  
  
" Lily.....I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. I can't avoid it!" he said. She looked into his hazel eyes, they seemed to fill with water. She smiled and brought her hands out to him as he cradled in her arms. They sat on her bed, Lily's legs swinging off the edge, James siting completely on the bed with his head in her lap.  
  
Lily stroke his hair and humed him a song with no name. And it was beautiful. The most amazing sight you could ever see.  
  
" I trust you, James. I sware I do. And I just don't want you to get hurt, that's all." her voice was so soothing. James just fell asleep to it.  
  
I yell

When I'm feeling insacure

And I want you out that door

It's not just what I say

It's what I mean  
  
And scream

When I can't believe it's true

all of the stupid things you do

I hurt you more then you hurt me  
  
-Exert from "When You let Me Breathe" by my band 'Messers Of Nanashi.  
  
Hey, I did chapter 7! This was angsty....the cutting scene-but I realy want chapter eight to be angsty. Cause I have further plans for it. I decided to use some of my songs from my band in this fic so-I hope you like them. Anywhoo, more James/Lily romance. Some more Remus/Sapphira and Peter/Andrea stuff. I think you know where Dru/Sirius' relationship is going. (Oh, yeah, Drusella is from my manga. I havn't made up a good name yet. It's about this girl, Arisu who accidently opens this dimension while doing a saonce and realicing things from that dimension as they start to murge. Dru is a depressed wolf-girl from that dimension who eventually gets with the bi-sexual eangsty wolf-boy from her diemension.) Any hoopers,I got to go. I like this chapter. Untill next time, C U later Aligator!!!!!!!


	8. Help Me To Breathe

**I'm back for another chapter. I don't own Harry Potter. Hey cheak out my new site 's underconstruction and there isn;t much, but if you want me to post any of your stories, I'd be glad to. Hey, I got this new manga called 'Eerie Queerie' and it's absolutly hilarious!!! Anywhoo-heres chapter eight. P.S: I DO NOT own the song 'Duvet'. It's from the anime Serial Experiments Lain!!!!  
  
Help Me To Breathe  
**  
_And you don't seem to understand A shame you seemed and honest man And all the thoughts you hold so dear Will turn to whisper in your ear  
_  
It was Christmas time 1977 and the Christmas Eve dance was going to be held momentarily. Most students who usualy went home for the christmas holidays stayed at school just for the dance. Including James and Lily.  
  
James found his friends at the bottom of the staircases that night. He was dressed in his best red and gold robes, but his hair was still as messy as always. Remus, who was probobly the worst off of the four, had borrowed a set of robes from his dear friend of the most amazing blue. Sirius had brushed his hair neatly to one side, yet it still fell over his eyes, and he wore black velvet robes. Peter, who was looking very cute that evening, wore robes of brown.  
  
"Hey, mates. Waiting for the ladies?" James asked, as he jumped off the last four steps, earning a pleased and amazed look from Peter. Sirius grinned and nodded. He was lounging comfortably against the railing of the Great Stair Case which was a lovely shade of gold.  
  
" Thank you gor letting me borrow these robes again, James. It's just that....I wish I could aford my own....but mum insists I save all my money from my summer job to by myself a flat-" James chuckled at Remus' constant babaling and patted him on the shoulder.  
  
"Don't worry about it Moony. I have enough robes to start my own robe shop." His friends through their heads back in laughter. They began to talk about life after Hogwarts. Where were they going to be? James on instinct mentioned life as an Auror. Peter shook his head in horror and said that he wasn't going near anything that would seriously cost him his life. James rolled his eyes.  
  
" That's the thing, Wormtail. To take risks. I mean, more risks then we take here and all. But....I doubt you'd make that heak of a......" James trailed off. All four sets of eyes rested on a girl at the top of the stairs. Her thick, dark red hair was in bouncy curls and she wore robes of forest green. It was loose so you could see her dress. She was wearing a green dress underneath that had seqens and flowers.  
  
James' jaw dropped almost suddenly as she walked down the stairs in a care of elegence. Sirius looked from Remus, to Peter, to James and Lily, and coughed back a lost snigger. As Lily reached the bottom of the stair case, James was in complete shock.  
  
"Hello, James." she said in a soft, misty sort of voice. James smiled and whistled low.  
  
"You look so......so beautiful........just gorgous........." he said softly. Lily laughed and blushed. She held a hand out to him and he took it, and giving his friends a sharp nodd, the two walked to the Great Hall to open the dance.  
  
Remus watched the Head Boy and Girl walk togeather, hand in hand, to the large doors and gave a heaving sigh.  
  
"Imagine. Just last year, Lily and James. Bet they would never dream of this happening." Sirius nodded and leaned his back against the podium.  
  
"James, defidently, but Lily. I highly doubt it..." he said scanning his eyes across the crowed. Already, couples were meeting up and girls were squeeling at how cute everyone looked in their dress robes.  
  
A few sixth years girls shot him Remus and Peter smiles, and Sirius smiled half-heartedly back.  
  
"I wonder where Andrea is...." Peter said worriedly, standing on his tip toes and trying to look over the crowed. Sirius let out his usual bark like laugh and stepped over to his fellow Marauder, draping his arm lazily around his shoulder.  
  
" Hey- don't get so worked up. She'll show up. But anyway- it's quite disgusting knowing a seventeen year old is daiting a tweleve year old." Remus sniggered and nodded. Peter went red and shouved Sirius off him. He turned to face him and pointed a threatining finger at him.  
  
" You've gone out with first years in fourth, fith and sixth year. In first year you almost daited a seventh year. Besides, as one once said L-O- V-E isn't spelled A-G-E. " Remus and Sirius laughed at their friend's sense of seriousnes.  
  
After a couple seconds Andrea showed up, looking very pretty in robes of torquies and her black hair pulled back in a braid. Sirius winked and ushered the couple off with embarassing Peter by reminding him that some things were illigal and that he should be careful.  
  
When Sapphira showed up in green robes, Remus went a little pink in the face and had a hard time speaking before Sirius hit his back in thought that his friend was choaking.  
  
" You...er....look very nice tonight. Not that you don't always look nice. It's just....er..um...I mean-" Sapphira laughed and grabbed his arm, dragging him to the great hall. This left a joking Sirius on his own, waiting for his date to arrive. He was happy he was going with Drusella, but couldn't help but wonder if she only agreed to going because their deal on 'going out'. It unerved him a bit, but when he felt a tap on his shoulder from behind him, he lost the disapointment and stared happily at the girl infront of him.  
  
Her hair was the same, but the qualified school uniform of skirt and tie was replaced with a balck dress and purple and black robes. They seemed oddly shabby, like over used ones, but it hardly mattered to Sirius, who was having a even more difficult time not staring.  
  
"Hey..." he said almost huskily. She gave him a small smile and said hello. They followed suit and headed for the Great Hall.  
  
The five large tables had been replaced with only two that sat on either side of the hall, covered in food. The decoration was imaculete. Large icicles and Snow Men. Even angels.  
  
The dance had already begun and James and Lily stood in the middle, clutching onto eachother protectively. The song was slow and Lily had her head burried in James' shoulder and couldn't see the look of pure excitment on his face. The song changed.  
  
Sirius was having a hell of a time trying to get Drusella to 'dirty dance' with him. She actually looked horrified. Both Remus and Sapphira were beat red at the song that was now playing. It's words; very sexual, and the way everyone danced, it made it seem as if they were trying to make love on the dance floor. McGonagal had to stop a few people that were getting carried away.  
  
Lily got low for James, who was grinning like and idiot. He spun her around and the two began leaning on one another.  
  
"Who the hell picked this song?" James asked playfully shoving Lily off him. Lily hummed and turned her back to him, rubbing her body against his. She half mindedly grabbed his arms by his wrists and was supprised when he pulled back wincing.  
  
"Ohh! Oh my God, James. Are you alright? I...er forgot." James blinked back the pain and replaced it with a smiling nodd.  
  
"Hey, yeah. But, I'm sure I'll feel better if you do that little dance again." he said as the bridge to the chorus rang out again. Little Witches were a great band.  
  
Lily laughed and continude pleasing him in dance. A few couples away from them were Peter and Andrea, who where trying to dance but always getting upsetting looks from Professor McGonagal, who was beat red at the lyrics to the song.  
  
The next song was a famous one of Little Witches. It talked about teenage romance angst and solving problems. James held Lily close, and burried his nose in her shoulder. His glasses were sliping off, and he occasionally had to push them up.  
  
"I love this song." he heared Lily mutter. James could feel the vibration in her chest as she spoke.  
  
"Mmm...hum......" he said semiconciously. Lily sighed and alowed silence to flow over them. It just felt so good to be in James' arms. Told her this two years ago and she would have laughed hard in your face. Truthfully, her crush on James started in second year and then died out in forth. Fith year she hated him and the summer of sixth year her crush started up again.  
  
She began to wonder why she was there. At a dance. In James' arms. At first she asured herself that her only reason for being polite to James was out of pity. But she didn't know now. It was confusing. Like going insaine. Half of her loving every moment of this, the other cursing herself for doing such a stupid thing.  
  
Lily was so deep in thought that she jumped when she heared Patrica Scott, one of the Little Witches, voice fill the room. Patricia wasn't lead singer but by far the smartest and prettiest. She had strawberry blonde hair that she wore in two braids and blue eyes.  
  
"This is christmas and as I see many of you are here with your romantic. So- I'd like to dedicate this song to me, Shara and Ragen's boyfriends and every lover out there." They started up a song called 'Christmas With You'. Lily fell deeply inlove with the song immidietly. It spoke of how no matter where you were, or your feelings for that person at that exact moment, nothing in the world would beat spending Christmas with the one you loved.  
  
A winter meets summer like feeling went through James right then and his mind focused off the song, off Lily and off his surroundings. He was left to think about himself. Not in a narssistic type of way, but more of a confused way. He was curious to see who he realy was. Over the past few weeks, he had lost intuch with who or what he realy was. Was he realy that deep and dark? Or was he exactly what people thought. He didn't know anymore.  
  
He was a nameless, traveling soldier at the moment. A confused and lost man. Drowning in his own emotions. Torn between his undying love for his one and only true romantic, Lily, and finding who he realy was. His family....were they realy his? A woman who worried to much and a man who was faithful to his son's manlyness. And Lily. The love of his life. His reason for living. It almost came as a shock to him. Realizing the postition he was in right now. Years and years of dreaming and wanting this. It was what he realy needed.  
  
Remus was in a happy state. Almost not believing it. He kind of frowned. Scars on his face, still bruning. And although he knew he had emotions for the mysterious girl that was in his arms, he couldn't help but guard himself, reminding himself of what he was. Was it alright to hide it from her? Would it be okey with her if he told her?  
  
It made him wonder. What was a real relationship like. Being the most wise of the group, Remus didn't settle for flirting with every girl in sight. He might occasionally but not as much as Sirius and James.  
  
Sapphira rested her head on Remus' shoulder as the two danced. He let go of his worries for a munite and alowed himself to enjoy the moment.  
  
A feeling of wonderous death floated through Sirius right at that second. A weird feeling like making a deal with the Devil. It wasn't as if what he was doing was wrong, no. It was certinly right. But he couldn't help but wonder if his semi-conciousness was the reason for his pain. A happy man. Full of laughter and love. Burning like Hell inside.  
  
What was it that attracted him to her? He had never wanted a relationship this bad ever. She was so unlike everyone. Not goggling dip- wadishly ( Is that a word?) and hanging on to his every word. Infact, he had never had this decent of a conversation with a female before. She didn't grin and stare at him while he talked. Nor did she agree with every single thing he said.  
  
Their conversation while they danced consisted of the most odd things. Perfection. Ways of escaping life. Jokes about love life. She argued with him. Begged to differ. As he said that there was such a thing as normal, she debated with him explaining her point of view.  
  
Her words wern't to the extream of intelligence. She spoke like any other person. And as their conversation hit Quidditch, he couldn't help but see her eyes dance with excitment about his intrest.  
  
"It's a mericle for someone like me." she said, looking off over his shoulder as the slow song changed quickly into a quicker beat.  
  
"A place where I can get rough and ready and not end up in detention. Just..sometimes I guess I play a little too rough. But injuries between the older and stronger men and the girls that just doze out mean almost nothing to me. It's a rough sport."  
  
Sirius laughed a little, mind so focused that his brain was throbing. It wasn't punch drunk love. He wasn't obsessed. Infactuated. Just.....it was amazing. All his life girls had spoke of the darnest things. Love. Beauty. Complained about how they looked. Lily and Sapphira and even Andrea and Zsuza were the only girls who weren't obessed. Dru seemed to be mellow with the whole thing. When he asked about what she thought on the subject, she just laughed and ran her fingers through his bangs.  
  
"White streaks. Think I care?" she asked, earning a bark like laugh from Sirius. He just loved it. Her mistque sense of humor. Her odd way of loving things. Just so diffrent. It was weird to admit that you were attracted to someone like that. Yet, in an instant, you figure it out. Her lifes no diffrent then his. No family. Her father had been in muggle prison since she was four, and was sentenced for life. Her mother died of a cancer. She lived with her brother at six, after her mother's death. He had a family. But she ran away after he left his children and wife for another man. It just disgusted her at the fact knowing what little family both of them had, and leaving his wife and kids to deal with it all. She never spoke to her sister in-law. Her cousions were most likely fifteen now. And the other eighteen.  
  
" Ladies, ever wish you'd meet Prince Charming? Well....maybe he is.." came another of the Little Witches voice.  
  
Come riding on a white horse

Dressed up in jewels and rocks

Amazing feeling kissing me

and laugh as we talk  
  
But Snow White is for children

but you have made me see

I've got my own Prince Charming right in front of me  
  
And what if he can't take me away (to a castle)

I like this Prince more anyway  
  
Don't need to wear a fancy crown

He mumbles bout his ex-girlfriend

I know he misses her but when he looks at me

that way the feelings cursed  
  
He dresses like a skater but that's alright with me

When I'm dressed like him he's breathless

claims That I'm more then just pretty  
  
And guys I've met are always so kind

But guys like him are too hard to find  
  
Lily smiled at James. That's exactly how she felt. James wasn't exactly stero-typical Prince Charming. Not the real James anyway. But he was her idea of Prince Charming. Kind and couragoues. Not afraid to stand out amungst the crowed. And for the way he dressed- well, it wasn't bad or anything. He wore baggy clothes. (Remember, in the 70's people didn't dress like most do now.....but baggy was still a simblisum of being an outcast.)  
  
" Heh, Prince Charming. How bogus." she heared James laugh. Infact, it was a laugh of disgust. 'What the hell is 'Prince Charming' supposed to mean?' he wondered. 'Do girls realy belive in that?'  
  
"Ah. Is the Head Boy. The rebelion. The infamous James Potter, jealous over the Prince?" Lily said, loving to push his buttons. He let off a Sirius like laugh.  
  
"Oh yeah. I'm real jealous of a guy in a skirt and tights. With long, silky hair. Nope. I got the Princess, so he can kiss my ass." Lily laughed and wraped her arms tighter around his neak.  
  
When the dance ended around mid-night, Lily and James were incharged of making sure everyone went to their rooms safely. He met up with Sirius and Remus and Peter, who were at the end of the line.  
  
" Hell of a dance, eh mates?" James asked as he walked them to Gryffindor tower again. eter nodded and a little red tint filled his cheeks.  
  
"Do....is it realy weird to like a second year?" he choaked out. They all looked at eachother. It wasn't nasty. Just as long as they didn't do anything.  
  
"Just remember. She's twelve and your seventeen. So watch what you two do." Remus said, a frown line appearing at his forehead. James and Sirius nodded in agreement. The rest of the walk was silent and after the boys had climbed into the portrait hole, James turned on his heel and headed back toward his room.  
  
He laughed when he found Lily sleeping on his bed. Her chest rising and falling. Absolutly fast asleep. James sat by her on the edge of his bed and stroaked her hair. A small smile drew over his face. She looked so peaceful.  
  
'I'm sorry that I've hurt you..' James thought. Like a porcien doll, she was. His angel. Every inch of her, meaning more to him then his own life.  
  
"I don't deserve this." he whispered, running a hand through her hair. His eyes stroaded down to his wrists. He steped away from the bed and began undoing the neck cuff of his robes.  
  
Lily turned slightly, grinning at the thought of James. She felt the bed go loose and opened her eyes. James had his back turned to her and was slippin off his robes. A small smile of curiosity and just plain pevertedness cast over her face as she watched. He was wearing a dress shirt and tie. Lily smiled wider as he undid the tie and began unbottoning his shirt.  
  
He sliped it off. Lily noticed how great Quidditch had done him. He had nice broad shoulders and a great tan. He wasn't overly muscular, but had nice abs. A blush flashed over Lily's face and her eyes went ride as he unbuckled his belt and pulled his pants off.  
  
He stood only in his boxers when an unexpected cough interupted him. He spun quickly around to see Lily siting up on his bed, red as her hair. He flushed.  
  
"Oh. Er- sorry." James laughed nervously. He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up. Lily gulped and began to laugh even more nervously.  
  
"No. No. It's okey." Time went still for a few moments until Lily jumped up and headed to the door. James walked up to her and grabed her hand.  
  
"Come on. It's okey." he whispered huskily. Lily smiled slightly and followed suit. He threw her one of his shirts and turned around so she could change. That night the two fell asleep in echothers arms, talking about their futures.  
  
-Monday July 12th 2004. Thanks for reading. I liked this chapter. V. I hope you did too. 'Prince Charming' belongs to Charie Patterson. A friend of mine. I'm still working on Romeo and Juliet Lied. This still has a long way to go. BTW, e-mail me anytime you feel like it. is my address. Well more stuff later. Domo Arigato. Graci. Gracias. Merci. Thankyou!!!!!! bYEZ.....


	9. My Only Love

**Whoo-hoo. Hiya, everybody. I'm back with more of 'Tears In Heavan'. Yeah, you know I don't own Harry Potter. Erm...if you have a true story about you and someone and you want to see it happen to your favorite couple in this fic happen, then e-mail me right away. I never have mail. - -. Okey...  
  
_My Only Love  
  
_**_Flash Back  
  
_"But....why?" a nine year old James asked. The girl that stood infront of him was shorter then him, but older. Her blonde hair was down to her waist and she had blue eyes. The two had been best friends since day one. Their father's were old collage roomates. And today- today something would happen that would rip them apart.  
  
"I'm sorry, James. But daddy's been transeferd to America so I have no choice. Mummy says that we can write to eachother all the time. And the munite my dad can come back, we will! I know this is hard." Tears began to well up in his eyes.  
  
"But-but, your my best friend. Your my only friend. And your family's the only other family of magic!" The girl smiled weakly. She put her hand on his shoulder. She was only ten.  
  
"Your my best friend. And I'll never have a better. Besides, in two years you'll be able to go to Hogwarts. I wont. You'll make loads of friends and everybody will love you." James looked at her, not sure how to take that.  
  
"Yes....that's true. But you WILL have a better friend. You'll have a boyfriend and forget all about me!" The girl laughed and hugged him.  
  
"I can't promise I wont fall inlove, but I will promise I wont forget you. The letters, remember? You can tell me all about the girls you like and I'll tell you about boys in America. Promise?" She asked, holding out her pinky. James smiled and hooked pinkies with her.  
  
End  
  
"Hey Lily! What are you doing in the dorm? I thought you were supposed to be in the Heads dorm!" Alishea asked, floping down on the couch across from Lily. She smiled up at her friends and sat up in her chair. Marquisha and Rini took seats next to Alishea and grinned.  
  
"So girl, tell me. What's life like living with James Potter?" Marquisha asked. Rini and Alishea giggled. Lily went scarlet and looked down.  
  
"She's completely smitten. I know he's gorgeous and he's your boyfriend and all, but exactly how many times have you two gone at it?" Rini asked, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. Lily looked up at them alarmed and shook her head quickly.  
  
"Oh, no! No! We haven't....no! Not once. We're still in school!" she said astounded. Rini looked over at Marquisha and Alishea and shrugged.  
  
"Realy? I'm supprised. Even with you being you Lily, I'd have thought you would have atleast done it once!" Alishea said nervously. Lily bit her lip. Her and James had this whole 'it's real good now' type of relationship going on. There would be kissing, and holding, and hugging, but they never tried to go any farther. It also came as a shock to Lily that James hadn't even considered it yet. Wasn't he known for best in bed? But she found it comforting that he hadn't tried to push her into doing it, or seducing her against her will.  
  
"Theres.....there's nothing wrong with my relationship with James. We just..........I mean....I don't know about him but-"  
  
"You love him, right? And why not just once? You've loved eachother six years, and have been daiting four. Your eighteen and you two are insepreble. Why not give it a go? Lance and I have. Protection, ofcorse." Rini interupted her. Lily stared at her friends. She didn't want to be preasured into pleasing her lover. But half of her started longing for it. Part of her wanted, needed and expected it. The other half was not sure....  
  
"But don't just do it because we've done it. Lance and I love eachother, but we've only known each other a year. You've watched him grow. And I know he loves you more then what people think. But it's all your decision. Your sitting in the passangers seat. You help call the shots!" Rini added quickly. Lily nodded nervously and stood up.  
  
"I think you've proved your point. But-I'd rather have this conversation with James. See you tomarrow." the Head Girl stood up and walked out of the dorm. Her mind began racing. Questions that never crossed her mind. Did James not want to have sex with her? Was that why he never tried? _No_, _you stupid girl! I'm sure he does. He respects you more then that! _Her mind scrowled.  
  
She found James reading a book on the History of Quidditch. He was sitting on his bed with his nose burried deep in the book. Lily cleared her throat to get his attention, and his eyes jumped off the book and onto her. He smiled his usual lopsided grin and motioned her to come lay next to him. Lily's eyes widened and she backed up a bit, recieving a strange look from the Head Boy.  
  
"What's going on Lily?" he asked worriedly, jumping up from his stance on his stomeche. Lily sighed and walked over to his chest at the end of his bed. James eyed her wirely and raised a brow in curiosity.  
  
"I think we should talk about.........about...er...well.....James, do you realy, honestly..like me?" she asked. She bit her lip when James looked at her with no expression.  
  
"No." he answered flatly. Lily blinked back tears. She jumped when his hand tuched her face.  
  
"I don't like you. I love you. You know that." Lily couldn't help but smile. He was absolutly the most sweetest, most sincere, romantic boy-man- she had ever met. Even with his strange split personality-two people she never imagined herself daiting- she couldn't ask for anyone better. He treated her as if she were the reason for life. More decent then any man had ever treated her.  
  
"I love you too.......so...that's why I think we should talk about........just how much we love each other." James blinked and opened his mouth. He fell to his bottom on his bed.  
  
"Oh...." he trailed off looking slightly embarassed. Lily smiled weakly. He looked absolutly adorable when he was embarassed. His black hair tossled and face red.  
  
"Lily.....if you don't want to-" Lily's eyes widened as he began to speak. She jumped at him and shouved him onto his back.  
  
"It's not that!" she said sitting by his bent knees. James was caught off guard so he was quiet for a few seconds. When he finaly got the nerve to speak up, his voice was almost croaked.  
  
"It's just......I like our relationship as it is but..........I wouldn't mind......proving my love to you......" Lily bit her lip and nodded. James didn't know if he really wanted this. It was weird. Before their relationship, he remembered thinking with his libido alot, but now....he would rather her fall asleep in his arms in one of his shirts and jeans rather then in a nigglee or naked.  
  
"Do you.........want to......." she looked into his eyes. James nodded nervously and kissed her passionately. Lily kissed back and worked her way up to straddle him. James placed his hands on her waist and lift himself up to kiss her again. She tore away and looked at him wide eyed.  
  
"James....." she started but stoped when she noticed the look on James' face. It was almost like the look when they were in the bathroom. Full of need, like his need for pain. James felt mortified. Why am I so scared?!' he asked himself. I've dreamed this a thousand times before! Why am I acting like a complete whimp?!  
  
He gulped. He wanted this, no- he needed this. But why was he so freaked out. What if I hurt her! Or what if something goes wrong! It could not only make us regret this, but it could also tear us apart! Things began rushing through his head and a surge of pain rushed over him.  
  
"Ja-" James put a hand over her mouth. He began to unknot her tie and unbuttoned her school shirt. Lily almost bit back a smile. As much as she feared this, she couldn't help but actually enjoy it.  
  
She put her arms back to help him remove her shirt and stared in happiness as his eyes widened in this sort of way. James' mouth fell open a bit. A surge of excitment shot through him. It was like the backwards feeling of being arounnd a dementor. Happiness shot through him. God did he love this girl.  
  
Lily helped him slide his t-shirt off and looked into his eyes. Although the fear of this jump still waded in her blood, she felt more confidant and more intuned. She realized that what she was doing couldn't be wrong. She loved James. More then anything she could possibly imagine. The two had everything togeather. Love. Happiness. And of corse the trust. And this would seal the deal. This would prove that the two were unbrakeable. And they both wanted this.  
  
That night James realized what things were about. Questions that confused him were answered. He knew right then and there that he'd never need anything-or anyone-else to fill in the blanks. Life wasn't about pain anymore. No. Life was about them. And their love.  
  
Remus couldn't help but smile. His mind wavering. He actually started to laugh and began running through the halls whooing. A few of the portaits stared at him annoyingly and one even yelled at him for acting so out of line.  
  
"Aww, screw you!" he shouted back at it. The picture looked taken aback and opened it's mouth to say something but Remus was long gone. He ran to Gryffindor tower and shouted 'Silly Goose' to the portrait of the young woman with a long golden braid. She shot him he exact sme look of annoyance and swung open as he practicaly bounced in.  
  
Sirius was sitting on the gold and red couch where Lily's friends had been earlier and was staring depressingly into the fire.  
  
"Great day it's been, ah Padfoot!" The handsome boy turned in his seat and raised a brow. Remus usualy wasn't this happy. The look on Remus' face was recognizable though. It was the look that all boys got when they were either in love or thought they were.  
  
"Lovely.." he muttered sarcasticaly. Remus' smile faded a bit and he began to control his excitment. Sirius didn't look quite as happy as usual.  
  
"What is it, mate?" he asked him, sitting in the lazy boy across. Sirius sighed and smacked back onto the couch.  
  
"Damn life........anyways..what're you so happy about? Some lass if I'm not mistaken, eh?" Remus' smile widened once again and he sighed.  
  
"I asked Sapphira if she wanted to be my girlfriend and she said, 'Permission from Alien's afirmative'........I'm guessing that means yes cause we have a date tommarrow night! Man, you and Prongs and Wormtail are right. Being inlove is the best thing ever. God! I feel like doing absolutly ludicris things. Jumping. Dancing. Singing. I even told off a portrait! I feel excellerated!" Sirius laughed.  
  
"Yep. Your inlove. That or on drugs!" Remus looked at his friend as if he WERE on drugs. A dazzy look.  
  
"She's absolutly incredible. Smart, sweet, and God damn gorgoues. Tell me, Padfoot my friend, what do I do on our first date? I mean....you've been on so many dates! Do I-I take her out to eat? Do we go for a walk? There are so many things.......I mean.....I don't know anything. What do girls like and all........you've got to help me Sirius!" Remus practicaly shouted. Sirius looked at him as if he were going crazy.  
  
"Woah! Woah! Calm down, Moony! First, breathe, okey? We don't need you incarsenated before your actual date. First, Sapphira is.......er well.......diffrent. She's probobly not expecting the usual. You know..........candle lit dinners.....romantic walks on the beach-er...even though we probobly couldn't even work THAT one out. Erm, you two enjoy the same things. Ask her what she wants to do. Girls like it when guys arn't always incharged. Give her a chance at the wheel, if you know what I mean."  
  
Remus looked at his best friend hopefully. It wasn't that Remus was a social outcast or anything of the sort, he just didn't get around much on the daiting leval. He'd been with one or two girls the past six years but those harldy counted as dates. This girl, he realy liked. And not in the way of infactuation. No- it was defidently love. He could stare at her for hours. And she wasn't perfect. Not like Janice Lin Fey. His very first crush. Beautiful, smart and everybody loved her. No, he settled for the imperfect sort now. Sapphira, in his mind, was special. She wasn't drop dead gorgeous, but pretty enough for him. She wasn't the sharppest tool in the shed, but he wouldn't mind toturing her. And in no way was she popular, but that ment the more for him, so he could care less.  
  
"Thanks, Padfoot. No wonder you can get any girl you want." The smile on Sirius' face faded a bit. Remus' brow curved as he watched his friend lower his head. Sirius was just the same as James. Maybe a little haughty- but still the most generous person you'd ever meet. Misunderstood? True.  
  
"Your having problems with a girl? Arn't you going out with Dru?" Moony asked. Sirius sighed and leaned his head back against the couch.  
  
"I don't know!" he moaned rubing his hand over his face. The sparks in the fire seemed wild tonight and were dancing with excitment. They filled the dark room with their bright orange, red and yellow flames, casting this glare on both boys making them look mysterious and more handsome then ever.  
  
"I'm just confused. I've always had luck with girls. And how's it I fall for the girl who reminds me of the life I hate? My 'blood tied family'. The darkness. How is it I fall in love with a girl who wont show emotion? She won't warm up to anybody, wont let them in. And it makes me so mad because she smiles at me in this way that I can't resist. And though we're togeather, mate, it's all because this deal." Remus' eyes widened.  
  
"Deal? You asked her to go out with you in a deal?" Sirius nodded his head solemly.  
  
"We were hanging out outside and I sat on her so she couldn't sit up and I said the only way I'd get up is if she went out with me and then she made me admit that I was taken to everyone and..........I don't know. I love her, I realy do. And she spends time with me, but I can't help but wonder if it's only because of the deal. She told me everything. Like she trusts me. Told me about how hard her life has been and how she learned that emotions were a waste of time and how her barrier was always and forever. And it's not just her. It's me too. How can I love someone who reminds me of what I hate?"  
  
Remus shuffled his feet on the carpet. He didn't know how to deal with this. Usual Sirius was the one with the girl advice. All he knew was Sirius and Drusella were both good people and good for eachother. They contrast eachother. And yet they shared so much. Pain. Disgrace of family.  
  
"Talk to her.......I guess...." Moony said slowly. Sirius looked up at him. Moony was a realy great person. He could tuch one someone with his words. But could he, Sirius, possibly have the balls to confront her? It was something he realy wanted and when he usualy wanted something he'd work at it untill it was finaly his for the keepping.  
  
"I guess so." He stood up and headed toward the portait. He stoped and turned, flashing Remus a huge, genuine smile.  
  
"Score for the wolf-man!" he said, in a voice just above a whisper. Remus laughed. Alright, Sirius Black was back.  
  
Lily laid in her lovers arm that night. Both breathing heavily. They had gone to Heavan and boy did she feel good about it. Though she felt naughty and dirty, it was the most wonderful thing in the world. He tried so hard not to harm her. His sweet smile. And she had a new favorite look for him. This naughty playful look he had when she'd mumble about their love making.  
  
She sat up a bit to see hazel eyes staring back at her. A smile spread across her face as she felt his arms wrap around her naked body. Lily imagined herself long ago. When the thoughts of being in this position with James was so wrong it should be illigeal. 'Silly little girl. He's absolutly the most wonderful creature on earth. He'll make you so happy!' she yelled at her more innocent self. She wished she could go back in time. Maybe then their love would have been more strong and this wouldn't have been the first time.  
  
"I dun wanna get uhph....." she mumbled tiresly. She grinned happily when she felt and heared him laugh.  
  
"Silly Lily. You think I wanna get up? It's ten o'clock and I'm still in the ......mood." he said smiling the famous Potter smile. Lily laughed and sat up, turning around to face him.  
  
"Still? Why, wasn't I good enough?" It was James' turn to laughed and he tackled her so the two rolled around and became intwined with the blankets.  
  
"You were perfect. I just want some more. Is that too much to ask?" Lily shook her head and kissed her sweet once again. His warm body next to her's felt so good. She leaned up and began kissing his shoulder and down. His elbow. She stoped at his forearm and squeesed her eyes shut.  
  
"I'm sorry Lily. But I was stupid-"  
  
"I love you James. And that's all that realy matters." James smiled and held Lily close to him. He was truly happy. Nothing could break this down. Nothing. Nope. He was in love and there was nothing that could stop them now. ............................................................................ ................................  
  
Deep in my soul a love so strong it takes control  
  
Now we both know the secrets bare the feeling shows  
  
Driven far apart I make a wish on a shooting star  
  
And there will come a day somewhere far away in your arms I'll stay My only love  
  
Even though your gone love will still live on the feeling is so strong my only love  
  
There will come a day somewhere far away in your arms I'll stay My only love  
  
You;e reached the deepest part of the secret in my heart I've known it from the start My only love my only love  
  
My Only Love- from Sailor Moon.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Not anything too risky I hope. Lily's friends are hard arn't they. Well, no body's perfect, especialy in this fic. I'm original, 'member? You realy didn't expect her friends to say "Oh Lily your too young!!" did you? From me? Ha! If your confused about the flash back you'll understand later. As for the Sailor Moon song, I said I was a big anime fan. Kanou from 'Ghost' or Eerrie Quireree, is bloddy HOTT. Sure he's a homo (who cares?!) and he's dark (Oh hell yeah!) and he killed himself (Er...maybe not my thing but cool), but I'm not complaining. He's awsome. I wanna hear from you all away from this fic. I wanna talk to my readers. Okey?  
  
Oosh, Romeo and Juliet seems popular. I'm working on it, I sware! I just need to watch Aladdin all over again. (Sweat drop) And Robin Hood. Oh well, keep those reviews comming!! La, la. See you!!!! 


	10. Taking Over Me

**Okey, I still haven't gotten the chance to own anything. I hope this chapters worth something. I don't know. I'm hoping it will be alot more angsty. Have alot more to do with the other characters too. Anyone read Princess AI? Well Courtney Love pitched the idea for it and it's wonderful! So is Confidential Confessions by Reiko Momochi. (Author went on her monthly shop for manga!) Oh yes, big thanks to my reviewers. **

**Damia-Queen of the Gypsi's-Thanks sooooo much! That was awful sweet of you. Thank you for reviewing!**

** Eight-cent-Plantation- Thankyou,thankyou,thankyou for reviewing soooo much!!! THANKYOU!!! Your awsome, awsome, awsome! **

**Forktopchick-THANKYOU SOOO!!!!! Thankyou for reviewing!**

** KLLRS-Thankyou. Your right. I just cheaked it. It WAS a spelling mistake but it's FUNNY!!! ROFL! Thankyou again. **

**Long-haired-hippie-freak- Thankyou so much! Thankyou!I will..I mean I have...I will again soon. **

**Aries Chic- THANKYOU SO MUCH! They are sweet. I like them togeather but hint on later in the story (It hurt me to write this part) so......they may not be perfect. **

**Lady of Masbolle- You rock! Thankyou. That was real nice of you to say.Thankyou for reviewing so much! I know.....I cna't freaking spell.....heh..heh....er-yeah. **

**Dee-Thankyou. I was nervous about the heated up part....and their relationship cause I'm a loner and I have no idea what goes on between two lovers. **

**Cracked- Holy freaking crap! Thankyou so much! My reviewers rock my yellow Birttish airlines socks**!!

**HI-THANKYOU!!!!!!!THANKYOU**

* * *

**Taking Over Me  
**

Lily laughed as James swooped her in his arms and ran out of the Herbology building. It was only early January and the campus was still covered in snow. Sirius Black, ran from behind James and pulled out a black camera.  
  
James dropped Lily and danced with her as Sirius acted like a photographer, shouting incouragments that made James and Lily laugh.  
  
The two twirlled in eachothers arms, getting warm smiles and grins of admeration from their fellow students. Sirius put down the camera and fell to his butt on the snow.  
  
"Thanks for the picture, Padfoot!" James said half way sarcasticly. Sirius grinned and shrugged recieving a laugh from the red head Head Girl. Suddenly Sirius jumped up and told his friends he had buiness to attend to and that he would see them later. James nodded and cuddled Lily in his arms, who inturn wraped her arms around his neck  
  
''How unexpected is this?" she asked him when the two were finaly alone. James' brow raised and he looked up sky. The blue and the white matched so well.  
  
"You mean you being with me? Well, I love it. This is my tourniquet, but honestly, I doubted you'd come around. I wanted you to, so I guess that's what all the pestering was about." Lily laughed. James had pestered her. Alot. Ever since fith year. He'd even get her friends to talk her into it. But it never worked.  
  
"I doubted this highly too. I hated you. You were such a big headed prat. But secretly, I longged for it." This time it was James who sputtered a laugh.  
  
"You wanted to go out with me? Then why the hell did you refuse? This should have happened a long time ago." he asked, bewildered and a slight bit angry.  
  
" Well it wasn't that easy. Everyone knew we didn't get along and so it would raise questions if I accepted just right out of the blue. Besides, you have absolutly know idea how it felt to be to be singled out from all the girls. Everyone likes you and you choose me over someone more pretty? That causes alot of disturbance inside the Girls loo and dorm, mind you. I never gave myself the chance to even try to get to know you. I just always thought you were a right git and Sirius was just some smooth talking jerk, Peter was the odd ball and Remus was smart but not enough to handle his comrades. And it annoyed me that you all were smart and that I couldn't measure up. Another reason why I never accepted." Lily said quickly. James bit his lip and nodded. This made some sense. He had to admit that he wasn't exactly the most sweetest or most leval headed person in the world.  
  
"But anyway. I blame myself because your not a git. Your absolutly wonderful. Your ccompletly the gentleman and your always there for me. Your the perfect friend and I can't help but be angry at myself for putting you through pain. You've been nothing but decent to me and I just turned my back because I thought I was the right one and you were wrong." Lily looked at James and smiled weakly.  
  
"Alright then. Let's drop the subject. Anyways, when do you want to meet my folks. I can tell you they probobly know more about you then you think." Lily went scarlet and she stared at James embarassed.  
  
"Hey, don't freak out. It's nothing but good stuff. I can't even get myself to find your flaws so it would be damn near impossible for me to point them out to my parents. But since second year I've mentioned you in my letters. Summer of first, I went home and told my dad about you. He said that I had the 'Potter charm' or some blow shit like that. I practicaly have a whole section in my letters for you. And my folks always wanna know how your doing. They want to meet you." James said, staring into her eyes.  
  
"I....uh.....sure. I would love to meet your parents. When do you think would be a conveniant time?" James scratched his chin.  
  
"Tomorrow." Lily stared wide eyed but nodded anyway. She was happy about this. She'd get to meet the two people who brought this wonderful man into this world. They must be great people, even if James didn't speak of them too well.  
  
_'What is this? A sickining feeling. Just give me up. There is no reason left more me to live. I can't believe it. I have become the alter of darkness. And this is my tourniquet. It's taking over me.'eeling of fear and confusion. Why am I so afraid? Why do I feel this way? I'm loosing my mind. I feel as though I can not breathe. The pain in over flowing. Why me? What is it I've done? I'm not living. I'm not. Why can't I just become what I must. Why is it I'm dying? Take over me.' _  
  
"Holy shit! What's wrong with me!?" Remus shouted flabbergasted. He couldn't believe he had written something so....so...so, well so morbid. He wasn't dying. He could breathe perfectly well. What the hell was he talking about?  
  
"Since when did you attain "holy" shit, monsieur Remus?" The voice snapped him out of his shock. "And there's nothing wrong with you."  
  
He turned around to see Sapphira standing there. He turned a deep crimson. Did he just swear in public? And in the library where professors could hear him? Now Sapphira had heard him curse.  
  
She sat down in the chair next to him and set her things on the table and smiled at him. Remus quickly forgot his shock at his poem and immediatly felt comfortable again.  
  
"There's nothing wrong with you, you know" she repeated. He felt something inside him flutter. She didn't thing he was strange? Well, this was also coming from Sapphira, who was known for her own weirdness.  
  
"I'm glad you think so" Remus replied. He looked down at the books she had piled in front of her. Apparently she caught him looking at her books, so she looked at the parchment lying in front of him.  
  
"You write poetry?" she asked, still looking at the parchment, studying the words written on it. Remus looked up a little shocked, then looked at the parchment she was staring at.  
  
"Oh" he flushed a little and snatched the paper up, "I was just messing around. Bored, I guess." She nodded her head in understanding. "So, what interesting books are you reading these days?"  
  
"Hmn... let me show you." She separated her books from the rest of her things. On top was a small red book with nothing on it, and she also set that aside. She held them up one by one. After she was done she placed everything back in a neat pile.  
  
"Interesting." He had to smile. Sapphira always had the most interesting books, most of them he had never even heard of. But there were also other things on his mind, like their date. "So, you wanna come and get some breakfast with me?" Since yesterday he had become more confident in talking to Sapphira, even though there was still a little tension between the two. Or maybe it wasn't tension, whatever it was...  
  
"Sure" she almost blushed. She picked up her stuff and they both went to Professor Dende to check out her books, and then left the library to head down to the Great Hall.  
  
Sirius laughed and grinned down at the girl that sat a table away from him. She was shouving food in her mouth and eyeing a group of girls who were giggiling on and on about James and Sirius annoyingly.  
  
"I hear he's going out with Drusella Cammolie!" a red head shrieked as if not noticing Dru acouple seats away. A brunette gasped and flashed a hand over her mouth. Another with dark hair nodded sadly and had a hurt expression on her face.  
  
"Why her? She's practicaly not living! I mean, I thought he liked happy people!" a blonde said confusedly. Drusella grunted and stared at them.  
  
"Maybe he does but he dosn't fall for stupid people so you still couldn't stand a chance." she said coldly to them before going back to eating. The girls stared at her shocked and turned abruptly in their seats to face Sirius who was holding back a laugh and smiling at his friends James and Peter.  
  
"Damn, that's the first time I've heard her defend someone." James said in a soft voice, grinning like an idiot.  
  
"What can I say? I'm a lucky man." Sirius said happily, stuffing becon in his mouth. Peter snorted into his milk before shooting Sirius a look of haugtiness.  
  
"Yeah, but Lady luck dosn't dwell on one forever." he said freshly. Sirius shot him a cold look.  
  
"Such deep words comming out from an uprising pedefile. I thought you knew better then to risk your life over my bussiness." he shot back much more coldly. James raised his brow in intrest as the two stared at eachother. A fake lightning strike shot between the two and James felt himself growing small.  
  
"Woah, mates, calm down. We don't need to biker so early. Besides, where is the ever lovely Andrea?" Peter turned his attention from Sirius to greet James' question with great pleasure.  
  
"Girls dorm. She's not hungry. But I'm bringing her up some food anyhow. She needs some meat on that pretty little body of her's." James spit out the eggs he was eating and Sirius choaked on his pumpkin juice.  
  
"Wh-what? You've seen her......her body!?" James asked morfully disgusted. Mordified, Sirius stared at the fourth member of the group.  
  
"She's fucking five years younger then you!" he shouted. A couple of students turned their attention to the three boys and Peter looked down blushing.  
  
"No. Not realy. I just mean.....I've seen her without her robes on and-"  
  
"Damn that's gross! You sick, twisted pedefile! Oh, God! Why did you have to tell us that! I can't stare at you near little girls anymore! I can't even close my eyes!" Sirius groaned clutching his head in dispair.  
  
James shook his head as an attempt to shake out the disgusting images and tried not to stare down at the blushing Peter.  
  
"It's not that.......................and she didn't mind......and it's not that we did anything...." James frowned. Peter had no right to be doing things like that. Andrea was much younger then him. It was one thing for his relationship with Lily to reach the point where they were seeing eachother naked, but it was simpily disturbing when it came about between a second year and a seventh year.  
  
"She's a tweleve year old for Christ sake! A FUCKING tweleve year old!" Peter bit his lip. People were staring. He couldn't see what was so wrong about seeing the real Andrea. She was beautiful. And he loved her. Besides, James and Sirius had done it before and they knew it wasn't out of love. It was out of straight damn horniness. And he realy, truely and deeply loved Andrea. As long as they didn't do the dirty deed, it was no skin off either of them's back to see each other naked.  
  
"Sirius, stop screaming. I know how old she is. Keep your voice down." he said softly. Sirius stared at him with a mixture of disgust and shock. Was Peter sane?! He found nothing wrong with what he had said. He had admited to seeing a girl five years his jounior naked and didn't deny it at all?! What the bloddy hell was wrong with him! It was pedefilisum and it was disgusting. Even if he didn't tuch her, it was wrong!  
  
"How can you.........are you completely insaine? Once it's just looking and then it's more. Peter it's illigal and wrong! Do you know what the teachers will say if they find out? You'll be expelled. You were seducing a girl of the illigal age. If it was someone a year or two younger I wouldn't have a problem but-"  
  
"Padfoot. Leave it alone. Neither have regreats so who are we to say it was wrong? As long as they know what it means, theres no reason for them to completly loose it." James said iritabaly. Sirius turned to face his fellow Marauder slowly. His expression was so flabbergasted that it seemed as though he were going to faint.  
  
"P-prongs.............yo-you.............I....uh........" Just then Remus walked in happily holding the hand of a pretty girl.  
  
"Hey Sapph!" James said happily. Sapphira smiled at him kindly and turned to Remus. "I've gotta grab a bite to eat. I'll see you later, alright?" Remus smiled and let go of her hand and instead put a hand on her arm.  
  
"Okey. I'll see you then." she smiled and walked away. Remus grinned happily and pumped his fist lowly.  
  
"Woah! Moony's happy. I guess theres only three good relationships in the Marauder world!" James said smoothly. Sirius looked at him angirly.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?! I have a perfectly good relationship!" he shouted. Remus chuckled and sat down next to Peter who was still red from the past discussion.  
  
"That't not what you said yesterday! You were all upset cause you thought you were inlove and there was no real relationship between you and Drusella. You said you were mad because you realy like her but you shouldn't because it goes against all your rules about disgrimnating the darkness."  
  
Sirius stared at him. A look passed his eys as if he were about to cry. He should have. There was no reason why a man shouldn't.  
  
"I.....I............" he said staring down at his hands as tears begun to fill his eyes. James blinked and Remus scratched the back of his head.  
  
"I want everything to be perfect......but they can't. It's just too wrong. And these emotions arn't supposed to be wasted on a ghost relationship. And my past isn't supposed to be so wonderful......"  
  
James stared at Sirius. 'Woah.......that was deep. Did that realy just come out of his mouth? I didn't think there was ever a deep side to Padfoot.' he thought mesmerized.  
  
"I don't want to love her- but I do.....and it's quite silly because I'm supposed to be strong....but why? How can one girl have such an impact? She's mearly nothing but a reagular girl. Just like all the others...."  
  
"Not realy. You find a light in her you've never seen in anyone before. She's not just like every other girl. She's like a special gift. An angel that only God can send. She's what you've always wanted and much more. And you find yourself waking up to her face even though she's not there. Sirius, this isn't just a fling. Don't force yourself to think that. Because you only get one chance and it's stupid to try and not believe it. There'll only be one person who can affect you that way and you should grab the chance whilst it's in your reach.  
  
"If she realy didn't share the emotions, she would have never stuck up for you. And just look at her. She's broken down her walls just to understand you more. Even if she seems unaware of your feelings, this is it! Don't let it slide just because your afraid of what she makes you feel!" James said.  
  
Sirius stared at him wide eyed. So did the other Marauders.  
  
"Loving someone isn't just a faze. It's a mixture of complicated emotions, and romance and a time where your realzing your true self. It makes you want to understand that one person better. It's where all you can think about is how lucky you are to have that one person and why you doubt you desverve it. Believe me, this is not a thing worth missing out on. Weather it be a relationship with someone you've always adored, with someone you fall instantly for, one with a law between you or one with convayed emotions as the seperation, it hardly matters! If your in love follow your soul. Not neccisarily your heart."  
  
"Erm......yeah........Prongs is right. I felt it. Er.....around Sapphira.......like a blast of....erm some screwed up hex or whatever. I......er, guess you should follow his orders....after all...just look at his relationship with Lily. Earlier she hated his guts and now she's....er..well....-"  
  
"Madly, crazy and happily in love with me?" James asked, raising a brow again. Remus nodded and began eating.  
  
"So..um....what are we going to do about......er Sirius's pathetic love life?" Peter asked bravely. Sirius shot him a glare which made him quiver but sighed when Lily came and sat down.  
  
"Did I hear something about a pathetic love life? Is something wrong with Andrea and Peter?" she asked. James, Remus and Sirius broke out laughing and Peter's jaw dropped.  
  
"NO! Why does everyone think theres something wrong with my relationship with 'dre? Huh? Why not something screwed up in James or Remus' relationship?! What about Sirius?! He's inlove but he dosn't want to! What kind of bullshit is that?!" he fired angirly. Sirius was speachless. James and Remus' jaw had dropped and Lily had a hand over her mouth.  
  
There was a moment of silence before Peter realized that he had snapped. Blushing suddenly, he too planced a hand over his mouth and slamed down in his seat, mummbling quick appologies.  
  
"Holy freaking crap, Wormtail. Where the bloody hell did that come from?!" James asked, more supprised then what you could wave a wooden spork at. Remus still was speachless and Sirius seemed to be blushing beyond belief.  
  
"I-er.....forget I said anything!" Peter said jumping up and running out of the Great Hall with almost over fifty eyes trailing after him.  
  
Sirius stared wide eyed at James, Lily and Remus. He was shocked to the bone. He opened his mouth to say something.  
  
"Wha...wha.....-" he started to say untill Lily noticed the hurt look in his eyes and spoke up herself.  
  
"He didn't mean it, Sirius. I'm sure theres absolutly nothing wrong with your relationship with Drusella." she said trying to give him her best smile. Although this was realy not a good time to smile. Sirius' eyes began to fill with tears. He stared down and shut his eyes, exiting that world.  
  
"Yeah, Padfoot. Ofcorse your relationship isn't bullshit....Wormtail just-"  
  
"NO! No....he's right.......................who am I fooling? This isn't a real relationship. Just some stupid deal....we havn't got what you and Lily have, Prongs............I must be fucking insaine." Sirius said suddenly. He stood up, hands flat on the table, shoulders bent and face strewden with tears.  
  
Lily sensed the tension between the conversation and sighed unexpectedly.  
  
"I've got an early Potions.......I'll see you later, James." she said, leaning over to kiss him. James kissed her quickly and looked at her with those hazel eyes. Lily smiled at Sirius and nodded. She walked away nervously as some girls scrowled at her.  
  
James sat down kind of upset and looked over at Sirius who had a blank expression on his ace. Feeling a little sorry, he told his friends he forgot something in his dorm and left. This left Sirius and Remus all alone.  
  
"Hey, come on, cheer up mate! It was only Wormtail, Padfoot you know how he gets. Prongs was right. He's just upset about what you said about him and Andrea." Remus said with a slight frown.  
  
Sirius shrugged. He wasn't sure of anything right now. Realy, was this whole thing bull? But Peter didn't know how he felt.  
  
"Padfoot, there is nothing wrong with how you're feeling. But atleast talk to Dru! It's the only problem. on, let's go." Remus said standing up. Sirius nodded and followed his friend to the door.  
  
All of a sudden a girl with honey brown hair walked up to them. She gave them a pretty smile and asked if she could have a word with Sirius. He shrugged and gave Remus a worried look, but Remus shrugged too and headed back to the dorm.  
  
"Yeah.....how can I help you?" he asked. He didn't know this girl. She was very pretty, alot more model material then Drusella. Alot more stero-typical sexy too. She was wearing a very short version of the plaid skirt and had tied up her shirt.  
  
"Oh, yes. I was wondering if you want to go with me to Hogsmeade come Valintines Day." she said, shooting him a nerovus smile. Sirius bit his lip and looked over up at Drusella who was falling asleep at her plate. He chuckled softly and looked at the girl. It struck him. He couldn't go with this girl! He didn't even know her name! Plus he couldn't do that to Dru. She had no idea what was happening.  
  
"No......I'm sorry. I have a girlfriend already." he said, smiling at the thought. The girl frowned slightly before looking back up at him.  
  
"Drusella? I thought it was just a bet! That's not a real relationship!" she said looking at him wirily. Sirius blinked and looked taken aback.  
  
"Oh! Er......well.....yes. But I- look, I like her, so if I'm going out with her....I.....oh my God. Your right. Um, yes. Thankyou! I gotta go!" he said slowly fixing the puzzle. He ran off leaving a very suprised and confused girl.

"James............"came a voice. James jumped up and turned around. He sighed of relief when it turned out to be Lily.  
  
"Hey, m'girl." he said holding an arm out to her. She smiled and walked toward him. Wraping her arms around his shoulders.  
  
"James.........why do you think we fit togeather so well?'' she asked. After that incident at breakfast, she had become realy concerned with her own relationship. James blinked and stared down at Lily.  
  
She was beautiful. As always. And he felt as though he were the luckiest man in the world. Right then and there, with all that was going on with his friends' and everything, he was perfectly happy with his relationship.  
  
"We're soulmates, Lils. I'm the screwup and you fix me. Plus, we look adorable in pictures!" Lily threw her head back in laughter and placed her hands on the sides of his face, pulling him down into a long, sensual kiss.  
  
"And, why do you love me?" she asked, seconding a question. This took James by full suprise and he almost fell back.  
  
"Wha?! Well, because your absolutly everything I've ever or will ever need. You kind of fill in my blanks, Lily. And although it wasn't love at first sight, I still think it was God made. And since no one else can explain me, I know you can, and that makes me so happy." he said taking her hand in his and kissing her knuckles.  
  
"And I love you for every reason and every meaning. You don't give up on me, even when I hate you. And you wont let anyone harm me, or call me names. So your just, my everything, James."  
  
He laughed and ran a hand through his hair earning a loud laugh. James eyed her annyoingly and asked what was wrong.  
  
"Nothing! It's just- I find it funny that you do that now. It was so annying. How did I not realize how cute it was?" James raised a brow and gave her a strange smile, backing away from her as if she were cursed.  
  
"Oh, come on, James! Your such a fricken loser!" He laughed at this and fell on his bed.  
  
"Now that's the Lily I know!" Lily laughed too and sat on his lap giving him a kind smile.

* * *

**Alright, chapter 10. Okey, this was probobly the least angsty of them all......this thing IS gonna get more angsty.....just give it time. Okey? = A mix between a fork and a spoon....if you've ever gone to something like KFC then you know what I'm talking about.  
  
That's all for now. Thankyou! **


	11. All My Life

**I haven't owned anything in the past.....nor do I own anything now. Except for the characters you know I own. Heh! Well, I hope you like this chapter.**

_**I Will Never Find Another Lover**_

Lily bit her lip. Today would be the day she'd meet Mr. and Mrs. Potter. James' parents. Since his father was close to Dumbledore, the Head Master alowed the Potters to come and visit.

They decided to meet in the front of the school around 12:00 that afternoon and right now it was 11:45.

The fiesty redhead looked at her muggle watch for the fortith time in the past half hour and jumped when she heared a man laugh from behind her.

"What're you so nervous about?" he asked. Lily scrowled at James and shifted uncomfortably in her Sunday shoes. She had dressed up for this occassion. A pretty green winter dress and had tied her hair back in a sleek bun.

"James! I've been absolutly horrible to you for five years and now I'm meeting your parents! I feel so embarassed!" she said in a pained voice. James laughed and leaned against the wall.

"Theres absolutly nothing to worry about, Lils. I told you, I haven't dared say a thing wrong! They'll love you just as much as I do!" he said kindly looking straight at her.

"Yeah....I guess....-Oh, is that them?" she asked as two people walked up the grassy hill. James smiled, nodded, and walked up past Lily to his parents. Lily looked at the two.

Mrs.Potter wasn't drop dead gorgeous, but she was pretty. She looked alot more like James then what she had thought. Mr.Potter looked as though he had just come out of a fairy tale. He had a thick beared and was quite tall. It looked as though he had once played Quidditch, seeing how his body was much built like James.

James hugged his mum and shook his father's hand which didn't come as much of a suprise to Lily. She remembered that he had said his relationship with his father was more on a bussniess level.

"Mum, Dad, this is Lily Evans." James said proudly as he led his folks over to the nervous girl. James' mother smiled and gave a slight, unexpected, squeel.

"Oh. Lily, your just as gorgous as James says!" she said happily, giving Lily a warm, motherly hug.

"Why thankyou, Mrs.Potter." Lily said, blushing slightly and hugging James' mother back tightly. Mrs.Potter pulled back and stared at Lily increadusly.

"Oh, no my dear. Please, it's Mari. Your practicaly part of the family." James grinned at Lily happily. She looked so right standing next to his parents. She looked so perfect with him. She looked so good on him.

"And I'm Matthew. It's a pleasure to meet the woman James hasn't shut up about since first year." Mr. Potter said smiling. James shut his eyes for a second and opened them back up to see his mother staring at him and at Lily.

"This silly boy practicaly moans your name in his sleep." she said absent-mindedly. James turned scarlet instantly and shouted at his mom.

"Oh, come on. I'm sure Lily knows that by now. You stalked her for four years, I'm sure she dosn't mind." Lily grinned at James, thinking how cute he looked when he was blushing.

"No, it's quite alright. Well, how about we go inside?" Lily said softly, shivering from the cold. James walked up beside her and wrapped his arms around her petite figure, placing his chin on her shoulder.

Mrs.Potter 'aww'ed softly as James kissed his girlfriend. She tuched her husbands hand who was looking slightly appauled at the public display of affection.

"Just what he needs, another distraction from Quidditch." he said, interupting the sweet love scene between his son and future daughter in law.

"Matt, don't start." Mari warned, staring at her husband. He looked at her coldly. James sighed and let go of Lily.

"C'mon....we should go in." he said slowly, not looking at her. Lily looked over at Mr.Potter who was staring back at her coldly, with a slight confussion.

She felt James' warm hand in her's and followed him inside the large brass doors. That was the end of his parents visit. Lily waved goodbye with a small smile, Mr. Potter said goodbye to the two and turned to scauld her husband.

He didn't even bother saying goobye to either of his folks. Lily but her lip in confusion. She remembered his discripstion of his father. 'A Quidditch infactuated jerk'. But she doubted that that was how he realy acted.

When they were finaly out of ear reach of his parents, and the large doors had closed, James turned to face Lily with an apologetic and angry look on his face.

"I'm so sorry about that Lily! I- I told you he's a jackass." he said angrily thinking of what his father had said.

"Oh, no. It's quite alright. I didn't find it offensive. Are you alright, though? Can you tell me what was going on?" she asked curiously and holding his hand tightly in hers. James stared down at their hands with a small smile and looked back into his eyes.

"He....when he was my age he was a real popular quidditch player here and hurt himself the day he met a woman-namely my mother-so, I guess he just wanted my carrer to last longer then his did." James said looking into Lily's eyes. Drowning in her pools of green.

Lily looked back at him admiriationaly with a soft smile playing on her lips. She lifted her hand up to caress his face and leaned in to kiss him. There the two stood, just playing tounge war with eachother in the hall.

James pulled away to face a confused and slightly annoyed Lily.

"I can't-wont- stop loving you until my dying day, Lily. Cheasy as it sounds, you realy are everything to me. And I WONT let HIM ruin it. I sware on my grave- he WONT make your life a living hell too."

"James." Lily laughed slightly. She stared into his eyes deeply and wraped her arms tight around his waist.

"James, right now your making my life a living hell. Just kiss me, God damnit." James stared at her confused for a few munites but leaned in and gave her the most loving, most wonderful kiss a man could give a woman.

"Hey, Dru....er......Hello Drusella........how's it swinging home slice?! Home slice?! What the fuck?! Hem.......what's going 'round Drusella? How ya doin, Dru-"

"I'm alright.....but you know talking to yourself is amoung the first signs of insanity." a quick but soothing voice came. Sirius jumped around and blushed deeply when he saw the dark thunderstorm gray eyes of the one and only Drusella Cammolie. He hadn't noticed her standing there. How long......?

"Er. Um, sorry........I was just.....er....well...." Sirius started off nervously, but Drusella seemed to get the idea and flashed him one of her soft smiles. Sirius smiled back a tad bit still nervous. It wasn't a large smile, but it was much more big then the ones she gave to anyone else.

"Thinking of a way to greet me? I didn't think popular boys freaked out and talked to themselves on how to say hello to someone." she said still smiling. Sirius' grin widened and he got his courage back. She wasn't wearing her robes, as it was a Saturday, and was wearing a black leather vest and a black and purple striped longsleave and bullet hole black straped tanktop with her usual chains. On her legs she wore black and purple srtiped leggings and clunky black boots. In place of the missing robe, she wore a loose blue and silver Ravenclaw Quidditch team jacket.

Feeling kind of preppy in his soft blue jeans and Avercrombie and Fitch (which was brand new at the time) shirt, he made himself a mental note to stop wearing clothes that pleased Mrs.Potter more then it pleased him.

"Yeah, well, even the popular guys get embarassed when talking to a pretty girl." This made her laugh and she whiped her head around. Sirius breathed in sharply amazed at how her hair blew in the wind and how the white contimplated the snow.

"Holy freaking crap, theres another Drusella at this school?" she asked, in pretend shock. Her face tried to straighten out serious, but she couldn't help but let loose the laughter. In seconds she was laughing like a maniac and soon it made Sirius start. After several strange looks and 'shut up you physcos!' from nearby spectators, the two quit laughing and instead began walking and striking up a new conversation.

"I can't wait until our next match." Sirius said grinning down at the shorter girl. He could have sworn he saw a light pink cross her cheeks, but it disapeard so quickly that he barly had the chance to prove it.

"Yeah, well, as long as Gryffindor dosn't win. If they do......I might kill you instead." she said tiresly. She didn't even bother to make it sound threatning, and it reminded Sirius strangely of Remus.

"Erm- Dru....can we talk?" Sirius asked, after a few minutes of silence and once he gained back his courage.

"What do you think we're doing? Anamorphing?" came her voice quite sarcasticaly. Sirius felt hurt for a second but it changed quickly into a look of pleasure. What a sarcastic bitch she was. But as long as she was HIS sarcastic bitch- he wounldn't have her any other way.

"Well I mean.....yeah, ofcorse we're talking but.......I mean.....about the bet."

"Yeah? What about the bet?" she said all to sudenly. Sirius blinked and sucked on his teeth.

"Er.......well, over the past few weeks.....okey this going to sound stupid and completly child-like but.............do you.....I mean, how do you realy feel about me?" he asked, ending his sentence in a soft, cool tone.

He looked over to meet her grey eyes. She didn't seem annoyed. Or happy. Not even confused. More like she was thinking about it well mannerdly.

"Your nice. What else do you want me to say? Besides the fact that you can have any woman in or out of Hogwarts....."

"Does that include you?" he interupted. Drusella blinked and kind of steped back. 'Damnit you freaking dick head! Your scaring her!' his mind shouted angirly.

She her lip and looked to the sky as if she were tracing the past moon.

"I don't know." she said as if he had asked her a common question. "Does it?" Sirius sighed. He didn't know what to say.

"Erm.....I...uh...hope. You know....it's kind of weird to say this but...I have to..and I....I want you to know that I do. I......realy do like you. And if your interested I....would _love_ to be with you....this time offically and romanticaly. You know, just if your interested." he blurted out when he finaly found the words.

Expecting a angry or pathetic look from Drusella, he feared looking at her face. But he did. And was suprised at the smile that danced upon it.

"You know, I realy like you. But maybe if you let me think about it, maybe we can find a much better start. So, you can busy yourself with someone else......but do me a favor and........don't fall in love, alright?"

Sirius looked at her. He didn't know wether to feel pain.......or happiness..? Was that a yes/ But it sounded like a no......Yeah.....it was a yeserno.

"Oh.....okey then." he smiled at her. But he had one question.

"It'll be weird if....you no...the game and if I'm daiting someone.........so, could I....?" he stumbled over his words.

"Sure." she smiled. She leaned over lightly and kissed him softly on the lips. She pulled back slowly, and a small blush crossed her cheeks. She was lightly smiling and looking down, brushing a thick grap of white hair from her face.

"Heh. I'll see you later then." she turned slowly and walked away. Sirius smiled weakly.

'Wow.....' he thought. Inside him thinngs were turning. This strange feeling off hatred towards anything that had to do with anti-life obsession slowly faded. And it didn't realy matter if she was connected to his parents in that obsession to kill. She could kill anybody she wanted...er within reason, for all he cared. The angst filled teenager was happier then he could ever be.

Nothing was going to ruin this moment. Not even walking in on James and Lily whispering romantic words into eachothers ears. Infact, he couldn't stop smiling the whole day. At lunch, when Dru was busy staring strangely at the food as if were to grow legs any second and walk away, he just stared untill Remus hit his head and the boys demanded an explanation. And he said nothing. But smiled.

"Wooooahhhh.....what's the big smile for, Moony? Laid a girl?" James asked that night as his friends began piling into the Great Hall for dinner.

"No! But I DO have another date with Sapphira." a quite pleased Remus said sitting down next to his dear friend Sirius.

"S'alright! I've finaly talked to Drusella." he said tossing his napkin into his lap. Remus looked at James and rolled his eyes.

"Oh...so THAT'S why you've you screaming, LIFE, LOVE AND MY GIRL ROCK! up and down the halls. And I thought it was just because you recieved a letter from your mum." he said sarcasticaly. But not even the mention of his mother could bring down his happiness.

"She's absolutly amazing. Like my best friend." he said subconciously. James hurrled himself at his buddy and hugged him long an hard.

"I AM beautiful. And I AM amazing. I DO rock! Oh say it again, Padfoot. Now what's this about Drusella?" James asked as Sirius tried to shouve the stag-boy off him and Remus and Peter were trying their best not to laugh.

"I wasn't talking about you, Prongs. I didn't mean my best friend in that way." he said grumpily, begining to eat.

"Cummon then mate! Tell us what happened!" Remus said, smiling a wide grin.

"Okey. Well, this morning I talked to Dru and...asked her out." he said trying his best not to smile to much. James' open mouth curved into a smile. He slapped the table.

"Good going, Padfoot! So....when's your first date?" he asked. Remus patted Sirius' shoulder and Peter was grinning into his pea soup.

Sirius bit his lip and hesitated. All three boys had a look of anticipation upon their faces and were leanining in to hear the good news.

"Well.........not anytime too soon." he said slowly. James wrinkled his brow. Remus had the same look of confusion and Peter was trying to put the pecies togeather, but failed miserabley.

"I..well......you see..we arn't exactly dating." Sirius said quickly. James looked even more confused and Remus dropped his forehead to the table.

"But you said....." James started, trying to figure out what his friend was saying.

"I know. I did ask her out. She did say yes........I think. She actually told me to wait and see, but she made me promise not to fall in love." he said smiling sheepishly. James banged his head against the table and Peter slapped his forehead.

"Well, I took it as a yes...and it's not like she said-" Remus raised his hand for Sirius to stop. He closed his eyes and shook his head exasperhatingly.

"No. Stop. Don't go on. Just shut up about your romance life, it's way to odd and confusing." he said tiredly. James and Peter nodded in agreement. Sirius looked at them with a depressed look and finished eating his dinner.

When James got back to his dorm, he noticed Lily in the bathroom showering. He knocked on the sliding door, and smiled when she opened it a little, just poking her head out.

"What's your problem? I've seen you naked." he said, smiling goofily. Lily stared at him coldly.

"James. I'm showering!" she said in a pained voice. James laughed and shook his head.

"Whaddya want?" she added, trying to get rid of him.

"Well I came to dorm to see my girlfriend but I see I'm not welcomed." he said, trying his best to sound hurt. He tried to look upset, but couldn't help but smile when Lily's face took on a whole new look. Instead of frustrated she looked frightened.

"Oh, James! No. It's not that! Just give me a second. Please. Don't be mad-" James laughed at her sudden mood swing.

"Lily. Lily. I'm just kidding. Don't worry about it. I'm tired. I'll be in my room if you need me, okey?" he laughed as he turned around.

Lily stared at his back as he headed for the door. An idea struck her.

"James! Wait!" she cried out. He stoped and turned. A mixed look of confusion and sleepiness crossed over his face.

"I'm lonely. Come join me!" she begged. James laughed tiresly, turned around and waved his hand in a movement of saying, not tonight.

"Please!!! Please, James!" He didn't even bother saying anything. She slid open the door, the water still running, stepped out of the shower and ran past James, standing infront of his bedroom door.

A little shocked, James stared at her confused. But he couldn't help but feel a tiny tingle deep inside of ,ahem, him.

Here was the girl he was madly inlove with, naked and dripping wet. She fell to her knees and started begging.

"Come on, Jamsie!" she pouted. He rolled his eyes and lightly pushed her out of the way.

"Ah, it's cute to watch you grovel. Maybe when you get out." he said, not looking at her and opening his door. Lilly nodded solemly and headed back for the shower.

Once inside his room with the door closed, James smashed his back against it and slipped to his bottom. Rubibng his temples, he closed his eyes. Only a full fledge idiot would have done what he had. What kind of guy said no to his soaking wet and naked girlfriend?!

He stood up slowly and fell to his bed. Things crossed his mind. Random things. Exams. Children laughing in the park. A broom and Elsie Petters singing with her rock band at Hogsmeade two years ago.

When Lily walked in, he had already fallen asleep. And she ahd changed into a pair of warm, fuzzy pajamas.

She looked at his sleeping figure and raised a brow. Sighing soflty, shewalked towards his bed and gently slipped off his robe and shoes. She pulled the covers over his body and kissed his forehead lightly.

Turning off the light, she kissed his forehead once again and said, "Goodnight, James." And with that she left the room.

**Yeppers. CHapter eleven. I'm happy in a depressed and morbid type of way. I hope you likd it. Oh By the way, Chapter 2 for Romeo and Juliet Lied is almost finished. Hehehe. Okey then. I'll leave you to KC& JoJo's 'All My Life'.....**

I will never find another lover

sweeter then you, sweeter then you

And I will never find another lover

more precious then you, more precious then you

Girl you are,

close to me your like my mother

close to me your like my father

close to me your like my sister

close to me your like my brother, brother

You are the only one, your my everything

and for you this song I sing

And all my life

I prayed for someone like you

And I thank God

that I, that I finaly found you

And all my life

I prayed for someone like you

and I pray that you do love me too


	12. All Through The Night

**Okey, chapter twelve. Er...I still don't own anything. So, enjoy yourself! I'm not sure what will be in this chapter. I'm planning right now on doing about twenty five chapters. I don't know if I'l exceed over. If you want me to continue, I will.**

_**All Through The Night**_

As if someone had slapped in hard cold in the face, Remus woke with a start. He could hear a girl in the common room sobbing like mad. He rolled out of bed and slipped on a t-shirt. Remus decided to get a look and see what had happened. Other boys were waking up too, and a few empty beds showed that some had already been awake.

"Dude, man, what's going on down there, Moony?" a framilier, yet tired, voice came. Remus turned to see Sirius behind him, his dark drown hair messy and eyes red from lack of sleep.

"Dunno. Sounds like someone's crying though. Death note?" The boys piled out the door and trampled down the stairs, not bothering to be quiet. There were about fifteen students already in the common room, and three girls were peering down the stairs.

"Nooo!" the voice from the crying girl came aloud. She was hidden behing losts of boys and girls, but Remus could tell she had blonde hair, and that it was all over her hidden face covered by her hands.

"Shh, shh, Lenora. Shh, shh." Brady Wrightmen was whispering soothingly. Remus looked at Sirius who was looking taken aback. Lenora Tarrence was one of the happiest girls you'd ever meet, and it took alot to make her cry. She was half muggle and back before Hogwarts she was a Jr. Cheerleader.

"Hey, hey. What's going on?" Sirius asked, lightly turning a boy who was scratching the back of his head. The boy turned to face them with a frown and tears forming in his eyes.

"Chris Tarrence, Lonora's brother, tried to kill himself earlier tonight. He's in the Hospital Wing. They don't know if he'll survive." the boy said in a tired voice. Sirius, wide eyed, looked at Remus, who looked very much confused.

"My God." The portrait to the tower swung open and there stood James and Lily. James looked a bit irritated, but worried too, and you could tell her had recieved the news and was thinking hard about how to cheer up the Gryffindor squad for almost loosing a member of their house.

Lily began to try to calm some of the crying girls down, as James began explaning to some of the older boys what they were going to do about it.

It was morning time but everybody was still shaken up about the night before. Some students had been at the Hospital Wing for hours. Remus along with these other students were white and shaken up. It was certain that no one ever expected anything romotly like this to ever occer. But silent prayers were gllefully cried that the Gryffindor boy had not gone any further to complete his job.

Breakfast that morning was diffrent. Much more silent. Only the soft cries and sharp whispers filled the mess hall. James slouched down in his seat, trying to find something else to think of. Perhaps a lovely prank to lighten the mood. But no one seemed willing to let loose a smile, much less a laugh. And it seemed selfish to decide to do such a foolish thing on such an event.

The Slytherin table was odd. A few were gossiping and Severus Snape and his friend Locus,seemed troubled by the act of the past night. Christopher's worst enemy, and love, Zsusanna Addams, was red faced and her dark eyes that were usualy full of laughter and mischief, were glossy and red from crying. Infact, all houses seemed to carry diffrent groups of diffren emotion struck students.

Some Hufflepuff girls that usualy gossiped about the Marauders and anyone they talked to or dated, were quiet as mice, and it gave a ray of hope to some that their annoying tactics were silenced forever. Some friends of Chris' sitting near Sapphira, who seemed to be trying to calculate why Chris had try'd to take such an awful act, were trying to come up with worthy excuses for their friend's strange idea.

Ravenclaw girls were in tears, the one's Drusella had told off the other day, and for Dru herself, she looked quite tired. She had been up early, giving psychiatric advice to Madam Pomfrey, and having conversations with Chris that sounded much like those that would have been overheared in a Psychologist's office.

And Gryffindors were silent as mice.

"It's awful, isn't it? I tell you, I've heared of these things in muggle schools and such, but I never expected a pure blood wizard to. Dru's been talking to him. She knows all about these things. Maybe she can tell us something about it." James said, as his fellow Marauders and Lily and Sapphira exited Herbology.

"I don't know. She probobly wont want to talk about it. You know. She may find the matter confidential." Remus said slowly, although he too was intrested in the matter.

"But I'm sure she wont mind. If we know the right way to ask....." Sirius added, shifting his bag to his other shoulder. Lily looked at them, bitting her lip, a clear state of her trying to figure out how to say something clearly.

"If we ask her about it, maybe mention how we don't understand these psyciatric issues, and for her to explain it to us." Remus said, frowning slightly. Sirius blinked and nodded.

They walked out to the grass and to the tree the four boys always sat at, and James and the boys had started up a conversation about Quidditch. Remus, who never seemed so intrested in the sport, was hanging on to Sapphira's every word and nodding, eyes wide open.

"Wow." he was saying. But their conversation was cut short when Lily spotted Drusella emerging from the left building. She was reading a parchment and seemed deeply absorbed into it. She didn't even look up saying hello when the six greeted her.

"This makes no sence!" she said instead. Her dark gray eyes flinting with furrey. She clutched the paper angirly and shoved it roughly into her bag.

"Hey, Dru. Mind if we have a word with you?" Sirius asked, putting on his best smile. Dru looked up at them and blinked as if just now realizing that they were there.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, sure. Go ahead." she said, brushing a stray strand of white hair from her red face.

"Well, you see.....it's kind of about Chris' condition...." They had decided to allow Remus to spring the question. Also to disect it. And then Lily or James would ask how this was possible and Sirius or Peter would add a question of their choice that was relevant.

Drusella's face paled. She looked up at them and she looked tired and sick. A frown crossed her face and it looked as though she were racking her brain for an answer.

"Well..." she began slowly. They all looked expactantly at her. All seemed intrested in what she had to say.

"First off, he had emotional problems. Simple. Nothing a little muggle medicine couldn't have straightened out. Depression and such. The worst he had was his Bi-polar issue. Which is when somebody has severe mood swings. Going from happy to sad in a matter of seconds. However, after the attempt of suicide," she paused for a second. A few gasps were heared fromt he group already.

"However," she started again, straightening her straining voice. "He has developed a syndrem, or lack for a better word, illness, called psyophrena. This means he suffers from seeing things and is constantly moving. His attention span is short and sudden and he may seem to grow angry and hatred towards the people he realy loves. Although the latter is not common with most psyo's, it's true in his case.

And to cover it up he's got what I like to call, relation disorder. He's not completly sure who he conciders friends or enimes. But he keeps babbaling on about Zusanna Addams. Mentioning how he needs to know how she is. It's the first thing he asked when he woke up. Madam Pomfrey was suspicious of insomnia before the accident, but I highly doubt it ever ocered to him. He shows no signs of it."

James looked at Dru when she mentioned the last part. He even noticed her eyes dart towards him for a split second.

"What puzzles me is that he has been exposed to being psytotypal for some years now, according to his mental and personality information, and he has yet to have suffered from anything out of the ordinary besides the small disorders and this new found one. It makes no sence. And plus, he says Witch Dr. Alexia Baradez told his mother that since he was about six he's had OCD. Obsessive compuslive disorder. But there are also no traits of that ever existing. I even have the file.

I spoke with his mother on the phone. She's always wanted to be a psychologist , and when I told her the information I had collected and she seemed very intrested in my findings. She was happy that i was helping him out since he was away at school and she had no way of counceling him. Professor Dumbledore didn't mind it much either. Well, that's about it. There realy isn't anything else to say." she finished up. Sirius blinked again. He had never heared Dru talk so much.

"So what your saying is that his problems exceed over the normal disorders he's been having his entire life?" Lily asked. Sapphira too seemed intrested along with Sirius, James and Remus. Peter however, looked utterly confused.

"Looks about so. I'm not sure, though. This is the only information I've gathered since around 6:00 this morning. His mother wants me to meet with him atleast twice a week." she said. The wind was blowing the seven's hair and a bell rung that stood for them to go to lunch.

The seven turned and headed for the long hall. Lily and James were once again holding hands and talking deeply to one another. Remus and Sapphira had seemed to find a topic inwhich they could both disagree on. Peter was talking to Drusella about a essay they had to write in DADA that they were both intrested, and Sirius, who seemed as irritated as ever, pulled Drusella away by her hand and began a privite conversation with her.

"You've thought about it yet?" he asked, not looking at her, but smiling fully. Dru looked at him annoyingly and smirked a smirk of suporiority.

"Nope. I've been trying to work out Chris' case and I-"

"Yeah, but that just happened last night. I mean...........it's been two days, havn't you even thought about it once?" he asked annoyingly. Dru raised a brow but shrugged.

"Maybe. Does it matter?" Drusella asked, smirking haugtily. Sirius let a growl escape his throught.

"Yes, it does. I wanna spend more time with you." he practicaly wailed. Dru placed a scrubby gloved hand on his shoulder. Sirius stared at her hand. Her naturally tanned skin met short stubby fingers with bitten nails. They were unlike Sirius' previous girlfriend, Janet's, who's finger were lovely and long and her nails were lengthy too and always covered with cute bright colors.

"You can always come to my sesions, if you'd like." she said softly. Sirius smiled down at her. They were still walking and she was looking about face. Her eyes were screening the vast groups of students that clobered the grounds.

"Maybe I should become insaine." Sirius said, laughing and nugging the walking girl. She didn't answer but he heared her mutter something as a group of pasing by girls stared hatefully at her.

Sirius wrapped his arm tightly around her shoulder, and received a questioning look from Drusella. He laughed and leaned into her shoulder.

"This is fun." he whispered as Amia Fabrizo and her best friend Eliza Whitter stared at her coldly.

"All nice and cuddly there, eh Drusella?" Eliza spat. But her snooty look changed when Sirius ginned at her.

"I know I sure am." he said as the two walked away leaving a dumbfounded Eliza and Amia. The couple laughed as they caught up with the group which was slowly falling apart.

"Holy shit, did you see her face?! She's all angry then flirtatious and then she's a freking Goldfish!" Sirius said as Dru laughed the hardest she'd ever.

"Yeah, yeah. Well I'll be damned, you sure told her! And to think she paraded around insisting that she was going to end up being your girlfriend." Dru said between fits of giggles.Sirius stared at her with a wild grin upon his handsome face.

"Well if your answers yes, then you've shown her!" he said, still holding her tightly. Suddenly she grinned mischiviously and turned him to face her, smashing her mouth against his.

Sirius was a little shocked, but wanting this too much, he kissed her back.

James Potter looked over at Lily. He wrapped his arm around her waist, bringing her closer to him. Lily giggled slightly, and 'oofed' as her deliquet bbody smashed against his rough, built one.

"Did I miss that offer too much Monday?" he whispered into her ear. Lily laughed as he nuzzled his nose in her neck.

"Well you can make it up to me later." she whispered back, just as suductively. James laughed and squeesed his girl closer to him, his smile bright as the morning sun. Now this was the life. That infuriating pain that weighed him down ceased to exist. Instead, it was replaced by a new found glory that made his eyes wide open. And the distrought boy could see much more then he had. The world wasn't intirely ruthless and painfull. Life had light and even if the scars still proved fears existance, James Potter knew now that as long as the woman in his arms was as dedicated to this feeling as he was, the scars needen't be anymore.

"That sounds like fun." he said grinning. Lily looked up at him and immiediatly felt her heart pumping. Something about him, something she hadn't seen before. But it was that everytime she looked at James Potter, she couldn't help but fall inlove with him again and again. It seemed almost ridiculus that she ever had any sort of hatered toward the boy. Sure, he was a little obnoxious andarrogent, he'd admitted to being that, but he wasn't a lowlife or scumbag. He wasn't careless and selfish. Infact, nobody, not even Lily's first love, had ever struck her so feircely. His smile. His eyes. His personality.The way he held himself. Just so oddly beautiful and wonderful.

'And to think he actually hurt himself over you!" said a sneer-like voice in Lily's head. And although it made Lily sad, the look on James' face was nothing but excitment and happiness. Because he loved her, more then anyone could love her. And how was it she'd never seen this?! The romantic and cute man under the silly teenager. He'd goof of and annoy the crap out of anyone he wanted, but he'd whisper in her ear, and speak about her as if God couldn't create anything superior. Even back before they got togeather. He'd defend her when others laughed. He'd peak for her when others wouldn't listen. He'd walk for her when she didn't have the strength to walk. And he'd take rejection after rejection, and still love her. His strength and bravery amazed her.

"James, why wouldn't you let go. I mean, I don't want you to but.....what made you hold onfor so long?" she asked, her voice soft and shakey. James looked at her and raised a brow. He made a gesture to show he understood the question, but heaved his shoulders up and droped thim with thr relase of a tired sigh.

"Well, like I can't stop saying, your everything that matters. Everything that counts. Theres nothing, and I sware when I say this, Lily- nothing, that can ever, ever compare to you. And I guess, just the thought of you made me hold on. It dosn't make much sence, but most of the time, the things that don't make sence, are the best things you'll ever find." he said in his deep, soothing voice. Lily stared at him, tears practicaly shimmering in her eyes. She gave him a toothless smile and griped his shoulder, leaning him down for a kiss.

James felt a bit taken aback by this, but it didn't matter. Nope. Not one single bit.

"I'm just glad that you finaly said yes. You were a real headcold, you know? Realy hard to impress." he added, as they pulled apart. Lily swatted him playfully and looked shocked.

"Well, cursing Snivillus isn't exactly what I find impressing. But what you did the other night now THAT was impressive." she said, sending him a sly grin. James had caught on and was a little red, but he grinned and wrapped his arms around her waist, giving her bottom a little squease.

"Honey, you could sit and stare at the cealing for hours and I'd be impressed." Lily smiled back up at him.

"I'll be happy if you impress me tonigh-"

"Hey Prongs! Lily! We better hurry it up. Padfoots having a non-food melt down right now!" Remus shouted over his shoulder to the lagging couple. James stared up ahead to see awful looking Sirius hanging on to Drusella's shoulder. Dru didn't look to happy about havving to drag the boy, but didn't complain.

"We're catching up!" he shouted, laughter ringing in his voice. He looked down at Lily who was giggiling like mad, and clutched her hand back in his.

"He's right. Sirius' looks like a deflated beachball. It's a plastic blow up ball that muggles play with on the beach." Lily said after James gave her a confused look.

"You know, it's ironic how each one of your friends found a girl-all at the same time." Lily pointed out, as they steped into the hall. It was quite loud and a group of Ravenclaw and Slytherin girls were practicing a step rountine, they wanted to preform for the upcomming talent show.

"Yeah. By the way- what are you doing for the talent show. True it's three weeks away, but three weeks is little time in the world of show-biz." James asked, grinning down at her. Lily smiled at him and waved her hands at her sides.

"Maybe a little dance routine. You think Hogwarts would like to see their Head Girl dirty dance?" she asked, waving her brows suggestively. James raised a brow in intrest.

"I know the Head Boy would." Lily laughed and walked over to the line where the students stood to recieve their lunches. (Look, I don't know how the lunch thing works. But I've seen-in one of the movies- them sit down at a table with a lunch tray so maybe they do the same thing we do at most schools. You know....lunchlines.)

"Yeuk. Spinnich rolls. Haven't these people ever heared of the word-edible?" James asked realy no one. Lily chose to answer, as she slapped a spoonfull of baked beans onto her tray.

"The house elves make it, James. Appreciate instead of complain." she said, her soft voice lined with a bit of ice.

"Well, that's no suprise, Lily. I'm just sayin- they're smart elves. They have spinich rolls left over all the time. Nobody eats them. Havn't they caught on yet?" he asked defencivaly, slopping two servings of mashed poteatos onto his tray.

"True, true, just....oh forget about it." Lily muttered as they exited the line and thanked a house elf that was standing nearst the door.

They sat down at their table and waited untill Sirius, Remus and Peter arrived with their trays full. Sirius especially.

"Damn, Padfoot. Did you get four of everything?! And you must be extreamelly hungry-and daring- to get THAT!" James said, wrinkling his nose at the Spinich roll that sat on Sirius' plate.

"Yep. Man, I wish other Houses could sit with us, don't you Moony?" he asked, staring at Remus with puppy eyes.

"Yeah.....well.......I don't want to grow too clingy......"he said, staring painfully over at Hufflepuff table, where Sapphira was being surrounded by girls she had never talked to before.

"Hullo James. Sirius. Peter. Remus. Lily. How's everybody today?" a voice said. James turned to see a boy with dark brown hair standing before them.

"Fine. And you, Frank?" James answered for the group. The boy, Frank, was quite good looking. Although he lacked that special charm Sirius had, his had a broad, good natured face, and soft chocolate brown eyes.

He sat down opposite of James and grinned.

"I'm alright. Say, could you help me with something. I'm having a bit of trouble." Frank said, his voice growing uneasy. His face began to turn red.

"Sure." Remus said smiling happily.

"Well, okey. You see......you know Alice Walgner? You know, Ravenclaw. Raven haired. Well, I want to ask her out, but everytime I decide to...I kind of well...........don't." Frank said in a soft, short voice. Sirius looked at him intently. This was an extreamelly common feeling for anyone to have.

"Just ask her out, mate. That's all you can do." he said, half smiling. Frank looked at him almost confused. His eyes trailed past Sirius' head over to the Ravenclaw table where a pretty girl with dark purplish black hair was whispering excitedly to her skunk haired friend.

A smile smile tugged onto his face, as he watched her head slap back in laughter. To him, she was as gorgous as the Goddess Aphordite, if not more. To him, she was exactly what he pictured the perfect girl to be like. Or atleast, his perfect girl. But the thought of actually asking her out made him pale. It's not that she wasn't kind. She was sweet to him and smiled when he'd stumble over words when talking to her. But she seemed almost untuchable. She was so out there and alive and incharge. And he was quiet and shy and had the most awful time trying to talk to a pretty girl.

Suddenly, a pair of dark brown eyes met his. Frank became as pale as what would be Lord Voldemort. Alice had caught him staring at her. He gulped sort of and tried to lower his eyes, but found it impossible.

Drusella leaned over and whispered something in Alice's ear which made her blush and smile. Before he knew it, she had stood up and was walking toward him. He paled even more and sweated. His teeth began chattering and his breath became rapid.

"Hey Lily, James, Remus, Peter, Sirius, Frank. How are you this afternoon?" she asked, her voice cool and smooth. Frank almost fainted.

"Ay-Uh...your fine-I mean-It's fine." he suddenly blurted out. He blushed a beep crimson that made him look strangely like a pepper. James saw this and chose to step in.

"Lovely day. Frank was just saying that he needed to talk to you." he said casually. Frank shot him a bewildered look, but he just smiled back peacefully. A red tint clearly shone from her face and she grinned nervously.

"Alright." she said bitting her bottom lip. Frank haad a still look of horror before he stood up, grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the Great Hall.

"What is it...Frank?" Alice's voice was smooth and warm. Frank felt his cheeks burn and dug his hands into his pockets.

"I well....er...just wanted to say...that...well....I...don't realy know." he muttered. Alice smiled shyly at his nervousness and looked down. Frank looked at her angelic face and begged to Merlin that for once he'd have enough courage to ask Alice out. Instead he did the rasional. He grasped her by her shoulders and pulled her roughly to him, smashing his lips onto hers.

She pulled back, a little shocked and opened her mouth to ask something, but Frank obviously didn't care, as he grabbed her again and once again kissed her. But this time Alice didn;t move. Not a budge. Instead she lifted her arms and incircled therm around his neak.

When they pulled apart, they were both panting slightly and Frank turned bright red.

"S-sorry about that. I d-don't know what came over me." he stuttered. Alice looked up at him and her jaw dropped.

"What?! Your sorry?!" she asked, induriusly. Franks blinked, slightly taken aback and confused.

"Well-I mean. It wasn't exactly polite and-"

"Oh my God, Frank. You kiss me and say your sorry? What is your problem?" she asked. Frank shifted his feet.

"Er-well. I took advantage of you and forced you-" but he never finished his sentece as Alice threw herself on this time around. But he didn't complain. He just kissed back.

Lily moaned slightly as James' hands did their magic. It felt soo good. His hands on her. What and expert. She shivered as he rubed her again. And her eyes shot open as they travled a bit lower. What a sensation. What a good feeling. Man, could James Potter give a back rub.

I'm the one who needs a back rub. With at that Quidditch and what not." he said grumpily. Lily grinned and sat up slightly, she turned her body around so he was straddling her. James grinned and leaned in closer to catch her lips.

"You owe me, James Potter." she said lustfully. He laughed and tuched her shoulder softly.

"Concider it done." he muttered as he pushed her onto her back. He captured her lips in his and shouved his body as hard as his could against her. Lily moaned again untill his hands went up her skirt and stoped.

"Um, Lily. Are you sure you want to-" he said nudging their postition with his elbow. Lily rolled her eyes and kissed him.

"You act like we've never done it before. Come on, continue." she ordered. James nodded reasuringly. His hands travled back up her skirt and she gasped as he rubbed her thighs. Lily looked down and smirked.

" Can I have a go at your wand?" she asked suductivley. James, who hadn't caught on, shurgged and reached for his wand that sat on his lamp table. Lily snorted and grasped it from him, liking it slightly. Suddenly, it hit James. His cheeks grew slightly pink but he grinned and pulled the wand from her hands.

"Not yet, Lils." he said huskily. She frowned sort of but grinned when she saw what the young wizard was going to do with his wand.

Okey. This chapter went slightly well. Long, yes. I had to add Alice and Frank. Even Molly and Authur will be squeesed in. Okey, any way, I do hope you enjoy this. It's a bit diffrent. Well, thank you for reading and (if you do,which I beg of you) reviewing. This song belongs to Cindi Lauper.

We have no past

we wont reach back

Keep with me forward; all through the end

And when it starts

The meter clikcs

And it goes running all through the night

Untill it ends we'll never end


	13. Somewhere I Belong

**Okey, I still don't own anything. Well, oh yeah! I was in class and I was tired (naw shiz) and I kept drifting off. And all I could think about is 'what if the Marauders were shoved into this year and were new students at my school!' I kind of even planed out the whole thing. The perfect way to meet and first converstaions and what not. It was weird. But then again, my dear friend and I are known for our weirdness. Oh, anyways, enjoy this chapter. I don't know what I'm expecting from it so........oh well. The song is Linkin Park's.**

_**Somewhere I Belong**_

_I want to heal, I want to feel, what I thought was never real, I wanna let go of the pain I felt so long, I wanna heal, I wanna feel, like I'm close to something real, I wanna find something I wanted all along, somewhere I belong_

James stared out at the ocean. He was all alone. Thank Merlin. Lily was with her friends for the night, doing whatever girls do togeather. Sirius had mentioned this place, a small hill with a three that looked over the ocean. It was a perfect metitating place.

He wondered how things had came to be what they were. It had all gone so fast. His head hurt. And the voice kept growing more persistant.

He stared down at his arms and squeesed his eyes shut, hearing the promise play over in his head, over and over again. He couldn't stand it. Everything was smothering him.

Standing up, he streached. He knew what he had to do. It would make matters better. They had to talk.

James found Lily sitting on her bed, with Marquisha, Alishea, and Rini. They had four muggle magazines flipped open. They were giggling happily, all clad in their bright colored pajamas.

He stared at them wairly. Standing in the door frame. After a few minutes Alishea nudged Lily and raised her eyes at James as in signal of showing her that he was there. Lily jumped up, grinning when she saw him and ran to him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him happily. She looked up supprised when he didn't kiss her back.

"What?'' she asked softly, meeting his dead-like hazel eyes. He tilted his head toward his room. She looked at her friends who shrugged and raised their brows.

James turned toward his room and sat on his bed. A few minutes later Lily followed suit. Standing infront of him, she looked confusedly down at him. He had slid his glasses of, they were sitting next to him, and his face was in his hands.

"Jam-"

"No.." he murmered, not looking at her.

"James. What's going on?" she asked, her voice a little shakey.

"Lily." he said looking up.

"Lily, this isn't right...." he said softly. His voice painful. Like that morning in the bathroom.

"What? What's not right?" she asked. His face was still buried in his hands when he said it.

"We're breaking up." he said. Lily blinked. For a few seconds she didn't know how to take the news. Should she yell at him? This was his whole idea, being inlove with her and all. She only was doing him a favor. It was HER job to do the breaking up. But no....this wasn't like James. Well neither was cutting himself, but this ment to much to her.

"James, that's not funny. Ofcorse we're right. Don't be dilusion-"

"NO LILY!" he roared, standing up. Lily quivered. He was so tall. So big. She had only seen him this angry once before. The night she figured it out. Tears began to fill her eyes.

"Come on James.......don't do this." she murmered. His eyes weren't full of hurt. Instead, danger.

"You and I both know that this would happen eventually." he said through clentched teeth.

"James..............your diffrent. Your heart is so cold!" she whispered before turning and running from his room. He slammed the door shut and shoved himself roughly onto his bed.

He had done it. It was off his shoulders. It was over. Gone. Finished. Out the window. James sighed with relief.

That night he could hear the girls comforting Lily and her mornfull cries of agony. He didn't even answer Padfoot or Moony when they came to his door. He begged Dumbledore to leave him alone when he came to check on the boy.

He was slightly confused. He didn't know wether to be in pain or not. He eventually decided that it was the right thing to do. He had to do it. Everything was too much. He could barely breathe. But he had hurt the one girl-woman- he'd ever love. The one who helped him with his little issue was in the next room crying her eyes out.

After a few hours of a mental fight, James Potter finaly fell asleep. But his dream world was just as hellish as the so called reality. In his dream there were shddows. Beconing him. Wanting him. Gussing it were the liaison for the devil he tried to run. But he was trapt. Lost in his own hell. Everything was darkened. Lily was gone. His life too. He realized slowly that life wasn't worth living. The pain wasn't worth it. He begged dreamily to never wake up.

"Is James off his broom?! What's he doing breaking up with Lily! He's been nuts about her for years!" an angry/ bewildered Sirius Black shouted. Drusella looked confusedly up at him. She didn't understand either. She never realy expected them to be togeather forever, but she'd never guess that it would be James that would cut it off.

"I....don't know......." she murmered. She was sitting on one of the desks in a abandonded classroom, and Sirius was pacing backward and foreward infront of her. After his seventy third cross, she graped his shoulders and turned him to look at her.

"That's annoying. Stop." she said in a very threatening voice. Sirius looked up at her and wrapped his arms around her, in a matter of a hug.

"If Lily and James can't stick together, what gives us hope?" he whispered. She pushed him off her and stared strangely at him.

"You realy are an idiot, arn't you? Just because your friend is having problems with a girl, your falling apart!?" Sirus steped back, a hurt look on his face.

"It's just......James and Lily had it all. I realy admired them. I wanted us to be like that. Able to read eachother like books and to know we'd always be togeather. But now......I don't know."

"I do." her voice came. But it wasn't as cold and dead as usual. Infact, it was quite the opposite. Sirius had to look up to be sure it was her.

"I know......that........this is everything I've ever wanted. And I know that I've never in my intire life ever felt like this or even knew something like this could exist. And I know that I could never see someone like me with someone like you. And I know that if I want a relationship with someone I want them to believe in it just as much as I do because I've never been loved, ever, and I know that I want this. I realy want this. With you." she whispered. Her voice was so soft and so sweet. It almost made Sirius pissed off at himself for being so worried about his friend's breakup when he wasn't even realizing what was standing infront of him.

"Dru.....I'm sorry. I should be ashamed of myself-"

"No, little idiot!" she said. A small smiling forming on her face. She pushed him lightly. Sirius laughed and pushed her back.

"Ever dream of meeting my folks?" he asked, after a few munites of silence. She grinned strangely and raised a brow.

"Your folks? The ones you hate and vice versa?" Sirius nodded and placed his hands near her sides on the desk.

"My Aunt Virgina is getting married and she despretely wants me to come. Mum wasn't too happy about it , nor were Narcissa and Bella, but family's family Verg said. And since I can bring a date...and seeing as Lily stole James from me....." Dru laughed and placed her hands ontop of his, making him stand up a little more straightly.

"Sure. Poor James dosn't know what he's missing." the two laughed and she leaned her forehead against his.

"Mrs. Black wont like having to be around a mudblood, now will she?" Drusella asked. This time, Sirius raised a brow.

"She'll have to learn to deal with it. Besides, tell my mum your into the dark arts and she wont hate you as much."

It had been a few days since their breakup but the memory still left Lily crying in her dormitory. Her grades were dropping and she spent less time with her friends then usual. But unlike usual girlfriends, she didn't stare at James with hatred when she saw him, or cry and run away. Infact, she'd look at him. With love still in her eyes.

"You know mate. Lily's taking this realy hard. It's not realy nice of you to have done that to her." Remus said as they sat down for dinner. James didn't say anything. That's how things were now. Remus, Sirius or Peter would talk and James would be silent. He never talked. He studied harder then ever and slept rarely. He barely ever ate and you could tell that he was suffering too.

"Just drop it, Moony. Anyways, how's Miss. Higgs?' Sirius asked raising a playful brow. Remus went pink.

"She's fine. A little freaked out about the qoute unqoute whole thing, but besides that we're having a lovely time. I believe, no offence, Prongs, that this has given our relationship a little boost." Remus said slowly. James didn't even seem affected at all. So Sirius spoke.

"Same with me and my girl. Although, for once, it wasn't I who proved the point. She was oddly happy that I invited her to the wedding. Most people cringe. Especially muggle borns. Infact, she called herself a mudblood." Remus blinked. Mudblood was a nasty word. Most often used by narsitic pure-bloods who wished doom on the children of muggles.

"Well then.........if she has no problem with being called a mudblood and enjoys the dark arts then........I see no reason for your mum to hate her passionetly. Also seing as how she's not a Gryffindor...." Sirius laughed.

"That's what I said!"

" Hey, Prongs. Wanna go to Rosemerta's, eh? Might cheer you up a bi-James?" Sirius started, but his face fell when he looked at James. It seemed as if a black cloud had fallen over it. James looked so close to dead that it wasn't funny. His eyes black as ever and his skin pale. His mouth was slowly open, it moved, as if he were trying to speak forbbiden words.

"Te-tell....Lily I'm sorry....guys.....I'm sorry.....tell my mum...and dad.....I'm sorry......" James whispered. Sirius stared strangely at him. James shot up from his seat and ran out of the hall. The boys looked at eachother strangely.

James ran. He had to run. To get away from it all. Get away from everybody. He hurt people. Lily........his parents.......his friends..............he shouldn't live. So he ran. And ran and ran. The boy ran untill he reached the portrait of his room.

"Why, hello James! How're-"

"FAWTS!" James interupted, growing angry. The woman in the portrait blinked but swung open.

The head boy rushed in. He began clutching his head. Stumbling into his room, his head began to become sore. This was all to much. He fell to his bed. This was all too much. He was sick. He was demonic. Disturbed. This was it. He had to find a way out. Any way...........and then it came to him. On his desk. There WAS a way out. There was.................that's it. He had to do it. Besides, wouldn't it be better if he were gone? He could never hurt Lily again-she could just go on living the perfect life he always wanted her to have. And his mates- they wouldn't suffer or be lied to either. The teachers wouldn't have to worry........he's parents wouldn't have to be scared of him.

His eyes were wide. Bludged. He lifted a shaking hand up, sliding the knife off the table. Right now it looked so friendly. Like the days after he started. It was welcoming. There were no other options. Live in this death sentence of eternal hell or be set free. Be happy. He had to go. He was always falling. This was the end.

"I'm sorry guys........forgive me, if you would....." he didn't bother to whisper. He gripped the knife in both his hands and sat up. He brought it slowly to his neak. He began to think. There were thousands of scars. Not the cuts-no. Memories. Horrible......wonderfull.........sad..........

James changed in seconds. He became as cold as that of death. Grinning he began to laugh.

"This is it! THANKYOU!!!" he screamed. And as quick as he could he brought the knife down. Punturing his arm- missing his neak. He didn't wince. Blood began to poor all over his bed. He pulled the knife from his arm- blood splattered his sheets. The beautiful silver was once again covered in his red santuary.

"ONE MORE TIME!!!" he shouted, bring the knife down.

"Accio!!!!" someone shouted. Their voice was distant. It was too late. He was gone. Gone, gone, gone. Everything was alright now. He need not worry. Nor neither any of his friends. He was at peace. This place......a golden light. A cool breaze......paradise.......

::Blinks:: God.......I wanted this chapter to be emotional. Sitting in my computer room listening to Linkin Park's 'Meteora'. And...well.....this is how it came out. Let me tell everyone something though. James is wrong. Suicide is NOT the way out. It's NOT gonna help people. It's in all reality- selfish as ever. Even if you don't have friends or family- your going to hurt somebody. I remember a girl at my friend's school, she was gawky.....I guess. Very smart. My friend liked her. Nice and all........but she was teased by the popular guys.......the one guy she realy liked. She felt alone so she....well tried to commit suicide. Not at school. After. But someone stoped her. And she's alive-now. When people asked her why- she said she was lost, unwanted and unworthy. You can imagine how the teasing kids felt. They had no idea that a little teasing could drive one girl in trying to kill herself. She told the guy she liked him- told him he could laugh. She realy didn't care. But he didn't. Infact he cried. He felt real bad for being so cruel to her. Just remember that suicide isn't the way out. Even if you feel as though it is. It's not. Don't ever believe that. I did. I wanted to run, go to paradise-but it's narcistic and selfish. If you realy love people-even if they don't love you back- imagine the impact your eternal absence will be. And if not- think about all your throwing away. If people are mean to you, teasing you- you can show them who's the looser. Show them, face them. Not crumble under their clutches.

Chapter fourteen will be up soon. If your smart- you can figure out what might happen.

Bye......

Sirius All Punked


	14. Days Sleeping

**Do you think J.K Rowling would write a crappy story like this?! Didn't think so- but if you said yes by chance then sorry. Sirius (Asuka) wrote it. Sorry!**

**Now this chapter will explain alot. All your questions. Why didn James break up with Lily? Why did he try to commit suicide? Did he realy do it? What about everyone else? Well read on and find out...............**

_**Days Sleeping**_

Sirius, Remus and Peter all looked up. Someone was screaming. In seconds Lily came running in. Her eyes red. Tear strewden. Her hair wild.

"Professor! Professor! HELP!!!" she shouted. Dumbledore got to his feet and looked at her. His eyes like crystal balls.

"I- I tried to stop-to stop him! Bu-but but I-I wa-was t-too le-late!" she said between sobs. Sirius sat confused. Like everyone else. Suddenly Peter shouted.

"JAMES!" Sirius and Remus' eyes widened in horror. No......not James. It had to be someone else.......it just had to be......

"I-I'm sorry...gu-guys...I-I wa-was ttt-too le-late!" she stammered looking at them. Her eyes were red and puffy. Silent tears began to fall down the boys faces as the shook their heads. They couldn't move. They were frozen.

"Miss Evans......Mr.Black....Mr. Pettigrew......Mr.Lupin, please come with me. Miss Higgs could you please retreive Madam Pomfry?" he said in his mysterious voice. The brown haired girl looked up and nodded. She seemed very shaken. She practicaly ran out of the hall.

The whole hall was silent. Some muffled sobs were covered. Even Severus Snape looked a bit confused. Drusella, the most morbid girl in the school, was shaking her head. She could't believe it.

"Pro-professor.......he-he can't have. I-I know James too well......He just-"

"Ah, Mr. Black, did I say he did? I agree. James Potter is not one to just flat out kill himself. And whatever's paining him-it's not enough to kill him. Is there- anything- you can tell me that might help us?" he asked.

Lily raised a shaking hand after a few seconds.

"Miss Evans?" Dumbledore asked. Sirius, Remus and Peter turned slowly to look at her. Was there something she knew that they didn't?

"I-..........at the begining of the year- when James came to the Heads compartment on the Express.......he had a sleave rolled up. A-and when he raised his hand to-to show me his badge...I-I saw a-all these little cu-cuts all over his arm.." the room fell silent. All the Marauder' eyes were wide. No one dared say a word.

"Th-then one day....we we're in the the bathroom a-and he showed me th-the cuts...la-later he t-told me why....I've seen th-the knife...ma-made him promise to never do it again." she whispered.

"I see....." Dumbledore said slowly. He looked at the boys.

"Anything else?" Peter chose to speak.

"Wh-well.....just awhile ago he-he broke up with Lily...for an unknown reason. Bu-But I think I know why." he said. Dumbledore raised a brow and Lily shot up from her seat.

"TELL ME PETTIGREW!" she growled. Peter winced and began shaking.

"D-don't freak out Lily. You- you said he promised you he'd stop cutting himself? We-well maybe he started do-doing it again an- and was afriad of hurting you. Kn-knowing James, he would die if anything ever happened to you- s-so he broke it off so that he wouldn't wind up hurting you, worse then he thinks he did..." he said in a serious tone.

"Wormtail! Why didn't you say something before!?" Sirius had recived his voice back. He was clearly angry.

"I didn't know untill now, that's why! Right untill Lily mentioned him cutting himself and the promise it all came to me. You know how Prongs is. If he ever hurt anyone he'd sacrifice his life..."

Peter said clearly. Sirius breathed slowly and sat down.

"Sorry, mate..." he muttered. But Peter shook his head. They sat in silence for a few munites untill Madam Pomfry knocked on the door.

"Come in." he said raspingly. The pretty medi-witch walked in with a bit of a plesant smile on her face.

"Potter's all right, Professor. He's just unconcious. He tried- to-"

"Stab himself...." Lily whispered to herself. But Pomfry heared her and she nodded.

"That's right my dear. Miss Higgs told me you were the one who found him. Tell me dear, how did you stop him?" she asked. Lily looked at the floor.

"I.......said accio, tried to take his kn-knife. I thought I was to late because he wasn't moving and the sheets were soaked with blood...."

It was more then anyone could stand. They began bustling questions at the nurse, like hw is he really?' and ofcorse 'when can we see him?'

"He wont be awake for awhile. Lost too much blood. But you can see him whenever you like. They say talking to a loved one whilst they are in a coma will help them." she said. Everybody nodded and rushed out the door.

It had been almost a week already. James still hadn't woke up. This left thousands of visitors each day and several students mourning. To some, James was their idol. The one they looked up to. And now- the great guy- the Quidditch Captian- the head boy- had tired to do the unbeliveable. It made many people question how much he realy thought of himself.

Remus was sitting in the library alone when Sapphira called to him.

"You doing alright?" she asked in a softer version of her voice.

"As alright as a guy who's shaken up will ever be." he muttered. Sapphira touched his shoulder gently.

"Im sorry about James, Remmy.......Took the wind out of me too." Remus nodded and looked up at her with a smile.

"I guess I'm pretty pethetic acting like this even though he's alive, eh?" he said laughing slightly. Sapphira shook her head.

"No..........it's quite generous of you. You realy care about James, Remmy." she said. He raised a brow and smirked strangely.

"Remmy?" She giggled.

"Yeah. Well if Lily can call James 'Jamesey' and Andrea can call Peter 'Pettie' then I can call you 'Remmy'. " she said mater-o-factly.

"Don't forget 'Mr. Black'." he said laughing. Sapphira laughed too.

"Yeah....I don't think that pleases Sirius that much though."

"And Remmy's supposed to please me?" he asked, raising a brow again. Sapphira shrugged and said, not looking at him,

" Je ne care pas!" ( 'I do not care' in French)

"Er....yeah. Whatever." he said, turning back to his book. Sapphira giggled, leaned down to kiss him on the cheek, and scampered out of the library. A smile had appered on Remus' face and he was shaking his head.

"Your........writing a song?" Sirius asked. Drusella smiled up at him.

"Yeah.........all this angst has inspired me." she said. Sirius laughed and sat next to her. He looked over at Lily who was busy humming to herself and working on a homework assignment.

"She's been real cheerful lately. But she's spent over-hours at the HW. Think she's going to be okey?" she asked Sirius. Sirius raised a brow.

"Hope so. Hey- my aunt said everyone could come to the wedding. I can just imagine the look on my mum's face!" he said grinning. He mimicked a look of a cross between anger and shock.

Dru smiled a little.

"Say Dru....where do you go during the summer? You know, where do you live?" Sirius asked. Dru leaned back a bit.

"There's this abandoned old building in an alley in London. I kind of striaghtened it up. Worked for money and stuff....."

"What? You live in a shack? By yourself?" Dru nodded.

"It's quite comfortable. Expecially in the summer because it's so hidden, but the winters are cruel. Why'd you ask?" Sirius grinned mischieviously.

"After we grad. you wanna move in with me? I've got this real nice flat...." he said raising his brows. She looked at him uncertainly.

"Er....quick much?" she said slowly. Sirius smiled lightly and touched Dru's shoulder.

"Well....I want you to stay with me. Besides, I love you." he said. A smile formed on her face.

"We'll see....." He raised a brow.

"What?"

"You forgot to say 'I love you too my wonderful Sirius!' " he said laughing. She punched his arm playfully.

"No I didn't." He growled.

"Not funny." She leaned over and kissed him quickly. But he pulled her to him again and kissed her much longer, harder and more passionetly.

"Don't do that again." she laughed when she pulled away. He grinned and leaned in to kiss her again.

Lily smiled to herself. Drusella and Sirius. Now THAT was a couple she'd never thought she'd see. And what about her and James? Well, she knew she liked him beofre. But she wouldn't admit it. But she would now. And she'd admit she loved him, cause she did.

Sure, she was upset that he had lied to her. He could have told her. But she realized that she would have freaked out even more if he did tell her. Then, where would they be? He's in the hospital....trapped in his mind. But she too was lost.

She stood up, placed her books and parchment into her bag and left the Great Hall. She decided to visit James. She hadn't gone all morning. When she reached the Hospital Wing she found it vaccant with an expection of James and Madam Pomfry. She smiled at Lily when she walked in and went about her bussiness.

"Hey James." she said to the unconcious boy. He didn't answer. (RAISES BROW) She smiled. It didn't matter. She could still talk to him.

"Your missing alot you know....you've been missed alot too. Everyone keeps busting in her wondering how you are. Even the Slytherins....funny as it is. Chris is out.......he got out the day after this happened. Dru seemed happy about it-but she's worried about you. Poor Sirius- I think he's jealous because the girl he likes realy adores you. Remus is okey. He's alot more comfortable with Sapphira now and Peter's worried sick, but Andrea's trying to help him out." she sighed and paused. Then she chuckled.

"I'm doing okey. I had to see you though. I- havn't brought it up but......I wanted to say thatit was realy stupid of you to try and....and do...you know......this..........I know I would have been angry.....but James......I do trust you. More then I've ever trusted anyone before. And I love you. I know I was foolish to think of you as nothing but a waste of life-because your not. Your the meaning of life- your what God put me on earth to love. And aside from this silly little act, your the most mature man I've ever known. The egotistical little runt that i first saw is just a entertaining disguise. You love stronger, you dream further, you reach higher and you suffer longer then anyonne I've ever known. That's what makes you so great James......I wish you could hear me because I want you to know this....but if I say it to you while your in this condition....maybe you can realy, realy listen.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you.......I'm sorry that I made you suffer and trust me, I would give anything to take it back. If I could go back in time and slap some sense into the old me, maybe this would have been alot better. I still remember what you said- about seeing us live in a house with little James' or Lilys running around. I never told you this- because I could barely admit it to myself but- it was never such a far fetched idea. Now that I think about it- I want it so bad. The house, the kids, the ........the togeatherness of it all. We can take it step by step, day by day. Just wake up for me James. Wake up for your firneds, your parents. Wake up for all those people your afraid to hurt because your only paining us each day we can't see your eyes...or your smile..."

The bell interupted her speach. It was funny. She had prepared it the day before and recited it a thousand times, but now....it seemed so silly. The words wern't right. So she made it all up.

"The bell.......I......remember how you used to ignore that bell.......just to talk to me......or you'd run off and skip class.........silly as it is........I miss that. How about when you come around, we can skip a whole day- the two of us. And we'll just sit togeather and talk.............I gotta go now but I sware I'll be back A.S.A.P...." with that she turned and headed out the door.

It was hard for her to concentrate in class. Ofcorse, it was hard for the teachers to teach. As she sat down in Trancfiguration, McGonnagal seemed a little disturbed. She, like the students, carefully eyed the boys chair, waiting for it to be filled with his life again. Class seemed so empty without is smart alec comments and off topic interuptions.

Lily shared this class with Peter only. She kept an eye on him as he nervously rocked back and foreward. Lily had never realy thought of him as anything other then a fan of James, but right then and there she realized how much James ment to him also. He had almost lost his close friend. Someone he realy looked up to.

We don't have thoughts, they whispered. This isn't paridise. We have landed in the wrong place.

James stared. It was like being in a box. Traped with no way out. There were voices. Not like the nasty ones in his head. These were calm, soothing almost. Kind of like the blood: it was his sanctuary. It was weird though. What they ahd said. True...........

While lying there, you have no thoughts. Or emotions. Your can't see, but you can hear. You were just there, in all reality. Heh- but if this was reality then what a wicked one it was.

"Hello, Lily." Remus said smiling down at the red haired girl. Lily smiled up at him, and the two other boys followed. They were all dressed in their robes, looking sort of red and tired. After all, it was only Feburary 2nd and too much had gone on.

"Hey, Remus, Sirius, Peter! How are things on your side of the river?" she asked. Sirius sighed, shrugged, and sat down. He looked tiresly at the girl.

"Miss Lily, I think were all on the same side of the river. Right now we are, at least." he said. Lily bit her lip and nodded. It had only been a few hours since her last visit, but she already missed James beyond belief.

"Lily, our man Prongs is fine! You know he would hate to see you suffer. Smile and mean it. And hey- tell me. What would your reaction be if you never daited James, eh?" Remus asked. A playful smile lingered upon his tired looking face.

Lily laughed.

"Oh, I don't know. Tell you honestly, all that ' I hate you Potter' bull was a load of rubbish. I doubt I'd ever say that now........Erm, Sirius.....do you happen to know where Drusella might be? I have a question for her..."

Sirius raised his brows questioningly, but nodded. He sat up straight and grinned widely.

"Yep. Off on the Quidditch pitch practicing. She's realy such a gre-"

"Great Beater? Yes, yes, Padfoot, we've well heared this speach before. Go on now, I'm on my way to the dorm, anyway." Remus said, finaly standing up.

"I'm headin' to the pitch. See you later, Moony." Peter said grinning from ear to ear.

"It'll be hard...going to the Quidditch pitch....bu-but, sure. I still realy need to talk to Dru......" Sirius nodded and led the way. The three walked out of the castle, onto the grounds and out to the pitch. There, Ray Chris O'conner, the Ravenclaw quidditch captain, was laying on the ground, doing sit-ups and talking to three other Ravenclaw students. Although they were not on the team, and girls, he still seemed to be induldged in a conversation about the wizarding sport.

Drusella was off on the other side of the pitch with fellow Beater Antony Lousien, smaking the ball around. After a few seconnds of keeping her eye on the ball, she glimped the three standing there, said something to Antony, and headed toward them.

"Hi." she droaned, in her usual droan-like voice. Now this tone of voice may have mad some cringe, but Sirius Black smiled. He loved the sound of her voice. It was so diffrent. Mysterious- almost.

"Hey! How's everything down here?" he asked, opening his arms for a hug. She leaned in volentarily and steped back to her origional stance.

"What's wrong? Why are you guys out here?" Drusella asked, a frown on her face. Lily smiled and waved a little.

"Me.....I wanted to ask you something........annd they just tagged along." she said, Dru smiled a little and nodded. Peter stared uncomfortably at the two girls and leaned back whistling.

"Oh, Padfoot and I'll go on, mate." he said walking away. Sirius rasied a brow, but chose not to object. He followed his blonde haired friend silently, staring fondingly at the atleates streaching out and talking excitedly.

When Lily was sure they wereout of ear shot, she smiled again at Dru.

"I know we barely ever talk, and we don't know eachother very well-"

"Oh, no problem. I barely know Black and look at what I'm doing." she laughed. Lily laughed too.

"Well, anyway......um...I wanted to ask you something, yes. It's about James........how ......how long do you think he's going to be...you know......knocked out...?" Dru nodded expectantly.

"Maybe a couple of hours......a day or two at the most." she said uncomfortably. Lily bit her lip again.

"Oh. Okey.....thankyou." she turned to leave but turned right back and gave Drusella a soft, kind smile.

"If you don't mind me asking.........how- I mean... are things diffrent now that- now that your with Sirius? Like, your life and all...?" she asked. Dru blinked, quite shocked for a second, and opened her mouth.

"Er....well, that was unexpected. Um, I guess....things have changed. I've smiled a sure of a hell lot more, and laughed, then before. But he brings that out in me. He's that kind of person....I don't know...."

Lily smiled. She touched Drusella's hand and grinned again.

"Before this- this year, I thought James was horrible. I used to despise having to see him every day. Hear his voice. But- secretly, there was always a soft spot for him. I know that it may have seemed that I was angry as heak when he'd yell things- romantic things. But it was always so amazing. I never saw another guy confess his love there infront of millions of people. One summer he even called my house. He told my mom that he was a student at my school- but my mum knew him. Infact, she was quite angry at me later on for hanging up on him. She said that the only way I was ever going to see the truth behind it all was if I let him. And he sees me. The real me- not the silly little red head who has the most absolutly perfect life. He sees that I get lost too. That I make mistakes and break rules and fall. All this makes me see,from the time I saw the cuts I realized thst James Potter isn't the perfect boy with the perfect family and the perfect life.

"He's so much more. He's scared and confused. He's twisted and lost. He's a sanctuary- a breathing ground. He's light and life and he's struggling because he's never taken the time to realize that striving to only make other and not yourself happy won't get you anywhere. Anyways- what I'm trying to say is- I'm attracted to James because of all so many things. What makes you attracted to Sirius...?" she asked.

Drusella didn't answer right away. Instead she pondered. Staring at Sirius from a afar from time to time, sighing every now and then.

"I guess.....the way he looks at me. The way he talks. He does see more then what's there.... to him I'm not the emotionly deprived loner who chooses to cast out everyone because she decides she's better then them. No- he see's...well I don't know what he sees. But he does see something....and it makes everything in life seem diffrent. He's happy....makes me laugh, like I said. He makes things seem fuller.....the glass is no longer half empty.....it's half full. And underneath that sharp tounged trouble making womanizer there's a boy who only wishes for the strength of a friend....a lover. And he's so interested. I mean, he's always asking me about my life...my games....my thoughts and ideas. It makes you wonder....what would life be like right now if the steps hadn't gone in order." Lily looked at her.

"Thankyou..again, Drusella. You were very....helpfull." Dru smiled weakly and nodded at Lily turned away. When she got back to the other end of the pitch Peter and Sirius soaked her with questions.

"What did you need to ask her?"

"Did she say anything about me?!"

"Was it all bad news?!"

"Was it about James?"

"What time is it?"

"How long will-hey, what d'you say, Wormtail?"

Lily shrugged, grinned at the boys, and headed back toward the castle. She decided to give James another visit. After all, he was the boy who opened her eyes. The sweet, comedic boy.

"God James, wake up."

Alright. This one wasn't as angsty as the one before, but hey- after something like that....well, I realy wanted to thank everyone who reveiwed. Especially Damia. I thankyou so much for telling me that. It must be real heard. Your right, not only teased people are suicidal. You could be popular, normal or ignored. Things happen and your mind races. Everyone's diffrent. If you ever feel the need to kill yourself, and you enjoy this story, reread chapter 13. It might help. But you should realy tell someone, because it's not right. This topic is very importaint because it's very real. You might think, oh yeah, suicide is horrible and so wrong, but once you've met someone who's thought of, attempted or fulfilled suicide, you'll never know it's true horrors.

If your questioning the part with James' head, it was saying.....what I believe is the truth. In many stories, whilst someone is unconcious they see and hear and learn everything. But...maybe were just even more lost.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. Or suggestions. I'd be more then pleased. Now with Hurricane Ivan, I am unsure when the next chapter will be posted so........anyways. If your also in Florida, or around the area, be safe. Alright? Okey then, bye.


	15. Wake Me Up

**The author of this fiction does not own Harry Potter, property of J.K Rowling. **

**I am sorry it took me so long to update, but we got a new computer: a Compaq Presario and it doesn't have a floppy disc drive, so chapter fifteen was currently unavailable to access. I decided; why not just rewrite the chappie so I will. Wednesday was my fourteenth birthday and this computer was a family gift. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this! P.s: Can you BELIEVE these hurricanes? **

_**Wake Me Up**_

A stream of magical sunshine poured through the room, waking a young girl from her dreamful slumber. It was Saturday, about a week and two days since James' accident. The thought still haunted her. And every minute he laid still, she pondered when she would see his face full of life again.

She strode out of bed and pulled out her outfit of choice for the day. A peasant shirt with a cute Indian design and a brown little tie, along with a pair of blue jean American styled bell-bottoms. (Remember, it's the seventies!) After getting ready, she left her room for breakfast.

The Great Hall was buzzing with life. Lily spotted Sirius, Remus and Peter at Gryffindor table where they were talking to a group of young girls. Lily smiled and stepped toward them. She sat down, causing Remus to tear his attention from the girls to notice her.

"Good morning, Lily." he said, smiling cheerfully. Lily smiled back. The girls they were talking too seemed deep in what Peter had to say. They had been talking about James, but a young girl with honey suckle brown hair was more absorbed in staring at Sirius. Lily giggled mentally. Some girls still couldn't get over the fact that Sirius had settled with a girl, much less a girl like Drusella.

But Lily had to admit, next to James, Sirius was very attractive. He had short dark hair that fell over his eyes, and a charming grin. He looked right in the pair of blue muggle jeans and black muscle tee. It was no surprise that he was still constantly fawned over. After all, James still had guests in his side of the Hospital Wing that was packed with adoring girls. But at least they had the sense not to ask him out. James had been looking to Lily since third year. But this girl.............

"Hey, Sirius. Hogs Meade trips are coming up for Valentines Day soon. Would you join me?" Lily could have sworn she saw him roll his eyes. But instead of harassing her for even thinking about it, he smiled kindly and denied.

"Sorry, Cher. I promised Dru we'd hang out. Or better yet, I begged her to come with Me." he laughed well naturedly. Something he hadn't done since the accident. Lily smiled. It was good he was happy and getting back on track. Even if James hadn't come to yet. Cher had a look of disappointment cast on her face, but chose it smart not to say anything.

Just as Peter finished saying something about a visit to his grandmother's house, a pretty girl walked up to their table. Sirius smiled and she smiled in return. She handed Remus a thick brown book that was entitled, 'World of Science'. Clearly a muggle book.

"Thanks Drusella. My grades in Muggle Studies." Said Remus smiling. Drusella nodded and walked back toward her table. After a lovely breakfast, the four headed back to the Gryffindor tower. Lily decided to visit Marquisha, Rini and Alishea.

However, they didn't get very far before Madam Promfry called to them. There was a great smile on her face and she beamed with excitement.

"Ah, my good children. James has finally awakened. I believe it is time for you to visit him." She said. Lily squealed and the three boys' eyes lit up. They raced toward the Hospital Wing, Sirius nearly knocking over a first year.

They barged in to see the black haired boy sitting wide awake in his bed.

"James!"

"Prongs!"

James stared at them, a look of confusion across his face.

"What's going on? Why am I here?" he asked. His voice shaken.

"You tried to.........hurt yourself, James...." Lily whispered. James looked at her incredulously.

"I know what I did. I just don't understand why I'm still here." Said he, looking quite disappointed.

"Come on Prongs. Stop acting like some morbid, twisted, psycho." Peter stammered. James grunted angrily.

Lily turned to look at Madam Promfry, and said in a very cool voice,

"Madam, what is wrong with James?" The Madam didn't answer right away.

"I believe the thoughts of death still haunt him. Give him time. He'll eventually will pull through." Lily gasped. The fact that he tried to kill himself was enough. But, he really WANTED it? That was too much.

She burst into tears.

James sat in silence, only staring at what was going on. But he chose to speak, when Lily started her water works.

"Hey, Lils. Stop crying." He said. Lily just continued to weep.

"Come on, Lily. Stop it." Lily looked down at him. His brow was furred and he looked as though he were truly sorry.

"Hey, Sirius. We ought to leave Lily to James. We'll be back." Said Remus. Sirius looked at him questionably but nodded and followed him out the hall. Peter took one more look at James, and scurried out the door.

"James. Why'd you do it?" she asked, after it was only her and James in the room. He shook slightly, giving Lily the impression that he couldn't understand either.

"I got mad." He said. Lily scoffed. Getting mad was no reason to try to commit suicide. Lame excuse.

"Oh, come on, James. You and I both know there's more to this then anger. Was it something I did........or said?'' James didn't answer.

"Am I horrible? Am I not what you expected?" She tried again.

James shook his head violently.

"Of course not, Lily!" He cried. A small smiled found its way to her lips.

"Well, then what was it? You need to tell me, if you really love me." She said, deciding not to play fairly.

"I love you, Lily. But what my problem is shouldn't have to rest on your shoulders." He said meekly.

"Peter believes you did it because you're worried about hurting Me." She said softly. His eyes trialed over her face.

"Peter said that?'' he asked. Lily nodded. James laughed lightly.

"That's Peter for you. Always assuming the correct things. It's a shame he doesn't put that talent educationally." Lily laughed too. He loved to hear her laugh. So soft and sweet.

"James. I've missed you so much." She whispered. James frowned. She shouldn't have missed him. This wasn't right. He was supposed to die. She was supposed to be happy; she was supposed to live a life of peace.

"You're my world, James. Even if I've been a total bitch the past few years, you're still my everything." James didn't know exactly what to say.

"Your mine. The world. I'd love you Lily, even if you didn't love me. I'm sorry I brought you pain and suffering. Trust me, I never intended it. I miss you when you're not near me. I miss you everyday." He said. Lily smiled.

"I'll love you for always and forever." She whispered.

**I'm sorry for this chapter to be so short, but I'm sick and I can't think straight. Anyways, I hope you liked it. I wasn't sure what to write. I need some inspiration to finish 'Romeo and Juliet Lied' so write to me at **** and send me your ideas. **

**-Don't worry. I'll try and etch-a-sketch the pain away**

**-a quote by none other then me!**


	16. All Out the Window

**Review previous chapters to see that I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER!!!**

**Yay! Chapter sixteen, I'm really happy! Okay, maybe not, but I promise to try my best to make this chapter worth while! We're getting our scanner hooked up here soon and then we'll have to get a new printer because ours is broken. Well, anyways, here comes chapter 16.**

_**All out the Window**_

Sirius smiled as Drusella came down the stairs. She held a small tote bag with her.

"Ready to go to the noble house of Black?" he asked sarcastically. She smiled lightly and shrugged.

"You sure you want us to come?" Drusella asked softly feeling a bit nervous. She didn't mind being discriminated, but she had never gone to a house of a boy whose whole family was against the thought of muggle parented children to be allowed in magical places.

"Yeah. I mean, sure going back to _that_ place isn't exactly my heaven on Earth, I want you to go through Hell with me." He laughed. She laughed too.

"Besides, _I_ don't consider myself as family with my so called father and brother." She said looking a bit angry. Sirius sighed. Dru and he had so much in common. Both didn't fit in their families and both felt it better to be on their own. Both shared the hard, horrible pasts of being alone and they seemed to reach each other in a cool sense of reassurance.

"That's alright, as far as I know, I'm not an actual Black." He muttered. She smiled lightly.

"Hey, peoples!" A loud voice called. Sirius and Drusella turned and smiled to see James, Lily, Remus, Sapphira and Peter coming down the stairs.

"Yay! We get to stay at the Black institute of horrors!" Peter cried. Sirius laughed.

"Yeah, and if you don't hurry mom will yell at you for missing the train!" a voice said from behind them. They saw Regulus Black standing with his cousins Narcissa, Andromeda and Bellatrix standing with their suitcases too.

"Oh, cry me a river." Sirius muttered. Narcissa glared.

"It's bad enough Aunt Lissa let the blood traitor come, but did she HAVE to let you invite your stupid little friends?" she asked haughtily. Drusella poked from around Sirius and stared at Narcissa.

"Narcissa?" she asked. The blonde shot her cold eyes to Drusella and they instantly lit up.

"Dru?! You're coming?" she asked excitedly. Drusella nodded. Even if Dru was a mudblood, she never considered herself as one and turned Narcissa's hate for her with ignorance into friendship.

"Why on Earth are you coming?" she asked. Sirius put a protective arm around her and Narcissa's jaw dropped.

"You're_ dating_ Sirius?" she asked unbelievably. Dru nodded and Narcissa turned to her older sister, Bellatrix.

"Can you believe it?" she asked. Bella looked appalled.

"Come on, Drusella. You can do better then _that_." She said sourly. Drusella shot her a look that said 'watch it' and Bellatrix shut up.

"Well it's about time he dated someone worth while." Regulus said snickering. Andromeda sighed.

"I think it's lovely that you're dating. Drusella is a very nice girl." She said. With out further a due, the seven of them headed for the front of the school to board the train to the Black's house. On the train, they shared a compartment. While Remus, Sirius, James, Peter and Regulus talked about Quidditch, the girls decided to chat about the wedding.

"Yes, our aunt has made a very good choice marrying that man. She sent me his picture, he's bloody gorgeous." Bellatrix said dreamily, not even caring if she was in the presence of blood traitors and mud bloods.

"I have the _perfect_ dress picked out. I got it in Hogsmeade during Christmas Hols. It's absolutely gorgeous. Long and pink with roses." She squealed. Lily explained her dress and in a matter of seconds all the girls were explaining their choice of attire.

"A silvery dress made of silk-"

"A lovely blue satin dress with lace-"

"Adorable red little dress-''

"An absolute plain purple and black dress-"

It wasn't until the trolley wheeled by that the students stopped chatting. The boys chose to purchase the snacks; chocolate frogs, Ice Mice and Ginger Crabs.

When the train came to a complete stop, they unloaded their belongings and waited in front of the station for Mr. and Mrs. Black. When a couple came walking toward them, Regulus shouted,

"Mum! Dad!" and the brown haired man and raven haired woman walked to them. Mrs. Black eyed James, Lily, and Remus and Peter coldly and shifted her attention onto Sirius, in which they shared a long cold look.

"Hello Auntie Lissa." Bellatrix said smiling. Mrs. Black smiled kindly down at her and Mr. Black stepped foreword.

"Sirius, who are these two girls?" he asked. Sirius stayed silent for a moment but answered shortly,

"This is my girlfriend Drusella Cammolie and Remus' girl, Sapphira Higgs." This made Mrs. Black smile again.

"Ah, Arvard and Cecilia's daughter, I presume?" she said. Sapphira twitched a little but nodded.

"Good parents you have." She whispered. Mr. Black took over.

"Sirius, I am surprised you didn't bring a flashy girl over this time." He said gravely. Sirius sucked his teeth.

"Drusella is anything but a flashy girl." He said angrily. Mr. Black nodded slowly.

"A mudblood?" he asked her. Sirius felt his fits shake, but sighed when he saw how well Dru took it.

"Sir, the answer would be yes, but I would hardly call the muggles who brought me into this world and tried to raise me, family." She said in a cool tone. Mr. and Mrs. Black stared at her.

"You resent your family then?" Lissa Black asked. Drusella stared hard at them. She hated her family and had no hard feelings admitting it.

"My father killed my sister, my mother died a year later, my so called brother left his family and I ran away from home because I wanted to be away. Besides, they would never understand the meaning of me being a witch." She said. Sirius gleamed. Mrs. Black raised a brow.

"Still, once a mudblood, always a mudblood." She said.

"I agree. Once a mudblood, always a mudblood." Drusella answered. Mr. and Mrs. Black's eyes widened. Never had they seen someone call themselves a mudblood willingly.

"You are far much stranger then the girls our son has brought to us before." Mr. Black said.

"It would be a pity if I weren't, now wouldn't it?" she said shortly.

"Come now. We only have a little while before the gate closes." Mrs. Black said. The children nodded and followed her and her husband to the gate where they would floo powder home.

The Black mansion was beautiful. Tall and dark, with a mysterious look against it. Although the family didn't seem too emended into it, Sapphira and Drusella stared at it in awe.

"Now, your room is still unoccupied. You'll just have to make due with sharing it with your friends Sirius-"

"What the fuck?" he asked, astounded.

"It's bad enough I'm allowing mudbloods under my roof, you learn to deal with it." Mrs. Black said with a final tone.

Sirius rolled his eyes and gave his friends that 'this is why I left' look.

They ramped up the stairs and Sirius lead them to his room. Even though he was the 'bad seed' in his family, his room was much nicer then Remus, James, Lily, Sapphira, Peter or Drusella had. Well, maybe not as much as Sapphira as the rest.

Sapphira came from a pure blood family. The infamous Higgs'. She lived in a gorgeous mansion and had a real beautiful bedroom, but usually sat in her walk in closet where it was plastered with muggle posters and pictures.

But Sirius' room was large, vibrant reds and gold decorated his bed, true Gryffindor colors. He had three Quidditch posters hanging up, with the men and women waving graciously down at them, and a large merrier. Besides that, it was quite bare, since Sirius took most of his things to James' place and his new flat.

"Nice room." Drusella commented flatly. Sirius laughed and put and arm around her.

"Alright then. How about _we_ share the bed?" he asked. She raised a brow, completely uninterested.

"How 'bout not." She said in a fake enthusiastic voice. Sirius laughed at his girlfriend's sarcasm and punched her playfully. She growled as in saying 'touch me again Black, and suffer the consequences'.

"Yeah, okay. So, what's on the agenda for now?" James asked, breaking the silence. Sirius shrugged.

"It'd be best to hang out in here. That's what I usually did." He said bitterly.

"Why don't you show us around?" Sapphira asked, trying to lighten the moment. Sirius raised a brow at her.

"You truly don't want to be around some of these people." He said with a lemon twist in his dark voice. Drusella placed a hand on his shoulder.

"The people here are rude." He added to her. He looked deep in her eyes. He knew right then and there that THIS was the girl. All other girls we're scared shitless of the other Black's, but this girl was quite headstrong and didn't seem to mind it in the least.

"We'll take them on." She said softly, smiling to him in reassurance. He sighed, giving up, and placed a hand on her shoulder, like she had.

"Hey-hey, enough romance." Came Peter's voice. Remus laughed and hung an arm around Peter's neck.

"Aw, Wormtail- don't act this way just because you don't have a girlfriend." He said grinning immensely. Peter shot him a look.

"I do too have a girlfriend! She just couldn't come, that's all. For Merlin's sake, what parent would allow their twelve years old to go to a house alone with her seventeen year old boyfriend and his mates?" he asked, quite flushed. Sirius' bark-like laughter erupted from his trail of words.

"What parent would allow their twelve years old daughter _date_ seventeen years old?" This made Peter blush even more, and he scoffed the floor with his muggle style tennis shoes.

"So...then, how about we all have some butter beer and talk about the rest of our lives?" Sapphira proposed. Remus, who truly didn't care for long sessions about the future, would never give up the offer on butter beer, whether it is alcoholic or not.

"I'm in! How about the rest of you?" he asked smiling. Lily bit her lip and shrugged. James nodded and sent Sirius a wide grin. Sirius grinned back, nodded and plopped on his bed. The rest of the group slowly climbed into Sirius' large bed, sitting cress cross and breathing heavily.

"Better yet, let's play another muggle game." Lily said, remembering the late summer nights back oh, eight years ago, when she and her muggle friends would sit on her cushiony bed and play a game in which one would ask two questions.

"Alright Lily. What do you have in mind?" Remus asked. Lily grinned devilishly, causing shivers to run down James' spine.

"No. Don't tell me..." Drusella whimpered, shaking her head furiously.

"Aw-come one, Dru! It's real fun-"

"Fun? Fun? It's not fun, it's bloody evil!" she cried in an outrageous tone. Sirius laughed and rubbed his girlfriend's back.

"I didn't know muggle games were evil." He said smirking. "And you're beginning to sound like my mum and dad with all this anti-muggle stuff." She ignored his comment and stared fearfully at the smirk on Lily's defiant face.

"The name of the game is truth or dare. It's really quite simple, when it's your turn; you ask anyone in the group this simple question, 'truth or dare'. If they pick truth then you ask them something such as 'Is it true you still wet the bed?' and if they pick dare, you shall dare them anything you wish. Now, you MUST answer the truth, but if the dare seems to strong you can have consequence which can vary from being better or worse." Lily said. James nodded and stared at his friend's bemused faces.

Drusella shook her head and groaned. Why did everybody want to torture her? Was it some measly game in which she was 'it'? This wasn't fair. Even if she found being a muggle no true issue, muggle games unnerved her. Especially ones such as this.

"Okay. I'll start out." Lily said happily, ignoring Drusella's groan for mercy. She eased herself more onto Sirius' bed and cleared her throat.

"Remus, truth or dare?" she asked with a slight giggle on her lips. Remus, who automatically flushed, bit his lip. Being the skeptical one of the group he chose the safest he could think of.

"Truth." He said softly. Lily smirked, making Remus even more nervous.

"Hum...let's see. Is it true that...the furthest your relationship has ever gone with a girl is just kissing?" she asked. Remus went red as roses and covered his face with his hands.

"Yeah..." he muttered. Lily smiled, this time sweetly, and clapped.

"Your turn." Remus peeked from between his fingers and sighed with relief. His eyes scanned the room, everyone was nervous of whom he would pick to be his victim. He grinned evilly, seeing how Drusella squirmed at even the thought of the game.

"Drusella, truth or dare?" Drusella almost felt like jumping Remus. That little insufferable twit! Why couldn't they just leave her out of the game? But then again, this was Remus. She was sure his dares couldn't be that bad. Or, more or less, she hoped.

"Dare." She said coldly. Remus shifted under her icy stare and gulped. He really didn't want to make her too angry. You didn't make someone who was a very skilled witch at Dark Arts and of whom had a stare cold enough to kill, angry.

"I...uh...Dare you to...um...I dare you to take the bed with Sirius tonight. We'll take the floor." He said, wincing and hoping he hadn't angered her. He glanced at Sirius who had an uneasy smile on his face and then to Drusella, who had raised an annoyed eyebrow.

"Whatever. Sapphira, truth or dare?'' she asked, feeling vomit in her stomach.

"Dare!" the perky little girl cried. Her long brown hair was in two braids and they flew whenever she jumped.

"I uh, dare you to... dance." She said lamely. The others scoffed and she glared at them in a way of saying, 'Hey, at least I'm playing the fucking game!'

Sapphira shrugged, got off the bed and did a happy dance. She twisted her shoulders, raised her hands and waved them in the air and shook her body in a quick, cute manner.

After her happy dance, Sapphira hopped back on the bed and smiled a sickly sweet smile at Sirius.

"Truth or dare?" she asked. He smirked. Being adventurous was part of his 'Black' nature. Besides, dares were boring compared to what he did for fun.

"Dare." He claimed.

"I dare you to kiss one of the guys in this room." She said. His face fell.

"What?!" everyone asked in unison. Sapphira blinked momentarily and shrugged. Sirius sighed, leaned over to James and kissed him lightly. James squeaked and hid behind Lily.

"Urge, Merlin Sirius! That was the worse kiss ever!" he growled. Lily giggled and turned to face her boyfriend.

"I can fix that." She said seductively. She wrapped her arm around his neck and kissed him, quite hard.

Sirius grinned at Drusella who raised a brow and Sapphira squealed.

"Oh, Remy! Isn't it just as sweet as when Mickey o' Donald proposed to the turtle princess of Scandinavia?" she asked in a deep, romantic voice. Sirius turned slowly to look at her, just as Remus did.

"I've learned its best not to ask. Really, it's best not to." He said simply. His white ashened face turned scarlet when he felt Sapphira's hand on his.

"When Romeo and Juliet stop tonguing each other- we can finish the game." Sirius said in a nonchalant voice.

Drusella sighed and hopped off the bed. This really wasn't her thing and it was beginning to unnerve her. She noticed Sirius' eyes trail after her and she turned to face him.

"The loo?" she asked flatly. Sirius pointed to a door the lead from his room to his private bathroom. She nodded in a appreciative way and turned to use the bathroom.

Drusella locked the door and sank to the floor. She held her head in her hands feeling blank emotions rise up inside of her. Looking around her she felt tears well up. No- don't cry.

_No way. There is absolutely no way I am doing to cry. I don't cry. Me-Drusella Cammolie will not cry._

She thought, and wondered, why she was here. Just last year- she sat watching these young people in the next room. They were nothing to her. She didn't swoon over the young Mr. Black like her classmates did. But that didn't mean she didn't think her was cute. He was bloody hott, straight up. And to think that he liked her made her laugh in between tears. She thought of Sirius' goofy grin against the stare he gave his mother and father. So cold and... un-Sirius-like. Her kind of stare.

But there was so much about her that he didn't- he wouldn't- understand. Like the real reason why she hated her own folks. The old her- the one who was so keen on life. Her deepest secret- he would never know.

_And he tells you all his secrets, jackass._ Her mind reclined. She bit her lip, but even she knew that she couldn't tell him all those things.

_Don't forget! He wants to live with you. He loves you that much._ But Drusella shrugged it off. She stood up and flushed the toilet falsely and turned the water on to wash her hands.

_I'm melting!_ She smiled. But the smile quickly turned to its usual poker-like glare that usually made people at school nervous. A reason no guy would ever even dare ask her on a date- her glare. She just seemed too cold and dead for anyone to even dare try. But Sirius did. Even though his perkiness well outdid hers, it was quite alright.

She opened the door to find Sirius falling asleep on the floor and Remus and Sapphira playing a shy game of touchy feely, while James and Lily continued their make out session. She grinned. She walked over towards the sleeping Sirius and pulled her wand from her muggle-like Goth girl skirt.

"Surprise!" she whispered, holding it over her head. A wicked grin crossed over her soulless face.

**K. That's about it, for now. Hope you enjoyed it. **


	17. Faint

**Okay, as you know I have no ownership over the Harry Potter story idea. I Do, however own the idea for this story. **

**On the last chapter we found out Sirius' aunt was getting married and allowed him to being his friends along. They played Truth or dare, James and Lily made out, and we heard about Drusella's pit falls and her feelings towards Sirius. We left off with her doing something quite mischievous towards our doggy friend. Please read on.**

_**Faint**_

"Ahhh!" Sirius cried in horror. His sweet comforting dreams were interrupted by a sudden splash of ice cold water. He opened his eyes to meet those of his unusually giggly girlfriend. She held her wand above him and continued giggling like a mad dog.

"Oh, yes Drusella Cammolie! _Very_ amusing." he said sarcastically. He pulled his hand up and grasped her wand into his hand and she jumped back quickly. Her eyes narrowed. Her cheerful expression turned sour and cold.

"Go ahead, Black. Try me." he faked a harsh stare, just as cold as her's. Remus and Sapphira looked up, feeling the air suddenly turn a frigid cold. Sirius and Dru were locked in a silent battle, waiting for the other's next move... waiting... anticipating. Lily and James were still locked in an uncomfortable-looking position, clinging to each other for dear life, lips still locked.

Peter sat, looking around him uncomfortably. He turned to Remus, questions in his eyes but too afraid to break the deadly silence. Sapphira stood up, curtsied, and left the room. Remus left after her, curious as to where she was headed and looking for an excuse to leave the room. Poor Peter was left amongst the two "busy" couples, Sirius and Drusella in a staring competition, and Lily and James acting like irresponsible teenagers.

"And people say that I have all the problems." He said in a painful voice. He sat back and tried to think of something-anything- but his friends and their weird lives. He thought of his relationship with Andrea. She was still at Hogwarts, working very hard, and she promised to write him as soon as possible. He really couldn't wait. She was a wonderful girl, even if she was too young for him; he liked to be with her.

"Hey, Wormtail! What are you staring at?!" he heard Sirius' voice. He looked up at his friend. Sirius' short, dark hair shaded his dark eyes. Peter stared at his friend, trying to snap back to reality.

"You've been staring at my wall for half an hour now. My house isn't THAT amazing!"

"Oh. I'm sorry, Sirius. I kind of-um-zoned out there." Peter said nervously. Sirius shook his head and laughed. Lily was currently having her hair braided by Sapphira, and Drusella was sprawled out on Sirius' bed reading some muggle book she had brought along.

"Hey, good advice not to let my mum see that you got there. It could make the whole trip more of hell." He said raising a brow to her. Drusella nodded and placed the book back in her bag. She sat back up and looked at the boys.

"Lily, tell me if I hurt you. Some of the girls in Hufflepuff say I'm too rough when I braid. I really don't mean to-it's just…oh well." Sapphira muttered. Lily giggled but didn't dare to shake her head. So there they sat, quiet as mice just staring at the walls or slowly falling to sleep.

Suddenly, the door to Sirius' room crashed open and made everyone jump. There stood a little elf dressed in only silly rags, with big round eyes that looked tired and a snout-like nose. Sirius groaned at the sight of the creature. The creature bowed before him.

"What is it, Kreacher?" Sirius asked in an annoyed tone. Kreacher, the house elf, stood up straight. House elves lived to serve their masters. But- if you gave them clothing, they would be set free. The Potters, the Higgs and the Pettigrew's all had one. There were also dozens that worked at Hogwarts.

"Kreacher's Mistress told Kreacher too come get Master. Mistress says she wants to see him immediately." The little elf said. Drusella peered at it along with Lily. Neither of them had seriously seen a house elf at work.

"Oh, alright!" Sirius said groaning. He stood up from beside Peter and followed Kreacher out of his room. A pounding of the stairs could be heard along with a cold seething complaint about Sirius' guests.

"Now you know why Sirius ran away, no?" James said softly. Lily bit her lip and nodded. The group sat in silence, semi-eavesdropping on the conversation Sirius was having with his mother.

Down stairs in the hallway, Sirius was getting scolded and being shown a large tapestry that hung on the wall.

"Sirius, do you not see this clearly?! You are a Black-how dare you distain your family! Your own flesh and blood! A pity that Regulus, Narcissa and Bellatrix have to live by the same name as you! The reputation of the Black family is on the line because of your stupid association for muggles!" she whispered heavily. Sirius stiffened. He always stood stiff around his mother.

"You know, when you were little-before Hogwarts, I always thought of you as becoming the best of the name. But instead you betray our family. And Dumbledore isn't any better! He should have sent you to Slytherin-where you belong!"

Sirius stared at the ground slightly. Memories of his past flooded him. When he was seven, he used to think his mother was the best in the world. Even at age eleven he was proud to be a Black. But around the age of twelve and thirteen-he began to be disgusted at his family's treatment towards those muggle born. It wasn't until he had become so close you James, Remus and Peter that he felt ashamed.

"Just don't have these-these mudbloods ruin your aunts wedding. _That_ I can not forgive. Now, run along. You better have nice robes to wear- and that friend of yours better too. I will not tolerate to be embarrassed in front of my sister for having a poorly dressed wizard attending." She added stiffly. Sirius nodded as his mother turned on her heel and stomped away. He saw his father peek his head in and shake it.

"Do you always have to make her yell?" he asked warily. Sirius huffed and ran back to his room. There his friends sat speechless.

"You don't want to know what she had to say." He said coldly. His usually warm brown eyes were now staring coldly into the distance. He couldn't believe it! Why had he come in the first place?! He should have known the invitation would include two days of fights. He ran away from home a year ago and then came back just for his aunt's-who happened to be just as psychotic as his mother- wedding!?

"Hey, Sirius…are you alright?" he heard a small voice. He looked down at Drusella who was sitting there with her brow knitted and an expression of pure worry. He smiled lightly and sat own next to her. He seriously wasn't used to her sensitive side yet. Yet the deathly look in her stormy grey eyes remained, and those he was quite familiar with.

"Of course, Drusella, I am fine. Just some trouble with my mum." He said in a cheerful voice. Drusella raised a brow unsurely but didn't proceed to ask any more questions. Sirius stared at her for awhile and then turned to Remus.

"Hey-I got these perfect robes for you-you know, if you want." He said kindly. Remus smiled and nodded in thanks.

"I'm sure you girls have something lovely to wear, am I correct?" he asked, turning on the girls. Lily grinned, Drusella sat not paying attention (don't you just love Drusella?) and Sapphira frowned a little.

"I got word that my mother is attending the wedding so I am sure she brought something she considers to be much more appropriate then my Christmas ball robes." She replied icily.

The room became cold again as each student looked at each other. James peered over Lily's shoulder and sighed. He really felt sorry for his friend. He couldn't imagine what he would do if he had that kind of relationship with his parents. Even his bitter one with his father. Sirius had always been the playful, happy man out of the group. It was a pity that he had such a hard life.

Sirius sighed and gave a small smile to his comrades.

"Hey, why don't we go play some Quidditch?" he asked. James, Drusella and Sapphira's eyes lit up at this.

"Alright now, everyone! We'll appoint your placements. Drusella and Sirius- I want you two to be beaters. Sapphira and Remus, you guys are going to play keepers; Peter and I will be . And of course, James will be seeker." Lily said defiantly. Everyone nodded in agreement.

When James got on his broom, all his issues went away with the wind. Nothing he had ever done in life could compare to Quidditch. Nothing could compare to the feeling he got on a broom.

**Okay, so what did you think? E-mail me if you get the chance... my box is ALWAYS empty! See you!**


	18. The Ignored

**Yay! Chapter seventeen is here! I havn't been to keen on this story lately, as I doubt you have. Of course I don't own Harry Potter yet...YET. Anyways, something of a BIG suprise is comming up and I think some of you wont see it comming. Anyways if your hoping to see more Lily/James stuff-well this is your chapter. I'll try to make this angsty still...but I'm not making any promises. If your wondering about the Quidditch game well...keep wondering. As for the last chapter I forgot to write the other placement on the Quidditch team. Sorry about that. My computer spazed and froze up when I tried to type it in but it wouldn't let me. I was also trying to print this marauder picture from Tina-ling's website. And it was awfully cute but my damn printer wouldn't work! Anyways, I hope you enjoy this fic...**

_**The Ignored**_

Although he had never been a big fan of weddings, particularily because of ther certain dress code, James still looked super on Thursday, the day of the wedding. He wore a dark suit and had tried every spell in the book to keep his hair down straight-finally acheiving with the _too stick_ spell. Lily laughed when she saw his hair flat and finally understood why he had never concidered to keep it that way.

"You know," she said smiling sweetly. "I take back all those times I buggered at you to keep it down. You look more handsome with it spiked." James shot her his ever sarcastic look and proceded to fix his hair. Lily turned and fished a box from her bag.

"I wanted to give this to you on Valintines day, but I think now would be better." He took her box and raised a brow.

"Cologne?'' he asked slowly. Lily rolled her eyes and grabbed it from him. She pointed insanely at the brand writen across the box in light green letters.

"James, it's not just _cologne_. Samsa is one of the best out there! I spent eighty five muggle dollors on it!" James still didn't seem to impressed but smiled at his girlfriend meekly.

"Sorry Lils...but even still..it makes me feel upset about the gift I got you." he said softly. Lily colored.

"You didn't have to.." She was caught of by James' crackle of laughter.

"Lily, I spent three years drowning you in gifts even when you hated me! Why would I stop when you actually like me?" he asked. Lily smiled softly. It was quite silly of her to say that.

"Well, are you going to tell me what you got, or do I have to wait?" she asked shyly. James laughed and tapped some colonge on his neck.

"You'll have to wait, sorry Lily." Lily pouted slightly but giggled. James looked very decent with his sute and tie on. Lily walked up behind him and kissed his shoulder, breathing in his scent mixed with the cologne.

"Smells lovely, love." she whispered huskily. James turned to face her. Both of their faces were close and each could feel the other's hot breath upon them. James leaned in to kiss Lily, but she slightly backed away. James stared at her in confusion.

"Sorry. Um, just not right now." she said softly. James sighed but nodded.

"Okay.Let's get going." The two left Sirius' room in silence. Sirius, Remus and Peter were standing right outside the dor, fixing their ties and hair in a length merrior. Each were shoving eachother playfully around to get a spot in the middle. And all three looked just as handsome as the next. Sirius dressed in a tux was even more stunning then him in school robes, and Remus, with Sirius' dress robes, looked absolutly gorgeous. Peter was dressed in dark dressrobe and had styled his hair slightly. Lily couldn't believe she actually found him attractive.

"Ay, took you guys long enough!" Remus said with a lopsided grin when he noticed James and Lily. Sirius and Peter stoped fighting over the merior and joined their pal.

"Looking nice, James. Lily, you too. Ah, no wonder we're so popular." Sirius said grinning. Peter poked his shoulder and smirked.

"Tell that to your girlfriend." Sirius cocked a brow in confusion and turned to Remus. Sadly, the boy had his back to him and was smiling eagerly to a girl dressed in golden robes. A badge she wore on her robes were that of a horse. The Higgs' crest. Her honeysuckle brown hair was in bouncy curls and she too wore the same shy smile. Behind her stood a meek looking girl with dark robes looking around paranoid. She had her black and white hair in two braids and played with a loose strand of white.

"Hey, Sapphira." Remus said breathlessly. She smiled once again shyly and walked toward him.

"Hello Remus. You are looking like quite the gentleman, I must say. It's a shame you don't keep your hair styled like that more often." Sapphira's misty voice made Remus shudder. Her deep eyes made him feel empty and the way the robes clung to her body made him fel embarassed and excited all at once. Never, he thought, had he seen such a lucious creature. Sure, he'd dated once or twice, and those girls were all very pretty in his opinion, but none of them even nearly compared with Sapphira. Not their light or dark hair. Not their rosey cheeks and lips. Not even their well endowed bodies that made most of the boys at Hogwarts sigh in delight. Sapphira was all of her own, and he felt honored to be in her presance.

"Let's go." a slightly drowsy voice said suddenly. Remus and Sapphira broke their stare and looked up at the raven haired witch leaning against the wall with her arms tightly crossed.

"Oh, yeah." Remus said blushing. Drusella raised a brow and lead the group down the stairs.

James looked around as he and the others headed for the wedding. Along the walls there were several pictures. Like the ones from his world. Few were left of Sirius, but those that remained were those of his early childhood. One had him and Mrs. Black panning through spell books. Sirius must have been about two or three because Mrs.Black was rounded with Regulas. Another showed the whole Black family. Narcissa, whose usual haughty face structure was common, had pink chubby cheeks and her light blonde hair in braids.

Another was of a pretty woman and a young man. Both had emensly dark hair and round eyes. The woman had angelic skin and her hair was pulled back at the nape of her neck. She wore a white dress that must have been silky and the neck was lacey and decorated with pale ribbon.

The man had lighter hair then the woman, but it was still very dark. He had chocolate brown eyes and wore a black tunic. His hands sat on the woman's shoulders and often played with a strand of her hair. Both were smiling and laughing.

"That's my mum and dad when they were teens." Sirius said, stepping up to the couple. Their marrige was arranged. I guess you can tell by how diffrent they act towards each other. But, when I was little, they acted like the perfect couple. Then as Regulus and I got older, they showed their true colors. Mum agonized dad crazy. Now, he perposly works longer hours.

"It was funny, when I was eleven, just before the letter came, they got into this huge argument. Regulus and I were in the next room over. He started wailing beyond belief and they came rushing in. He must have been about five or six. They got of choked up after that-quit fighting while we were around."

Lily blinked and Sirius grinned at her. James was hurriedly following the others. They could hear Narcissa's loud complaints about her dress robes from down the stairs.

"Well, Evans, we better get going!" he said sighing. Lily nodded and the two headed down the squeaky set of stairs.

Gathered in the Black's large livingroom, were dozons of couples and families. A man and a women, both equal in lanky and skinniness, stood by he grand fire-place. They stood out because the man's eyes and nose, the the woman's face shape and hair color were identical to that of one member of the little group. Mr. and Mrs. Higgs.

They noticed thier daughter, Sapphira,and waved slightly. Their structure was alot like the Black's, infact, practically the whole room was filled with up-tight looking people with pursed lips and thin eyebrows, enough for the perfect look of haugtiness.

Sirius noticed his mother and father by the clock talking to a unfamilier man and woman. They both had very dark hair and golden skin. He suspected they must have had something to do with the ministry-his dad knew alot of people in the ministry that he didn't. When a tinkle like bell rang through the house, everyone began to shift outdoors.

Lily's eyes widened as she steped outside. It was gorgous! The most beautiful wedding she'd ever seen- and boy had seen many ones very spectacular. Muggle weddings were nothing compared to this. Long, church like benches sat over the lush green grass and were isled by an emboraidered white and pink carpet that lead to the alter.

The entire backyeard had been morphed into one of the most romantic scenes Lily had ever laid eyes on. Doves clomped around the pond and hearts made of assorted flowers hung magically in mid air.

Lily looked at her companions and was releived to see the same suprised look on her fellow muggle-born, Drusella's, face. Even Remus and Peter looked quite impressed. But James and Sirius walked to their seats on the bride's side, unfazed by the beauty that stood around them.

'Oh them!' she thought. 'Rich wizards, they're so hard to please.' Lily pulled in next to James who scooted over while Sirius pulled Druslla next to him. Remus slid in next to Lily and Sapphira and Peter followed.

Sapphira looked around subconciously, noticing some girls about their age taking a seat a few benches behind them. They were dressed in their best robes, and their dark hair were weaved or braised or curled. On the grooms side, three girls had slid in across from Sapphira and the rest. One had frizzy red hair, another with wavy brown hair and the last with long, straight, dirty blonde hair. The red head tilted her head toward James, Sirius and Remus, who were busy fighting over a snitch in James' hand, and they began to giggle. Sapphira heared Drusella sigh. The sigh she gave when she was utterly bored with life and was longing to have her gutair to write morbid songs about it.

'Sorry, Dru...' she thought mentally giggiling.

"Hi!" a cheery voice said out of nowhere. Sapphira looked up to see the blonde and brunette and red head standing by their bench all misty eyed and pink cheeked. Remus, Sirius and James quit playing immideitly and stared up at their suprise company.

"Hello." Peter said in a small voice. The brunete giggled lightly.

"I'm Shawnna. And that's Morganna and Cordelia." The brunette said, pointing to the red head and blonde. They both grinned sheepishly.

"We're cousins of the groom." Morganna said quickly. Sirius smiled and held his hand out, leaning toward them to shake their hands. The girls giggled again.

"I'm Sirius Black, cousin of bride. And these are my friends. The boy with the glasses is James Potter, that girl beside him is his girl Lily Evans. This lovely lady here is Drusella Cammolie-don't mind her scrowl look, she hates everybody-that Remus Lupin and his girl Sapphira Higgs, and that right there is our mate, Peter Pettigrew." he said carefully, his charming grin still layed over his good looking face.

"It's nice to meet you all. Now that we're cousins of some sort, Sirius." Shawnna said, flashing her perfectly straight teeth.

"Oh yeah. It's great to meet you too." Sirius said. Remus looked at him alarmingly. He was defidently flirting. And right in front of Drusella too! Padfoot could be such a player. He glanced over at Drusella worriedly. But she hadn't had seemed to notice. She rather looked as though she'd fall asleep at any moment.

"Hey-you okay?'' he leaned in and asked her in a voice so low, that Sirius couldn't hear. Dru lifted her head from her arm that was resting lazily on her knee, and raised an uninterested brow.

"I said, are you okay?' " he repeated. She blinked slightly and nodded.

"Never been better." she answered dryly. That was no suprise though.

"Oh, okay then." he said slowly.

James and Lily sat quietly. There wasn't really much to talk about. Lily was still busy, gazing dreamily at the wedding decorations and gasping here and there. James found this really boring. Where was an amazing supried situation when you needed one? At least _that_ would be interesting.

'How about _him_.' the nasty voice in his head sneered. James clentched his teeth. 'Dammit!' his real thoughts growled. 'It hasn't died away yet.' It was the same dead depressing voice that he had when he was suicidal and angry.

'Would having _him_ here make things interesting?'

"Shut up." he muttered under his breath. That sniviling, nosy, two timming, annoying voice in his head really started to unnerve him. Of course he didn't want 'him' to come. That was ludicris. Why would anyone hope for a mass murderer to show up just for their enjoyment? 'No.' he thought intently. 'I do NOT want him to show up. Not here. Not at all. I wish he'd die along with that stupid voice!'

As James thought this, the tune of a large organ playing filled his ears. He looked up, startled, to see a little girl, with the Black's trademark dark hair and good looks, slowly walking down the asile, dropping a handfull of roses as she passed. Her look was intent, and she faltered, as flower girls were supposed to. A few "aw's " were heared from the crowed, but the girl didn't smile or grin once.

'Damn' James thought. ' Even the little Black's are uptight. Whoever marries Sirius' aunt better be real headstrong.'

When the bride walked down, the intire room turned and watched her as she gracefully strode across the asile. Lily felt a little jab of jealousy in her heart.

'Oh she's so pretty, like a doll. And look at how James is looking at her. I'll never be that beautiful of a bride.' Indeed, the bride was very beautiful. She wore a white silk robe that trailed behind her like a white ocean. In her folded hands, she held a bouquet of white roses. Lily looked back up at the alter. A handsome young man with light brown hair, bouncing nervously, stared at her breathlessly.

'Aww...how sweet. That long look of love.' she thought longingly. 'It's just like how James looks at you!' the voice in the back of your head that's always trying to grab your attention, cried. She felt herself blush.

Lily looked over at James who looked a little paranoid. He bit his lip and shivered. She smiled and shook her head gigilishly. That was her James.

Yeah. Her James.

**There you go. Chapter over. Now review! REVIEW I SAY!**


	19. Down Once More

**I am finally beginning the next chapter of Tears In Heaven. I do not own anything, as you already now...and so, without further a due, let us begin!**

_**Down Once More**_

James frowned as the train pulled out of the station, finalizing their short vacation and purging them into another fine time at school. He didn't want to go back; he wanted to stay away from the hardships of lessons and pressure of Quidditch. His wrists bulged with the lack of being severed, and his need for blood was intensifying. But a small touch on his hand, as Lily grasped his in hers, demolished the thought from his mind.

"James, thank you." she said in a tiny voice. The smile that had popped onto James' face died away as he looked to the floor. Innocent Lily, his beloved, was the only thing that held him back from continuing to cut himself. She was the only reason why he had stopped. And she was the reason why he had started.

Lily looked up at him as he turned his face from hers to stare out the window. Her stomach sank when she saw the dead look in his eyes. She wondered if he was still cutting behind her back. He, after all, had done it before. This disturbed her; how could happy go lucky, extreme prat-James Potter cut himself? She had always rendered him a mainly good natured person, full of life and rough and ready. She would never have imagined he'd cut himself.

Her mind flowed onto a memory that she somehow could never forget. It was in sixth year, a year ago from this exact day, and she had decided to visit her friend out on the Quidditch field. At the time, her loathing for James was already well known. The two had a love-hate relationship; with the love being mainly one sided. While so many girls melted under Potter's charm and appeal, his love for her remained unrequited.

Nothing about James Potter was attractive. He was a self-absorbed prat with no morals whatsoever. He'd torture others just for entertainment. Why, James Potter was nothing but a bully. A boy with no heart or anything.

Then she thought differently.

Rini played Quidditch then, and was a pretty good beater. She had always had a liking for Potter, easily succumbing to his ingenious facade that tricked the world into thinking he was your average everyday teen bachelor. Rini had basically scorned Lily for not taking advantage of James' romance, but remained her friend and supported her thoughts and emotions.

Lily walked out onto the field and to the bleachers where a few students sat, chatting busily about their day and watching the players warm up and work out. So, of course the majority of the on-lookers were girls, eager to see the handsome young boys sweat and flex their muscles until they could no longer. This always seemed to amuse Lily. It was the first time she had ever come out during practice, but from what the girls in her dorm said, it was quite a spectacle.

It was when she sat down on the Gryffindor bleacher, and pulled her shoulder length red hair from her face, that she saw something that twisted her imagination.

Potter was instructing some boy on how to swing his bat. The boy must have been the new beater everyone was gossiping about. He was little, probably a second year, and he looked up at James in the utmost admiration. But it wasn't the insolent little boy that took Lily's breath away, no in fact it was the one person she hated the most. James Potter.

He was shirtless, and the sweat glistened off his chest. A few faint giggles were heard from the girls behind her, but Lily's focus on the boy droned them out. For once, Potter didn't look like his usual narcissistic self, and looked almost father-like as he showed the boy the best way to swing.

Lily's hate for the young seeker died from her mind and she felt herself entranced by every move that he made. He kneeled down, possibly showing the little boy a few pointers, and tears formed in her eyes as the boy hugged him happily. James patted the boy's head and pulled back, laughing and she could hear him warning him about how sweaty he still was.

It was the first time Lily had ever seen James look so kind. So caring and so loveable. At the time, she was still blind to how broken and dead he was inside. He had not started to hurt himself-or at least not with a knife. Lily found herself liking this James. The fatherly type one who helped out little kids instead of beating the crap out of them.

That image of James had never been erased from her mind. She couldn't see the dad-like man in front of her now. All she could see was someone dark and lifeless, hurt by the fact that his life hadn't been stolen long ago.

These thoughts disturbed her greatly. She loved James more then anyone could imagine and seeing him pained so-and knowing she couldn't do anything about it- was like knives drilling into her heart. A year or two ago, she would have rendered James' horrible blood addiction childish and another resort for attention, however, now, as if personally effected her, it seemed horrible.

James had always been nothing but sweet to her, so seeing him emotionally distraught and hardcore like this was scary. James wasn't supposed to be this way, and yet he was. Lily didn't know what to do about it, but she hoped and prayed that it would end by itself, knowing fully well that it wouldn't. James was a troubled teenager, dealing poorly with the mishaps in his life.

One would think that after finally getting Lily, James would stop this horrible issue, but he didn't. Lily felt as though it was only growing worse by each passing moment. And if she left him, she'd not only hurt him to God knows where, but she'd hurt herself. She didn't want to loose James-she loved him and wanted to be with him forever.

"It isn't like you have ever been as dedicated to this relationship as he has." A nasty voice in her head murmured. Lily turned her head and her frown deepened. It was sad, but true. For almost three years, James Potter had been trailing after Lily, trying to get her to hang out with him or talk friendly with him and she never gave him the light of day. He never gave up though, and while it might have been annoying at first, Lily was beyond grateful that he had held on. He really loved her and she really loved him.

"Hey, Lily…are you okay?" James' soft but deep voice asked. Lily looked up at him and smiled, gently slipping her hand into his. He looked down at it and tightened his grip. As he squeezed her hand most affectionately, Lily couldn't help but feel a little better. This was true happiness. All those years of lost life and confusion all lead up to this perfect moment-whoever would guess that Lily Evans would find real comfort and happiness in her arch rival James Potter? But that was how things were, and Lily wouldn't give it up for the entire world.

This was it. This was the moment-this was the point of no return. Lily Evans was completely infatuated with James, she needed him more then she needed anything else in the world, and she was determined to keep him as hers.

It seemed like ages before the two spoke again, both lost in their own thoughts, not aware of each other's longing to hear their voice.

When the Hogwarts castle came clear in view, the door to the compartment pulled open and in walked Remus Lupin. His brown hair was tousled and he had a tired expression on his face. He noticed how bad he looked and his cheeks tinted red.

"Sorry, I just woke up. Came in here to make sure you were all awake. Well, seeing as you all _are_ awake, I'll just go back to my compartment." Remus said turning and leaving quickly. James laughed lightly and shook his head, squeezing Lily's hand protectively.

"James, I love you." Lily said, turning to face him. A small smile fell upon his darkened face and he leaned over to kiss her. They shared a soft, gentle kiss and then parted, looking at each other with only love and no shyness.

"I love you too, Lily." He said, caressing her cheek with the back of his hand. Lily closed her eyes and held his hand in place with her own. James smiled softly at this affectionate gesture, looking at Lily with the utmost admierance.

Could this really be the same Lily Evans that had disliked him for so long? Could the girl who was disgusted at the mere mention of his name really be the girl who was so madly and deeply in love with him? But it didn't matter.

As the train reared to a slow stop, they broke their gaze and stood from their seats. James stood up and grabbed their bags, holding Lily's in his hands which made her a little bit cranky.

He only smiled at her sweetly and joined up with his friends. Lily stayed behind to walk with the other girls. Bellatrix, Narcissa and their cousin walked as far away from the two groups as possible, but no one really seemed to care.

Lily was having a right fine time speaking softly to the other three girls. Andromeda and Sapphira both smiled at each other giggilishly and whispered about the boys while Drusella stared out into nothingness. The depressed girl confused Lily somewhat but she never chose to think about it.

Drusella was a pretty girl with long black and white streaked hair, much like a skunk and though she was short and deprived looking-Lily could see why Sirius was attracted to her. Lily always thought that Dru had a clever sense of style. Both, of course, were muggle born and often wore muggle style clothing. Today Dru had on a pair of black jeans with a chain attached to them, a yellow t-shirt that said 'WEST SIDE STORY' printed in large black letters and a forest green jacket. Lily wore a brown knee-length skirt, a blue and white stripped blouse and a matching brown leather vest. She wore grey thigh high socks and brown loafers.

Lily slowed down and fell back so that she could walk with Drusella. The girl shot a look at her and she smiled back warmly.

"Hey, how are you doing?" she asked softly. Drusella shrugged and gripped her duffle bag tighter in her hands. Lily's smile faded from her lips. The Ravenclaw always seemed so depressed. The only time she ever seemed happy was with Sirius. This made Lily smile again though. It was like with James, he was the only one who ever made her, Lily, feel special and beautiful. The look in his eyes was the best thing she had ever seen and she prayed that it would stay there forever.

Her eyes trailed onto James who stood ahead of her, messing around with his friends. He looked so bo-like there, jumping onto Sirius' back and making both of them fall. Remus and Peter erupted into laughter and jumped onto the dogpile, soon after Sapphira and Andromeda climbed in too.

Lily grabbed Drusella's hand and dragged her to the pile, shoving both their weights onto the rest of the gang. James laughed like mad and Sirius whimpered like a puppy. Peter kept moving around and Remus howled in laughter. This was childish-but quite fun. Lily didn't remember when she had last joined in a mash pit.

After a few minutes of screwing around though, they stood up like respectable young adults and picked up their luggage. The castle seemed so beautiful in the daylight, and the cool Feburary wind blew their hair.

''What a perfect day!" Lily said chearfully. James ran up from behind her and took her in a tight, loving embrace.

"Perfect day for Quiddditch, that is." He said with a grin. Lily smiled and hit him playfully.

"What would you do without Quidditch?"

"What would I do without you?'' James asked suddenly. She looked at him sincerly before gently hitting him.

"Die of shame-I don't know." He laughed and squeased her protectively.

"I love you." She smiled and savored him gentle embrace. Lily could be here forever, it felt so right and so comfortable. James stroked her hair gently and smiled down at her.

"I love you too."

The next day they began to get back on scheduel. James and Drusella had an early Transfiguration, and were already in the breakfast hall when Lily woke up. The red haired girl met up with the other Marauders and Andrea and they walked down to accompany the other two for a meal. James smiled as Lily sat down next to him, taking his hand in hers and squeasing it lovingly. Remus decended the table for a second to have a word with Sapphira and came back with a common smile.

"Ready for classes then, Mates?" Remus asked, turning to look at his friends. Sirius looked up at him and a very familiar grin fell upon his lips. His dark eyes lit up and he nudged his friend.

"What are you so merry about, mate?" He asked. A faint blush appeared on Moony's face but he brushed it off.

"I'm just happy, that's all. My, you're nosey." It was Sirius' turn to blush. But a good natured smile soon replaced it.

"We've been friends for seven years and you've just realized that!" James laughed and smacked his friend.

Lily looked up at him and smiled happily. This was more like him-James was ment to be a happy person. She had problems with distressed and depressed James, and this was how she wanted him to be. Happy and mischevious, like a Marauder was supposed to be.

After breakfast they headed to class, each going their seperate ways.

James raced to catch up with Drusella who had left earlier. There she walked, looking like a dementor in her robes of black and shiny black hair. James rushed up next to her, and she turned slowly to look at him. Her dark eyes stared at him curiously and he didn't know why, but he blushed. She turned her head away and kept walking. James walked with her in silence.

"Are you okay?" A faint, misty voice asked. James looked down at the shorter girl and sighed. He knew she knew what was going on. There was no hiding anything from this girl-she knew it all.

"Yeah...in a way. But it's hard-I mean, I haven't hurt myself in almost a month. And my wrists hurt from lack of it. But I swore to Lily I wouldn't... and I already screwed up once-I'm not willing to do it again." James said slowly and thoughtfully. Drusella's eyes kept to the floor but she did nodd and look up at him.

"Just keep it up, alright?" And then they entered the classroom and took their seperate seats.

**I know this wasn't exactly a 'great' chapter...so I am sorry. The angst is tied in there, though, so I am glad for that. Anywhoo, hope you all enjoy your spring break!**


	20. Fate Fell Short

**I don't own anything. **

**Thanks for all the reviews, people! On with the story...**

_**Fate Fell Short**_

The tests were difficult. They left the four boys deemed as the Marauders, lying tiredly on the grass near the lake. It was a popular hang out place for the students, especially at this time of the year. The boys stared out to the lake, talking lazily about random subjects. Sirius stretched out on the grass and moaned.

"I hate school work! How anyone can stand it is beyond me!" He whined, closing his eyes and moving uncomfortably on the tough ground. He opened up one lazily when he heard Remus laugh ironically.

"Is that so? Well, then, maybe your girl can fill you in." Sirius sat up and looked across the field to see Drusella romping across the wet grass holding seven large books in one arm, her bag with several more slung over her shoulder and held one open in her other hand, trying to read.

"How the bloody hell is she doing that?" Sirius asked, running a hand through his hair, wildly. James grinned and leaned back against the tree.

"She has the balance of any good Quidditch player-and the strength of a great beater."

Then she tripped over a rock and fell.

"And the grace of a...Sirius." Remus added, scratching the back of his head. Sirius turned around and smacked him, then jumped and ran to her aid, helping her with her books and glaring at the kids who were laughing at her. Soon, both Sirius and Drusella joined the boys.

"Nice one, Cammolie!" Peter said, giving her the thumbs up. Drusella glared at him and he back down. James laughed and shook his head, reached into his pocket of his robes and pulled out a snitch. Drusella eyed it warily as it began to struggle in his grasp.

"The Professor," she said, indicating that she meant the Quidditch Professor, "will kill you if she sees you with that!" James shrugged indifferently.

"I've nicked it countless times." he said, letting it go, watching it begin to zoom away, and taking it back in his grasp.

"What if you were to loose it? I highly doubt your team mates will thank you on a bended knee for that!" Drusella said pointedly.

"I'm a pretty good-" But he never got to finish his sentence because just then Sapphira came rushing towards them, looking absolutely flustered.

"There's been an attack!" she said, out of breath. The boys all stood up, looking alarmed.

"It's dealing with Voldemort! A huge group of muggles and wizards and witches have been killed. It's all over the paper!" Sapphira threw the paper to the floor and the front cover showed millions of people crying.

"Do they have any idea who was attacked?" Remus asked, turning pale at the thought. Sapphira shook her head but looked at James.

"Only a few people are known to have died. I am sorry James, but your parents were involved in the area..." James backed up slowly, looking at the ground and shaking his head.

"Sapphira, when did you find out?" Remus asked, his voice shaking uncontrollably. The brunette Hufflepuff wiped a tear from her honey colored eyes and pointed at the paper.

"Just now. Snapple just delivered my mail...a letter from mum and the Daily Prophet." She said this looking at James. Drusella looked around bewildered and turned to face Sirius when she felt his hand on hers.

She understood immediately. Drusella knew that James' parents were like second parents-good parents-to Sirius. It was like loosing his own family. They had taken him in when no one else would.

James stood there looking at the floor, silent as a mouse. He was shaking all over, gulping and running a hand through his already messy hair.

The two girls just stared as the boys erupted into tears. Sapphira, who had begun to cry, wrapped her arms around Remus, who too was crying. Peter fell to the ground, his face in his hands, and wept. Drusella almost lost her balance as Sirius toppled over her, gripping her tightly in a heavy embrace and sobbing uncontrollably on her shoulder.

Drusella was not one who showed her emotions fairly. She had been locked in her own world and own pain for so long that tears were hard to come by. She was sure the Potters were great people and felt and buzz of remorse for them, but for the life of her, couldn't make herself cry. Dru was dumbstruck, angry and fearful for the attack-but shed no tears.

That night, as the whole school gathered for dinner in the Great Hall, everything was silent. News had spread quickly about the attacks-and one more already had been made. No one was in the mood to laugh or talk, not even the muggle hating students, who, in turn, looked rather shaken up about the whole thing too.

James hadn't come down for dinner, or Lily, who decided to keep an eye on James and be sure he didn't harm himself in any way. He didn't mind her company-even if she was in the other room. He, however, insisted that his friends go down for the meal and that he would speak to them later.

Remus wasn't so sure about all of it. He loved the Potter's dearly-after all, they were like family. So far, this year had only brought trouble for James-even if he finally had Lily. It was hard to watch his best friend suffer through all this personal loss and depression.

He looked over at Sirius who was stirring his soup quietly, not really paying attention. Remus couldn't blame him-everyone wasn't paying attention at the moment.

His eyes scanned the room and landed on Sapphira, who looked ever distraught and kept wiping her eyes, as if knowing the tears would come. She looked so pretty there, looking worried sick and scared at the same time. Remus sighed and felt a push in his stomach. He had no idea what he would do if she were attacked. Nor what would happen if it were one of the Marauders. He wanted to protect them forever. But how?

Remus wasn't a depressed fellow, so he decided to think about something happy. His pranks with his friends, their good natured relationship, and time spent with Sapphira...the way she kissed. He couldn't help but grin a little bit at that. After all, he was, in fact, a teenage boy. The first time he'd ever kissed Sapphira was a few days after Prongs woke up. It was sudden, almost spontaneous-but he had just leaned in and kissed her.

"Mate, I'm going to turn in." Remus turned to see Sirius stand up and stretch. He nodded and told Padfoot that he would be up soon. And without another word, Moony watched his fellow dog-like friend tired away from the table and out the huge mahogany doors. He smiled slightly when he saw another figure race after Sirius, and Remus turned back to his meal.

James sighed as he lied in bed, running his hands over his face in a tired fashion. This year had only been down hill for him, with an exception of finally getting Lily. He wasn't very close with his parents, less then he realized, but he still missed them. Even if his father was a pusher towards his only son, and his mother was too happy and then too worried, they were still his family and he at least owed them mourning.

James closed his eyes and tried to drift off to sleep. Sleep was what he needed-anything to get his mind off the problem he was currently facing. Just when he thought he had not a single reason to ever want to harm himself, this happened. But he wouldn't cut himself because he was feeling sorry for himself-but because it was a pain killer. It would take his mind off of the situation, and dear as his family was, James couldn't handle all the pain.

He heard someone walk into his room quietly, and knew it was Lily. He felt her eyes on him as they searched him worriedly and sadly. She took a seat on his bed, and placed some kind of drink on his bedside table. Then he felt her reach up over him and wipe a few strands of his unkempt jet black hair away from his eyes.

Lily was beside herself in pain. She couldn't believe how unfair James Potter's life was-how painful it must be to walk in his shoes. It wasn't, as so many people, including herself, believed, where he led an exceptional and wonderful life. Lily couldn't imagine her parents pushing her to be more then she was not-nor could she imagine how she would take their death. She didn't know how she could deal with loving someone when they, obviously, hated her back. Even with Petunia's cold, seething attitude towards her, Lily understood that her problems were miniscule against some others. Including James Potter.

Looking down at him, she felt a pang in her heart. He was so cute, so masculine and yet boyish. The mischief and playfulness still showed off, despite his closed eyes which usually were alive with mischief. She slid her hand down from his face, which was still screwed up in a peaceful trouble, and laid it near his.

This was Potter, the guy she despised for several years. The guy who was arrogant and deceitful and a playboy jerk who thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. And yet, Lily didn't see that anymore. She saw deeper then the 'shallow' and cold hearted marauder, and found someone she loved dearly. A boy-a man that she could find herself in too. Her sweet, romantic, lovable boyfriend was in pain and there was nothing she could do about it.

Oh, how she hated not being able to do anything when she wanted to. She hated watching people suffer while she just sat there, knowing fully well that there was nothing to do but watch and maybe pray for the best. She didn't like just being a spectator; she wished she could steal his pain away.

Lily's eyes widened when she felt a hand over hers, and watched as James entwined her finger with his, with his eyes still closed. She smiled softly as he squeezed her hand, and brought her other one to his face, gently caressing his tear stricken skin.

"Are you doing alright?" she asked in a hushed tone. James opened one hazel eye, and grinned the ever popular, heart throbbing, girl melting, Potter grin.

"I'm better, at least." Lily looked down at their hands as their finger tapped each other, and danced around playfully.

"Don't look so upset...trust me, you've given me that upset look enough in my life to not have the need to do it again." Lily laughed, holding back a sob.

"I think the look went a little more like this, Potter." she said, switching her face into an angry scowl with every feeling of dislike. James' free hand flew to his face, covering his eyes dramatically.

"Okay, yeah-that's the scary one." Lily laughed as he shivered. "Don't do that again."

"I'm sorry this year has only been increasingly growing worse and worse for you, James. I have no clue how you deal with it all." James sat up slowly, and took both her hands in his, looked deep into her eyes and said, very seriously,

"It's called cancellation. You have all the bad things in your life, yes, but you lighten them up by remembering the good things. Like with me and the cutting, it's horrible but can be canceled out by me knowing that you're finally here-trust me, it's a great thing. With my parents gone, it feels like I am an orphan, who I probably am-but I still have family. Sure, we're not biologically related, but what with you, Padfoot, Moony and Wormtail, I know I'm not family-less."

"Cancellation..." Lily said, echoing him. She had never thought about something like that. Canceling out the majority of the pain by looking on the Brightside. But...

"James, what if there isn't a Brightside-I mean, there can't be a Brightside to everything."

"Then look for one-even if it isn't completely relevant. Like your sister for example-' Lily raised a brow at hearing him mention her sister.

"She's your only sister, your only sibling, and she treats you like dirt because she's afraid of what you really are. Well, think about what you've learned from the experience. You've been taught a lesson.''

"Huh? And what lesson is that?" James grinned.

"That obviously you're the better daughter." Lily smacked him playfully, and he raised his hands in defense.

"Okay, okay, the lesson you learn is very important. You've learned that not everyone is going to like you for who you truly are-even if you change a tiny bit, people who might have claimed to love you will find fault-and you've got to learn to ignore it. You need to know defiance against the stubbornness of other people who can't deal with difference. And with your sister acting the way she does for so long, despite how much it hurts, you've learned to turn the other cheek and deal with it in a healthy, good fashioned way. You aren't dumb like James Potter who was so insecure that he had to resort to cutting himself."

Lily smiled and brushed another strand of his hair away from his eyes.

"If you're insecure then that must make me desperate."

"Better be desperate then insecure."

"Ah, so popular Potter does admit a weakness!"

"Well, you've been a weakness for the past five years!"

"And your friends? Aren't they weaknesses?"

"In different ways."

"You're silly, Potter. Now, here," she handed him the tankard of butter beer. "Drink up, it will help, I promise."

James took the cup from her and took a sip, then looked up at Lily.

"Do you think you could get me a firewiskey?" Lily looked outraged.

"I don't think so, mister! Insuming alcohol when under a lot of pressure isn't any good. You'll get nowhere but insanity by trying to drink the pain away." James groaned.

"So I can't drink and I can't cut myself. What's a respectable pain killer then?"

"Cancellation."

"Shut up."

"Hey, you made it up, not me. I'm just going by how you said-" But James didn't wait for her to finish her sentence, instead he leaned in and kissed her.

"Ha, I made you shut up." He said, grinning down at her breathless expression. Lily narrowed her eyes and smacked his arm.

"Looser."

"But I'm _your_ looser." he said innocently. Lily laughed and kissed him.

Sirius heard someone's footstep behind him, and he stopped, turning around abruptly to see who it might be. Drusella jumped up, surprised, and her usually dull grey eyes widened.

"Are you stalking me?" Sirius asked slowly, unsure what she was doing, sneaking up behind him. Dru snapped out of her shock quickly, and glared hard at him.

"You're one to talk! No, I wasn't stalking you, Mr. Black, I just came to make sure you were alright." she said coldly. Sirius ran a hand through his hair and sighed tiredly.

"I'm perfectly fine, just rather tired." he said half truthfully. The girl arched a brow and turned her head, nodding quickly.

"Right, of course. You best be off to bed then, Good Night, Sirius." she said. Sirius nodded and began to walk away when he suddenly, he felt a strong hand turn him forcefully around. Before he knew what he was doing, he was kissing his girlfriend passionately.

His hands moved to hold her possessively, one hand on the back of her head, the other at the small of her back. Her hands slipped around his neck, and he titled her back, dipping her in a sense to get better access to her mouth. She pulled away quickly and stumbled backwards.

"I'm sorry! I shouldn't have done that! Oh no, what have I done!" she muttered, looking horribly embarrassed.

"What? Don't be worried, Drusella! I don't mind-"

She looked up at him red as a beat, her dark and white hair curtaining her face. She shook her head fiercely and wrapped her arms around herself looking quite mortified.

"G-goodnight, Sirius." she muttered, before rushing past him and taking to the stairs like a prisoner on the run. Sirius spun around and looked at her fleeing figure strangely.

"What was all that about?" A voice asked from the Great Hall doors. Sirius turned to see Moony and Wormtail looking at him and the girl interestedly. Sirius sighed and shrugged.

"No idea, mate. Not a single, ruddy idea."

James burst out laughing all while Sirius glared at him. Prongs could be so insensitive sometimes. Really, he found nothing humorous about what had happened. Not a single thing.

"She kissed you and then ran away? Oh my lord, that's hilarious!" He broke out into fits of laughter again, this time joined in by Remus and Peter. Sirius growled and looked around the room in a very ill-tempered mood.

"Sorry, mate!" Remus said, still laughing and clutching his sides. "But you have to admit...it's pretty funny." With that, the three boys burst into fits of laughter again. Sirus jumped from his seat, glared hard at his friends, and walked out the portrait, huffing all the way back to the Gryffindor dormitory.

Remus, James and Peter exchanged confused glances, and Moony stood up bitting his lip.

"Well, then...we better be going too..." he said uneasily. Peter coughed, nodded and stood, heading towards the portrait that exited the Head's dorm. James nodded.

"I guess we offended him." he muttered. Peter sighed and crossed his arms over his chest.

"We shouldn't have laughed at him. I mean, we shouldn't have made fun of Drusella and him..."

"Yeah, well, too late. We'll go apologize." Remus said softly. And with that said, the two left looking rather shameful.

James sighed and ran his hands through his hair. Padfoot never got that angry over a joke. Even after all his girls, whenever they'd joke about her, Padfoot would laugh along. He'd never freak out like he just did. But then again, James thought smiling softly that was exactly how he reacted with Lily.

"Oh, James, that was really cruel!" James jumped and saw Lily stalking towards him. She had a mixed look of irritation and humor on her lovely face.

"It was a joke!" he cried defensively. Lily placed her hands on her hips and glared at him.

"She's such a sweet girl and Sirius is mad for her, and you rub it in his face that they're having problems? Really, I thought you were better then that!"

James laughed. "I am, really! Trust me; those two will turn out alright. Though, it still shocks me whenever I see them together. Really, Drusella and Sirius Black. And it just sounds weird."

"Oh and Lily and James Potter sounds perfect." Lily said sarcastically. James shot her his infamous lopsided grin.

"But of course!"

"Then what name _would_ sound right for your best friend?"

James shrugged and leaned back in his seat on the couch, looking into the fireplace which was searing with flames.

"She's alright, I'll grant you that much. And the cool part is, if Sirius breaks her heart, she'll break him!"

**Well...sorry it took forever, but I have ideas. It's going to get really interesting soon. We'll see if you can guess what's going to happen. Please review!**


	21. Qu'Ils Ne pouvaient pas Dire

Started: Sunday, July 17th 2005

Ended: Tuesdat, July 19th 2005

**I don't own anything. Okay-I'm really sorry that I haven't updated in a real long time. My computer caught a bug and deleated the chapter. But trust me-this chapter is full of excites and suprises. You'll be shocked after you've read it. By the way, the title means: What they Couldn't tell. Now; enjoy Tears In Heaven.**

_**Qu'Ils Ne pouvaient pas Dire**_

One could not honestly say that the week had gone by entirely peaceful. There had been several more murders in both the wizarding and muggle world. The killing of Tristan Mades was by far the most shocking of the fifteen murders. He was well known in both relms, being a very talented wizard and rich man play boy in the muggle.

He was one of the best of the new age Aurors in the country and was unmistakably murdered by the villian and serial killer under the alias-Lord Voldemort.

So far, information had leaked out about the upcomming war. Good vurus evil, however cheazy it sounded, was the idea and plot point at the time. Death Eaters-as they were called, were the followers of Voldemort. They were the select few witch and wizards hand picked by Voldemort himself that totally supported his idea to rid the wizarding world of all those who had any trace of muggle blood in them, and usually did his dirty work. Aurors were the good guys. They were the most qualified and most loyal witches and wizards who defended the inocent victims-the muglle blooded folk-from the ecvil seize the Death Eaters held. A conversation in Friday's late Transefiguration class gave root to the idea of sensible and fair jobs.

Professor Minerva McGonagal looked around her dim lited classroom, eyeing each student with proud admiration. This gaze, of course, strengthened as her honey-suckle colored eyes passed over four very special boys. Each one were better known for their knack for mischief over their well-to-do-behavior, but each were strong, smart and brave. They called themselves the Marauders or some silly group name like that-Minerva wasn't sure, and were made up of James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. All four had the power to become great wizards, and she didn't doubt any of them. Sure, she was a little difficult on the last of the boys, young Pettigrew, but she willingly and fully respected and trusted him just as she did with the other boys.

"Now, can anyone tell me what they believe is the best reason to join the Auorors? Despite the obvious fact that you probably won't be making as much as a professional Quidditch player, there are still some pros. Who can answer my question?" James Potter, a black haired boy who had a difficult year, raised his hand. McGonagal nodded to him and he got this look of total and complete seriousness on his handsome face.

"The girls, Professor." The class burst into fits of giggles and even the usually stern Professor felt the urge to smile. He grinned and shook his head.

"No, really...it's the pride. It's that unstopable sense of pride one gets when they know they're risking their necks for their country. Quidditch may have the joy of pleasing fans and doing something you really love, but stepping out there-defending innocent people-and getting the chance to fight for your own well deserved rights gives you a thrill you can never deny." James said, allowing McGonagal to smile freely.

Lily Evans, James' girlfriend, squeezed his hand underneath the desk and his friends all grinned at him. He looked across the classroom into the grey eyes of his friend's girlfriend. She raised her brows in a mysterious yet severe way.

"Very good, Mr.Potter; twenty points to Gryffindor." Professor McGonagal said, unable to contain her pride. She cleared her throat, and turned to face her students once more.

"Of course, there are other jobs that grant you the joy of pride, that don't require you to obviously risk your neck! They're called Healers, and I've had several of my female and, yes-a few male students take up this job. Its basically hospitalized work, but nothing less against an Auror. Not a bad paying job either. It's defidently a job for someone who wants that feverish good feeling Mr.Potter expressed to us but not have to have to be running across feilds protectively chasing Death Eaters."

For the rest of the period, they discussed the two jobs. Many girls wanted to be Healers, but several were excited by the mere thought of being Aurors. This group included Lily Evans, Tanya Louis, Sapphira Higgs, Drusella Cammolie and Sanjya Cooperoses.

"Being an Auror sounds like an excellent job! It even sounds a tad bit fun!" Lily was saying as they left the Transfiguration classroom.

"I'd say-the whole idea of having to render yourself emotionless seems pretty prideinflicting to me. Personally, I can't wait to give it a go." Lily and Sapphira stopped in their tracks as they looked at Drusella Cammolie confusedly. The four marauders were lagging behind, clearly amusing themselves by sniggering over something secretive.

"What do you mean 'render yourself emotionless'?" Sapphira asked, tilting her head to one side and sliding her red rimmed glasses onto the top of her mousy brown haired head. Drusella sent her a blank look and coughed.

"Now, come on-don't be an idiot. It's quite obvious that any trace of emotion will destroy your chances of being a good Auror. Emotion will be the brick wall that will seperate you from achiving what you really want. It would be fool-handy to submit into emotion while in combat. Clearly only the best Auorors can master being totaly and completely emotionless."

"Totally and completely emotionless, eh? Sounds like we've got the World's greatest Auoror aspiring before us, then!" Drusella spun around and shot a smirking Sirius a deathly glare. Remus steped past the laughing Sirius to take hold of Sapphira's elbow.

"I do believe our young Sirius has met his match." he said, in a low whisper that made Sapphira giggle.

"Amazingly funny, Mr.Black. I'd be quite interested to see how you do as an Auror...you know, pranking a Death Eater won't exactly destroy them into peices. But you know, a little smirk and some well thought out flirting might just win you their hearts." The raven haired girl said coolly. Sirius looked at her and winced.

"Ouch. You know my smirk is only for you, Du-Dru." he said in a faked pained voice. Drusella raised an unamused brow and turned away from him.

"Besides, wasn't it you who said emotion will save the person it destoryed?" Sirius asked, his voice turning serious. James and Remus looked at him, and Peter's head perked up interestedly. Drusella turned to face her boyfriend with a vacant expression on her sullen, emotion-deprived face.

"Of-of course. Yes, I said that, but what has it got to do-"

"Oh, come on then, it has _everything_ to do with the present situation! Your emotions are your strength-your given gift. Personally, I believe that your emotions are quite worth while."

"But the lack of feeling is the safest path! If you allow yourself to feel it only brings the worse! It'll only bring you pain!" Drusella cried. James had never seen Drusella act this way, nor had he ever seen such a look on her face. The ordinary look of gloom and no-feeling was replaced with the strongest of emotions-fear and anger.

"Oh and shunning them is the smart thing! Really, you've been alone for too long!" Sirius snorted.

"But who am I to think that you'd figure that out, but an imbicile! It's never blown up in your face and it's never clawed you down, ripped you apart and began strangling you in the most unpredictable and scariest ways!" And then she scurried off, looking absolutely flustered and nearing-could it be, tears?

Sirius looked confused and stared at his companions with a weary and helpless expression. They all just shrugged back, unhelpingly.

"Oh, Sirius! That was a really rotten thing to say! How could you mock her at such a thing!" Lily snapped, Sapphira nodded with a stern expression. The two remaining girls chased after the fleeing one, but not without shooting Sirius a stony look.

Sirius looked back at his friends and shrugged weakly. Peter bit his lip and Remus and James exchanged odd expressions.

"I-now, I didn't say anything too horrible, eh?" he asked, eyeing the three of them. All shrugged and had a look on their faces that clearly showed that they would rather be anywhere but there at the moment. James dicided to break the silence.

"Well, then...we better get to lunch."

The black haired figure of a girl rushed around the corner of the corridor, not pausing nor noticing the two other girls racing to catch up with her. She didn't pay mind to the students she absent mindedly ran into. Nothing mattered as she forced herself not to cry. This would have been twice so far that a situation concerning Sirius had brought her to tears. But she refused to cry.

"Drusella! Drusella Cammolie, wait up!" A loud, female voice could be heard shouting behind her. She stopped, momentairly to allow them to catch up. When Sapphira and Lily appeared at her side, she grasped their shoulders and pulled them into an empty classroom.

"Oh, Dru, I'm sorry!" Lily cried as Drusella shut the door. Both Lily and Sapphira looked at her sadly. What had happened back there was really dramatic.

"Yeah, Sirius was a real prat." Sapphira jeered. The black haired girl looked at them exasperedly and shook her head, falling into a seat and covering her eyes with the sleaves of her black velvet robes.

"No...no, he wasn't. It was all my fault!" she moaned. Sapphira and Lily looked up at her unexpectedly. What did she mean? He had just mocked her-about her social status-right in front of her. Lily knew she'd be mad if it had happened to her. And how was it her own fault? She hadn't said anything mean or wrong.

"He was right. He was just being honest. We can't blame him for that." Lily manuvered over to wrap an arm around the depressed girl. Drusella had become somewhat of a sister-or best friend to her. Seeing her hurt-which was obvious no matter how much Dru tried to deny it-broke Lily up inside. All the 'Marauder's Girls', as they called themselves jokingly, had become family. Girls of whom she'd never spoken to she confided in most.

"Still, it was wrong of him to say that." Sapphira said crossly. Drusella looked up at her, shook her head, and then once again buried it in her trembling hands. The thick white section of her hair curtained her face, while the black fell like silk over her shoulders. They blended in with her dark robes, which she had recieved as a present from Alice that summer.

"It was easier-back then...don't you think?" Dru asked softly, finally looking up at them. The terrified, sad expression was lost and she regained her emotionless facade. Lily and Sapphira looked at each other, unsure of how to answer.

"Well, I mean, sure being little was fun-" Lily started. The dark haired girl shook her head and leaned closer in with the other two girls.

"That's not what I meant! I mean, it was easier before we got envolved with somebody. I should have known right then and there that this would only bring me pain."

Sapphira looked at her, wide eyed. "You must be joking! You and Sirius always look so happy together! Happy, you know-like you really enjoy each other's company!"

"No, No-its not like that! I love spending time with him and he's truly the greatest man I've ever gotten the pleasure to be with-but..." Drusella stopped, looking rather embarassed. Lily leaned in and shook her head, thinking of James. She understood what Dru was saying perfectly. It wasn't as though she despised James; no it was quite the opposite. She loved Potter with all her mind, body and soul. It was just, sometimes-things just seemed so complicated and sometimes she began to miss life away from worrying about dating and romance all together.

"Remus is sweet, you know. He's smart and he's funny and he defends me when I'm being teased. He doesn't physically fight-even though sometimes I can tell he wants to beat the life out of some people, but talks them straight, sometimes even scaring them with cheerful and good manered threats. But you know, sometimes it seems like he's hiding something from me-and it scares me because I feel like he doesn't trust me. But I do know I ought to allow him some privacy, allow him to have his own little secrets. It's only healthy and would be wrong of me to intrude." Sapphira said in a very mystical, very dreamy voice.

Lily smiled sweetly; James' cunning and handsome featues comming to mind. "James is absolutly amazing. He's not at all the narsacitic child I once thought him as-in fact, I've rarely seen him at all very selfish. He treats me like gold, but knows better then to spoil me. He's even a few times repremended me and I've learned from his lessons. James has his problems, theres no doubt about that, but they make him so much more attractive."

Silence fell over the three girls. All were thinking lovingly about their boyfriends, or some were.

"I'm sure Peter is...quite...nice." Sapphira suddenly said, looking rather uncomfortable. Lily grinned and looked at her.

"Nice enough to attract a twelve year old girl. Now, I mean nothing horried about it because Andrea Parker is a very lovely girl. They look so cute together, anyhow, and Peter is really good to her."

"Yeah...she was going on about something like that to me in the library."Drusella piped. Andrea Parker, the happy-go-lucky, blonde haired second year was by far the girls favorite younger classmate. With her sweet and yet spicy attitude, she fit in well with the group. Plus, she wasn't a crazed fan girl and at least someone liked Peter.

"It's quite funny, don't you think? You know, how none of us are really Marauder fan girls?" Sapphira said with a cool smile. Lily and the still emotion deprived Drusella nodded nonverbally. It was true, none of the four girls had started out as Marauder fans, except for Andrea of course. Her little squalling group of second year friends could be seen seething over the four boys. Lily felt bad for Andrea because it seemed that the more time she spent with her boyfriend, the less her friends wanted to spend with her. It must be very hard at such an aspiringly young age.

"I hated James before, thats for sure. How were you guys' veiws on your men, before?" Lily asked curiously. She never stopped to wonder what Drusella Cammolie-the scary loner and Sapphira Higgs-the strange mystical book worm thought of the two popular boys.

Sapphira blushed and let out a nervous giggle. Her thick, wavy brown hair bounced around her as she laughed, and her honey-suckle eyes lit up making her features stunning and full of life. It was no doubt that Sapphira was a pretty girl. Lily had learned that many of the 'girls in the background' as it was put, were gorgeous despite the obviously pretty popular girls.

"Oh, I always found him very interesting. He seemed so quirky and smart and nice and I always wanted to meet him. He was like the Turkey Leg Breaded Goldfish I was reading about-a very interesting specimen indeed." Drusella and Lily exchanged bewildered glances at the mention of 'Turkey Leg Breaded Goldfish' but merely shrugged it off, not in the mood to shock Sapphira by not being aware of the bizzare creature.

"What about you, Drusella?" Lily asked.

"He was alright." she muttered laizily. Sapphira hit her shoulder lightly and scrowled.

"Now that's not fair. Keep it going on." Drusella narrowed her gray eyes at the 'child of exceeding hapiness' but didn't say anything back.

"Whatever...he was okay, in my eyes. I didn't flaunt over him-never found a reason too, even if all my dorm mates ever talked about was him. When he attacked Severus a few years back I got mad at him, that was back when I sort of liked him-"

"YOU LIKED SNAPE!" Both Sapphira and Lily shouted. Drusella stared blankly at them, looking totally unfazed.

"Just a bit. He was always so nice, you know, after I befriended Narcissa. And he talked to me and chose to hang out with me, unlike the too cool Marauders. I never shared my loathing of them with Severus, but was pretty aggrivated with their constant picking on him."

"Woah boy, Sirius would flip if he knew! He doesn't...you haven't told him, have you?" Lily asked, wide eyed and wondering. Drusella shrugged indifferently.

"Never found a reason to. It doesn't matter much, does it? It was an old crush that flared and died. Besides, what's he got to complain about with a history of about twenty thousand girls at his feet?" she asked almost tiredly.

Lily looked at Sapphira who seemed to be having a hard time containing giggles. It was a bit funny that Drusella, the love of Sirius' life, used to fancy Severus Snape, the greasy haired, git of a wizard that was Sirius' main enemy. But the girl did have a point about Sirius not being able to complain. After all, her dating record only contained him and old crushes hardly mattered. He, on the other hand, had lists full of girls he dated and girls who _wanted_ to date him.

"I find it strange that Narcissa and you are friends. You know, with her and her groups whole 'anti-muggle born' air." Sapphira said, finally gaining a striaght face.

"They aren't the nicest of people, I'll grant you that. To hang out with them, you'll just have to deal with them calling you mudblood. Really, I think its silly how people find it offensive. It's just a word and who cares what others think anyhow?"

"Yes, well, its kind of hard for some people. But thats not the point-go on about Black." Lily said, looking rather disgruntled. Drusella sighed and leaned back in her chair.

"He was handsome and smart and seemed to be really good at everything. He seemed rather brave and funny and fun to be around but he never paid any mind to me. I wasn't willing to ask him out, I'm not into those kinds of things, but probably wouldn't say no if he were to ask me. And long and behold, he did. Twas bit of a nasty shock to all his devoted fan girls when they learned that he fancied a looser of a loner. The sneers and horried comments still haven't ended."

"Why don't you just tell Sirius? I'm sure he'll tell them straight."

"Why do so? I don't want him to get involved. As I've said, it doesn't matter what others think. They didn't like me before and they don't like me now, so its no great shock. Besides, you can honestly say that its a bit strange that a boy who can have any girl he wants, chooses the least likely of girls-someone whose different and unpopular. I feel rather bad for the hardcore Sirius lovers because they should get their chances, but no-some odd ball gets it. I love Sirius a lot, but can't help but feel that I'm wasting his time. Look at all the girls who want him who are so much prettier and smarter and better!"

Lily sighed and shook her head, running a hand through her long, thick red locks.

"You're his absolute fantasy. James tells me you're all he talks about. Surely no other girl, however prettier or smarter or better can change his mind about you. And don't think you're all alone-I feel the same way. I mean, I was horrible to James for so long, to the point to make him bring himself pain, but he loves me despite it all. I, too, am blissfully aware that girls loath me and he could have his pick from any girl he wanted. It's their loss and my gain, and I don't bother to stop and think about it anymore. If James wants to leave me, its his choice, just as being with me is his choice. Thankfully, he wants me enough to suck up three years of constant rudeness and heartache. What a wonderful and strong man that James Potter is."

"Oh, same here!" Sapphira said, looking rather relieved. "I mean, he's no playboy Sirius or James, but he's still very popular with the other girls and I am quite honored that he chose to spend his time with the strange Hufflepuff rather then spend it with the suave and..._easy_ other girl."

After their conversation the four girls headed towards the Great Hall, talking excitedly about their graduation. James, Sirius, Peter and Remus stood outside the door, leaning against the wall all looking very cool. Students were already piling out and the three girls looked rather upset that they had missed lunch.

"No worries, ladies. Us Marauders can solve that problem." Remus said bearing a rather mischivious grin on his handsome, young face. Sapphira poked him irritably.

"You're supposed to be the good boy!" she snaped, though she still smiled embarassedly. Remus grinned, leaned against her and whispered something in her ear that made her turn scarlet.

Sapphira shoved him off her and growled at him, but he only grinned very teenage boy like back.

Just then, Narcissa Black and her group of muggle born heaters passed by, all looking rather smug. She giggled and leaned over to mutter something to one of her friends, who shrieked with hollow laughter. The seven Marauders and co glared stone cold at them.

Bellatrix Black, a dark and suductive looking girl clutched her books in her hands and leaned over, looking intently at Sirius as she said, "Welcome back to the family." And she left with a smirk, as her group exploded into fits of giggles.

Severus Snape, who came walking in the other direction, grinned at Sirius malaciously, and his eyes were bright with glee. Clearly, something was up. As they disapeared behind the corner, their horrible laughter could still be heard, and all was silent beween the seven.

No one spoke, possibly trying to figure out what Bella meant by "welcome back to the family". Hadn't Sirius been disowned? Weren't his parents furious at him? His mother's yells back at the wedding had been horrible, excpecially the way she treated her oldest son. They concidered him a blood traitor. So why did they take him back?

Sirius' face was unreadable, but it had turned unusally white. He seemed unwilling to say anything, and kept glancing at Drusella with sad, hollow eyes. It was weird to see Sirius so frightened. The brave, herioic and happy boy never seemed fazed by fear.

"What was that about?" Peter finally asked, though his voice stumbled. Sirius said nothing, nor did he move.

" 'Welcome back to the family'! Your mum hasn't...why would she? She hates you, you know that!" James said, looking totally confused. Sirius snapped out of his faze and glared icily at the Slytherin's trace.

"Damn her. Who does that bloody bitch think she is! She herself knows she doesn't want me back! They're just doing this to piss us all off. To piss me off. That's why that sad excuse of a mother is doing this too. She knows it will kill me. She wants my life destroyed. She wants me to be a perfect, cronie little Black again. That son of a bitch!" Sirius began to rant under his breath angirly.

"Say what, Padfoot?" Remus asked, scratching his head.

"Don't hate me, Remus..." a soft, painful voice said. Remus turned around and looked expectaantly at Sapphira, who was in tears. He slowly turned back around to face Sirius who was looking at Drusella painfully.

"Sirius-Padfoot-what's going on?" Remus asked slowly. Sirius looked down and wouldn't face him.

"Sirius...answer me."

There was a long, eire pause.

"Sapphira and I...we're betrothed."

**R&R...um...please.**


	22. The Darkest of Night

Started: Tuesday July 19th 2005

Ended: Tuesday July 26th 2005

_**The Darkest of Night**_

Professor Dumbledore, an elderly, very wizard looking man turned the corner just as Prefect and good-boy Remus Lupin lunged at his close friend, Sirius Black. This was an odd scene indeed. James Potter and Peter Pettigrew stared dumbfounded at their friend, but didn't hesitate to try and fend Remus off.

The brunette haired boy was furious. Never had he felt so betrayed, so broken, so...angry! Sirius Black was supposed to be his best friend. He was supposed to be his buddy through thick and thin. He was supposed to be best man at his wedding. He wasn't supposed to marry the girl of his dreams!

"You son of a bitch! I'll kill you! I'll kill you!" he shouted angrily, not noticing the Headmaster standing nearby. Sirius stared at Remus with fear in his eyes and momentarily turned to glance at Drusella Cammolie. Her dark features seemed to falter for a second, as her eyes went wide with shock.

"Moony-Remus, calm down!" James was trying to say, as he and Peter held him by the arms so he wouldn't attack Sirius. Lily Evans looked just as bewildered as Drusella, and Sapphira, the third girl, looked absolutely miserable. Dumbledore stared as the usually calm and collective Lupin kicked and screamed, threatening his friend with murder.

"Stop it, Remus!" Sapphira cried through tears. This, however, had no effect on the angry boy, for he continued to scream and throw a fit.

"Mate, stop it! Do you want me to hex you? I sure will, if you don't-oh stop it! Let Sirius explain himself! Rem-Remus, stop it, you're gonna hurt yourself...Oh, listen-Sapphira wants to tell you something!" This seemed to hit Remus, who turned around furiously and pointed an accusing finger at his girlfriend.

"You've liked him all along, haven't you! You just messed with me, you thought it was funny! Oh, who'd I think I was-with a pure blood like you liking me? You only wanted Sirius! Sapphira! Sapphira! Why d'you do this! I love you-"

Sapphira turned around and cried even harder. Remus was acting crazy, so unlike his usual self. Everyone stared at the boy, while a dark haired girl shrank in the background. James turned around and looked at her.

"Betrothed...Betrothed...they're betrothed." She was whispering.

"Drusella..." James began. Drusella looked up at him, and her eyes widened as if she was noticing something no one else could.

"They're betrothed...Sapphira and Sirius are...betrothed...they're getting married...they're parents want them to-"

Sirius jumped up. "That's just it! See Moony! I don't want to marry Sapphira! Our parents arranged it! They want their names to remain pureblood!"

"If you're joshing me, I'll rip you up, limb by bloody limb." Remus said dangerously.

"There will be no ripping of limbs nor killing." A misty, crackle voice said. All students looked up to see the Headmaster, Professor Dumbledore, stalking towards them. He wore robes of the deepest red and wore a tall wizards hat in the matching color upon his head of thin, gray colored hair.

Remus looked horribly embarrassed but still rather angry.

"Oh, sorry Professor," he mumbled. Sirius massaged his neck and took a retreating step back.

"Yes, yes, all is well. Now, please tell me what's so horrible that you wish to be rid of Mr.Black, Mr.Lupin?" Dumbledore asked fairly. Remus growled and looked at the floor as his hands once again folded into fists.

"It's personal, Professor. If you don't mind-"

"When a student threatens or attacks another student, Mr.Lupin, it becomes my business. Now, I would like to know the reason why you did both to Mr.Black. Come to my office, if you are afraid to have someone over hear, but, Mr.Lupin, if you really wanted the whole situation to be quite private, I suggest you start swearing and fighting away from the most crowded place in Hogwarts." Remus turned red.

"Ye-yes, Professor." He mumbled.

"Professor...it's because...because Sirius and I...our parents...they've betrothed us." Sapphira said in a meek and tear stricken voice. Remus looked at her and felt immediately ashamed. He'd never let his anger get away with him like that. He'd never wanted to yell at Sapphira or attack Sirius. It was like when he became a werewolf. Yes, it was the wolf inside of him that gave him that totally barbaric anger bust.

Dumbledore nodded lightly and said, "Well, yes, that would seem to cause some problems. I see this isn't by choice though?" Sirius and Sapphira shook their heads quickly.

"Not at all, Professor! You know how some Pureblood families are! They don't want the perfect Black name on anything less." Sirius said irritably. Drusella shot him an unreadable look, but turned her head away, running a hand through her dark hair.

"Ah, I see...well then, there is no reason for this random break out. If you'd be so kind, please don't let something like this happen again. With all the terrors and such going outside, the last thing we need is to find some of our students' limbs scattered across the halls of Hogwarts." And with that, the Headmaster gave the students a firm look and walked away, humming merrily to his self.

There was a long, awkward silence between the seven students. Remus looked feverish with embarrassment and kept shooting scared and sorry glances at Sirius and Sapphira. Sirius' eyes were kept planted at his feet and Sapphira wrapped her arms around her chest and bit her lip. Peter was at a loss for words, just as Lily was. James took hold of Lily's hand but looked at Drusella who's face looked funny as though there was a mix of sudden anger and hilarity on it.

"Okay then...that was interesting." James began to say with a nervous laugh. Remus looked up and looked really ashamed.

"I'm so sorry, Sirius...Sapphira. I don't know what got over me. I can't believe I just did that!" Sirius laughed just as nervously as Prongs did, and massaged the back of his neck.

"Woah-kay...never you mind that, Moony. But, blimey, I had no clue you could fight like that." Remus blushed deeply and turned to look at his girlfriend. She had a kind, genuine smile on her tear-streaked face, and her cheeks were just as red as Remus'.

"It's all right, Remus. I can understand. Now I know never to piss you off though." She said, making everyone laugh.

James took hold of Lily's hand and looked at his friends squarely.

"Since we've got that out of the way, me and Miss Evans have some Head's business to attend to. If you don't mind..." he said, pulling her in the direction of the Head's Dorm. The others nodded without so much as a rejection, and the two Heads ran off.

Lily looked at James suspiciously. "What Head business are we supposed to be doing?" James grinned mischievously and took her other hand in his. He began leading her to the dorm, walking backwards and grinning at her all the way.

"Nothing, just a pretty damn good excuse to do this." James said, and suddenly, he'd pinned her against the wall and the two were kissing fiercely. With all the attacks and problems and such, the two rarely had any time to be at all intimate, and this was a great relief. Lily thought it felt good to be kissing James again, after so long and deepened the kiss. Both were so caught up in the moment, not caring that a few first years were gaping at them, that they didn't notice someone standing behind them until they coughed.

James and Lily broke apart instantly as they saw Professor Slughorn, the Potions teacher, looking at them cheerfully. Each blushed turning the color of a radish and looked away from the Professor and each other.

"Well, its good to see there's still some love in the world. Lily Evans and James Potter; can't say I've always expected this. If only more mortal enemies would just loosen up and be like you two." And then he left without another word. James grinned playfully at Lily and wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Yeah...then Sirius and Snivilly could have three little children and live in a house with a picket fence, while their cherry neighbor, Voldemort would come over and borrow sugar." He said in a well acted out happy tone. Lily laughed and smacked him.

"You're such a prat, you know?" she said. He grinned the famous Potter grin again and began leading her, once again, towards the dorms.

"After the seven hundred and fifty times you've mentioned it over the past few years, I finally grasped the concept, yes."

"Hmn, five years of completely disaknowlaging your existence. But, then again, you might have been among the various crushes. Victor Tantarf was no you, but then again, I doubt Severus Snape has much on Sirius." James looked at her with raised brows.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked suspiciously. Lily smiled and raised her hands in defense.

"Hey, I wasn't the one who fancied Snape or Sirius. That's Drusella we're talking about." James almost choked on his own breath. He looked bewildered at the mere thought.

"Dru liked Snivilly!" he gasped. "Woah, wouldn't Padfoot have a field day with that one." Lily laughed and punched his shoulder playfully.

"Oh, does it matter if she did or didn't?" Lily asked, ignoring her own reaction to the news. Maybe she shouldn't have spilled Drusella's secret.

"Of course it matters! Lily, this is Snape we're talking about; us Marauder's mortal enemy-"

"James, you are overexagerating! It was an old crush. It's not like she's snogging both Snape and Sirius-" James' hands flew to his ears in a very childish way.

"Eww, eww, don't even think that! Just the thought of anyone wanting to get that near Snivilus is sickening!" Lily laughed again, but this time more ironical then comical.

"Does that change your views on Drusella then?" Lily sighed as he looked at her strangely. "Is she not good enough for your best mate anymore?" She said irritably, ceasing his confusion.

James frowned and ran a hand through his messy hair.

"Change my views on Drusella? Well, sorta kinda...not that I suddenly think Dru's unworthy of Sirius!" he added quickly at Lily's flabbergasted look. "It's just...she seems so...well, unlikely to like someone like Snape."

"Oh, and who would fit that category?" Lily asked impatiently.

"That's a pointless question. No one but a crazy would like Snivilus...'specially Drusella Cammolie of them all. She may be buddies with Narcissa and her little gang but I doubt even they enjoy Snape's company."

"I don't know," Lily said in a singsong voice, "Snape is a loner as is Drusella. Really, they're both crazy for the dark arts-"

''Which I can't believe Sirius stands. You know, you'd never think he'd fall for a girl whose exactly what he's against. Infatuated with black magic, cold hearted and the least likely person you'd see holding a teddy bear and talking about love."

"But he loves her nonetheless. It's horrible that he and Sapphira are engaged though, those evil parents of theirs!"

"Some Pureblood families," James started off coldly, "are so bent on keeping their families pure that they don't even care what it does to their children. The Higgs know Sapphira likes Remus but what would they want with a poor half blood? And the Black's are obviated to Drusella's position, but they'd be damned to have a 'filthy mudblood' hold their name."

"You're family doesn't seem to mind. And, if I am not mistaken, they're on pretty good terms with the Black's and the Higgs'." James shrugged at Lily's comment.

"My family will accept anybody. The only problem they've got with you is my stupid father's obsession with my Quidditch career, but he'll get over it eventually. My parents don't care if they have a muggle in the family, in fact, they're quite looking forward to it. My mum's absolutely crazy about you-always asking me how you are. She's got my father's obsession with Quidditch only with grand children. With having only one child-and it being a boy, she's looked forward to the day I marry and have kids, especially a little girl, for quite a long time."

"Well, we're not exactly trying to ease her haste, are we then, Potter?" Lily asked with a mischievous and cocky grin. James laughed and smacked her shoulder in a playful manner.

"Watch your language, Ms Evans-you're Head Girl, you're supposed to be setting a good, clean, innocent example."

"Okay then, I'll remember that!" And with saying that James looked absolutely horrified.

"You can't-you don't-you won't-Lily, that's pure evil!" he sputtered incoherently. Lily laughed and began walking ahead of him. Sometimes James could be such an idiot. He never stopped to think before he said something; but then again, maybe that was one of the reasons she loved him so much. He was a man, but still had enough boy in him to make her feel carefree as a child once again.

"James Potter, James Potter, when will you ever learn?" she asked merrily.

"Right now-I've learned, Lily." She turned to face him. His hands took her's and he looked into her eyes.

"Do you know how much I've wanted to do this? How long I've wanted to hold you in my arms? Kiss you whenever I wish? Tell you that I love you and hear you honestly say it back?" Lily was taken aback by his sudden words, but couldn't help but feel the romance in them.

"Till the end of time, James." She whispered. James shifted a bit and gave her a kind smile.

"Lily Marie Evans...will you marry me?" he asked slowly. Time seemed to freeze as those words fell from his nervously shaking lips. Lily felt her breath catch in her throat. They hadn't been dating that long, but she felt no reason to decline. It was strange how someone could come upon a final decision that quickly over something so important.

"Yes,." And he kissed her. Never in his life could he have been happier.

That night, Lily fell asleep in James' arms. They had laid there for hours, just talking about life; their past, their present and their futures. It felt good and secure to know that they would never be alone again. Not when they had the bounded company of each other.

This only happens in fairytales Lily thought in a sweet slumber. I am lost in a perpetual fairytale, perfect to my liking and with James. It will no longer just be me-it will be Me and James. I will no longer be Lily Evans-I'll be Lily Evans Potter. We'll lead an amazing life and have children and spend the rest of our time on and in Heaven and Earth together.

Had someone told her, just last year, that she would date James Potter and then agree to marry him and tie herself to him for all eternity, she'd seriously find them in need of mental assistance. Yet now, as she lied in his arms, in his tight and warm embrace, it seemed the most natural, the most perfect thing in the world. Leaving him seemed much more insane.

They hadn't told anyone yet-after having to do Head duties, homework and more head duties, they missed dinner and didn't get a chance to catch up with the rest of the gang. Lily couldn't wait to tell Andrea, Sapphira and Drusella. She knew they would all be happy for her-or at least she hoped.

"It's late...go to sleep." A grumpy, masculine voice said. Lily turned her head and smiled lovingly her boyfriend's sleepy figure. Fiancce-she corrected her self. Butterflies erupted in her stomach as she thought those words.

"I can't..." she whispered. He squeezed his eyes shut and groaned, turning from his side onto his back. He stared at the ceiling as Lily snuggled closer to him.

"You're going to regret it in the morning. You could-" he broke to yawn-" read a book or something." Lily shook her head. Reading wouldn't help her fall asleep. She was still wide awake, still excited about earlier's moments.

It took awhile, but finally her eyes began to grow heavy. Lily dreamed of her and James' future together. It was then that she knew this was what she wanted. It was then that she knew there was no chance she'd back out of this. It was then that she was finally complacent with her once lonely life.

The quater moon shone brightly over the castle, draping the grounds with a pale blanket of light. A shadow scurried across the lawn, it's trainers squeaking and squaking in the rain-wet grass. The figure kept running. As it passed over a large clear section of light, its face could be seen. It was a girl with long dark hair that bellowed behind her like a cape as she ran. Fear surrounded her, her storm gray eyes drunk with it.

She looked behind her, watching to be sure that no one was there. When she saw no one, she sighed and began walking back to the castle. Suddenly she walked into something hard and someone grabbed the lapels of her windbreaker jacket.

The girl tried to let out a terrified scream but a hand muffled it before it could leave her mouth. The thing gripped harder onto her jacket, pulling the scared crapless girl closer to itself.

"I'd shut your mouth if I were you, you pretty little thing. You wouldn't want someone to get the wrong expression, now would you?" The thing asked in a low, male heavily accented voice. The girl twisted and turned in her captor's grasp, but fell unsuccessful. She fidgeted around for her wand, but felt the thing's other hand cover her's. It took her wand rudely from her hands and held it up to the light, examining and admiring it. It smiled wickedly.

"Gonna use this against me, were you? A petty little thing. Wizards and witches are fools!" It growled angrily, shoving the girl to the ground and settling above her.

The girl got a good view of the thing, which turned out to be just what she feared. The man grinned evilly, pushing her harder into the dirt and grass. She could feel the mud in her black and white hair, and knew that her ripped muggle jeans and muggle jacket were stained with it too.

"Let go of me!" she snapped, shifted under his weight when his hand briefly left her mouth. He snickered demonically and shot her a smooth but horrid smirk.

"It's really your fault isn't it? All those gullible fools in that school of yours are behaving, doing as they're told and sleeping safely in their beds. But you...no, you thought yourself different. What, too different to obey that Headmaster of yours? Sneaking out and wandering in the darkness, you naughty girl. Hold still-this will only hurt a little-"

"Geroff meh!" The girl screamed against his cold, pale, death like hand. The man laughed again. His black shaggy hair, no-pigmented skin shined in the moonlight. His eyes, wide with excitement stared into her own gray ones, not loosing eye contact as if tapping into her mind. It was almost like looking at an evil Sirius.

"Oh, come on, I only want to play. You can't blame a man for wanting that, now can you?" His laugh was so cold, so cruel and so dead. She twisted and turned again. An idea struck her and she lifted her knee, pinning the man between the legs. He let out the expected, loud wail of pain.

She jumped up and ran for it, fleeing the scene on weak, straining and tired legs. Her breathing was off beat, and she huffed for air, desperately trying to ignore the sudden pang of pain in her side. The girl found the secret passage way she used to get out and locked it, turning only to head back into the Ravenclaw tower.

Everything was silent and dark, the only light illuminating from the tip of the girl's wand. She walked slowly and quietly, praying that no one would be around. She caught no glimpse or sign of anything awake or moving as she began to climb the staircase that lead to her House's portrait.

"Hey, Drusella!" a strange voice asked. The girl turned around suddenly, fear striking her eyes and her heart beat racing once again. She sighed when she learned it wasn't that thing-that man, it was only Sirius. Her tall, mishivious Gryffindor boyfriend looked at her strangely, as he too held his wand up with the lumos spell casted upon it.

Drusella looked at him with a mixture of fear and relief as he stared back at her, his brown eyes transfixed with her own. She muffled a squeal and turned her face from his, covering her eyes with her arms. It was like seeing those horrible, cold eyes again.

"Dru, what's going on?" Sirius asked as he took the four steps she had taken and reached out to touch her. Before his hands could lay themselves on her, she jumped out of the way and backed up against the wall. She couldn't help it. Those vivid images kept weaseling their way back into her mind. The evil creatures eyes, the evil things touch and its voice penetrated through her soul, rocking her slowly and torturing her until she was rendered weak and paranoid.

Sirius looked taken aback as he pulled his hands to his side again, and looked at her with eyes full of concern. Drusella straightened herself up and brushed a strand of dirt smudged white hair from her face.

"Sorry, I'm just tired and my imagination is being an impudent little berk. What are you doing up this late anyway?" She asked, fixing her voice to be calm and breathy. Sirius sighed, seeming to buy it and grinned at her coolly.

"Just a little Marauder business" his stomach growled, giving him away and making Drusella laugh. She smiled and shrugged sheepishly.

"You guys have no limits, do you? Going to sneak into the kitchens, I suppose?" Sirius nodded and tucked something further into his robe pocket, which was wrapped tightly around him.

"Well, then, don't let me keep you. Night, Sirius." She said, and turned back up the stairs. Sirius called her back and she turned around to face him annoyingly.

"Don't I get a good night kiss?" he asked. She shook her head and laughed, tilting her head to the side and scrunching up her nose.

"Nah, I don't kiss married-or engaged men. Good night, Mr. Black." And then she really left him there, standing with his mouth wide open as if he wanted to say something.

As she walked down the dark corridor, she closed her eyes briefly. The images kept flashing back in her mind like unfeeling lightning. The demons still lingered in her head, laughing at her as it toyed with her in its own pleasure.

Drusella felt sort of bad for leaving Sirius like that but she hadn't only done it because of his 'secret engagement.' No, it wasn't that at all. She had learned that she didn't mind the problem much earlier that night as she sat on Lonely Hill thinking about it. She couldn't rightly blame Sirius or Sapphira for the situation, after all they had about as much control over it as she did which wasn't any at all. It was because...for some reason, she couldn't get close to him. Fear bubbled in her like they did in cauldrons as he stepped nearer to her and she felt herself fearing his touch.

"Pumpkin Pastries..." she murmured to the portrait and stepped in as it swung open. Inside, everything was dark, including the fire which had died so long ago that the ashes were cool. Knowing the dorm like the back of her hand, Drusella easily made it up to the Girl's dormitory, and to her bed without bumping into a single thing. She pulled off her jacket and shoes and socks, putting them properly away. As she began to pull her gray 'Bangles' shirt over her head, she began to think of what had happened before that horrible thing found her.

She had taken her secret passageway out of the school and hurried to Lonely Hill, a hill that sat over looking the ocean with only a single tree upon it. She and Sirius had named it this because both came there to be alone and to think. She really wanted to think and really wanted to be alone. The new of Sirius and Sapphira's engagement had shocked everyone, even her.

Dru could remember being slightly angry and slightly embarrassed. She wouldn't have ever thought that something like that could make her feel that way. It felt almost like he was betraying her and she couldn't stand it. How could Sapphira Higgs be marrying Sirius Black! He was her boyfriend-HER'S, not Sapph's. She guessed this was what jealousy felt like.

She was sitting on the hill when she finally talked herself out of her jealousy. It was weird how she trusted Sirius so much, when she never trusted anyone else before, except for maybe Professor Dumbledore. As the night wore on, she began to feel herself tire, and decided to head back.

The walk back to the castle seemed so much longer then the trip from it. Not being one who was easily afraid, it was strange to feel that chill run up her spine. It was dark and absolutely silent, which was something she rather enjoyed but quite odd to experiance at Hogwarts.

The wet grass squeaked under her wet sneakers as she stomped past the Forbidden Forest. Just the sight of the forest at night gave her the creeps. That was when it happened-that was when that horrible thing popped out of the darkness and attacked her. It chased her half way across the school campus, looking evil and very hungry.

Morning came too early, but James and Lily were both bright eyed and bushy tailed when their eyes opened and met each other. It was strange, Lily thought, to wake up and look at a man that you've hated for the better part of six years and to willingly and happily admit that he is your fiancee. It was just weird to think of herself as Mrs. Lily Potter. Uncommon as it might be, she was mighty happy about it.

The two Heads met their friends down in the Great Hall as usual. Remus was just sitting down when the two walked over and took their own seats.

"Hey there, mates." James said awfully casually, causing Lily's admiration for him to excel. He'd just proposed to her and wasn't nervous one bit. She, on the other hand, still had butterflies in her stomach and was itching to tell the rest of the gang.

" 'Ello, Prongsie...Lily, don't you look rather excited. So, what did I miss?" Sirius asked with a suggestive grin. James laughed and shook his head pityingly. Lily blushed and turned her head. They hadn't 'done' anything except lay in each other's arms. Even Sirius couldn't make something disturbing out of that.

"Sorry, mate, you didn't miss anything."

Remus laughed and raised his brows. "Really, this is a first. You spend the whole night with your girlfriend and come down all flushed after doing nothing. Sometimes, you amuse me, Prongs."

"Fiancee." James said flatly, pilling more food on his plate. There was a quiet pause.

"Fiancee?" Peter asked slowly. James nodded unfazed, and continued to eat. Lily was blushing a magnificent red, and couldn't contain her smile nor emotions any longer.

"Yeah! James proposed last night!" she squealed. The three boys stared at her aghast.

"And...and you said yes!"Remus asked, rather shocked himself. Lily blushed again and nodded her head excitingly. James looked at her with an amused expression across his face.

"Aren't you rather excited? I thought it was supposed to be me who got all hyper about getting married to Ms. Lily Evans!" Lily laughed and stuffed a forkful of pancakes politely in her mouth.

Sirius laughed and shook his head wildly, his short yet shaggy dark hair flying everywhere. He leaned over on his elbows and grinned at her.

"See, Lillers? This is exactly why you'd never make a good marauder; you're too good!" This cracked Lily up and she playfully punched the marauder deemed Padfoot.

"You're such a looser, Padfoot." said James, grinning like a fool.

When the group left the Great Hall and headed for their first class, Sapphira met with them at the doors and Remus wrapped a protective arm around her. He didn't care if she was 'betrothed' to Sirius or not. He loved her more then words could put it and would be damned if he'd ever let her go because of it.

Andrea was walking with some red haired second year who seemed to be emerged in whatever she was telling her. As they passed Peter, Andrea smiled and waved small, and Peter did the same. Then she scurried off to her own class down the opposite end of the hall.

"Hey Sappy, Lily and James are getting married!" Remus whispered in his girlfriends ear. Sapphira looked at him with a surprised look, but turned around to face Lily and James who were walking hand in hand with a wide smile.

"Yay! I'm so happy for them. Lily and James Potter-it works, doesn't it?" asked Sapphira. Remus smiled and nodded.

"Oooh, I wonder how Dru took the news...you know, the...bad news." Remus frowned. He'd gotten over it...well, sort of, but he hadn't thought how Dru might take it. In fact he hadn't seen her since the incident in front of the Great Hall. He had known Drusella far longer then Sirius had, but didn't know too much about her. He knew she was a little disturbed but also knew that she wasn't completely emotionless. He was sure she must have been a little upset about the whole thing.

"Well, she sure didn't take it as bad as I did, that's for sure.'' He said with a sheepish grin. Sapphira sighed and took his hand in her's.

"You over reacted. It's only normal, Remus." It was his turn to sigh. He'd never found anything wrong with his blood history, but when receiving news including Sapphira getting married to his best friend because of their blood, it made him feel inferior. He was a half blood and not exactly rich-the opposite of the Black's who were all rich and pure of blood. The Lupin's were an average family, not tending to care about what blood lines ran through the people they associated themselves with. In fact, Tedius Lupin's friends were practically all muggles. His mother, the muggle in the family, never seemed fazed by hateful comments about her whole family being 'blood traitors'. Even Remus's grandparents were good about their children's family lifestyle.

He was brought up a simple child. This didn't mean his whole family was made up of exact replicas of himself, in fact, he was one of the only book worms in his family. But he was only a book worm because he wanted to give his children of one day a much better childhood then his was. His whole 'childhood' was basically about family and although he was sure to give that, he still wanted his family to grow in the comfort of money.

It was like a slap in the face to see his girlfriend tied off to another man who was purer of blood. It was almost as if it were telling Remus that he wasn't good enough for Sapphira. That's probably how Mr. and Mrs. Higgs felt. They didn't want their daughter to marry 'scum'. Well, that was just how things were. Families like the Higgs and the Blacks were determined to keep their lines clean. And after all, it wasn't as if he was completely 'wrong blood,' not like poor Dru who had no trace of family magic in her.

"Hey, Drusella!" Sirius cried out happily, breaking Remus from his thoughts. He turned to see the raven haired girl shuffling down the hall. She took one look at Sirius and then turned away and continued her walk with a rather frightened expression painted on her usually hard features.

Peter hit Sirius and everyone glared at the dog-boy. He stared down the hall confusedly but then looked at them incredulously.

"What!" he asked, fiddling with his bag strap.

"Oh, Padfoot, what did you do this time?" Remus asked exasperatedly. Sirius growled and heaved his bag onto his other shoulder.

"I didn't do anything! She's been like that since last night! I caught her going back to her dorm late last night after I went to get a snack and when I called out her named she flipped out and when I went to touch her she jumped like she thought I was going to hurt her. I don't know what's up with her because she won't tell me."

Everyone looked rather concerned then accusing all of a sudden.

"Well," James interjected, "we gotta get to D.A.D.A and we'll ask her there." They nodded, hoping that Dru would be willing to explain when they got to class. As they stepped into the small classroom, they found several people, including the Ravenclaw girl, sitting down. Sirius went to take a seat beside her, but Alice beat him to it, grinning as she sat beside her friend.

"Hey, Dru. Mind if I sit here?" Alice Wagner asked, with a sweet smile. Drusella shook her head, but didn't look at her.

Alice giggled and looked over at Sirius and the gang who were piling to the rows of seats behind the two girls looking rather agitated, especially Sirius Black.

"I think your boyfriend is mad at me."

"Why?" Dru asked, sounding uninterested. Alice giggled again.

"Well, obviously he wanted to sit by you but we haven't talked in ages and I just thought it might be nice if we hang out together for a bit.''

It was almost like her friend was talking from far distance. Everything seemed surreal about that moment. Since last night Dru could hardly think straight. Everything around her was a blur, the people who talked to her seemed almost non existent and dead, only their voices could be heard faintly through the strange mist that clouded her mind. Anger had replaced the strange fear that wound its way around her being. Good, anger was an emotion she understood, an emotion she was used to. She was so angry with that demon for making her afraid of her own lover. She could hardly come near Sirius. Every aspect about him reminded her of that creature that attacked her the night before. The dark hair and the cool eyes drove into her soul making her see, not the man she loved, but the man who wanted to kill her.

It rather sucked being afraid of the one person you ought to confide in. She wanted oh so dearly to ask for his help but couldn't even manage to come near him or even look at him, let alone talk to him. The whole matter was driving her insane.

She slowly turned around to challenge her fear and tried to look at him. He was much more handsome then that thing in the forest, that was for sure. And Sirius' eyes were so much more kinder and boyish and full of life, compared to the pale, lifeless ones of the thing. It was the dark hair and the dark aura about him that reminded her. It was that devilish smirk that she loved so much that she now feared.

His eyes caught her's and she suddenly saw all the pain and sorrow in the world. Through those deep, dark eyes she felt guilty and pain rush through her soul. He was suffering while she feared him and Dru knew she had to suck up her damnable fear and treat Sirius as he deserved to be treated. She wanted to love him more then anything in the world.

And then, she smiled at him. It wasn't her soft smiles that were quite rare and only given to him. It was a real, happy smile that basically screamed 'I love you and don't give a ruddy damn what others are going to say.' After all, that was how she felt.

**Okie...there we go.**


	23. When Pain Fears

Started: Friday, November 04, 2005

Ended: Friday, November 4th 2005

**Fire Witch-** He he…here you go.

**Fork-tofu-pingpong-fish- **Cooleo, mate.

**Moony655-** Wow! I'm thrilled that you like it so much. I love hearing things like that and I'm ecstatic that you believe I capture emotions right. I really hope you continue feeling that way!

**Julies07- **thanks!

**M-** HAHAHAHA, no-I'm not some psycho…I don't cut myself and I doubt I'm that wacked up. I can't go see a physiatrist 'cause my problems aren't that 'deep' and plus, I can't afford one. I just…know how to make drama.

**Suger-huny-bun-** Yay! It's difficult for me to write 'cute' parts.

**MO6M-**Yeah….I need a beta reader. I just am too lazy to get one. I hope you continue to like it, though.

EarthSprite- YES! Two thumbs up is VERY good. Thank you!

AnjaliMalfoy- Yay! I'm glad you found it funny. I sure did!

**-Scp- **Thank you!

**THANK YOU TO EVERYONE!**

**(I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER)**

_**When Pain Fears**_

James hated Defense against the Dark Arts class. He found it slightly intimidating, vulgar and secretive. Their teacher was not bad-not at all, but ever since he was little he was unnerved by the subject. Since D.A.D.A was a rather uninteresting subject in his eyes, he decided to focus not on what Professor Nadir said, but what drama the school year had been. Yes, the year thus far was already worthy of one of those strange muggle shows Lily had told him about that were packed with angst, humor, deception, disgrace, action and drama.

Everyone seemed to be having problems. He, himself, was still slowly dealing with his heart-wrenching problem with his obsession for blood and pain. This had been the longest he had gone without cutting since he started. He still longed for the relaxation and sublime reality it caused, but was determined to see it end. The silver knife was hidden in his drawer, tucked beneath some socks and underwear. James didn't know what he might do if Lily ever found out he still kept it. It was like a souvenir to a memory he wasn't willing to disown. However horrible and strange the memory was, he felt that it was his right to always remember it.

He was finally engaged to the woman of his dreams. Sixth year seemed only a distant memory, something he couldn't fully tap into. He could scarcely remember life without Lily by his side. He didn't _want_ to remember Lily Evans as anything other then his lover. When she said yes both times, to dating and to marriage, he could swear he hadn't been happier. Winning the Quidditch House Cup couldn't even compare to this.

His best mate, Sirius, was being killed softly by his girlfriend. That was the major problem in Padfoot's life. He was being driven mad by something no one would have expected he could be by. All of a sudden she seemed to be so distant, so strange.

"Alright, so, everyone...Bogarts. We will each face one today. Now, come on." James looked up and followed his class mates to the front of the class room. Bogarts were nothing to him. They were just simple creatures who really held no place in his life. He already knew what he was afraid of. It haunted him every night in his dreams-he didn't need a creature to transform into it to prove it.

"Mr. Black, please step forward." Professor Nadir said. Sirius nudged James in the ribs and flashed him a cunning grin. A few sighs could be heard from around the room. Sirius may have latched himself a girlfriend, but he hadn't lost his charm for being quite charming and debonair.

The Bogart escaped from the damp, dark closet-instantly filling the room with a terrible, ferocious scene. There was blood, dying and screams-a war. Some people locked her hands over their ears and eyes to escape the horrible sight. Sirius, for once, looked rather intimidated. His eyes were locked on the scene, and with his straight white teeth bared, he shouted out, "Ridiculous!"

The Bogarts dematerialized, turning into a happier scene and Professor Nadir called Alyssa Mc Neil up. She was a short girl with brownish red hair and two heart melting eyes. James thought she was very cute and she adored James with a passion. The popular Seeker wasn't in love with the girl, but had a special place in his heart for her.

The Bogart morphed into a large clown-its grin terrifying and murderous. She called out the counter curse and eagerly jumped into the back of the line. The clown was sucker-punched and fell to the floor, lifeless.

"Miss Cammolie, it's your turn." The dark haired girl waltzed to the front of the room, looking rather bored. James felt Sirius shift uncomfortably next to him, and watched as his friend stared nervously at his girlfriend.

Drusella's stride was slow and somewhat cool. She seemed to be calm with the whole situation, and why not-it was Drusella after all.

She stopped in front of the closet and the Bogart instantly transformed. It was no longer the knocked out Clown Alyssa had cursed it into-no, it was much more frightening.

A man of some kind stood before her. His pale, lifeless eyes stared into her own grey eyes, and dark, unruly hair framed its grayish skinned face. He wore long, black clothing that seemed antique and old. He slowly grinned at her, showing off pearly white teeth.

Drusella let out a small, scared shriek. The class seemed somewhat startled by the brave girl's terrified expression. Her eyes were wide with fear and she was slowly backing up as the vampire drew closer and closer towards her.

"Come on, Dru." Sirius whispered, looking pale himself. James stared at him strangely.

"You're not afraid of vampires!" he said curiously. Sirius shook his head.

"No, but I'm scared of that look. Why can't I help her? She looks so frightened and helpless. That's the same expression she had that night after we were in the kitchens."

James paused for a moment.

"Vampires…why would Drusella be afraid of vampires?" Sirius shrugged.

"No…you're not real. You're not real.'' Drusella muttered. Her hand clenched around her wand, though they were sweaty and shaking.

"You're not real. No, you're not real. Ridiculous!" she shouted. Suddenly, the vampire halted, looking rather agitated and the next student stomped forward. Drusella stalked back to the crowed, with her arms crossed over her chest. James looked at her quizzically, and nudged Sirius.

"I need to talk to her. Maybe this will explain a few things."

After class, James met up with Lily.

"Hey, love." He said with a grin. Lily kissed him and pulled back with a grin on her own face.

"Uh-oh…I know that look. What have you done?" James shot her a look of mock offence.

"What? Why must you always assume that I am up to no good?" Lily laughed again.

"Because you always are, you marauder!" she said. James stopped to think of it and then nodded.

"Fair enough." The couple began to walk outside for an afternoon break. It was somewhat sunny and beautiful outside. They walked hand in hand and talked about the day's events.

"Yeah, Drusella seemed pretty freaked after the Bogart thing.'' James said softly. Lily looked rather worried. Drusella was a strong girl who was never fazed by anything life threw at her. She was so calm and collective and down to earth.

"Sirius looked pretty intense to when he saw her. They ought to be talking about it right now."

"Good. What was your Bogart, anyways, James?" Lily asked, wrapping her arms around herself. James wrapped an arm around her and gently kissed the top of her head.

"Awe, nothing you really need to know about. Don't worry about it, okay?" Lily just nodded, but was still rather curious. She took his hands in hers and frowned.

"How're you doing?" she asked in a tone that explained what she meant. James sighed and looked down at his hands.

"Pretty good, thus far. I haven't cut in weeks…months even. But…I still…can't help but sometimes feel that crazed urge-"

"Oh, James, you don't know how proud I am of you! You're so strong to resist that terrible urge. I know I could never handle it, myself. That's why I love you James. You're so cool and tough and strong about everything in life." James laughed and blushed.

"I'm not all _that_. Really, I'm a big coward. I started the cutting, remember? That takes some coward."

Lily smiled at him, and they stopped as she kissed his hands.

"No, James. No, you are not. I love everything about you, from your skills to your defaults. You're little imperfections are what are most attractive."

"Like my 'narcissism' and my 'irritability'?" James said with a memorable grin. Lily gaped and hit him lightly in the chest.

"You still are going on about that? How many times must I apologize?" James laughed and took her into his arms.

"Oh, I love you Lily. You know I don't care about all six years of mockery and meanness." He ripped himself from her arms and tore down the path.

"James Potter, you get your butt back here right now!" Lily shouted. She laughed as he continued to run and brushed a strand of red hair from her face. He was so cute.

"Drusella! Drusella, wait!" Sirius called after the skunk haired girl. She spun around and gave Sirius a kind, loving smile.

"Hello, Sirius." She said. He smiled at her and gave her a gentle kiss. She kissed back, causing him to moan slightly.

"Wow, thank you." He said with a grin, as they pulled apart. She smiled and gave him a hug.

"No problem. What's up?" He pulled away from her and frowned.

"Drusella…why didn't you tell me?" She looked rather confused. "Why didn't you tell me about the vampires? Have they been bothering you?" Sirius asked. Drusella looked at the ground. Sirius grasped her shoulders and turned her forcefully to face him.

"Tell me, Drusella! I hate seeing you like this." Drusella looked at him with a terrified expression.

"Yes! Yes, they were out there! They're everywhere!" she shouted, with tears in her grey eyes. Sirius looked at her unexpectedly. She looked so fragile, so helpless and…so beautiful.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sirius asked slowly. Drusella looked down again.

"I'm such a coward. I know you hate me-"

"Drusella, you know I don't. I could never hate you." She looked at him.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

**Okay…there you go. Sorry that I haven't posted in awhile. I'm REALLY sorry. So, what do you think is going to happen? This story is about to get a lot more angsty. So much drama has erupted in my life. I guess they were right when they said High School isn't your buddy middle school was. Yeesh, you'd think it wouldn't be so chaotic for me-but, alas, it is. I'm in JROTC and the people in it too are what create the drama in the first place. It's worth it though. I'm working on the next chapter so I hope this one is sufficient until I can post the next, which, trust me, will be longer. I wanted to end this one with the promise thing because…I don't know, it just sounded right. Well, I've got to go do work for First Sergeant, so, have a great day!**


	24. The Trouble Ahead

Started: November 10th 2005

Finished: November 18th 2005

**Hey, everyone! I don't own jack-diddly.**

**Okay, so how are you all? This chapter introduces a familiar character from book four-(Gasp! GoF was awesome!)and hurrals one of the couples into another tragedy. I had to adjust this suprise character a bit to make the story work so, if ages seem a little distorted, please remember my forwarning. This chapter is also a little longer then the last, and, in my personal opinnion, much better. Plus, its got a little more drama. Well, I hope you enjoy this chapter! (A big THANKS and HOOAH out to all my readers, you guys are what makes this story the bomb!)**

**The Trouble Ahead**

* * *

The next morning, James awoke to a soft, sweet sound filling his ears. He opened one eye to glance and see Lily sitting at his desk, huming a tune of some kind. James pulled himself out of bed quietly, and went to Lily, hugging her from behind.

"Hello, love. Hmmm...what are you singing?" James asked, closing his eyes and breathing in her scent. Lily quivered in his tight and caring embrace. Just having him touch her still was thrilling. His voice was low and rumbly, like a bear. His body was warm and soft and he smelt like warm sugar for some reason.

"Good morning, James. Oh, it was nothing. Just a little muggle tune that popped into my head. Ugh, I can't believe this!" Lilu said in an exhasperated tone. James looked over her shoulder at the newpaper she was reading. He sighed and dropped his head back into her shoulder, groaning slightly.

"Not again. I swear, this Voldemort guy is really starting to piss me off."

"Yeah, I know. I can't believe he is attacking muggles too. Look at this...an orphanage! How could anyone be so cruel? I mean, come on, they're children!" Lily cried, tears begining to form in her beautiful green eyes.

James hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head.

"I'm sorry, Lily. I'm sorry you have to see this."

Lily sighed. "I just worry about my family...no matter how screwed up they may be. And I worry...about the children we could have. I don't want them to grow up with such terrible acts eupruting."

"Don't worry, Lily. I'll become and Auor and...kill him. Make him pay for all he's done."

Lily touched his arm and leaned her head back onto his chest.

"What are we going to do, James? We'll be leaving shcool in just a couple months. Leaving it forever-for real. Hogwarts has been my life, my world. How will we survive out in the real world?"

James hugged her tighter. "Lily, you have me, remember? I'll always be here for you. Do you want to live in a muggle community?"

Lily laughed and James smiled. At least she was laughing.

"No way. I want a cute little house in a wizarding area. It doesn't have to be much. Just as long as its liveable. And I want a garden. A pretty little garden with fruits, vegetables and flowers galore."

"Then it shall be done. I'm glad you choose a wizarding community. I want my little guy to be like his daddy. I want to teach him Quidditch and pranks and-"

"Wait a second. Who told you it was to be a boy? And there is no way our child is going to be as crazy as you!" Lily said with a smile. James pouted.

"Aww, Lily! That was totally out of line! I'm not crazy, persay...just a little rough around the edges." Lily laughed and hugged him tightly. James, the joker-was the James she loved. Thankfully, no signs of suicidal insanity had popped up recently.

"Of course, Potter."

"Say Lily, if it were a boy...what do you think you'd like to name him?" James asked slowly, looking into Lily's eyes. She pondered for a moment. Then, with a abrupt turn from him she sat on a comphey lazy boy nearst the blazing fire.

"James, what was your grand father's name?" she asked. James blinked at this, some what confused.

"Well...my father's was Harry Potter and my mother's was Jaques de Sariesaint...why?"

Lily smiled and turned to face him.

"Harry-it's brilliant. And if it is a girl we can name her after my grandmother, Shaliese Evans. Oh, just listen to them-Harry and Shaliese. Oh, if we have two little ones-" James began to laugh and took Lily into his arms.

"Lils, don't get ahead of yourself. We've barely started on the first one!" Lily cracked up into fits of laughter and grasped her boyfriend's robes.

"You're insane, Potter-but I guess that is why I love you so much." And so she kissed him. James smiled into her kiss and knew for once that Perfect Potter had finally lived up to his name. He had the game, the friends, the family and the girl.

"Who is that?" Alice Waggner asked, as she sat down in Herbology. Her friend, Drusella, shrugged as a rather handsome young man waltzed in. He had thick, light hair and deep, inticing brown eyes.

Madame Morphia raised a hand to silence the classroom and motioned for the boy to come to the front of the room. Girls were already whispering giggishly about the stunning new face, and a few rather annoyed looks crossed the boy's faces.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to Barty Crouch Jounior...I'm sure you all know his father, who is currently with the Ministry of Magic. I hope you all welcome him with the utmost expected courtesy and pleasure."

Barty Crouch Jr. smiled polietly at Madame Morphia and bowed slightly.

"And where might I take a seat, Madame?" he asked in a respective yet haughty air. Madam Morphia scanned the room and noticed the empty seat next to Drusella.

"Over there...near Miss Cammolie, raise your hand dear for Mr. Crouch Jr." Drusella looked up and raised her hand.

Sirius watched on with anticipation as the straw color haired boy walked over the the seat next to his girlfriend. Barty smiled kindly at Drusella who smiled back and removed her bag. He began to ask her questions and within seconds the two seemed to be getting along well.

"I reckon you should have chosen to sit with her today, eh, mate?" Moony said with a cunning grin. Sirius barely heard him, his eyes kept staring intently on the new boy and his beloved dark haired angel. Something began to rumble inside of him, growing hot and cold and traveling to his brain, sending thoughts of anger and pain roaring through his head.

_Come on Sirius, they barely know each other. Don't you trust Drusella enough to at least be friendly to the new student? _Of course, he trusted her. He just...didn't trust this...Barty Crouch Jr. person.

"Don't worry Sirius-we still think your dashing!" James said, laughing and hugging Sirius. Sirius laughed and shoved James off him.

"Mates, I don't worry. I've got this one in the bag."

Madame Morphia started class by pairing up students. Most students got one of their friends, but as Sirius began towards Drusella, he stoped short hearing the Madame ask Dru to help out Barty. Drusella shrugged indifferently, and looked at Barty. The boy smiled and nodded. Then, Drusella turned around to shoot Sirius and apologetic look, and Barty turned too, to see who she was looking at so dearly.

"Is that your boyfriend?" he asked in a strange tone. Drusella looked at him and nodded.

"That's Sirius. He's a really great guy...I'm sure you'll make fast friends with him. You seem the popular type and those are the kinds of friends you'll be better off making. They don't make better populars then James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew."

Barty nodded thoughtfully and whisped a strand of blonde hair from his eyes. He was a young teenager, probably fifteen or sixteen but had dashing good looks and mature intellegance. He held himself high but didn't seem to notice all the lovingly looks he was reciveing from the girls.

He sighed exageratedly and laid his head in his hand. Dru looked at him curiously and asked what could possibly be wrong.

Barty laughed and shook his head. "It's silly, really. I just...should have known someone as pretty as you would have a boyfriend. Especially a popular and handsome one." Drusella began to color and had to lower her eyes from his.

"Oh...well...I'm not pretty but-" Berty placed a hand on her's and she looked up at him with confusion and somw fear.

"If you've caught the attention of not only one of the most popular boys here at Hogwarts, but mine too-which I must say is very rare, you do pertain some good looks. And don't think twice about it. I think you're very pretty." Drusella looked away once again, trying to gain back her tanned features. She only ran into Alice who was grinning as she worked on the essay Madame Morphia has assigned them.

She then, slowly, looked around for Sirius who she found working with James. She sighed and hung her head, looking back at Barty with an appreciative smile.

After the Madame released them, Sirius raced out without a word. He could barely control himself-seeing Drusella with that boy all class was driving him mad! He couldn't understand why such a little situation made him feel like this but for once...he finally knew what it was like to be jealous.

"Sirius! Sirius! Padfoot, slow down, mate!" James, Remus and Peter cried as they rushed after their friend.

Sirius didn't stop until he was in the boys dormitory, where the three boys burst in breathing heavily with exhaustion and irritation.

"What the bloody hell's the matter with you, Padfoot? You don't just up and run without a word, leaving us to rush after you, screaming your name like we're in some lover's querral!" James snapped, glaring at Sirius.

"Nothing is wrong with me!" Sirius said angrily. Remus rolled his warm colored eyes and plopped down on his own bed.

"If it's about the new boy, I don't think you have a right to-"

"Oh, _you don't think I have a right? _I don't have a right to what, Moony? A right to not like him? Oh, but I'm guessing he has every right to flirt with my girlfriend!" Sirius shouted, rounding on Remus.

"Jesus Christ, Sirius, he's new around! He probably didn't _know_ she was your girlfriend! Not everyone on Earth knows about your relationships, Padfoot." Peter snorted hotly.

"You stay out of this, Wormtail, if you know what's good for you!"Sirius snapped. Peter got a look of anger and irritation on his face and stalked towards Sirius, falling into one of his seldom threatening moods.

"No, I won't stay out of it! Come off it, Sirius! She's your girlfriend, not your God damn wife. And you know what I think? I think if this kid flirts with Dru, she has every right to flirt back! After all, you're the engaged one! You're the one whose cheating on her for lif-" And before Peter could finish his sentence, Sirius charged angrily at him, pouncing on him and throwing his fists in a furious faze. Padfoot didn't even bother to see what he was doing. He just swung his arms wildly and punched whatever he got in his way.

"Sirius!" James and Remus screamed as the grasped their dog-like friend and hauled him off of a very scared looking Peter. The two calmer boys shoved Sirius onto his bed and slowly,Sirius began to regain his composure.

"Sirius! What the Sam Hell is your problem! You're acting like a mad man, yelling at us and attacking Peter like that!"

Sirius stared at James and Remus for a moment, as they stood over their friend with their wands pointed threateningly at him. His eyes flased towards Peter, who was trying to get off the floor still looking quite shaken.

He sighed and leaped from his bed. Sirius grabbed his cloak and stormed to the door ebfore either of the boys could do anything.

"I'm going for a walk. Don't follow me!"

It was begining to get dark and Sirius was still out. He sat at Lonely Hill, trying to clear his head. It was safe to say that this wasn't going too well. Sirius was having a hard time concentrating. Already he had seen Drusella with Barty, and though their conversations were harmless, Sirius couldn't help but feel the jealous anger rising once again.

It was a cool, crisp night andthe stars shone brightly in the midnight blue blanket of darkness that fell upon the castle. A light breaze blew through Sirius' dark hair, ruffling in it in a way that could rival even James'. He sat in his lonely solitude, trying to think things out. He'd never felt this way before-it was all so new to him. It bothered him because he thought he was begining to loose trust in Drusella, and he didn't want that. Ugh, it was just so confusing! Sirius closed his eyes and dropped his head in his hands, running his hands through his dark hair.

**Well, there is the first chapter! I do hope you liked it! (R&R if you wish!)**


	25. When Angels Deserve to Die

Started: November 19th 2005

Finished: November 24th 2005

**I own nothing, remember?**

_**When Angels Deserve To Die**_

Sapphira Higgs began walking to History of Magic with Lily Evans and Andrea Parker. March was comming to a close and the April heat was slowly starting to settle in. A light rain sprinkled over the school, leaving a breath taking view of the lush green feilds of the castle. Sapphira wore her long brown hair in an S shaped bun at the back of her head, and wore her bright green, dragon skinned spectecals along with her Hufflepuff crested robe tied around her neck like some muggle school peppie. Her honeysuckle eyes shone of yearning brightness, yet a cloud was starting to form over them presenting such tiredness in which she had groppled when pulling an all nighter in the library.

"Sapphira! You look absolutely horrible! Did you get any sleep at all?" Andrea Parker asked, brushing back a stray peice of curly blonde hair from her face. Andrea had grown over the winter, if not much, then enough to better suit her with Peter. She was still rather skinny, but she'd grown taller and was only about a head shorter then her blonde haired boyfriend. It was no mistake though, that she was slowly loosing her little girl-like figure, and her Hogwarts uniform hugged her in all the right places. She'd become a vixen if there ever was one, and was recieving a few intrested looks from some of the other seventh year boys. For a twelve year old, it seemed quite awkward, but Andrea tried her best to ignore their leers.

"Not really..." Sapphira muttered in an airy tone. She didn't even look at her friends who stared at her with utmost concern.

"Maybe you ought to go back to your dorm. You look miserable. We'll get your homework and tell Professor McGarde that you're sick." Lily Evans said softly. Sapphira shook her head.

"No, really-its alright! We have a test today, anyhow, remember?" The other two girls said nothing to this, and the rest of their walk was continued in silence. As they quietly entered the classroom, they spoted Sirius, Remus, and Peter sitting in their usuall corner, looking mischivious and excited.

"What are you up to now?" Andrea asked with a slight grin.

"Yes. It seems like you Marauders are always up to something!" Lily said in a Head Girl tone, yet she couldn't fight off a grin. The three boys looked at each other and grinned wildly. Sirius leaned causually back in his set and raised a dark brow.

"Oh, you know...a little bit of this and a little bit of that." he said nonchalantly. Remus laughed and brushed a strand of brown hair from his face. He grinned devilishly and leaned back in an incredible Jame and Sirius like fashion that made a few girls in the room eye him interestedly.

"Yes, a little bit of this and that. Quite a clever idea, if I may say so myself." Sapphira laughed slightly and took the seat next to him. Remus hugged her and let his arm linger upon her shoulders.

"Well, if the ingenious Remus Lupin came up with it, it ought to be great. I look forward to it."

Lily sat down on the other side of Andrea who sat near Peter.

"Is James in on the prank?" Lily asked with interest. Sirius gasped indignantly.

"But of course, Miss Lily!"

"How could we have an ingenious prank that did not involve dear Prongsie?" Peter asked with fake suprise. Andrea shot him a glare and he grinned and raised his hands in defense. Andrea turned back around and rolled her eyes. Boys were so crazy. She'd never understand them, even if she tried. As Professor McGrade began to explain the lesson, the blonde haired girl zoned off. She hated being in a seventh year class, but since her uncle was the Professor, she knew she had to. Her unlce was weird about these types of things. Lately, he was very firm about seeing her-saying stuff like wanting to keep an eye on her around the boys.

Andrea looked out of the corner of her eye to see Peter sleeping with his head in one hand that was propped onto the desk. She couldn't surpess a smile. He was so cute! The way his light blonde hair fell over his eyes was so adorable! And his boyish charms, which were more prominant in him then in either of the other three boys, left him with a younger presance that she felt comfortable with. Sure, he wasn't as handsome or as gorgeous as his friend-anyone could tell you that, but he was still rather hott. He had this grin when he was up to something that could rivial with even Sirius'. And when they would walk on the warmer days, he would undo his tie and leave the top few buttons of his school shirt unbuttoned. He'd walk so casually when he was with her, slightly slouching over with his hands shoved in his pockets.

Peter also was a Pureblood. It didn't matter to her. After all, she was friend with two muggleborns and she knew a lot of nice half bloods, but she knew her parents would like it. Her family was so old fashioned. The Parker's were a line of pure blood wizards, not as rich as the Black's or the Potter's, but certainly richer then the Lupin's. Her parents would blow a gasget if they ever found her dating anything 'below' her. The Pettigrew's were richer then even she was, so Peter was safe. Not even their age difference could faze her parents. After all, her father was at least twice her mother's age if not more. And her grandmother was twenty four years younger then her grand father!

That was good, Andrea thought. She didn't know what she would do if her parents didn't want her to be with Peter. She was brought up to do as her parents told her, but believed in following true love, no matter how forbidden it was-like the way the Princesses would in those heart wreanching romance novels she read in Muggle Studdies.

"With the recent attacks, we know you students are all concerned, yet there isn't much we can relieve to you." This statment brought Andrea back to reality. There stood Dumbledore, looking rather disturbed. Andrea hadn't even seen him come in! It was true though. Within the past few months, more then five attacks had been recorded. She was constantly finding horrible, disturbing articles in the paper about Voldemorts latest murder.

"I am sad to say that it is true...not only the Wizarding community but also the muggle community is facing a dangerous, evil situation. A serial killer, under the alias Lord Voldemort has made it evident that he fears not us, nor the strength of all mankind put together. He is strong, boy and girls...very strong indeed. I am going from class to class to tell you students this, instead of bringing you all into the Great Hall for a purpose. As young adults I trust you know what that purpose is, without me telling you. We are slowly but surely being hurraled into a war that never seems to cease. Predjudice and racisam never dies, not even after the evil that prolongs it nor the followers who uphold it turn into the dirt we step on. Ladies and Gentleman, know now that all those who stand to uphold this heartless power put together, have about as much courage as a new born child left alone in the world. It takes courage to stand out in a crowed, not to follow the steps of another. You have to walk your own path.

"Students, people believe different things. They live different lives and go different places, yet-the power of evil is strong enough to rope in even the most glorious person. Many people, in fact, do believe that Voldemort is right about what he is doing, but tell me this: What will killing off the unwanted religion or race, or in this case, wizarding blood quantity, solve? Do you believe it? Do you think that innocent people should die because they do not share the same pure blood type as some of us? Look around you. There are different people all around with different thoughts and oppinions, but more importantly-different races."

The class sat silently, taking in the heart wreanching information that Dumbledore was hitting them with.

* * *

"Reckon its still cold?" Lily asked as she, James and the rest of the group headed down to the lake for a swim. James shrugged and slung his towel higher over his shoulder.

"Doesn't matter. I'm not going in." Drusella muttered pointlessly. Sapphira gasped at her and tugged on Drusella's long dark hair that was fastened tightly in a braid.

"Why not?" Drusella griminced as Sapphira pulled on her hair. She swatted her hand away and moved quicker away from the tall and over excentric girl.

"I don't even own a swim suit." Dru said coldly, not even looking at the group. Sirius laughed and drapped an arm around his girlfriend.

"Then why did you come?" he asked with a grin. Drusella glared at him and shoved him off her.

"I'm only here because _you_ followed me around and wouldn't shut up about it." she growled. Sirius grinned and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Aww, and I was really looking forward to seeing you in a swim suit." Sirius whined pathetically. Drusella growled again, yet a faint pink color danced across her tan features.

"Insufferable git...'' She muttered.

"Alas, here we are!" James shouted as they crossed the dock. Lily squealed and sat down to untie her shoes.

"God, I haven't swam in ages!" she said with a grin. She began to remove her skirt and unbutton her blouse when a low whistle filled her ears. Lily turned to see James grinning with his arms crossed over his chest. She shot him a death glare and continued to strip.

"Comming?" she asked James in a very sweet, very innocent voice. James laughed and stripped down into his swim trunks to join her. They locked hands and stood at the very edge of the dock. Lily smiled at how warm James' hand was-amused at how large and rough and Quidditch worn it seemed to be. Yet, all the same, it was perfect. She eyes him carefully as he turned to her and grinned devilishly. It was good to see him so happy, so James-like so...childish. Every aspect of his ingenious formality, his looks, his soul...it was all so perfect. His broad shoulders and muscular chest all covered by sun-kissed tanned skin, she felt slightly jealous of the sun's ability to take hold of him-fully and completely.

"Come on Lily. We'll jump together." Lily heard him whisper. She smiled and nodded, gripping his hand tighter. Yes, they'd jump together. She knew now that no matter what happened, no matter how bad things got, she'd make it through. James was by her side, holding her hand the whole time.

_Splash!_ The water was still quite cool, but it felt amazing. James popped to the lake's surface, just as Lily did, never letting go of her hand. He grinned at her and used his other hand to whipe his wet, jet-black hair away from his eyes. She giggled and leaned against him, thankful that despite the cold water and her little bathing suit, she could still feel his warmth.

"You look lovely, my lady." he said huskily. She smiled and wrapped her arms around him, careful not to plunge him into the water.

"As do you, my Lord." Lily threw her head back in laughter. She leaned back to look deeper into James' crystal clear eyes and felt her heart ache with longing. Each strand of unruly black hair, soaked to the core, fell across his eyes, plastering themselves to his forehead. Lily reached up and brushed the hair away from his face, remaining silent. James then leaned into her, hoping for a delightful, mid-afternoon kiss.

"Awww, Prongsie and Lilykins are all nice and cozy!" Sirius cooed in a mockish, girly voice. James and Lily both shot him dirty looks and then stared back at each other. They heard Sapphira and Remus talking in library quiet voices and Peter and Andrea laughing about somehthing or other.

"Actually, Mr. Potter, I am very comfortable and very warm." Lily said softly, a small smile playing on her lips. James grinned and kissed her forehead. He leaned back and looked into her eyes. Oh, he could stare into Lily's eyes for eternity and never grow bored. They were just so beautiful and alive and...spectacular. It seemed a legeond of old played inside of those deep, emerald green peepers. He remembered the first time he'd ever seen those eyes-it was after the had been sorted, late that first night and he was making a trip to the bathroom when he stumbled over a figure hunched in the common room. He nearly fell ontop of her and, in the pure blackness of the dark, only her prominant green eyes shone. It had taken his seven years to try and forget those large, haunting, beautiful eyes.

So, this was what being in love was. James didn't mind it at all-he acutally enjoyed the comfort of finally knowing he wasn't alone in life. He cherished the thought that their relationship was strong enough to over-come pain, regreat and despiration. He loved waking up in the morning feeling, not scared and unworthy, but elated and excited for the future. The only thing James wished was that it would always last-and that one day he's friends would be this happy.

And thus-they were. Remus stood up after taking off his shoes and socks and looked around unsure as to what he should do. He pulled down his pants, revealing his puppydog trunks, hoping that the faint traces of past scars did not show. Unfortunately, luck was not on his side. The three guys paid no mind to it, but the four girls, especially Sapphira, gasped when they saw one prominent scar running down his left leg.

"Oh my..." Sapphira cried out, dropping to her knees and examining the bloody gash. Sirius shifted around uncomfortably and laughed nervously as he looked pointedly at Remus.

"Well, you know how we boys are. Rough play..." he muttered, trying not to look at her, and covering up for his friend. Sapphira jumped to her feet and spun around. Her usually misty and sweet honeysuckle eyes seemed aflamed with anger.

"What!" She practically screeched. Remus looked slightly relieved that his girlfriend had abandoned his wounded leg-which quite embarassed him-and also, slightly shocked to see the usually calm book worm angered.

"You did this to him? You-how dare you...why..." Sapphira shook with unmistakable fury, and began stomping towards a very pale looking Sirius.

"N-no! No, it's quite alright, I swear! Stop, Sapphira! I'm perfectly fine. Sirius is right. We were just playing around. I was fool handy, it was quite my fault indeed!" Remus stuttered, reaching out an unhelpful hand to try and fend Sapphira from attacking Padfoot. She looked like she was ready to kill.

Sirius looked helplessly at Drusella who was on her feet and staring unbelieved at Sirius. Her dark eyes flashed with anger, which made Sirius very uncomfortable.

"How could you hurt him! He's your best friend for Heaven's sake! _A bit of rough play_..eh? How's this for rough play! Huh? How 'bout this!" Dru sneered, shoving him around untill he finally lost balance and fell into the lake. The dark haired girl stood at the edge of the dock, while Sapphira stood a few feet behind her fuming.

Sirius popped to the top of the surface, gasping for breath. He shot a look at Drusella and swam around a bit, finally climbing back onto the dock.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He asked, agitated. Drusella glared at him as he rose above her.

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you! Look at Remus! So, this is how he's been getting all these scars! It's because of you that he walks into the library every day with scratches and is bleeding?" Drusella asked outrageously.

"Oh, come on! I told you it was nothing! Remus even said it was nothing-"

"Yes, truly, Drusella. It's my fault more then it is his. Don't blame him-" Remus began before Drusella silenced him with a glare.

"No, don't defend him, Remus. He's too wild for his own good. If he doesn't watch out he's going to end up being a Death Eater-" This pushed Sirius to the limit. He stood infront of her, a few heads taller, shivering in either range or coldness, as his soaking wet clothing stuck to his skin.

"Oh, you're one to talk! Look at you! All coopped up in the library reading all about dark spells and curses. Strutting around in your poor, pitiful depression. Acting all hopeless and unloving-no wonder you're so lonely!"

"Well, I'm not the one who asked _you_ out. If I'm not mistaken, Sirius, it was _you _who started this whole damned thing!"

"Well I guess you'll be the one to finish it, eh?" Sirius asked, growing red with rage. Drusella stared at him, her anger matching his.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" she asked. Sirius stared at her, his eyes narrowing cruelly.

"Guess I got to boring for you, eh? Guess you needed someone else, more like yourself maybe. Seems that Barty Crouch person is filling in sufficantly where I obviously didn't fit in!" he shot.

Drusella stared at him outraged. Her nostrials were inflared and she looked at Sirius as though he was some stupid stranger.

"Crouch and I have done nothing! Crouch doesn't mean _anything_ to me! He's a friend, mearly a new kid I decided I ought to help out! What, can boys not be nice to me? Are you the only guy in the world that could possibly ever like me for me!" she asked.

Sirius raised a brow and shrugged.

"I don't know." he muttered.

"Well, I'm sorry that you don't. Is this how you've always felt? You know you could have just dumped me like you have the rest of the girls you've dated. After all, aren't I just like them? A worthless, petty, waste of your time? Just something you can score with and then throw to the side like some used rag? Obviously we fit neither of our expectations so-here, I'm giving you the chance. Say what you want, Sirius. Get me out of your hair once and for all. That's right-I'm letting you do it! I'm not heartless enough to embarass you by letting all your buddies see a girl break up with you. Go ahead, Sirius. Tell me you hate me. Tell me it seemed like a good idea at the time but now its just getting boring!"

Sirius stood speachless. Drusella was shaking from head to toe, her long dark hair falling messily out of her ponytail.

Remus stared at the couple, his mouth agape and the feeling of regreat and responsibility filtering through him. Oh no...Dru and Sirius couldn't break up. This was all his fault. He should have either not swam or told them the truth. He had to tell Drusella the truth. Perhaps then...she and Sirius would make up and everything would be peacefully happy once more.

"Ooopsie.." Sapphira muttered under her breath, suddenly looking very embarassed and tense. Peter and Andrea had stopped laughing and were staring at Sirius and Drusella carefully. Lily and James looked like goldfish and bobbed silently in the cold lake water.

Sirius hung his head helplessly. He looked up when he heard muffled, strained cries. Drusella had her hands over her eyes as her hair frammed her face. She was shaking, but this time because she was crying. Sirius looked at her wildly, his brow creasing into confusion. Drusella never cried! She was always so headstrong...so emotionless and careless. And now she was crying. Was it his fault? Maybe he shouldn't have yelled at her. After all, she didn't know any better about Remus' condition. She was just trying to protect him, trying to stand up for him. He guessed he was just jealous the whole time. Jealous that she could defend Remus like that, jealous at the mere thought of any other guy hanging around her.

At the time it seemed right. At the time all he could do was yell at her. All he could do was spit hurtfull things that weren't true. He'd plunged her into the pain that he swore he could protect her from. Plus, he made it sound as if no one loved her, when in all honesty...he loved her more then anything on Earth. But, it was too late. The words were said and over with, and all that was left of their heartless fight was the cold feeling of regreat and the horried cries of a broken soul.

**A/N: Ahh, yet another blissfull moment ruined by the cruel intentions of drama. Well, that's how life is-well, my life at least. It seems I can't go one day without some type of drama arising. So, maybe I'm slwoly falling into the world of Tears In Heaven...oh well. James and Lily are finally happy. They need to be-its just wrong to make the main couple have all the problems. I added a little more mix in here with Remus and Sapphira. Especially a little more about the wounds from being a werewolf. However, upon writing the reactions of the scars, the most tramatic and unwanting problem occured. It sort of wrote itself. I usually allow the character's issues to make due themselves and this is where I landed. Sirius and Dru, however much I sorely wished they would, will never be the perfect couple. Notice how they're the 'troubled couple'? I mean, everyone has their issues but these two...are just falling downwards. Big appology to the fans who want Sirius and his girl to be happy. Well...hoped you liked this one.**


	26. Underneath Your Clothes

Started: November 23 2005

Finished: December 19th 2005

**I own NOTHING. This chapter is dedicated to JSA's Wormtail. W lov you, Jess.**

_**Underneath Your Clothes**_

The weather reflected the intencifying drama and pain that enveloped the eight young adults. Thick black clouds dragged across the sky, threatening a storm. Sirius Black didn't care though. He laid unfazed on the cool, rich grass that covered Lonely Hill. The roaring winds, then first few drops of cold, unfeeling rain nor the cruel crackle of thunder affected him as he drowned himself in nothing but thought. Thoughts of his family...thoughts of his friends...thoughts of his lover-he sighed. He'd blown it, and he was willingly taking the responsibility. However, he wished to the Gods that he had only kept his mouth shut. Maybe then, he could kiss her again. Maybe she would fall into his arms where she fit so perfectly. Life felt cold and empty without her beside him. Oh God, what was he thinking? She wasn't dead!

_She might as well be_, the annyoing voice in his head sneered. Sirius grabbed his head in anguish and tried shaking it to be rid of it. _Poor, poor pitiful Sirius. Lost his snogging partner-boo hoo. That's alright. She's probably off with Barty Crouch Jr. right now. _Sirius fell onto his back again. He couldn't get the scene out of his head. It was only something he'd conjoured up...some pointless picture that he had mearley imagined yet...he relived the moment over and over as if it were real...as if it were a movie playing over and over again in his head. There Dru would be sitting, crying and feeling broken, and along would come Crouch-her knight in shinning armor. He'd comfort her and tell her everything was okay and that Sirius Black wasn't worth it. Then he'd lean in to kiss her and...she'd obliege. She'd kiss him back and forget all about him. She's loose herself into the sensation of being loved and forget all about their relationship.

And it would all be his fault.

The storm seemed to mock him, thunder growling angirly and rain pattering hard onto his handsome features as he sat there, movementless. He longed to see her. He needed to. He needed to right his wrong, and by God would he do it. Hopping up with increadible cat like grace, Sirius stood and began walking towards the castle.

In all irony, Drusella was sitting in her solitude, only to be interupted by the handsome presance of Barty Crouch Jr. Drusella looked up at him, wishing away the tears that stained her cheeks. Barty rushed to her side and raised a hand to whipe away her tears.

"Dru! What happened?" he asked sincerely. He gently carressed her skin with a soft, warm hand. It felt..wrong. She didn't know why- it just did. Drusella closed her eyes and pretended that it was Sirius's hand and not Barty's. Yet, something weird also moved inside her gut. It was calm and friendly...and warm and comforting. Maybe she just needed to be held. Maybe she just needed someone to be there for her. Just tonight.

"I-It was nothing, Barty." Dru whispered, continuing to whipe away the stray tears. Barty placed a hand on her shoulder, protectively and lovingly.

"Was it your boyfriend? You know, he's not good enough for you-" Drusella quickly looked at him, startled. More anger rumbled up in her stomach. How dare he! How dare this infantile kid who knew nothing of her say that the one person who ever cared for her wasn't good enough!

"You don't know Sirius. Don't say that." she murmered, trying to control her temper. Barty sighed exhasperatingly, and dropped his hands to his side, and his head down.

"Drusella...please...I hate seeing you hurt like this." he said emotionally. Drusella closed her eyes and shivered. Why had life suddenly gotten so complicated? Why, all of a sudden, did people start loving her and caring about her? Life was so much easier when it was based on pure solitude...when she didn't fear getting hurt...or hurting others.

"It's nothing, Barty. Really...Sirius is fine..Sirius and I are fine." She lied. Well, she had to-or Barty wouldn't get off her back.She also wished it were true. How on Earth could she let herself get away with talking to Sirius like that? How did the fight get so...out of hand? She'd only been upset because of Remus. She remembered seeing him sruggling in the library and seeing red marks on his face and blood stains on his shirts and pants. He'd been the first person at the school, besides Alice, who'd ever even bothered introducing himself to and talk to her. She learned to respect Remus and was quite fond of him...that's why it struck her so hard to think that Remus was battered because one of his slightly jocky friends was too careless to worry about his own friend's health. She remembered seeing Severus walk in all messed up too...it just didn't seem right that, just because they were clever and good looking and popular...that they could bang up anyone they damned well pleased to!

"You know..." Barty began with a shaking laugh. He still didn't look at her, but kept his face to the ground, his arms resting on his legs and his hands playing with a peice of string. "It's going to sound old and unamusing but...I actually feel kind of jealous." Drusella still didn't look at him. 'Why me!' she groaned inwardly. Why couldn't everyone just back off her and leave her alone? No...it didn't matter if Barty liked her. She figured that it wouldn't matter if the entire male population of Hogwarts were pinning after her. She just wanted to be alone.

Drusella looked unfazed, unemotional and mostly-uncaring. She wished she had her own life back. It was just so much easier not caring.

"I really, really like you...and...well, I'm not one who usually spills his heart out to a girl he barely knows but...its just not fair...that a guy can have such perfection...and wastes it away..." Drusella forced back the tears that were comming. What Barty said was...really sweet...really touching even for her. But still...she was already in love. She already knew who she wanted to hear the words 'I love you' from...

"Thank you, Barty. It really means a lot to me that you care. I'm sorry though.." she said, turning to stand up. He looked up at her with hurt in his eyes and closed them, nodding in understandment. Drusella smiled slightly to herself and swooped down to kiss his cheek. She brushed her long hair from her face and walked off, looking very flustered. Barty touched where she kissed him and sighed loudly.

_Damn...I think I've fallen in love with her._

Sirius leaned back against the wall, clutching his chest. Oh God...no...not the dream. Not Drusella...not with Crouch. He felt tears form in his dark eyes and ran towards the Gryffindor dorm. How pathetic he must have looked; a grown boy crying and running away from his fears. As the hot, leaks of water formed streams down his cold cheeks, he felt crushed up inside. Crouch had caressed Drusella. She'd allowed him to. She even kissed him. Was this jealousy? But...he thought jealousy was mainly anger...and though he felt quite angry, it was more pain and fear that exploaded within him.

He collided with a wall, despite his attempts to skid around, and stayed plastered to it, allowing the cold cement to capture some of his unwanted tears. He banged his fists against it and let loose a strangled cry of anguish, pain and suffering.

Sirius Orian Black did not cry! Well, at least not because of a girl. He'd made them cry, several times in fact, but never in his wildest dreams had he ever expected one to make _him_. Then again, he'd never felt this way about any of them, as he did with Drusella. They were all beautiful, devine and sexy creatures, even one was a veela, but none of them could even compare with the way Dru affected him. Those gorgeous, sinful women, whose lucious bodies evoked the mind, seemed to waste away under the strange beauty of his Ravenclaw lover which was invisable to the naked eye. Even the way those other girls acted...so sexy-giving him all the pleasure a teenage boy dared to dream of, could not even come second to all of Drusella's wonders. Her tart mouth, her courage to be different, her delicate and soothing voice which cause eruphia inside his darkened soul...and her kiss-oh, her slow, torturing, sensational kiss that drove him absolutely mad, made her seem so much more attractive. And he'd had her-the definition of perfection...and he'd lost her.

James was doing his night rounds-curse Head Boy duities-thinking of his life. He found himself slipping away into the strange, entangledment which masquraded as a 'simple life' every day. But with all the trama, the heart wrenching pain and torture which had taken over the group was too prominant to ignore. So much had happened this year. New relationships bloomed, differances gave subject to murder and scars from a painful past were only the basics. He thought being with Lily would cease everything-especially the cutting. It was only the opposite though. His body ached for the silvery sensation of feeling the blade against his cold, unfeeling skin-and his mind ached for the blood-the useless blood which he remembered watching skim down his arms unemotionally. His blade was tucked away, hidden from the world and mostly-hidden from the worrying, watchful eye of his fiance, Lily.

James had to smile when thinking of her as his fiance. That was one of the best things to happen this year of down right drama. It was comforting to know that, when this horrible nightmare of a year was over, he'd come out with the girl. After all...good guys always get the girl. And he was a good guy. Oh, yes he was! He spent hours pouring over every tid bit of information about the buisness of Aurors and the current war against racisam, that he was quickly starting to look a lot like Remus and Sapphira-with their tired, 'I've only been in the library for seven hours reading this fascinating report' eyes.

Quidditch was going good. They'd had four matches in the past six weeks against Slytherin, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw, and they'd won all of Slytherin's, most of Ravenclaw's and only one of Hufflepuff (who was begining to look very sharp this year). The girls, James thought with a proud grin, were certainly a force to be reckon with. Sapphira played very skillfully-and she seemed to annalize every play she came upon. Being a chaser, she'd soar across the Hogwarts sky, smooth and gently like an angel.

Ravenclaw was pretty feirce-especially with Drusella Cammolie on their side. Despite all the drama the poor girl had gone through, it didn't show in her game. Or maybe that _that_ was why she played extra hard. She'd slap around the blugers like they were demonic creatures (well...they sort of were...) and held her unemotional, game face the entire time. He, too, was doing fairly well. In the last few games he'd catched the snitch easily as if it were the most simple thing in the world. He loved Quidditch though. Just the thought of it made him hyped. There was no better feeling then the one he recieved sitting on his broom, the wind blowing through his hair, beating his cheeks red and the feeling of freedom rushing through him. Quidditch only added the thrill of competion and the adoring, screaming fans who shouted his name wildly and cheered him on-which made him feel great inside.

He yawned and headed towards Gryffindor tower to check on the Marauders. As the portrait of a pretty girl appeared, James murmered the password and climbed in, as it swung out widely.

It was just like he'd remembered it. The red velvet covered the beautifully polished wooden furnature and an assortment of familiar, happy looking paintings lined the walls. A fresh fire illuminated the room and on the too -familiar long couch, laid one messed up looking student. James narrowed his eyes, yet was unable to hide the sparkle of humor that glistened brightly in the hazel peepers. He walked towards the student and noticed it was a boy, probably his age. Yet, as his eyes lingered more heavily upon the boy he recognized him completely. It was Sirius! Well, a very...knocked up looking Sirius. The boy's shaggy black hair, which girls seemed to melt for, was fuzzed and starting to look a lot more like James's untidy clump of raven tresses. His shirt was unbuttoned, his tie untied and an empty bottle was stuck in one tightly clenched fist.

"_Really _clever, Sirius. You do realize Professor McGonagal could have walked in on your alcohol bergade." James said with a carefully raised eye brow. Sirius struggled to keep focus on James, and ended up laughing, well giggling, at his own unsuccessfulness.

"Oy, I think I know that, Prongsie..wongsie.." Sirius chuckled again, and James had to refrain from laughing along with his friend's drunk behavior. Sirius's brown eyes were red and tear-stricken, and James had an incling that this was due to something other then the alcohol.

"What's that you've got yourself there, Padfoot?" James asked casually, knowing how to work with his best mate when he was drunk.

'Padfoot' held up the empty bottle and grinned. His eyes were still unfocused though, and he seemed to be talking to a nearby table more then he was to James.

"Firewiskey, mate. Heh, wonderful little creation, eh?" Sirius asked, laughing again. James strode across the room and sat down in a comfortable armchair across from his friend. He grinned at Sirius cleverly, as if nothing was wrong with the situation and laid his feet upon the foot stool loungingly. Sirius rolled over to his side and opened his mouth as to say something, but closed it before a single word fell from his lips. the dog-boy just turned his head and stared at the ceiling.

Sirius's head was fogged, and it was really difficult to have even one coharrent thought. He closed his dark eyes and sighed, trying to clear his intoxicated brain. Maybe he went a little too heavy on the Firewiskey, but he hadn't been thinking about sanity or anything at the time. He didn't even ponder the dangerously awaiting hang over that was destined in the morning. All he wanted to do, when he staggered up to the portrait a few hours perviously was to get his mind off the pain.

"Why, Sirius?" James asked softly, so softly in fact that Sirius could barely hear him over Sirius's own heavy breathing.

"Long story." he muttered gruffly. "What're you doing 'round here, anyways?"

"Don't change the subject, Sirius. I don't give a damn how long it is, just tell me! Is it Drusella? You know, it was just a fight. Everyone has fights!" Sirius tried to sit up, but fell back down, groaning and grasping his throbbing head into his hands.

"It wasn't just the fight." Sirius mumbled tonelessly. "It was...James?" James looked over at Sirius carefully before replying to his command.

"Yes?" Sirius didn't speak, or move for a few draggging on moments. James was begining to wonder whether he'd fallen asleep, but soon enough, the boy spoke up again.

"Do you...do you think I'm good enough for Drusella?" Sirius asked softly. James felt himself turn red. This was a...girl thing! I mean, James was a very good friend and of course he knew his friend was great and all but it seemed just plain out _strange_ for a bloke to ask a bloke whether they thought they were _good _enough for a girl.

"Um...Sirius, we're best mates! You know what I think of you and no girl can stand in the way of that. You're a good kid, Padfoot, but sometimes you can be a little daft. Why do you ask, pray tell?" James stuttered out nervously. Sirius turned his head once again to look at James and his hands jumped to his face.

"No. Do you think I'm better then...Crouch?" he asked, his red face poking out from behind his tanned skin. James had to stiffle a laugh. He should have known...

"Padfoot! What kind of rubbish is that? I don't _compare_ guys, remember? It was a Marauder promise, for our own romantic sake."

"Just...if you were...uh, Drusella, would I seem...I don't know...more _attractive_ then Crouch?" James couldn't help bursting into fits of laughter.

"Yes, Padfoot. I think-as Drusella, of course, that you are much more attractive then Barty Crouch Jr. I mean, who wouldn't immiedietly fall for a charming eighteen year old boy who pranked people, was pure blood, technically rich and looked like a Christmas orniment when drunk?"

Sirius, sober enough to understand James's words, threw a pillow at him. However, with years of Quidditch to thank, James easily caught the flying pillow before it became a threat.

"No, I'm being serious-oh, whipe that smirk off your face! That joke is getting old! As I was saying, James Potter, I really want to know!" James stopped laughing and looked Sirius straight in the eye.

"What happened, mate?" he asked seriously. Sirius sighed and ran his hands over his face.

"Well...I came inside before the storm and when I went into the Great Hall, I saw Barty with Drusella." James sucked in a breath.

"They...they weren't _doing_ anything, were they?" he asked slowly. Sirius shrugged and looked away from James. He wasn't sure of exactly what he saw. He did see them talk and saw Barty stroke her cheek. His fists clenched at the thought. He felt like beating the bloody bastard up so bad, right then. And then he saw...her look away with an expression fo familiar to him-the one where someone is trying to fight back their emotions-and then he saw...the kiss.

"She kissed him, man" Sirius said, hurt oozing from his voice. James's eyes widened.

"She what!" he cried, disbelievingly. Sirius sighed and rubbed his forehead. This whole day had gone downhill. One bad event after another. And it was all his fault.

"It was a kiss on the cheek, but still...it seemed too close. I don't know what's wrong with me, Prongs-I've never felt this way about another girl before. She's all I think about and seeing her with-seeing her even around other guys, being friendly too-it just...for some reason drives me insane. I can't help but think that they're going to sweep her off her feet. Who am I kidding, Prongs? I'm not good enough for her. I just...I guess, hope that Crouch treats her right-"

"Padfoot, shut up. Don't bring yourself down like this. You're in love with her mate, its no big deal. Falling in love is a great and beautiful thing. It's nature to feel jealous. How do you think I've felt for the past five years? Every time another guy came near her-and seeing her laughing all snuggled up close to some boy-I was raving with jealousy. I wanted to kill the other kid, but look who has her now. Trust me mate, talk to Drusella...work things out for yourself."

Sirius looked at James. How better could anyone be? James was funny and mischivious, just like himself, and yet-when things got serious, he knew how to act. He always knew what to say and Sirius was so thankful he was his friend.

Sirius enveloped James in a brotherly hug, finally allowing the tears to fall.

James patted his back and hugged him back.

"Shh, man, it'll be alright. Everything is gonna be good."

"I-I better go. I'll go find her right now." And James let Sirius go.

**There you go. Next chapter updated!**


	27. Confusions

**Sorry about the wait! I OWN NOTHING!**

"Psst, Lily. Lily, darling, wake up." James murmured, poking the red haired girl, tangled in her thick, warm sheets. Lily groaned and stretched out. She opened one green eye and glared at James.

"What?" she moaned. James grinned and sat next to her on the bed. He used one calloused hand to wipe away stray hair from her forehead. Lily closed her eyes and allowed herself to drown in the comfort of James's warmth. After a few minutes of pure euophia, James finally explained his presence.

"I have a question and it would help to have a girl's point of view." James said unsurely. Lily opened her eyes and sat up, patting down her out-of-bed-hair and wrapping her blanket around herself. She had to smile to herself. James Potter coming to ask someone about girls! No, not James!

"Lils, when a boy and a girl are dating...and the girl kisses another guy-isn't that wrong?" James asked, using his hand to mess up his hair. Oooh, how Lily used to despise that action! But then again, look how adorable it made him! He was just too-_okay, Lils-snap out of it!_

Lily was red with embarrassment, "It all depends...what kind of kiss was it?" she asked seriously. Alas, it was true. There were many kinds of kisses, cheeks, foreheads, hands, heads, lips...She looked up to see James grinning. He leaned in close to her.

"It was more like this," he said before lightly kissing her cheek, sending shivers down her spine, "Then this." And he kissed her on the lips. It was a full blown, lusty, loving kiss that blew Lily away. She moaned into his mouth and entwined her hands around his neck, deepening the kiss. She felt James place his hands on her small waist, pulling her into him and before she knew it, he was laying on his back on the bed with her straddling his waist.

Lily pulled herself away from James and began to crackle with laughter. James grinned sheepishly and dropped his hands at his side.

"Now, now, Mr. Potter, way to distract a girl from answering your question." Lily teased. James shrugged and yawned.

"I can't deny my terrible habits. Now, does a kiss on the cheek mean anything?"

"Not unless you're in love with somebody."

"Well, how do you know? I mean, it didn't happen to me."

"You don't, James."

"Gee, that solves everything."

"James, stop being so irritable."

"I will if you stop confusing me!"

At this Lily had to laugh. James just looked so pitiful there. Cute, yes, but pitifully so. She ruffled his hair with her own hand and buried her head in his shoulder. They just sat there, tangled in each others arms, for a long time. They basked in each others warmth and comfort. For quite a while it was just Lily and James. As one.

"I love you, Lily. I love you so much it hurts." James whispered. Lily smiled and felt tears well up in her emerald eyes. This was what being in love was. Knowing who the person you were with was-not who they seemed. Love meant so many things and they were all uncovered by the light James bestowed. Love was like a rose, beautiful but painful. Love meant you didn't have to prove it to the world. No lies, no 'ifs' just reality. Love was looking into that someone's eyes and seeing eternity-seeing something so amazing and comforting that you lusted after it. Love was more then lust. Love was pure, simple, and yet so crazy and confusing that it takes people years to finally discover. There is like, lust and love-all three very different things. 'Like' was when you meet someone who sparks your interest. Lust was when all attraction is controlled by hormones. Love is when every part of your body, every fiber of your incredible being is drawn to that person.

"I love you, James. I love you. I love you. I love you."

They kissed a soft, gentle, hypnotizing kiss Lily learned James seemed to have the power to possess. His kiss was cool and warm at the same time. It was breath taking, melting and driving Lily slowly into blissful insanity. Beautiful, enchanting mindlessness.

Outside, Remus was sitting near the lake studying for an upcoming Ancient Ruins class. He wasn't very good at Ancient Ruins; he just barely scraped by with a threateningly low 'O' even though he studied very hard for that class. Sometimes, it frustrated him that Sirius and James had all the natural intellectual talent in the world. They had everything. The grades, the personality, the looks, the girls, the fame, the money. But they too had their problems. Sirius wasn't so good with his family and James-well, this year had spoken enough in James's defense. It was okay though. Remus Lupin didn't have a bad life. Of course, there was the werewolf deal and the fact that his girlfriend was engaged to one of his best friends, but other then that, everything was pretty good. He was content.

"Hey there, Remus." A voice said, breaking Remus from thought. He looked up and smiled when he saw the girly figure of Sapphira Higgs. She plopped beside him, groaning slightly, which made him smile wildly. Why? Hell, he didn't know. She smiled at him, and he watched her in awe as her brown hair framed her delicate face and marveled in her immaculate beauty.

"Hi, Saph." he said smiling lazily. Sapphira peered over to his book.

"Ah, Ancient Ruins...are you still having trouble with that class?" She asked. Remus nodded and rolled his eyes. Sapphira was great at it. Every report, every project and every bit of homework returned to her with perfect scores. She was pretty good at every class. She didn't have James's grades, but she was smart enough to get almost any job she desired in the wizarding world.

"It's alright, Remy, you're doing fine. So, is this all you've been doing all evening?" Sapphira brushed a stray strand of curly hair behind her ear, never tearing her gaze from Remus. He grinned and laughed lightly. He was too cute. His big brown eyes were alive with excitement and laughter. His light brown hair look great-he'd gotten a haircut, but it was still shaggy. His pale features were very handsome, but were marked with healing scars. Sapphira still didn't know what to think of them-but she decided it couldn't possibly be Sirius's fault. She blushed when she remembered Remus by the lake. Without a shirt-only in board shorts. The dorky oddity of shy young Remus Lupin shirtless was enough to make any girl swoon. His taught muscles, his strong arms...his blush as he knew she stared at him.

"Yep, I've been studying away the day. What about you, love?" he asked smiling. Sapphira shrugged and propped herself up upon her elbows. Remus eyed her discreetly. She wore the uniform: a white button down blouse, House colored tie, a grey vest and a grey skirt. She wore knee high black socks and black boots and her black Hufflepuff crested robe. Sapphira had her curly brown hair down. Remus loved her hair-it always smelt to nice. But he loved her eyes more. They were honeys suckle brown...and rather misty which made her seem unworldly. Almost like a Goddess...

"I've been in the library and out at Quidditch practice. Ugh, William has been yelling at us all day-he told me I need to step my game up. I've been doing terrible this season!" Remus laughed and pulled her onto his lap, casting away his book.

"Now that's a lie. You've been doing exceptionally well-even James says so!"

"I wish James was my team captain."

"Funny, that's the same thing Drusella says."

"No duh, our captains aren't so good. They think they're God on a broomstick but they can't even compete with James. At least he's actually really good and not just braggging when they've clearly got nothing to brag about. Honestly, how does he really think he can compare with the James Potter?" Remus's amused laugh broke her from her angry lecture, and she turned to face him. Her face was twisted in confused irritation.

"What're you laughing at? I haven't said anything the least bit fun-"

"Calm down, love. It's just, wow, you really admire James don't you? We're kind of the same then, you and me. I admire James too. Him and Sirius-they're my brothers and my heros. They're never afraid to go after what they want. They never back down from a challange unless they know it'll harm the ones they love. And they'll be damned if they see someone they love get hurt." He said this so seriously, so admiringly that Sapphira was momentarily rendered speechless.

Remus looked down as he placed his hand on hers. Sapphira looked down too, watching as his soft fingers ran over her knuckles and lifted her Quidditch bruised hand in his book-soft ones. He leaned over, carefully and calmly, and drew her to him, kissing her lips ever so lightly. Sapphira closed her eyes and allowed herself to fall into the cool pool of serenity that his kiss provided. The sweet europhia of his soft lips pressing delicately against her sent her mind screaming and yet-it was the most calm, romantic thing she'd ever experianced. He pulled away from her, his warm eyes alight with a smile.

"You're beautiful." he whispered.

"That's what Eurnabold said to Cristakle just before he died in Alien Warfair 2."

Remus's head dropped in surrender.

"Hey, Wormtail!" Peter Pettigrew's short blonde hair brushed over into his eyes as he turned to see who was calling him. It was Padfoot, Sirius Black, with his tie undone and top few buttons loose, which made many girls around him swoon. Peter laughed and shook his head. He'd known Sirius for seven years and all seven of those he had girls practically stalking him. It was the same with James. Remus and he, on the other hand, were a lot less...swoonable. Of course, Remus had a few admirers and once or twice Peter would find himself being asked out. He usually said no because he, like Remus, wanted to find someone he actually liked. It wasn't that Sirius and James would date just anybody, but then again, they had a wider selection of girls to choose from.

"Hey, there, mate!"

"Hey, Padfoot." Sirius slumped beside rat-boy in the grass. Peter had been siting there, quietly watching the lake and the people who'd pass by it.

"Looking for a lady?" Sirius asked, grinning. Peter glared at him.

"I've got a lady, thank you very much."

Sirius shrugged and eyed a large group of girls that passed by. They were looking at the two boys and Sirius nodded his head in a way of saying hello, and the girls erupted into fits of giggles. Peter stared at his friend in exasperation.

"Dude, you've got a girlfriend! What're you doing!"

"It's a little harmless flirting. Everyone does it-" Peter smacked his arm and glared at him. Sirius had a knack for being inconsiderate at times. But...he also had a knack for holding grudges.

"Padfoot, if this is about that Crouch kid, you really need to get over it. She wasn't cheating on you, mate! She was just being nice to him!"

"I never said she was cheating on me, Peter! And don't you bring up Dru at a time like this! If I wanted to talk about her, I'd bring it up." Peter rolled his eyes.

"Padfoot, you _always_ want to talk about her! You're infatuated with the poor girl!" Sirius glared at him angrily. His usually warm brown eyes were burning with rage and irritation.

"Look, Wormtail! What happened between me and Drusella is strictly Drusella's and my own business! I'm not hoarding you for information about Andrea, am I! Now, could you please listen to me for once and drop it?"

Peter jumped to his feet and looked at his friend, exasperatedly. Sirius could be so dense sometimes. Could he not even see what was happening right in front of him? Of course, Peter would take Sirius's side over anyone else's-he was, after all, one of his best friends, but this time he knew Sirius was wrong. Never before had he seen such a screwed up couple as Drusella and Sirius!

After Peter walked away, Sirius was left to contemplate what he'd said. Sirius shook his head; his dark hair falling over his eyes. It wasn't as easy as Peter tried to make it sound. No-it wasn't easy at all. There were massive complications and suddenly Sirius got the feeling that all the suffering would go away if Drusella and he just ended it. It wasn't right to think that though. But he didn't know if he could stand it any longer. Being without Drusella was slowly killing him-yet, every time they were together things wouldn't go right. She made him feel things he'd never felt before, some good some bad. He'd finally fallen in love, which was great, yet jealousy was always surging through him, and Sirius knew that was harming the two of them.

What was he to do? Sirius stood up, stretched, and retreated back to the dormitories.

**Hey there...I'm sorry that this chapter is so short, but,...oh, well...I know, I know, you're probably fed up with Sirius and Drusella-they're so complicated, but trust me-they're based off two of my friends and their relationship right now (only my friend's relationship is a lot more confusing!) Lily and James are going good, but I still have yet to set up a date for their wedding. Any suggestions? It's mid March right now, in the story. **


	28. What Hurts the Most

**Holy freaking crap! I am the worst person in the world! How could I have abandoned this story for so freaking long! Gyahhhhhh! I was just re-reading it and realized-Holy crap, I started this in my seventh/eighth grade years. Now I'm a junior in High School. What the hell? Damn it! Well, I _need _to work on this sooo bad. I really miss writing it. And hey-what with being in school again I might have some inspiration. (It might be weird inspiration, seeing how I now go to freaking military school…but…oh well…). Anyhoodle, has anyone seen those Sirius/Lily/James videos on Youtube? They're so awesome. They use footage from Saved and Donnie Darko and Savage something…but they're really good. I'm thinking of making one (or a few) for TIH. I REALLY wanna do that. If you get the chance, go check those videos out. Sure…there's no Sirius/Lily stuff in here (cause Lily belongs with James, and in this story Sirius either belongs alone or with Dru!)**

**Meh, enjoy what I have now come to write. **

**Chapter 28: What Hurts the Most**

James chuckled as a rather disgruntled group of Ravenclaws passed by, all tugging at their Quidditch gloves. The game against them had been won quickly, with Gryffindor, of course, taking the win. Lagging behind the rest of her teammates, James noticed Drusella looking rather stoic.

He jogged over to her and got in step.

"Hey, Dru…you okay?" He asked. The raven-haired beater raised her head and than arched a brow.

"That depends. Okay as in mentally…or okay as in how I'm fairing today?" Drusella asked. James opened his mouth to say something, but realized that nothing would come out. He scratched the back of his head and tried to think of something to say.

"Forget it. I'm doing alright. Now, I've got to get changed." She said offhandedly. James blinked and watched her retreating form. Before she could get too far away, James called after her.

"Hey, Drusella! What are you going to do about Sirius?"

The girl stopped in her tracks. For a few fleeting seconds, James regretted asking her this, but he knew it had to be done. The question had been nagging him ever since he'd found Sirius sprawled out drunk on the common room carpet.

"I don't know." She muttered. James raised a brow and stepped closer to her. The girl's back was still turned to his, and she had her head down.

"Can't you two…I don't know…talk about this? It's getting kind of annoying, if you-"

Drusella turned and glared at him hotly.

"And it's none of your business either. In fact, it's none of anyone's business. If it's so fatal to you, why don't you ask your _best friend? _He seems to know all the answers to how I'm living my life."

And with that she spun on her heel and headed toward the locker room to change out of her uniform. James growled and shook his head. Damn and he thought _his _relationship with Lily had been pathetic. Did Sirius and Drusella have a damned clue what was going on in their own relationship? James highly doubted it. Together, they were like a bi-polar person, on and off again, angry and than madly in love. The raven haired seeker didn't know what was worse; his stupid addiction to cutting, or his friend's inability to hold a decent relationship. Ever.

"James, what are you looking at?" Lily came up behind James, taking his hand. James groaned and dropped his head in defeat.

"I was just trying to get some information out of Drusella but than she got all P.M.S-y and started yelling at how things going between her and Sirius wasn't any of my business."

Lily raised a brow.

"Well, technically James, they're not." James scoffed.

"Sirius is my best friend! When he's partially passed out pissed and rambling on and on about how he thinks he's a major screw up, and than ends up crying, it becomes my business."

"Sirius got drunk?" Lily asked darkly, her Head Girl persona fading in. James nodded impatiently and continued on with his rant.

"Than Drusella goes and says that '_if I just had to know, than why don't I ask Sirius, because he obviously knows what's going on in her life'_! I swear to Merlin, _what _is that girl's problem? Why must girls be so insane all the damn time?" James growled. Lily raised another brow and crossed her arms, sighing loudly. Apparently, she was going to have to give James another speech, as if he were a child and she the adult. How could someone so loving and compassionate in his own relationship, be so dense about women and other relationships, including his own best friend's?!

"James, you'll have to excuse Drusella. She's probably so lost and confused that she can't tell what's left from right anymore. I'm not surprised, she's always been a loner and now she's dating one of the most popular guys in school. Can't you see this is hard for her? Sirius, just like you, can have any girl he wants and yet, he chooses someone whom never even imagined he'd look at. The poor girl must be devastated, especially what now with Sirius thinking she's in love with Barty Junior. It's enough to drive any girl insane."

James groaned and ran a hand through his hair.

"Must women be so complicated?" James asked. Lily scoffed.

"Complicated? What do you think men are? They're over-baring bastards who think with their balls all the time. And they jump to conclusions-"

"Men jump to conclusions? Lily, women are the ones who jump to conclusions! _Oh my God, he's looking at another girl! He's cheating on me…wahh!_" James mocked sourly. Lily gaped at him in utter disgust.

"Excuse _me_, James Potter, but men think the same thing if a girl just happens to look at another guy. Half the men in the world get all jealous and insulting if a girl even bothers trying to make a friend of the opposite sex. Like Drusella and Barty Jr. for example. Is it so wrong for women to have male friends? How come guys can have all the female friends in the world, and it's alright, but it's just _wrong _for a girl to have guy friends?"

"What the hell are you insinuating, Lily? That I'm not being loyal to you or fucking something?"

"Oooh, _now _who's jumping to conclusions? This isn't about you, James."

James growled angrily.

"And it's not about you either. So tell me than, why the hell are we fighting?" He asked. Lily's glare softened and she looked away, ashamed.

"I'm sorry. I guess I assumed you were talking about me…somehow…" James sighed and rubbed his temples tiredly. He reached out and took Lily's shoulders in his hands. Leaning close to her, he rested his forehead on her own.

"No. Never. I never find you complicated or disgusting or annoying or anything that falls into that category. Being with you makes me happier than I have ever been in my entire life."

Lily bit back the tears that had already begun to form in her eyes.

"No you haven't. It's because of me that you even started harming yourself-"

"Lily, trust me that was a stupid mistake made on my own accord. I was just so used to getting what I wanted when I wanted it that not doing so drove me insane. I'm an idiot; you've got to believe me. I love everything that is part of you and me. I love staying up late at night because I can't get you out of my head. I love contemplating things you've said for hours. You have to realize that hearing you say you'll marry me changes everything in my life. I'm not afraid anymore, Lily. I've got you now."

"But…you've lost your parents as well." Lily cried in between tears. James felt his stomach drop and knew that the tears would be coming for him as well. He tried not to think about his parents' death, especially since he knew it would make him vulnerable and emotional, and he didn't want to be like that around Lily.

"Yeah…that's true…" He muttered, smiling sadly. "But they couldn't be happier to know that I'm not alone at all. They'd love to know that you will be with me. They talked about you all the time…mum couldn't wait till she could see you in a wedding dress."

By now, Lily was sobbing loudly. She clutched at James' sweaty Quidditch robes. Thankfully for them, they weren't causing a scene, for everyone had gone inside. Stroking her hair gently, James held Lily in his arms.

"Calm down, love…"

"I'm sorry, James. I'm so sorry."

James closed his eyes and groaned mentally. Why was she always so damn sorry? Didn't Lily know that he loved everything about her, that everything she said meant the world to him? She had nothing to ever be sorry about.

"I love you, Lily." He said boldly. She looked up at him with red eyes and than hugged him tighter.

"I love you, James."

He cradled her face in his hands and wiped the tears from her face with his thumb. James gave Lily a warm smile before taking her back into his arms.

"Let's go inside. I'm starving." Lily giggled and took his hand, leading him towards the castle.

"You're such a nerd, James. Ugh, let's just hope for your sake that the kitchens are still open." James grinned and pulled her roughly back to him.

He raised his brows playfully.

"Who said I was hungry for food?"

Drusella wrapped her arms around herself as she stepped out into the cold English air. She had been told that Sirius was seen outside, and she guessed that he would be at 'lonely hill'. While changing after the game, Drusella came to the conclusion that she ought to apologize to Sirius. After all, it pretty much was her fault.

Most of the kids were inside; after all, the curfew hour was only a few minutes away. Drusella, however, didn't care. Obviously, Sirius didn't either. Drusella walked out into the grassy hills of the school grounds, her back on the castle that glowed with comfort and warmth. She eyed the nearing forest nervously and sped up her pace.

Her mind traveled back to Sirius. She'd seen him talking to a large group of Gryffindor Sixth year girls earlier that day. They seemed to be having the time of their lives and it made Drusella sick to her stomach. She should have known that he would move on quickly. After all, she wasn't exactly that hard to get over. Drusella knew she wasn't nearly as pretty or as intelligent as Sirius' previous girlfriends probably were. Still, she knew she ought to apologize to him none the less. Even if he never wanted to see her again, she had to at least _try. _

Suddenly, Drusella felt something swerve around her and push her against one of the building walls. Gasping loudly, her attacker placed his hand over her mouth.

There was a slight rustle and an illegible whisper before a bright light almost blinded Drusella's vision. She came into contact with familiar brown eyes and gasped again. It was Sirius.

"Oi…don't scream." He muttered. After a few seconds, he removed his hand from her mouth and stepped away from her, just gazing.

"Sirius," Drusella said, "what…"

Sirius looked at her gravely.

"What are you doing out here? You said…that _thing _was always out here…" He said 'thing' harshly. Drusella looked down at her feet, trying to think of a sufficient excuse.

"I…I was told you'd be out here." She said slowly. Sirius raised a brow and crossed his arms.

"You were looking for me?" He asked. Drusella nodded and looked up at him, her dull gray eyes sending shivers down his spine.

"I can go if you like." She said, standing straight up to step around him. He stopped her with his hand and pushed her back into the wall.

"Don't go. Look, we need to talk." Sirius said sternly. Drusella bit her lip and than nodded. Sirius looked around him and than pulled something out from inside his robe.

"Okay, I'd rather do this somewhere else. I borrowed James' invisibility cloak." He said, shaking the cloak out. Drusella blinked and than watched as Sirius began to disappear as he pulled it on.

"Where are we…?"

"Room of requirement." Sirius said shortly. He grabbed her hand and shoved her beneath the cloak before she could protest.

After some quick running, and dodging a few teachers, Sirius led Drusella down one of the carpeted corridors. Drusella furrowed her brow, wondering how on earth Sirius knew where the gossiped about 'room of requirement' was located.

"Shit. Drusella…I want you to think about a room right now, alright. Just a room we can talk in private in. Nothing special, alright?"

Confused, Drusella nodded and concentrated really hard on a room. Ignoring Sirius wishes for the room to be simple, she imagined the room with maroon walls, something Sirius might like. And there would be a large couch and a fireplace.

Suddenly, a door speared before them. Drusella blinked and Sirius muttered, "ah-ha" under his breath. Pulling open the door, Sirius dragged the girl along with him. He snorted when the room was presented to him. Drusella looked in and laughed as well.

The room was everything Drusella wanted and more. Maroon walls, a couch and fire place made the room seem cozy. But there was also a bed sitting in the middle of the carpeted room. Drusella turned to Sirius and raised a brow. He grinned at her.

"Never know." He said, blushing. Drusella made no comment and turned around, staring at the room.

"Can we take this damn cloak off?" She asked, pinching the fabric. Sirius nodded quickly and pulled it off, throwing it onto the couch.

"Now what did-"

"Drusella, look-"

Sirius sighed and looked at the ground.

"You probably don't want my apology." He said slowly. Drusella didn't speak, wanting to hear him out.

"It's just…I have to. I've been a jerk. I don't even deserve to be forgiven." He continued to stare at the ground.

"What I said the other day…about no one loving you…it was a lie. The truth is…I've been…well…kinda jealous lately…" He said, blushing again. Drusella stared at him.

"Kind of jealous?" She repeated. Sirius bit his lip and looked up at her, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Okay, _really _jealous."

"That's not what I mean. What were you jealous about?" She asked, cocking her head to one side, her expression remaining plain and unreadable. This made Sirius even more nervous, not knowing what she was thinking. He blushed again.

"Well…of your relationship with Crouch." Sirius muttered like a child not wanting to let loose a secret. Drusella cocked a brow.

"What relationship? The one where I help him in class?" She asked. Sirius went red again and looked back down at the ground.

"Look, Dru…I can't exactly explain why I got so fired up about it. I just…didn't like seeing you with him. It doesn't have anything to do with the fact that you're not good enough for him…in fact, I think you're way too good for him. You're diffidently way too good for me." He frowned sadly. Drusella looked at him curiously before speaking.

"That's not true." Sirius' laugh was like the bark of a dog.

"Please, most girls wouldn't have even bothered to come hear me out…" Drusella sighed.

"We both need to figure this out. Not just for our sakes, but we're driving our friends crazy." She said pointedly. Sirius nodded and than looked back up at her.

"I saw you kiss Crouch the other night." He said suddenly. It was Dru's turn to look downwards.

"I'm guessing you assumed…"

"Yeah, I did assume something. But that's not it. I couldn't bear to think of you…of him…I just…"

"He asked me out." Drusella stated. Sirius clenched his fists and bit back a growl.

"Oh-"

"I told him…no." She added. He looked up at her and gave her a weak smile.

"I'm not surprised other guys like you or ask you out, Dru. You're beautiful…what sane guy wouldn't?" Drusella turned scarlet.

"I'm in love with you, Drusella." She looked up at him, wide eyed. No guy, not even Sirius, had ever said that to her and had it meant so much. Drusella gaped at him, unsure and unable to speak.

Sirius looked at her with as much intensity, emotion, honesty and passion as he possibly could.

"I'm in love with you."

Drusella's gaze dropped to her feet and she tried to hold back the tears that were forming in her eyes. How could it be that being with Sirius had made her the happiest she'd ever been, but also make her cry more than she'd ever cried? Suddenly, she remembered something from ages ago.

_Emotion will save the one person it destroyed._

Finally, it all made sense. Love and happiness had made her life miserable and painful. She never wanted to hear those destructive words said to her, but now it felt comforting. It felt good-no, amazing, to hear Sirius say them to her.

**Mwahaha, cliffie! **

**Sorry about the long wait. I'm trying to bone up on that. I have no refutable excuses so I'm not gonna even bother. I'm just plain lazy. Don't worry James/Lily fans, all the good J/L stuff is going to come up once Sirius and Drusella decide to grow up and mend their relationship. Don't forget, I've still got the wedding and little Harry's birth to work on. By the way, I was reading over some of my reviews and I noticed that people are telling me that they love Dru. So, would anyone be interested in me writing a fanfic all about Drusella (and Sirius, of course)? 'Cause I kinda do wanna write one. Well, be sure to tell me or something! Wooooooot.**


	29. We Could Be

**A/N: Hey guys! I own absolutely nothing which, if you've been reading this story for a while, you should already know. I wanted to apologize for the wait…I really need to bone up on my updating, don't I? Well, I like this chapter and hopefully you will too. Oh, I also wanted to correct something. In the last chapter I said I was a high school JUNIOR. I lied. Hahaha, I'm only a SOPHOMORE. I know, I know, I can't count. How hard can it be to figure out what grade you're in? Sorry! Enjoy it please!**

**Chapter 29: We Could Be**

Sirius closed his eyes. Drusella's silence was more painful than her plainly telling him that she didn't love him. The suspense was killing him. It took every last bit of control in his body not to scream, and as his fists clenched at his sides for the second time that evening, Sirius knew he was close to tears.

Drusella stared at the ground, her eyes wet. Sirius had told her those three words that every woman in their right mind, and perhaps even insane, wanted to hear. He loved her. Sirius Orion Black was in love with _her, _Drusella Cammolie. All the other girls, every one of his fan girls…all of those beautiful girls too choose from…and he told _her _that he loved _her_.

Looking up at him, finally allowing the tears to fall from her eyes she almost choked on a sob.

"I love you, Sirius."

Sirius' head jolted up and he stared at her. Drusella was looking at him; her face etched in some mixture of pure bliss and pain. He could tell she was crying her heart out. But…she had said 'I love you' and he could no longer fight back the tears or the smile.

Reaching out, he pulled her into a tight hug, his arms wrapped around her waist as he pulled her up. Drusella clutched his shoulders obsessively.

Pulling away from her slightly, Sirius leaned down and kissed her. It was a short kiss, but spoke exactly what had been said not seconds ago. Drusella smiled happily and pulled Sirius back to her, their lips meeting again. This time, she stood on her tip toes and kissed him back. This kiss was more passionate, and Sirius' hands flew to the small of her back and the other cradled her head. Drusella's arms snaked around his neck as they continued.

Sirius pressed Drusella closer to him, causing her to moan into his mouth, giving him perfect access to sneak his tongue in. He ran it across the top of hers, and they began a fiery dance in their kiss. They pulled away briefly to catch their breath, and than Sirius pulled her back to him with all force in tow.

This was pure bliss.

Pulling away and breathing heavily, Drusella looked up at him and laughed when she saw the lust and love in his brown eyes.

"I really, really love you." He said huskily. She grinned and touched his cheek. They were still wet, and Drusella smiled at the thought of her tears mixed with his.

"I know." She said, and she kissed him again.

"Honestly, James, you're Head Boy! You should be paying attention!" Lily snapped. The two of them were in Professor Flitwick's classroom and the Professor was giving a very vital, yet boring lecture on charms from the Middle Ages.

James grimaced and continued to sketch out the plans for the final Quidditch game.

"Like I give a damn." He muttered. Lily sighed and rolled her eyes.

"You're not setting a very good example, you know."

"Lily, stop talking in class. You should be paying attention. You're Head Girl after all." James mimicked, glaring at her irritated. Lily stared at him in disbelief before scoffing and turning back her attention to the professor.

James grinned when he heard her mutter 'arse' under her breath.

Annoying Lily was one of his greatest pastimes. Though he loved more than anything to see her happy, the look on her face when he did something annoying was priceless. She looked absolutely beautiful when she was turned around scrawling and muttering things like, 'annoying little berk' and 'stupid Potter.'

The best part was that latter comment. It could now go both ways. As if reading his mind, Lily began to fiddle with the ring on her right hand. She looked down at it, as if admiring it for the millionth time, and smiled. Lily looked over at James fondly and touched his hand gently.

James shook his head and laughed. Was she PMS-ing or something?

"And basically, this charm was used for protection during the many bloody crusades of this era. It is said that Merlin cast many a spell on King Arthur during his reign, which is why he was so seldom wounded."

James rolled his eyes. He didn't _need _to know this information. Sure, he wanted to be an Auror but half those spells or charms were out of date, and Aurors needed the most up-to-date protection spells they could find.

When Professor Flitwick dismissed the class, James couldn't get out of there fast enough. Charms may have been Lily's favorite subject, but the young Quidditch heartthrob couldn't stand it.

"Oi, Prongs…slow down!" Sirius called after him. James stopped and waited as the three other Marauders made their way towards him. Remus had a book open and was briefly leafing through it. Sirius threw an arm around James' shoulders and grinned.

"Absolutely _lovely _lesson today, wouldn't you agree, Prongsie?" Sirius drawled. James snorted and wrenched the dog-boy's arm from his shoulder.

"Talk about slow and unusual punishments. Really, what idiot decided that we should give a damn about King Arthur's charms?" James asked, groaning. Remus rolled his eyes and shut his book.

"Those were _Merlin's _spells. Arthur was a muggle. And it's those very spells that you're complaining about that are the bases for what Aurors are being trained for in now. Besides, we have to study this history-"

"Oh for the life of Merlin, Moony, you beat a dead horse with that mindless banter. No body gives a damn!" Sirius muttered, rolling his eyes. Remus sighed in defeat and crossed his arms.

"It's beyond me how you two pass all your classes with those attitudes about our studies." He said gravely. Peter snorted.

"It's beyond _me _how you can stay awake in Professor Flitwick's class!" He said seriously. Remus frowned.

"Oh come on, it's not like he's Professor Hibbins!"

"Damn, I don't even _show up _for that class. It's like…a snoozing period…or nap time." Sirius said dramatically.

"Speaking of nap times, have either of you lot gotten laid?" James asked abruptly. Remus almost choked and Peter stopped in his tracks. Sirius shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Mate, Dru and I just mended our relationship. I'm not in any shape to push her into things just yet." Sirius said, rather seriously.

"Prongs, that's disgusting and degrading. Why would I be interested in sleeping with Sapphira? She's not only _not _married to me, but engaged to Sirius!" Remus said harshly. Sirius grinned lazily.

"Not exactly." He said.

"Pardon?" James asked, raising a brow.

"Sapphira and I were _betrothed_, guys, and my folks have disowned me so…technically it breaks off our engagement."

"Wait a minute now…what?" Peter asked, running a hand through his blonde locks. Remus just stood in silence.

"Well, my mum and dad have officially disowned me; I got the lovely news from my dear brother just a few days ago. Therefore, their responsibility in finding me a wife is no longer theirs. And now, our engagement is officially denied."

"Does Sapphira know about this?" Remus asked, a smile starting to form on his face. Sirius grinned again.

"Well, yeah…her parents weren't too thrilled about it, but they also didn't want some 'blood-traitor' marrying their daughter."

"Oh, and Sapphira isn't a blood traitor?" James asked. Sirius shrugged lazily and than smirked at Remus.

"She's all yours, buddy. And whaddya know, maybe you'll get lucky tonight when you celebrate it or something." Remus scoffed in disgust, but he continued to smile.

James grinned and gave Sirius a nookie.

"Padfoot, maybe _you'll _get lucky and score tonight. I'm sure Dru would be happy to celebrate the un-engagement of her lover boy and friend." Sirius laughed and shoved him off him. Shoving his hands in his pockets once again Sirius smirked haughtily.

"Hn. We'll see." And with that he walked off.

"ARSE!" James screamed loudly.

"Mr. Potter!" McGonagall shouted, gasping at the Head Boy. James just grinned sheepishly at her and walked off to find Lily.

Lily was walking with Alisha, Rini and Marquisha. Between boyfriends, school work and new buddies, the four girls hardly ever hung out outside of classes. Rini was busy with Lance, and Alisha busied herself with a quiet Hufflepuff named Nick-something, who hardly said a word to Lily, Rini and Marquisha. Of course, Marquisha still had her male fan club. This time, she was dating a tall, skinny boy who was obsessed with Quidditch. Naturally, he wouldn't shut up.

"So, when's the wedding going to be?" Al asked, brushing a strand of her blonde hair from her face. Lily sighed. She and James hadn't really thought about that yet. With all the chaos from the murders, and Sirius and Drusella, and their head duties, the wedding hadn't really been discussed. Besides, Lily liked just being engaged. It was nice.

"Well…we haven't got a date. It defiantly won't be anytime soon." Lily said. Rini smirked.

"Trying to avoid the wedding deals?" She asked. Lily furrowed a brow.

"Wedding deals?"

"Yeah…you know the one where you make the deal not to have sex until _after _the wedding night!"

"What?!"

Marquisha laughed.

"Oh come on, like Potter's really gonna agree to something like that."

"Like _I'm _going to agree to something like that!" Lily shouted. Her friends stared at her in shock. Alisha began laughing.

"Ah, can't keep your hands off of lover-boy, I see."

"It's not that, I swear! It's just…I never thought of those types of deals…Um…they're not mandatory, are they?" She asked.

"No. They're not. Stop worrying Lily, guys." Rini chuckled, rubbing her friend's shoulders reassuringly. Lily sighed and picked up her pace.

"Good." She said, spinning around and walking backwards. "Good, because I don't dare deprive James Potter of such things." And without another word, she walked off, smirking proudly.

James had just shut his Arithmancy book when Lily flew through the doors that separated her room from his. He smiled and got up, walking over to greet his fiancé.

"I'm hoping class went well." He said. Lily rolled her eyes and brushed a few strands of red hair from her face before plopping down on his bed.

"It's only three ten and already I'm tired. Honestly, and we have duty tonight!" She muttered. James shrugged and sat behind her on the bed, gently rubbing her shoulders.

"Get one of the prefects to do it."

"Oh, no-no, I can't back out of my own duties. That wouldn't be setting a good example, now would it?" James snorted.

"Okay, fine...It's not like they care though, just to clue you in. I can do the watch tonight by myself."

Lily turned to face him.

"Oh, but it'd be so _lonely_-" James laughed loudly.

"Lily, if you're tired, take a nap than. Afterwards, you may feel awake enough to help me with duty." She smiled tiredly and pulled off her shoes.

"Fine! I'm taking _your _bed though. It's much more comfortable than mine." James grinned, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Oi, I'm not complaining." He watched Lily snuggle into his bed, shutting her eyes and trying to fall asleep. He ran a hand through her fire red hair; remember when he dreamed of running his fingers through it, taking in the scent of her shampoo. It only seemed like yesterday that he followed the aspiring Head Girl around, flirting with her any chance he got. Now, not only was he dating the girl of his dreams, but he was engaged to her. Sure, it seemed like a quick jump to everyone else. After all James and Lily had only been dating for five or six months when he asked her to marry him-but it seemed like so much longer in his head. Lily obviously hadn't objected to the short amount of time they'd been dating.

It felt good to have Lily in his life, really in his life. It felt good to have the one girl he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, lying next to him, trusting him with her own life. It felt good to have that power- the power which made that beautiful woman surrender herself to him, give herself to him. Lily herself had such a power of him. She could make him do insane things, things he wouldn't normally have done, had she been any other girl. She made his days brighten and yet, make everything around him turn dark and lifeless. Lily could make _him _surrender himself completely to _her_. He'd give his life for her anytime she asked. If she was hurt, he was in just as much pain. She could even make him hate himself…

James shook his head subconsciously. Lily had nothing to do with him hurting himself. It was _his _problem due to _his _stupidity and need for attention. Lily hadn't done anything wrong. Sure, she hurt him once, but he was quite sure he'd hurt her enough in the short amount of time they had been together to last a life time. Lily did not hold the blade to his wrist. It wasn't Lily who needed the blood.

Still, what was done was done, and James knew he shouldn't be lingering on such dark thoughts. Everything might not have been fine, but he knew he had to get over it, for Lily's sake as well as his own. Lily trusted him not to hurt himself and he'd already failed her once, he wasn't about to go and do it again. It was hard, though. It was hard to fight the urge to relieve his mental and emotional pain. If Lily hadn't meant so much to him, he was sure he would have started up drinking by now. So many things had gone wrong that he could barely go a day without remember how the cold metal on his skin felt-how the sting from the blade cutting through his wrist sent a tingle of pain and pleasure through his body.

Over and over he practiced 'cancellation', as Lily called it. He replaced the painful memories of all that had gone wrong in his life with the good things: Lily as his future bride, Sirius, Remus and Peter being by his side and being happy, making Head Boy, making new friends, and finally knowing what it would like to be on top. Life was good; he just needed to realize that.

After a couple minutes, James stood up and went back to his desk, finishing up any unfinished homework. An hour and a half had gone by when James was finally completed, and he glanced at his watch. He frowned. It was only about another hour till dinner, and than he and Lily had patrol duty until late. James glanced out the window and sighed inwardly. It was only one or two more nights until the full moon. James had been racking his brain for a better excuse to give Lily about the patrolling issues and where he'd be on those nights. It seemed she was getting a bit suspicious. She had asked him the day after the last full moon where he'd been al night. Apparently, she had some urgent news and needed to inform him immediately. James shook his head, grinning at the memory. The news was hardly that important. She had just had a nightmare and wanted to seek shelter in his room. Sure, he felt bad for abandoning her, but he had prior commitments, ones he knew he could not break.

"Hey, Lily, wake up." James said, shaking her awake. She turned over and moaned tiredly before opening one eye.

"Hm…do I have to?" She asked grumpily. James laughed and nodded.

"Dinner starts in about forty minutes and than we're on patrol duty." Lily grumbled and rolled over.

"Oh screw dinner; I'm much too tired to eat." James raised a brow.

"What about the patrolling? I certainly can't do it alone." She waved her hand dismissively.

"Get some Prefects to do it!" This made James grin and he gave her a contemplative look.

"I thought you said that you only wanted us two to do them so late at night, due to the issues with Voldemort and the questioned student Death Eaters." Lily lay silent for a few fleeting seconds before sitting up in bed.

"I suppose you're right. I don't want to in danger the younger students. Still, I see no reason why you can't fly solo tonight."

"Oh, so, it's wrong to put the lives of other students in dangers, some Prefects who might be Death Eaters themselves, but its perfectly fine to put the love of your life in danger? Gee, thanks…"

Lily laughed and hugged him, despite the fact that she was ready to fall over.

"Aw, you're a much too strong wizard for any sleazy student Death Eater to kill." She pulled back from him, yawned and stretched. "Plus, you're far too arrogant. I doubt you'll go down without a fight."

James smirked at her and suddenly tackled her onto the bed. She gasped in surprise and he just continued to grin back down at her.

"So, I _am _the strongest wizard you know."

"You're high on the list." Lily answered, a serious expression fixed on her face. James frowned and pinned her arms above her head.

"I don't think I like that answer."

"Well, am _I _the strongest witch you know?" She asked.

"Yes. If you can handle James Potter even for a month than you must be a pretty strong person."

"Well, than that would make every female at Hogwarts a strong woman. They pine for you and that buddy of yours everywhere you go."

James shrugged. "Do I annoy them half as much as I annoy you, though? I think not!"

Lily laughed and touched his cheek gently.

"I give in. You _are _the strongest, most powerful wizard I've ever known, James Potter."

James grinned and leaned down so that his mouth was beside her ear. "And you, Lily Evans Potter, are the strongest, sexiest most amazing witch I will ever know." She blushed at his complement, but more at their close proximity. Lily couldn't help it. They had done everything together, things she'd rather not tell her mother about, but she still got nervous and embarrassed whenever he got real close to her. She figured it was just weird because she'd never let a boy have his way with her. It just seemed so right with James. Having him hold her felt right. His lips on hers felt right. His body with hers just felt right.

They pulled back from a heart melting kiss and James leaned his forehead against hers.

"I wish things could stay like this." She whispered. James looked at her, his eyes boring questioningly into hers.

"It's so peaceful. You-me-together, absolutely no worries. I just wish life could stay like this. No pain. No Voldemort." James looked at her intently. It angered him that Voldemort had somehow rendered this beautiful, strong woman to such a fearful child.

"Life is not going to get any easier for us, you know that. But we've got to stick together if we want this work-and trust me, I'll do _anything _to make it work. I want to marry you, have babies with you, fight with you and die with you." He said seriously. Lily bit back tears, looking at him, eyes full of sorrow.

"Yeah-I know." She choked on her own words.

"You can't get rid of me that quickly. Remember, I'm the arrogant one who won't go down without a fight." Lily chuckled and ran her hand through his dark hair. It felt good just to lie there together. She could spend hours just staring into James' eyes, and had her stomach not rumble loudly, reminding her that she hadn't eaten lunch, or the lingering reminder that they had patrol duty and as Head Girl she could not dismiss that idea, she would have stayed beneath him all night.

"I don't want to get up." She whispered, voicing her thoughts. James nodded in agreement and kissed her gently again. Her hands moved around his shoulders and she smiled at him contently. This was absolutely perfect. Right now, everything was perfect.

**I know, I know…it took forever for me to post this up. I apologize, really I do. Anyways, I decided-since it was Christmas-to post this up! I'm rewriting the first few chapters, so…please be patient. This chapter is nice and long-just about seven chapters. Happy Holidays-Merry Christmas-Maligyang Pasco, and a Happy New Year, everyone!**

**Oh yeah, can you believe the title of the new book? Harry Potter and the Deathy Hallows. (Is the 'the' in there? I don't recall.) It makes me wonder…Haha, well, hope the year 2007 is nice and exciting for you!**


	30. TEARS IN HEAVEN TRAILER

Hey guys!!

I haven't written or updated in ages, I know. I'm actually in the midst of the end of the story-I have it all planned out, and in just a bit, you'll be satisfied with the results, I promise.

I'm here to say two things: One, be patient. I'm almost there. I've got the next chapter done, and I'm just editing (with the new book and everything, a lot of stuff had to be changed, blah blah blah...).

Two: I've got a treat for you guys. You can get a sneak peak at what is going to happen. I have a trailer for the story on Youtube now, made courtesy by myself and my sister (who is an art major at the University of Florida).

Tears In Heaven

Give me some reviews and it just might make the story start to find an ending. Or at least, make me post a chapter if not filler or stupid stuff like this.

Thank you and good night!

-BloodOfObsession


	31. Miss You

**I do NOT own Harry Potter or any of the characters that I haven't already claimed (like Dru, Andrea and Sapphira).**

**UGH! I am the worst person on Earth! Why is it I can't ever stick to a story and finish it? I hate myself. To think, I'm not nearly done and I started the story in 7th grade...and here I am, a senior in high school, and I'm only this far!? Horrible Milly.**

**Well, I hope you enjoy this anyway. Never lose faith, my friends, never lose faith!  
**

**Miss You**

Dawn began to break, forcing the bright sunlight through the cracks in the window curtain. Lily moaned softly and attempted to roll over in bed, only to be stopped by a strong arm. She squeezed her eyes tightly and then opened them. Glancing over her shoulder, she watched while James slept soundly.

She smiled. He was definitely gorgeous while he slept, though Lily doubted she could ever really think of when he did not look handsome. His black hair was as unruly as ever from the tossing and turning, but now Lily knew that it could not be helped. Even a hair brush could not tame the wild beast on his head.

His arm was wrapped tightly around her waist, the other draped over their heads. She moved a little, so she could sit up, not disturbing him. She watched him fondly, smiling again ever so slightly. This was the first time she had woken up ahead of him in a while. Usually, she would wake up to his smiling, adoring, watching face and he would take her into his arms and kiss her passionately.

Lily felt herself turn red. She was powerless when she was beneath him. He was like some god-towering over her, looming over her, controlling over her. It was not like she was complaining. Something about the gleam in his eyes, the hungry look, made her more then willing to comply. Of course, usually, it wasn't up to her. One look from those dark, lusting eyes and the ever so sensual whisper, "Merlin, I want you" made everything inside her turn to jelly, and she had no will to stop him.

"I can't be that interesting to look at." James' mumbled, tired voice made Lily smile down at him. She ran a hand through his dark locks and leaned over him; her face inches from his.

"I disagree."

James smiled and wrapped both his arms around her, pulling her closer to him. He shut his eyes as she laid her head on his chest.

"I like waking up like this." Lily whispered into his gray t-shirt.

"Good," James' voice was deep and gruff, so sexy for so early. Lily blushed. "Good, because I plan on it being this way for a long, long time."

Lily grinned up at him. "One day, Mr. Potter, you'll wake up and wonder what the hell you did to wind up waking up next to me."

"You say that like it's a bad thing. It'll _never _be a bad thing waking up next to you."

"Even when I'm old and grey?" She asked with a laugh. James nodded, his eyes still shut. He pushed her back down and kissed the top of her head.

"Even when we're dead."

Lily sighed. This was perfect, almost too perfect. She did not want to think of what could happen. Just imagining James being caught in the mess that was terrorizing the Wizard and the Muggle world was enough to bring her to the brink of tears. Lily clutched a handful of James' shirt and closed her own eyes.

After a few minutes of serene silence Lily pulled herself from James' embrace and announced that it was time they started getting ready for class. James opened one eye and pouted making Lily laugh. She kissed his forehead and patted his cheek. Leaning over to the bedside table, she grabbed his glasses and handed them to him.

"C'mon, slugger," Lily said, patting his blanket covered knee. "You're gonna miss breakfast."

James groaned but moved to stretch. He pulled the blanket off his body and stood, stretching again. Lily moved to cross the room to the door that connected her room to James'. As she turned on the shower, she felt two arms snake around her torso.

"Want some company?" James whispered in her ear. Lily felt her pulse quicken and a smile formed on her lips. She recalled the conversation she had with her friends.

"Oh, but darling," she kept her eyes straight forward while James nuzzled her neck. "I thought we were going to wait."

James stopped cold.

"Hmmph?" He muttered into her neck. Lily's wicked grin widened.

"Oh, you know…_wait._ I thought you wanted to be celibate." James' hands fell from her waist. He spun her around to look him in the eye.

"Are you-are you serious?" He asked, his jaw slightly quivering.

"Not quite. Lily, it is."

James scowled and waved his hand dismissively at the old, corny joke. "Lily, I mean it. Do you really mean that? You don't want to…you don't _want_ it?!" He said it as though she had told him she'd decided to stop breathing. Lily held back the laughter that was threatening to take over. She looked innocently up at him.

"I thought that was what you wanted, dear. For our wedding night to be special."

James opened his mouth to reply but came up short. He fumbled over a few words before saying, "Well, if that's-if that's what you…Oh, come on, Lily! Can't it be something else? Something like, I dunno…Oh, I'll give up cookies. Cookies, okay? From here on, no more cookies until after the wedding!"

Lily couldn't contain her laughter anymore. Pushing open the sliding door to the shower she stepped back, pulling James in along with her.

"Cookies sound fine." She kissed him.

She ran her hands down James' shoulders. The gray shirt and red and gold boxers he was still wearing were soaking wet. Neither of them really seemed to notice. Lily pulled James as close as she could. Her own clothes were soaking wet. James, tired of the obstruction, pulled away from her long enough to pull her yellow tank top over her head and pull her maroon pajama pants down her legs. Lily stepped out of them and leaned back against James, kissing him hard.

James pushed Lily back gently, pulling his shirt off and then his boxers. They were back together, kissing passionately. He pushed Lily into the wall, his hands on either side of her head. His mouth moved from hers, beginning to trace down her jaw, her chin and then her neck. Lily kept her arms wrapped around him, lifting her head to give him better access.

"Oh merlin…" she whispered. She felt James grin into her shoulder where he continued his pathway of love. His mouth moved from her arm to her breast. His tongue moved in gentle circles, taking his time. Lily groaned again, moving her hand up to the back of his head to hold him steady.

James pulled away from her, an impatient look crossing his dark features.

"Okay, I'm gonna cut the crap, Lily." He stated before pulling her up to his level. He pushed into her causing her to gasp sharply. They had done this before-many, many times before-but it always felt like the first time. Slowly, James began moving. Lily's arms were wound tightly around his neck, her legs around his torso. James bit into her shoulder, groaning himself as he moved in and out.

Lily shut her eyes and let the hot water run over their already sweaty bodies.

When he was done-and had made sure Lily was done as well, something she always appreciated-he set her back down onto her feet. Her legs were wobbly, so he held her there. He looked deep into her eyes, a small smile playing on his lips. He leaned in to kiss her gently.

"Thank you, love." He whispered in her ear. Lily smiled to and reached behind him. She waved the bottle of shampoo in his face.

"Now, time to get to work."

* * *

Sirius, Remus and Peter were all downstairs, almost finished by the time James and Lily made it to breakfast. Remus, who had his nose buried deep in the _Daily Prophet_ barely looked up when the two arrived. Sirius did, however, and he grinned wickedly.

"I see you two had an eventful morning." He chuckled. Lily blushed and James smacked him upside the head before taking the empty space next to Sirius.

"Sod off, loser."

Sirius laughed loudly again, returning to what was left of his breakfast. Peter was engaged in a deep conversation with his girlfriend, Andrea, a little blonde haired second year.

"Can you believe it." Andrea was saying, looking rather pale. "Another murder. That's the fifth one this week!"

Lily looked over at her. "Another one?" She asked, the fork in her hand stopping.

"Yeah." Remus said, putting down the paper. "This time it's a muggle family. Seems to me that Voldemort is taking care of anyone-everyone."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "This guy's a creep. Mark my words, we'll kick his ass. When we become Aurors the world will have nothing to fear. Oh, but Voldie-poo shall."

James, Lily, Remus, Peter and Andrea all laughed. James threw a supporting arm around Sirius' shoulders.

"Right you are, mate. We'll be the best damned Aurors there ever was. We'll go down in history."

"I'm sure you will." Lily said, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, go down in history for being the two biggest dumbasses at Hogwarts." Remus added cheekily. Sirius shot him an aghast look.

"I should hope so! Sirius Black and James Potter, Hogwarts' biggest trouble makers. Please hold your applause."

Remus shook his head, choosing not to point out that he had called them dumbasses, not pranksters.

"I can't imagine," Peter began, looking at his friends, "what is must be like for them. The Muggles must be confused as hell."

Lily nodded. "They're saying it must be some serial killer. Of course none of them realize it's a deranged wizard with a chip on his shoulder."

"It's wizards like that that give us a bad name." Sirius said with a pout, as if Voldemort were just playing tricks on people.

"Either way," Remus said, "the ministry is freaking out. They're tightening up on security. Most wizarding families living among muggles have moved. They're all trying to stay within magical security. Many of them think that their neighbors might be at risk with them around them."

"Well, I think it's absolutely dreadful." Lily said with a frown. "We were finally living in peace-Muggles and Wizards and this lunatic has to go and ruin it all. Wizards are giving up their lives to protect the Muggles they've grown close to. "

James noticed her tense and rubbed her shoulders, protectively.

"Don't worry, Lils. No one is going to touch your parents."

Lily glanced at him, wondering how he knew, but nodded none the less, eating her meal.

Sirius looked down at his watch and moved to his feet. "Well, I best be going guys. I wanna meet Drusella up before class."

The others nodded and he pattered off toward the Ravenclaw table.

Remus looked up expectantly and placed his paper down. "I should be going, too. Not all of us can be lucky and have our girlfriend's be in our house." He said with a wink.

James laughed, shaking his head as Remus, too, walked off.

Peter's hand moved around Andrea's waist as she began to talk animatedly about something her friends had said. He looked rather bored and James couldn't help but grin. Serves him right, he thought playfully. That's what happens when you date a pre-teen girl.

Lily and James finished their meal silent, Lily only speaking every once in a while to converse with Andrea about some girl they both knew. Afterwards, James pulled Lily to her feet, told Peter he'd meet him in class and the two left the Great Hall.

They walked hand in hand, his gripping hers protectively.

"Hey," he said, turning her around to face him when they reached the door to Defense against the Dark Arts. "Don't worry, Lily. You're parents are lucky. They just happen to have the world's strongest witch as their daughter."

He tucked a strand of red hair behind her ear. Lily chuckled disbelievingly.

"I'm not that strong. If I was, I could protect them from here..not have to worry."

"You don't have to worry." James said, leaning is forehead against hers. He gripped her hands in his and held them to his chest.

"I swore to you, Lily. I will protect your family-our family-with my life. Nothing is ever going to change that."

Lily nodded, pulled away from him and wiped a tear that was threatening to fall from her eye. She sniffled.

"Okay."

James pulled an arm around her and the two walked into their class.

Sirius was sitting in their usual spot, Drusella sitting dutifully beside him. She was watching him fold something out of a piece of parchment, an amused look on her face.

"Hey, Dru." Lily said, as they took their seats beside the couple.

"Hey, Lily." Dru answered, her eyes leaving Sirius' hands.

"What the fuck is that?" James poked at the paper in Sirius' hands.

"It's a stag." Sirius sneered causing James to laugh. Drusella and Lily exchanged confused looks. James noted this.

"Inside joke…"

"Ah," Drusella said, shaking her head. "I guess you have to be there…"

"Right-o." Sirius answered, concentrating on the wad of parchment.

"No, really, what are you doing, Padfoot?" James asked, raising his brows. Sirius did not look up from his 'art'.

"It's origami…well, an attempt at it." Drusella said, grinning at Sirius' creation.

"Ora-what?" James asked, his eyes widening.

"Origami." Lily said with a laugh. "It's a type of art from Japan. People make things out of folded paper."

James cringed. "Sounds like a disease."

The others shook their heads. By the time Sirius had handed Drusella the paper it was just a wad. He looked irritably at it and ran a hand through his dark hair.

"Man, I just can't get it right. Sorry, Drusella."

Drusella laughed and tossed the paper wad into the air, catching it like it was a snitch.

"It's alright. I like it none the less."

Sirius, looking deflated covered his face with his hands. "I'm no good at this stuff."

Lily smiled wide and patted the table before him. "It's the thought that counts. Besides, it was a romantic gesture."

"Oh yeah?" Sirius asked, peeking out one eye between his fingers. "What's she gonna do with a wad of parchment."

Drusella grinned.

"Ready, aim…" she tossed the paper ball from her hand and hit Rudolphus Lestrange in the back of the head. He turned around, an angry expression on his face, looking for the culprit. Drusella grinned and wiggled her fingers at him. He growled and turned back, moving his arm around Bellatrix, his girlfriend.

Sirius, James and Lily laughed out loud.

"Nice." Lily said.

"Well, she put it to good use." James concluded. Sirius grinned and placed his hand on top of hers.

"Nice, Dru…real nice."

Lily sighed, pushing her hair out of her eyes.

"What's wrong?" James asked, his eyes filling with worry. Lily had been stressed enough lately. What else could be bothering her?

"I'm really going to miss this." She waved her hand at the group and they all nodded, understandingly. "I just can't believe it's almost over."

"Seven years." Drusella added, nodding her head.

"Awe, don't get all bent out of shape, Evans." Sirius said with a grin. He leaned over James to pat Lily's hands. "I can promise you that you'll get enough of me that you'll be wondering why the hell you ever thought you'd miss me."

Lily grinned. "I can't wait." She said, sarcastically.

Sirius winked at her. "I'll make sure Prongs gets a place at Burton's." Burton was the housing complex where Sirius' lived. Apparently, the only decent uncle of his left him the money for the flat.

"Uh-uh." James said, shaking his head. "The last thing I need is to live next to a guys' flat where there will be moaning keeping me up all night. Ow." Lily hit him square in the chest.

Sirius laughed heartfully, squeezing Drusella's hand in his. "Nah, Lily. He's right. I have a way of making people moan and groan."

Lily and James looked expectantly at Drusella, who colored. "Oh woah, don't look at me. I wouldn't know!"

They burst out laughing.

Yes, Lily would miss this very much.


	32. All Things Must Pass

**I'm not gonna even bother apologizing. I don't own anything, if you must know. =^_^= And don't worry. Its almost done. Well...almost.**

Chapter Thirty Two: All Things Must Pass

* * *

"Ugh, that was horrible!" Sirius Black groaned, stretching his arms far above his head. James, Remus and Peter followed shortly behind. James looked just as irritated and Peter looked nauseated. Only Remus seemed relieved.

"I'm just glad that it's over." James muttered, patting his pants. He pulled the gold little snitch from his pocket and rolled it around in his hand, squeezing it like it was a stress ball.

"I'm pretty sure I did well." Remus said, more to himself than to his friends.

It was the last day of NEWTs and everyone was partying. A group of girls cheered loudly as a blonde one did a cartwheel. James grinned and shook his head.

"Awe, Moony, you worry too much. And relax, Peter. I'm sure we're all fit for Aurors." James said, patting Peter, who looked almost green, on the shoulder. Peter raised a questioning brow and shrugged.

All four boys looked handsome. It was warming up outside so they had all ditched their robes and rolled up the sleeves of their shirts. Sirius had the top buttons unbuttoned and had his tie tied around the top of his head. James had his shirt slightly unbuttoned, letting the sun warm the base of his throat. Remus, the most modest of the four kept his shirt buttoned, his tie loosened around his neck. Peter had untied his tie completely, letting it sit around his shoulders as the four marched toward the lake.

They sat down by their tree. Many of the students had done the same. Girls were stretched out on the grass, soaking up the sun.

"Strange to think we only have a month left." Remus said, toying with a fallen acorn. James nodded, letting go of the snitch and catching it.

"We've got a lot of good memories here."

"We've all grown rather close." Peter piped. The others groaned.

"Don't get all girly and sentimental on us, Wormtail. I thought you grew out of that stage." Sirius slapped him upside the head. Peter slapped him back and growled.

"I'm not being girly! Think about it," he stared Sirius right in the eye, "none of us knew each other at all-even though you, James and I come from Pureblood families, and now look at us. We hang out with each other every day, spend most summers together."

"And now we all have girlfriends, so it's not just Sirius and James getting all the action." Remus said with a grin.

"Exactly. We all have girlfriends who-obviously-have grown close as well. When we leave here, we're all going to be Aurors. We're all going to fight Voldemort side-by-side."

"So nothing changes." James said with a confident smile. "It's going to be just like it is here…only we're going to be kicking some major ass, not just some slimy Slytherins."

"That's a positive way to look at it." Lily Evans said, arriving to the group. Drusella Cammolie, Sapphira Higgs and Andrea Parker stood behind her. Remus, Peter and Sirius jumped to their feet to greet their significant others.

"How'd the test go?" Andrea asked the group, staring at Peter with a smile. Peter grinned and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her to him and kissing her on the cheek.

"Horribly; I'm just glad it's over." Andrea laughed and hugged Peter back.

"You can say that again." Drusella said, looking rather disgruntled. She was pretty sure she had failed her Charms test, her weakest subject.

"Nah, I bet you did spectacularly." Sirius said, waving his arms wildly. Drusella rolled her eyes.

"Not all of us are natural geniuses."

Sirius grinned sheepishly and James laughed. Both were notorious for their perfect grades, despite their lack of ever studying. Remus and Lily shared Drusella's pain. Both of them could hardly begin to understand how they did it while they had to spend half their time pouring over textbooks and notes to get the same grades.

Sapphira smiled. "I think I did well on the Charms test. However, I'm not so sure about the History of Magic."

"No kidding. The lack of three legged turtle-fish turkey things, or whatever you call them, must have thrown you for a loop." Sirius said with a smug smile. Remus punched him in the shoulder hard, causing the darker haired boy to yelp out in pain.

"Serves you right…"Drusella muttered before taking his arm and patting the place where he had been hit.

Sapphira smiled still. "You're probably right." She agreed.

The girls sat down, lay out on the grass and caught some rays.

Spring had faded into summer and the summer sun beat down hard on the students. They enjoyed their last test day. In only one month, they would be completely finished with school. In one month they would graduate Hogwarts and head out into adulthood.

Lily raised her hand above her head and examined her ring. The diamond glittered in the sunlight. James' hand enveloped hers and she looked up from her place on his lap.

"So, when is the wedding?"

Lily smiled at Andrea.

"We haven't set a date yet. I'm thinking some time in the winter. Its always been my favorite season."

Andrea's eyes widened. "Oh, a Christmas wedding! How romantic."

Sirius rolled his eyes and leaned back onto Drusella's lap. "What's with girls and weddings, anyway? Seems like a lot of work to me." Drusella pat his head.

James took Lily's hand, smiling sincerely. In any other situation, James would have easily agreed with Sirius. Lavish weddings and planning simply were not his forte. However, she made it all worth while. It had taken him forever to get here and he'd be damned if he didn't sweep her off her feet when given the chance. Granted, he hadn't proposed quite the way he had imagined he would.

He had planned it out. A million times. The ways he thought up in his head were far more romantic than what he had carried out, but it didn't seem to faze Lily. What did it really matter? Corny as it sounded, it was enough that they were together.

Together made sense. James had dreamed of being with Lily for quite some time, although he hadn't really started liking her until his fifth year. Now, they had been together for only a few months, but already so much had changed. Remus explained it was no wonder, because the world was changing rapidly. Even the usually shy and aloof werewolf had clung mindlessly to the spacey girl beside him. Sirius, always the ladies man, was no shock, but his ardent faith in Drusella was enough to leave James questioning the order of the world. He had never seen his friend so serious.

It was all playing out according to plan, albeit in a twisted, darker way. Ironic though that they all had found someone, it was natural enough. They would stick together, the four boys and their significant others. James chose to opt out Peter and Andrea, unsure of how his already nervous, constantly-on-the-edge friend would manage to keep hold of a girlfriend still in school while he trained to be an Auror. It wasn't like James did not care for Andrea, he just had little faith in long distance relationships of the like.

He had already spoken to Professor Dumbledore about his training. After graduation, he would go to a training camp and school to train to be an official Auror, if his scores permitted. Lily decided to join his ranks and work beside him, realizing her dream of going to a muggle college would never be true. They would find a place nearby, if not move straight into the Potter's old house. James was sure Lily wanted a place of her own though, a place where they could start anew. She most definitely deserved it.

However, they would start out with something small, perhaps take Sirius up on the offer of moving in in the same flat complex as him. James doubted he could go long without his partner in crime by his side.

In fact, James couldn't imagine going on without any of them. Sirius, Remus and Peter were the brothers he never got to have. They were the most important things in his life, next to Lily. He hadn't spent more than a few weeks out of the summer without them since their second year. He had a hard time imaging it any different.

But with the world changing as it was, he couldn't be sure of anything anymore. He had been sure his parents would be there to see him graduate from Hogwarts and they were not. He had been sure Lily would have fallen hard for him and they would have brought a family into a perfect and safe world, and they could not. He had been sure they could help Remus and by no means were they ever able to truly heal him.

The tired look on Drusella's face showed that life wasn't going very swell for her either. They had been distant friends at one time, passing each other only in the library or class or the occasional Quiddditch match, but he had at least known of her lonesome persona and the dark aura that wasn't so much evil as it was sad. The world wasn't perfect. The shapeless scars on her wrists that had almost faded proved that. Drusella was strong, he knew that much for sure. Her momentary weakness was just as great as his.

James rubbed his hand across his wrist subconsciously.

In fact, a lot had changed.

Still, it was nothing he couldn't handle. He was a Potter after all. Though his dad was never the father of the year, James was sure enough of his father to be proud to be his son. Mr. Potter worked hard and the Potters were good people. While rich and pure of blood, they hadn't been lost into the fad of the cold hearted and money lusting others who openly practiced prejudice beliefs.

The Potters were strong.

His hand moved back to Lily's which was sprawled out on the ground as she chatted excitedly with Andrea and Sapphira, who was poking Remus shoulder variously.

Romance was in the air. James supposed it just took an attack on their world to get them all in action. Wasn't it always that way though?

His parents had tied the knot right before the mysterious attacks on Muggle borns happened at Hogwarts. Now, as lives were being lost by the second, students everywhere seemed to cling to one another.

He supposed sex was a good way to escape reality for a brief time.

Speaking of sex, his stomach lurched and he shifted slightly. He had thought that after so long, he would eventually grow numb to Lily's sexual aura. It was no good. No matter how many times he looked at her or how many times they consummated their love, whenever he looked at her, she still looked damn good.

Like now. Lily was turned, a large smile on her face as she chatted animatedly. Her long red hair was pulled up in a messy bun exposing her milky freckled column. The top buttons of her button down shirt had been unbuttoned and she opted out of wearing the sweater vest due to the weather.

His eyes trailed hungrily up her long pale legs until he reached the hem of her pleated skirt. Only Lily could still make the uniform he was so used to seeing look sexy every time. He traced her over, higher and higher, treasuring the sight of her chest rising and falling with her laughter until he reached her face, her emerald green eyes crinkled with amusement.

Those beautiful crystal eyes shifted briefly to him before turning back to Andrea's wide eyed twelve year old wonder.

James felt his mouth dry. He turned to look over at Sirius. His best mate always managed to help cool him down whenever James got too worked up. Sirius was a professional at being laid back. The handsome boy played the role of the classic rebel very well. His devil-may-care attitude had the girls swooning, and his apparent laziness left teachers fuming-especially due to his natural cleverness.

Sirius seemed distracted, though. Even Remus looked caught up in his own little world with Sapphira.

James adjusted himself so Lily was between his legs. She paused in the midst of her conversation with the others to smile at him, and took his hand, squeezing it assuringly.

He leaned forward to whisper in her ear. "I think you and I need to be alone."

Lily furrowed her brows in confusion. James refrained from rolling his eyes, instead he grabbed her hand and trailed it down his stomach and to the slight bulge hidden in his trousers. Lily blushed, realization overcoming her.

"Oh, well, alright." She scrambled to her feet and helped James up. Sirius looked up.

"Off for a celebratory snog?"

"Well, Padfoot, I was thinking more of a celebratory shag." Lily elbowed James in the stomach. Peter laughed.

Sirius wiggled his fingers at James. "Go off and have your fun, you two. And don't worry, I won't need to know the details. I'm pretty sure I can figure it out on my own." Above Drusella's head Sirius motioned toward her and mouthed '_In my own way'_.

James grinned and winked, throwing his arm around Lily's shoulders. Lily shot them the peace sign-a hand symbol that never failed to leave Sirius stooped-and followed James toward the castle. It was hard to focus on anything else with him beside her.

"Are your friends always such perverts?" She asked as they climbed the staircase. James laughed and glanced down at her.

"I think its just Sirius. And there, you shouldn't be surprised." He commented with a grin. Lily huffed in agreement.

"Stupid arse." She paused and glanced around before pushing James roughly around a corner.

James grinned and raised his brows. He placed his hands against the wall she leaned against. He looked down between them as Lily fingered his tie.

"Hi." She whispered. James raised a brow.

"Hullo, love." He reached forward and ran the back of his hand down her cheek. His eyes met hers, and they stared at each other lovingly for a brief moment before James leaned forward and captured her lips with his. Lily dropped his tie and snaked her arms around his shoulders, gently massaging his back muscles through his thin cotton shirt.

James deepened the kiss, pushing her gently into the wall behind her. As their tongues battled epically, Lily managed to hook her leg around one of his calves, causing their midsections to press closer together. James let out an audible grunt. He pulled himself from her mouth.

"I reckon we oughtta take this upstairs." James whispered horsely in Lily's ear. He nibbled on her earlobe.

Lily sighed breathlessly in agreement, grabbing his hand and pulling away from his kiss to pull him alongside her.

"Ooh, someone is in a hurry." He said with a grin. Lily snorted and quickened her pace.

"Are you honestly complaining, James?"

With a Cheshire like grin, James abruptly stopped and pulled Lily to tightly against his chest. His mischief filled hazel eyes stared down at hers. "What would make you think that?" He traced her bottom lip with a finger and then leaned forward and planted a soft, quick kiss.

"Ooh, you!" She growled, punching his shoulder.

James leaned in for another round of kisses when Professor Dumbledore appeared behind them.

"Ah, Mister Potter, Miss Evans. Just the two I was looking for. If it would not be too troubling, I was hoping to have a word."

James and Lily exchanged curious looks before muttering in unison, "Of course, Headmaster."

Lily shifted uncomfortably in her seat-a rarity, what with Professor Dumbledore being the kind man that he was. The Headmaster hadn't sat down in front of her yet and she looked sideways to see if James was getting the same nervous vibe that she was getting. No. He lounged back carelessly, running a hand through his dark hair.

Dumbledore made his way to sit behind his desk, a glass bowl of lemon drops in his hands. He offered them up. Only James reached forward.

"There was something that you needed, Professor?" Lily asked, twisting her hands in her lap.

Dumbledore looked at her curiously before smiling and nodding. "Yes, of course, Miss Evans. You are my Heads, and the year is coming to an end, so I suppose you are well aware of your duties and the duties of your Prefects."

James said "yeah" with a mouthful of candies. Lily shot an annoyed look at him.

The Headmaster continued. "And I must say, you two have done a tremendous job. Not that anyone expected any less." He added, giving Lily a comforting smile. Before Lily could thank him he continued. "But, as you probably already know, Miss Evans, that isn't what I asked you for today." He looked briefly at James, who had finally noticed the tense air, and sat up straight in his seat.

"As I was saying, you are both Heads and adults, so I am sure this won't be of too much difficulty for you to comprehend. The Dark Lord," he paused, "has made his true purpose evident. He is recruiting, as I believe you might know, and it is not solely with wizards and witches in our society. He is looking to recruit more younger, able bodied warriors."

"Students." Lily spoke this word softly.

Dumbledore nodded. "Already, several students have dropped out-or been pulled out of school. We have taken proper precautions, of course. No more strangers enter the building than were allowed before Lord Voldemort's rise. No, its not from the outside. It is my belief that someone-or some_thing-_is recruiting from within the castle walls."

Lily felt her stomach drop. She knew that several Hogwarts students were not opposed to the ark Lord's ideas, she wasn't completely dim. Just as well, she was aware that many of the students would graduate and join him in whatever sick and twisted quest he was on. But the idea of it formulating right there-in her home-well, it made her want to vomit.

"Death Eaters in the school, you mean." James offered. Again, Dumbledore nodded. Lily looked at James, who slouched slightly in his seat.

"But-how can that happen, Professor? I mean, none of the instructors here surely..." Her green eyes widened. Could they? Could a professor be leading the students? Surely, no mere student had the ability or the knowledge to do the Dark Lord's bidding.

"That would make sense." James said. Lily was shocked by the casual tone of his voice. "I mean, really, think about it. Pureblood families all around must be writing to their children about the 'perfect future'. They're just kids being part of what they think is the latest fad. Normal, really."

Lily stared at him incredulously. "What that man is doing is _not _some fad!"

James glanced at her before shrugging. "Maybe not, but it helps explain why students are jumping on the bandwagon. Its different, Lily. Pureblood families like to stick together. We're all rather close, even my folks and the Blacks were. You _don't_ turn against your people." He said pointedly. "Look at what happened to my parents."

Lily fell back in her chair. She looked defeated. "So, what can we do, Professor? Are you saying that Hogwarts isn't safe anymore?"

Professor Dumbledore seemed to have difficulty with this question. He looked at both Lily and James for a matter of minutes before sighing painfully.

"That's exactly what I'm saying, Miss Evans."


	33. All You Need Is Love

**Twenty thousand years later, I decided I needed to get going on this story. I've left it abandoned, collecting dust in the corner, on the darkest, farthest pages of James and Lily fanfiction. I have failed my reviewers, as well as myself. I've failed James and Lily. I've failed Sirius. I've failed Remus. I've failed Peter. So, I apologize profusely for my misdeeds. **

**In case you've forgotten, I do NOT own a thing.**

**All You Need Is Love  
**

_Hogwarts isn't safe anymore._

He couldn't believe it. He didn't _want _to believe it. So much had gone on in the past few years that it only made sense, but his mind just couldn't wrap around the idea of this beloved place being anything but the perfect sanctuary he had always thought it.

James watched Lily as she brushed her hair at her boudoir. Her eyes were still red and raw from crying and the emerald light of them that always seemed so perfect was dull. He wanted, more than anything, to go over and comfort her. To tell her everything was going to be okay. But he couldn't. Not when he, himself, wasn't sure.

His parents were dead. Muggleborns were being rounded up, slaughtered. Families who dared to defy him, the Potters, were being destroyed. The ministry was in complete chaos. No one had any idea what to do. The false facade of peace and tranquility that Hogwarts held had been broken. Students had dropped out, left to join the masses of _purifiers._

Looking at her, James couldn't understand how anyone could look at muggleborns withsuch disgust. She was so perfect. So beautiful. So brilliant.

He moved toward her, placing a hand at her shoulder and kissing the side of her neck. Her hand immediately flew to his. As he trailed his kisses up her neck, she whimpered. Whether it was from excitement or sadness, he couldn't tell. But the voice in side his held knew that _nothing _could change what was happening to them. No matter how much they pretended, the world outside the castle walls had gone to hell, and the walls of Hogwarts were crumbling.

"Cheer up, love," he whispered in her ear. He straightened up and glanced at their enveloped hands. The light glistened off her ring. The ring that had belonged to six generations of Potters. It was his parents' ring, and their parents', dating back one hundred years. It was a small gold band with a ruby in the center, the Potter crest engraved into the sides, and the words _Pro Infinito_ carved around it.

He remembered the day he had proposed with the ring. The initial proposal hadn't gone as planned. He had just done it-sporadically, out of the blue. Then he remembered the ring, tucked safely in a secret compartment in his trunk.

He had waited until she was asleep, slipped the ring on her finger and then left for his routine morning jog. When he returned she was sitting up, examining it. She turned to him, and his heart skipped a beat. The smile on her face was beautiful. Her eyes brimmed with tears.

It was _perfect_.

"We need to get out of here." Lily said, huffing loudly. James blinked and stepped away from her as she rose quickly from her seat.

"Get out of here? Like, out of Hogwarts?" He asked in surprise. Lily snorted and shook her head.

"No. Get out of here, as in out of this dorm! I'm sick of moping around. I need to do something to get my mind off all of this."

James nodded slowly. "Oh...well, sure. We can go downstairs, I suppose. Go on a walk, or something...?"

She smiled at him. "That sounds nice."

James led her down the staircase, hand in hand. It was nearing dusk and the air had grown cool. Most of the students seemed to be enjoying the rest of the day, equally thrilled that the end of the semester was approaching. In less than two days, they would graduate.

He tightened his grip on his fiance's hand as they walked toward the lake. Truthfully, he was ready for the year to be done. With all that had happened, he couldn't wait to get out and make something of himself. He felt so useless cooped up in the castle. What was the point in essays and quizzes when their were actual people dying?

He wanted to get out and live up to the infamous Potter name. He wanted to get the revenge his parents deserved.

James knew Lily would be horrified if she heard him now. While she, too, hated being able to do nothing about the war, she wouldn't think too kindly of James rushing in to get himself killed. Not that that would happen, anyway.

He looked over at her sidelong and smiled. He was ready to marry her. Ready to complete what had been his secret fantasy since he was fourteen. Lily had always insisted that James had only enjoyed the chase, that he wasn't as honest about his feelings as he said he was. But truth be told, it was all real. At first he hadn't seen her in that light. How could he? He was fourteen. He just remembered that one day, sometime in third year, after they had just won the final match against Slytherin. He had looked down from where he sat on his broom and saw her laughing, cheering with the rest of their House, and he remembered being struck by her brilliant smile and the way her cheeks flushed while she hugged her best friends Alisha and Marquisha.

And since that day, he knew she was the one. She was kind, beautiful, brilliant. She radiated with a perfection he couldn't fathom. He remembered telling his mother all about her that summer; the girl that had stolen her son's heart. His parents laughed lovingly, his mother and father bemused at the thought of young love.

In fourth year, he began asking her out. He had made it his quest to win her over. She said _no. _He remembered how much it stung. How the kids around him laughed as she hurried off, her head tucked. She had been _embarrassed_! Humiliated, himself, he asked her out every day after that. Soon, the purity of his quest became mangled.

Fifth year, everything changed. He had grown out of the awkwardness of his childhood. Girls noticed him. He was taller, more handsome. He was the best Chaser Gryffindor had had seen in years, and was a sure candidate for Captain. But still, Lily wanted nothing to do with him. She said he was a bad influence. That he took nothing seriously. And that he was cruel to her best friend, the slimy git that he was.

Three years he poured his heart and soul into obtaining her heart, and three years he was met with rejection and disgust.

But that was forever ago. Now, Lily gripped his hand tightly and enjoyed the cool Spring air. She waved at Sapphira Higgs.

That little girl that embarrassed him four years ago had agreed to marry _him,_ the egotistical-bullying-toerag.

Looking at her, he knew why he was there. He would take care of her, no matter what happened around them. He would fight for her, just as he had all those years. He would make the world safe for her. For them. For their family.

"James, you haven't been listening to a word I've been saying." Lily said crossly, ripping him from his reverie. He smiled easily at her, moving his arm so it hung around her shoulders.

"I'm sorry, love. What were you saying?"

Lily rolled her eyes but smiled. "I was talking about that." She said pointing straight ahead of them, and for the first time, he had noticed that they were heading toward the Quidditch pitch.

He raised his brows in confusion. "What about it?"

"Are you going to miss it?" She asked sincerely. He didn't have to give it a second thought.

"A hell of a lot. I've spent the past six years on that pitch. My entire childhood is there-here in this castle, but most importantly, _there_."

"Ever thought of going professional?"

He smiled. "Tons of times. I even have the team picked out-_Montrose Magpipes_, of course. Best team Quidditch has ever known! If not them, I would like to play for the _Fitchburg Finches._"

"All the way in the United States?" Lily asked, surprised.

James smiled, "I've never been. Besides, the _Magpipes_ are all the way in Scotland."

She pouted. The idea of James being anywhere but by her side was enough to make her want to tie him up and lock him in her broom closet, but the smile on his face told her he wasn't going anywhere. She smiled back, squeezing his hand tightly.

"I want to get married." She said promptly and James laughed.

"Well, then I guess its a good thing I proposed." And he laughed again.

Lily shook her head. "I want to get married soon. At the end of the school year."

James paused, staring at Lily wide eyed.

"Are you pregnant?" He asked seriously. Lily smacked his arm and pulled away from his grip.

"No! I just," the paused for a moment, staring at her hands, "With everything going on, I just want to hurry up and get our lives started."

He was smiling again, smiling so warmly it made her heart jump in her chest.

"Love," he said, reaching out to her and running his fingertips down the side of her face, "We have our whole lives together. I told you, I'm not going anywhere. And I sure as hell won't let _you_ go anywhere." He kissed the top of her head. Lily molded herself against his chest, breathing in his scent, taking in the moment and fixing it into her memory. When the war would rise further and when their world would crumble apart, she would remember this moment. This perfect moment when none of it seemed to matter.

James held her, stroking her long red hair.

"If you die, James Potter, I swear I will never forgive you." She muttered into his chest, fearing the tears that were brimming her eyes. She felt his chuckle and held him tighter. Half of her wished he _would_ become a professional Quidditch player. Maybe then his life wouldn't be so on the line. She had spent every day of the past seven years with James Potter in her life and she wasn't about to give up now.

She wanted to spend the next eternity with him. And she planned to.

Sirius stared blankly at the lake. The day had been dull. James was nowhere to be found. Remus decided to spend the afternoon with Sapphira and Peter never really had anything interesting to say these days. He felt loss without his friends, who had become his brothers in the past seven years.

He leaned back against the hard bark of the tree and breathed deeply. He reckoned he would be cheerier, what with it being the final day of finals. He had looked forward to this day since he was eleven. But now, the day had come, and all he felt was a strange longing and emptiness that he couldn't quite place.

Sitting there, his mind slipped deep into thought, as it usually did here on the hill. How things had changed. Seven years ago, he walked through the large doors of Hogwarts the eldest son of the most noble Pureblood family in Britain. He became a rebel, a playboy, a god among the hapless, youtful females of Hogwarts. He was a noted troublemaker, the right hand man of the greatest Quidditch player to come to Gryffindor house, best friends with a bookworm werewolf with a soft spot for loony girls and the oddball who's blond hair and baby blue eyes drew in girls all over.

Lily Evans had fallen for James Potter.

Although it shouldn't have come as a surprise, Sirius was shocked to realize that they had grown up-a lot, in fact. Most definitely in the past year, which had been crazy enough to make him thankful for graduation. He was ready for it all to be over: James' suicidal tendencies, his family's wicked actions, the heated war that had already killed thousands-including the only _real_ parents he had ever known.

A voice stirred him from his thoughts. He looked up and smiled at the dark haired angel that smiled back down at him. She lowered herself to sit next to him, pulling her knees up to her chest.

"I think I'll miss this place most of all." She said in a soft voice. He reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently.

"Me, too."

And for a moment they sat in silence, listening to the water crash softly against the rocks and the wind howl through the branches above. She sighed dreamily and again, it dawned on him how much she, too, had changed. The strange antisocial girl that he had met nine months before became the beautiful woman by his side. He had never thought it possible for him to love someone, and still, he wondered if it was just pure infatuation, but when she smiled shyly at him and when she laughed as he cracked a joke, he knew he was as deeply in love with her as could ever be.

"What are you doing when you graduate?" He asked, breaking the silence. She spoke, keeping her eyes on the rushing lake water.

"I suppose I'll become an Auror. That's what I tested for, anyway."

Sirius smiled. "Good. We're on the same page." She giggled.

"Its almost funny," she began, stiflingly a laugh that he desperately wanted to hear.

"What's funny?"

"All my life, all I've known was sadness and loss. I've lost my family. I've been abandoned. Now, I've finally found friends. I've finally found where I belong, where I'm wanted. And the whole world has turned to shit." This time, she actually laughed. He couldn't help but laugh as well.

"Couldn't have said it better myself."

His fingers laced with hers.

"I think its the same for all of us. I mean, look at James and Lily. He's been chasing her for six years, and now they're going to get married."

"And World War II is taking over." Drusella replied, shaking her head and running her other hand through her hair. "How ironic."

But that was alright, Sirius thought. As long as everyone was happy, they would be okay. This war-this genocide of an innocent race-would end. He and his friends had the conversation thousands of times. They would make sure of it.

"Oh, and contrary to popular belief," Drusella said, turning to face Sirius with an amused look, "I'm a pretty good dueler. McGonnagal says I have the making of a great Auror."

He blushed at the memory of insulting her Auror abilities.

"I was mad." He replied, looking ashamed. She only laughed.

"We seem like completely different people now. I started off, infatuated with a darkness I didn't truly understand. Now I know where I stand. I know who I want to fight by, and what I want to fight for."

He smiled and squeezed her and again. "I'm glad you've had a change of heart."

Silence stilled over them again, as they sat under the darkening sky.

"-and they're really beautiful! Oh, really _really_ beautiful, Remus." Sapphira Higgs said in her dreamy voice. The mousy haired boy smiled at her, for once completely intrigued by her story. The brunette girl was waving her arms animatedly, describing her first meeting with unicorns.

_Well_, he thought with a grin,_ at least these creatures actually exist_.

He was going to miss this; sitting with her in the quiet, empty library. It was, after all, where they met. It was where he first kissed her. Where she first told him that she really _really_ liked him. Where he thought, for the first time, that he could be happy and be loved by a woman, even for what he was.

Of course, she didn't know. The thought sadden him, but something inside him insisted that Sapphira would be okay with it. She just had to be! She loved all kinds of creatures, even the slimy, monstrous Basilisk. Surely, for her, a werewolf wouldn't be so bad.

He ran a hand through his hair and tuned back into her wild story. Sapphira loved unicorns. She thought them the most beautiful creature. If she could, she said, she would live out in the middle of nowhere, and take care of a family of unicorns. She didn't need people.

"I need you." He replied, leaning close to her. She smiled brightly, pushing her honey colored hair over her shoulder.

"Well, you'll come with me, of course!"

Remus smiled mischievously. "What about our friends?"

"Well, Remus," she said with slight annoyance, "You _do_ know how to apparate, don't you?"

With another laugh he pulled her into a bone crushing hug.

"I do."


End file.
